Fic: Starting Over 6/7 and 7/7 (Donna, Martha, Jack, Ten) [PG]
Title: Starting Over (6/7 and 7/7)
Author: hence_the_name
Characters Donna, Jack, Martha, Ten
Pairing: Jack/Ten
Rating: PG
Spoilers: All of New Who and Torchwood. Takes place after Journey’s End.
Summary: The TARDIS lands in Cardiff with a mysteriously ill Doctor on board.
A/N: Ah, it's finally finished. One thing I've learned on my first multipart fic adventure: it's possibly a good idea to have most of the fic written before you start to post. :P But I hope it's been worth the wait; I did enjoy writing it. I once again have to thank all my readers for your patience. It was kind of a rough semester. This chapter is unbeta'd, since nightrider101 is out of town, but she is nonetheless awesome.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Donna knocked lightly on the doorframe before she came into the kitchen. Martha looked up, shaking herself out of her thoughts. “Everything all right?” she asked.
Donna nodded, crossing the room to put the kettle on. “Yeah,” she said. “He’s asleep.”
“Good.” Martha sat back in her chair, stretching. “I thought he was going to need a sedative if he was going to get any rest.”
Donna chuckled in agreement. “Me, too.”
Martha watched her in silence for a moment, then asked, “How are you?”
“Me? Fine.” The kettle clicked and she poured the hot water over her tea bag. She looked up to see Martha watching her skeptically. “Really,” Donna assured her, walking around the counter to sit at the table. “Still a bit jumbled, but everything’s there.”
“Are you still…?”
“What? Part Time Lord?”
Martha nodded. Donna sighed and shook her head.
“No. Not really. I’ve still got a little, but most of it’s gone.”
“I’m sorry,” Martha said after a moment.
Donna shrugged. “It’s all right. I think I’d rather not be, actually. Part Time Lord.”
“Why?”
Donna gave her a weak smile and asked, “Did he ever tell you how he sees the universe?” Martha shook her head. “He told me once he could see everything that was, everything that will be, what could be and what must not. I saw that for a little while. It was…terrifying.” She was staring past Martha, her eyes distant. “He’ll say the human brain isn’t meant to have all that knowledge, but that’s not it. It’s that way of seeing. All those possibilities. It’s enough to drive you mad.” She shuddered a little.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Donna staring off into the distance, her eyes haunted, and Martha watching her. Eventually Martha said, “You seemed so happy.”
“Oh, I was,” Donna replied, focusing on her again. “There was something so amazing about it, too; having all that in my head. Beautiful and terrible all at once.”
Martha reached across the table and clasped her hand. “I’m glad you’re back,” she said.
Donna squeezed hers in return. “Me, too,” she said fervently. “I knew there was more to life than being a personal assistant.”
Martha laughed. “Much more,” she agreed. She hesitated. “Are you going to stay with him?”
“Are you kidding? Wild horses couldn’t stop me. Only, don’t tell him that.” She winked. “I want him to work a little.”
Martha laughed again. “You’re secret’s safe with me.” After a moment she added, “I’m glad. He listens to you.”
Donna snorted. “Only when he wants to.”
“No, I mean it. He’s changed since I was with him. He’s…better. Not so broken. You’re good for him.”
Donna looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, and then she said, “He listens to you, too, you know.”
“Not like you.”
“Different, maybe. But…you know, I met him before.”
Martha raised her eyebrows, surprised. “You did? When?”
“Before you. Right after Rose. I mean, right after. He had just managed to find a hole between the universes big enough to project an image of himself through so he could say goodbye, and then I appeared on the TARDIS and-well, it’s a long story, but like you said, he was broken.” She shook her head, remembering. It had taken her a long time to get him to tell her that, but it explained so much. “There was so much darkness in him. It was like he never thought he’d be happy again. I think a part of him was ready to give up trying. You helped him see that he didn’t have to. And you helped him see himself better, too. You were good for him, too. Still are.”
Martha looked away from her, suddenly embarrassed. Had she really done all that? She remembered how he had been when they met, by turns hot and cold, drawing her in and pushing her away until she decided to leave. But he had been different, that last day on the TARDIS: still broken, still damaged, but a little less closed off. Ready to let her leave on her own instead of pushing her away.
“Oh, come on, stop being modest,” Donna teased.
Martha glanced up. “You know what?” she said, grinning a little. “I really am good.”
Donna smiled back. “I’d say we both are. Who knows where he’d be without us? Now,” she continued. “On to more important things.” She reached for Martha’s hand and tilted it so her ring caught the light. “When’s the big day?”
***
The Doctor stirred, pulling Jack abruptly into wakefulness in the dim light of the medical bay. He looked at his watch. Barely an hour had passed. The Doctor still breathed slowly and deeply beside him, fast asleep. Jack let out a breath, relaxing. He closed his eyes, drifting again.
A few minutes later the Doctor moved again, his body tensing, and whimpered softly. Jack started awake again. “Doctor?” he asked. He didn’t respond. Alarmed, Jack pushed himself up on his elbow and leaned over him, pressing his other hand to the Doctor’s forehead. His skin felt cool. His brows were drawn down in a slight frown and his eyes moved rapidly behind the lids. He whimpered again.
Nightmare, he thought, sinking back down. Of course. Something else they shared, the two of them. Of course the Doctor hadn’t wanted to sleep; Jack so rarely did, even with Ianto lying beside him. Afraid of monsters in the dark.
He put his arm around the Doctor, holding him. “Shh,” he whispered. “It’s all right. I’ve got you.” He kept his voice low, trying to soothe without waking him. The Doctor moaned and shuddered in his sleep. Jack held him tighter. “Shh. You’re all right.”
The Doctor shuddered again, more violently this time. He gasped, jerking out of Jack’s arms and half-sitting up. For a moment he stayed there, wide-eyed and breathing hard. “Jack?”
Jack sat up beside him and placed his hands on the Doctor’s shoulders. “Yeah. I’m right here.”
The Doctor’s breathing was ragged and uneven. He shook his head. “I was dreaming-”
“Shh. I know.”
“Donna. Is she-?” He looked around at Jack, desperation in his eyes.
“She’s fine.”
“And Martha?”
“They’re both fine. They’re in the other room.”
The Doctor let out a breath. Jack rubbed his hands up and down his arms. “Lie down,” he said, applying a little more pressure. After another moment he let Jack press him back down onto the pillow.
“I can’t-” His voice broke.
“Shh.” Jack lay down beside him and held him again, rubbing one hand up and down his arm.
“Jack, I can’t-” He broke off and drew a thick, ragged breath. “I can’t lose her again, Jack. I can’t.” Jack could feel him trembling.
“It’s all right,” Jack said. “You’re not going to.”
“Yes, I am.” He turned over so he was facing Jack. His eyes were bright with tears. “One day. She’ll leave, or…” He trailed off, unable to say it.
Jack pulled him close and wrapped his arms around him. “I know,” he sighed. “But not today.” He pulled back and looked down at him, cupping the Doctor’s cheek in his hand. “She’s here now. We all are. You’re not alone, Doctor.”
The Doctor’s face crumpled. He let his head fall forward against Jack’s shoulder. Jack wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer. The Doctor’s arms came around him. He shuddered and sobbed, clinging to him.
“I’m scared.” The Doctor’s voice was muffled against Jack’s shirt.
“I know,” Jack said, rubbing circles on his back. “It’s all right.”
He sobbed again, his fingers digging into Jack’s shoulders. Jack held him until his exhaustion kicked in again and he slowly began to subside. His hands relaxed, his breathing deepened and evened out, and eventually he lay quiet in Jack’s arms. Jack shifted him gently so he could lie more comfortably and pressed a kiss into his hair. He rested his chin on the Doctor’s head. “You’re never alone,” he whispered.
***
When the Doctor stirred against him a second time, it was with the sleepy languor of slow waking. He sighed and stretched and settled back down, his cool hand closing over Jack’s and lacing their fingers together. “Mmm,” he said drowsily. Jack heard him smile, a little bemused. “This is nice.”
“Mmm,” Jack agreed. He had dozed again, still pressed close to the Doctor, and he inhaled the scent of him, letting himself wake up slowly. The light in the medical bay was still dim. He smoothed the Doctor’s hair back from his forehead, making it stick up even more wildly and tickle his chin. “How do you feel?” he asked.
“All right. Better.” The Doctor shifted in Jack’s arms and rolled onto his back, gazing thoughtfully at the ceiling. “Good, yeah.” He gave Jack a searching look. “How are you?”
Jack opened his mouth and then closed it. He propped himself up on one elbow, fidgeting and avoiding the Doctor’s gaze. Simple question; no simple answer. “I’m fine,” he said, knowing he wasn’t being convincing at all.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Doctor raise his eyebrows. “Are you sure?”
“No.” The word was out of his mouth before Jack could stop it. He sighed.
“I do remember what happened today, Jack,” the Doctor said. “I know you had to revisit some-difficult-memories…” He trailed off.
Jack looked at him and remembered how the Doctor had shrunk from him in the wardrobe; how he had felt, tense and trembling with pain in Jack’s arms when he collapsed in the console room; and again when Jack carried him from the examining table to the bed in the medical bay, sedated and limp and too hot; and crying himself to sleep beside him just a few hours ago. He felt all at once angry and frightened and fiercely protective. There were so many things he wanted to say.
But when he spoke, what he blurted out was, “Do I really hurt you?”
The Doctor’s gaze turned sharp and then slid away from him, toward the ceiling. “No,” he said quickly. “’Course not.”
“Doctor.”
He looked at Jack again and sighed, his expression sad. “You’re like looking straight into the sun, Jack,” he said. “In my head. All the time.”
Jack grimaced and shifted his gaze away, back at his hands. “That’s what you meant by ‘bright.’”
“Yes.”
“You ran because it hurts. To be near me.”
“Yes.” A hand came up, cool against his cheek. Jack looked at him again. “But only at first. You just take some getting used to, is all, Jack. I wasn’t expecting-before. I was confused. And afraid.” He hesitated. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to-”
“Yes, I do.” He looked right at Jack, meeting his eyes squarely. “Not just for today, for the last time. I called you ‘wrong.’ I’m sorry. I was wrong.”
Jack blinked, surprised.
“I was afraid, even then,” the Doctor went on. “Of you. What you are. What that means.”
“Still?” Jack asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.
The Doctor shook his head, avoiding his gaze again. “No.” He tugged at his ear. “If you must know, Jack, it’s-” he broke off. “Knowing you’re here, constant, it’s-a comfort, really.”
Jack stared at him. “I-really?”
Plainly embarrassed, the Doctor avoided his gaze and tugged at his ear again.
Jack laughed suddenly, relief and affection mingling. The Doctor scowled at him, indignant, but Jack cut off anything that he had been about to say with a kiss. “I’d rather be that,” he told him, and kissed him again. “I’ll always be that, Doctor.”
The Doctor stared at him, mouth open. He began to say something, but instead, he reached up and pulled Jack close again, kissing him. “Thank you.”
Jack grinned and winked. “The pleasure’s always mine, you know.”
“Jack.” The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Is that all you ever think about?” Jack laughed and rolled onto his back beside him. They lay there in silence for a few minutes. Jack’s mind wandered back to the events of the day and he grew serious again.
“What is it?” the Doctor asked, noticing.
Jack realized he was frowning. He smoothed out his features and shook his head. “Nothing,” he lied.
The Doctor raised his eyebrows.
“Really,” Jack said. He didn’t want to ruin this, whatever peace they had just reached, with more questions. There would be time for that later, he thought. Plenty of time.
“Jack,” the Doctor prompted. Jack sighed.
“You remembered Rose,” he said at last, feeling like a child complaining that he had gotten the smaller piece of cake.
But the Doctor nodded, serious as well, not looking at all as if he thought Jack was being childish. “I know.”
Jack hesitated. “Why?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. Not for certain, anyway.” He pushed himself further up against the pillows so he was sitting and drew his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “When I regenerated on the Game Station,” he said, “I had just taken all the power of the Vortex out of Rose. But I think, when I took the Vortex out of her, I got some of her, as well.” He glanced at Jack and then away. “She’s a part of me, now, or part of this regeneration, anyway.”
“Which is why you remembered her,” Jack said.
The Doctor nodded. “What I remembered, it wasn’t things we did together, or places we went, it was more like an idea. The idea of Rose, the-” He gestured, searching for the word. “The Rose-ness of Rose. Loving her, her loving me. The way she makes you feel when she smiles.” He paused, then said, “I’m sorry.”
For a moment, Jack didn’t respond. It occurred to him to feel jealous, but only for a moment. He pushed himself up so he was sitting beside the Doctor. “Don’t be,” he said, and cupped the Doctor’s face in his hands and kissed him. He pulled away and started to unbutton the Doctor’s shirt. The Doctor caught his wrists.
“Jack, what are you-”
Jack cut him off with another kiss. “What you think?” He freed one hand and slid it up the Doctor’s thigh, reaching between his legs and making him gasp. “This way I get to make love to you both,” he said, pressing his lips against the Doctor’s throat.
When Jack’s hands went back to his shirt, the Doctor didn’t try to stop him.
***
***
Epilogue: Going Forward
“Right, then!” the Doctor said, stepping into the console room. Martha and Donna were seated in the captain’s chair. Jack leaned against one of the railings near them, ankles crossed. The Doctor bounded up to the controls and looked at each of them in turn, rubbing his hands together. “What do you say? Scuba diving on Aoxax X?” He started flipping switches on the console. “Or, I know! The singing gardens of Yllu! I haven’t been there in ages.” He paused and looked back up at them. “How about it?”
Martha and Jack glanced at each other. “We really should get back,” Martha said.
“Oh, come on,” the Doctor wheedled. “I do have a time machine, you know. You won’t even be missed.”
Jack snorted. “With your driving?”
“Oi!” The Doctor held on to his indignation for a moment, but then he grinned. “One trip,” he said. “To say thank you. You saved my life, after all.”
“And mine,” Donna piped up.
“And hers,” the Doctor echoed, jerking his thumb at her over his shoulder. “Just one trip,” he repeated.
“That’s what you always say,” Martha said, teasing. She hopped down from the captain’s chair and came to stand beside him, linking arms with him and looking up at him through her lashes. “And then one thing leads to another…”
He grinned. “It does, doesn’t it?”
Jack chuckled. “Little bit.”
The Doctor sighed. “Well, it was worth a try, anyway.” He reset the coordinates and reached for the hand brake, resting his hand on it. “Home?” he asked.
“Home,” Jack agreed.
“Home,” Martha said, a little more fervently than she’d expected.
The Doctor glanced behind him at Donna, who smiled and didn’t say anything.
The TARDIS landed on the Plass with a jolt, throwing everyone against the nearest railing. The four of them stepped outside into the morning sunshine. The Doctor walked a short distance with Jack, leaving Martha and Donna to say their farewells by the TARDIS.
“Jack,” the Doctor began, but Jack cut him off.
“Don’t,” he said.
The Doctor blinked. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t apologize.”
The Doctor closed his mouth. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground, scuffing the toe of his trainer on the pavement.
“It’s like we got stuck, you and I,” Jack said. “I was so angry with you for so long, for leaving, and then for not being able to fix me. For trying to running away from me a second time.” He shook his head. “Maybe a part of me still is.” The Doctor opened his mouth to speak and Jack held up a hand to stop him. “But I don’t want you apologizing every time I see you. I don’t want that to be the only thing that defines who we are to each other. It’s time to go forward.”
The Doctor nodded. “All the same,” he said, but once again Jack didn’t let him finish. He pulled him into a hug and said quietly into his ear, “I forgive you.” He pulled back, holding the Doctor at arms’ length. “Forgive yourself, Doctor.”
The Doctor stared at him for a moment, and then he swallowed and smiled a little sadly. “I’ll try,” he said.
Jack smiled back. “Good,” he replied, as Martha and Donna joined the two of them by the fountain. It was the best he could hope for, really; and he would have Donna to help him along. He looked at her, radiant in the sunlight, and on impulse he grabbed her hand and pulled her in for a kiss. She squeaked in surprise and then kissed him back, her arms going around his neck. Martha giggled and the Doctor made an exasperated sound and said, “Jack!”
He released Donna with a laugh. “It’s good to have you back.”
“It’s good to be back,” she replied, a little breathlessly. The Doctor gave an exaggerated sigh. “What, feeling left out?” Donna teased. “I know you got your share last night.”
The Doctor scowled, trying to hide his sudden blush, and all three of them laughed.
“Ready?” Jack asked Martha. She nodded, and kissed Donna on the cheek.
“See you in July?” she asked.
Donna grinned. “Of course!”
The Doctor looked blankly at the two of them. “Why? What’s in July?”
“Her wedding, you idiot,” Donna said.
“Oh.” He hesitated, scuffing his toe on the pavement again. “Am I invited?”
Martha laughed. She gave him a hug. “Of course you are. You’ll come?”
For a moment she thought he was going to sidle away and come up with an excuse not to, but he seemed to catch himself. He grinned. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Besides, I’ve never met this Tom of yours. I better make sure he’s all right, you know.” He straightened his tie self-importantly.
Martha rolled her eyes and exchanged a smile with Donna. “Don’t worry,” Donna said. “I’ll make sure he behaves.”
Martha laughed again at the indignant look he shot Donna. “Thanks,” she said, stepping back. “Right then. I’ll see you soon.” She took Jack’s hand and the two of them turned and walked away.
The Doctor and Donna stood in silence for a few moments, watching them go. “So,” the Doctor said eventually. “Where would you like to go first?” His tone was nonchalant, but Donna could see he was barely restraining himself from bouncing on his toes.
“First, I’d like to go home,” she said.
The Doctor stared at her, his hearts sinking into his stomach. “You-you don’t want to come with me?” he stammered.
She punched him lightly on the arm. “To pack,” she said. She took his hand and steered him back toward the TARDIS. “I’m not leaving you again,” she said. “Not ever.”
The Doctor winced. “Don’t say that. You’ll jinx us.”
“Well,” Donna said. “Then at least not until after I’ve seen those singing gardens. They’re not tone deaf, are they? Because that would just be wrong.”
He laughed. “They’re not tone deaf.”
“Good. And I quite fancy scuba diving.” She closed the TARDIS door behind them and followed the Doctor up the ramp to the controls. “After that, we’ll see.”
The Doctor smiled, his eyes twinkling. “I can live with that,” he said. “Welcome back, Donna Noble.”
She smiled back. “Mind if I do the honors?” she asked, reaching for the hand brake. The Doctor took a step back and gestured for her to go ahead.
“Be my guest.”
Donna pulled the lever and grabbed hold of the edge of the console as the familiar grinding of the engine started up, feeling like she had finally come home.
Author: hence_the_name
Characters Donna, Jack, Martha, Ten
Pairing: Jack/Ten
Rating: PG
Spoilers: All of New Who and Torchwood. Takes place after Journey’s End.
Summary: The TARDIS lands in Cardiff with a mysteriously ill Doctor on board.
A/N: Ah, it's finally finished. One thing I've learned on my first multipart fic adventure: it's possibly a good idea to have most of the fic written before you start to post. :P But I hope it's been worth the wait; I did enjoy writing it. I once again have to thank all my readers for your patience. It was kind of a rough semester. This chapter is unbeta'd, since nightrider101 is out of town, but she is nonetheless awesome.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Donna knocked lightly on the doorframe before she came into the kitchen. Martha looked up, shaking herself out of her thoughts. “Everything all right?” she asked.
Donna nodded, crossing the room to put the kettle on. “Yeah,” she said. “He’s asleep.”
“Good.” Martha sat back in her chair, stretching. “I thought he was going to need a sedative if he was going to get any rest.”
Donna chuckled in agreement. “Me, too.”
Martha watched her in silence for a moment, then asked, “How are you?”
“Me? Fine.” The kettle clicked and she poured the hot water over her tea bag. She looked up to see Martha watching her skeptically. “Really,” Donna assured her, walking around the counter to sit at the table. “Still a bit jumbled, but everything’s there.”
“Are you still…?”
“What? Part Time Lord?”
Martha nodded. Donna sighed and shook her head.
“No. Not really. I’ve still got a little, but most of it’s gone.”
“I’m sorry,” Martha said after a moment.
Donna shrugged. “It’s all right. I think I’d rather not be, actually. Part Time Lord.”
“Why?”
Donna gave her a weak smile and asked, “Did he ever tell you how he sees the universe?” Martha shook her head. “He told me once he could see everything that was, everything that will be, what could be and what must not. I saw that for a little while. It was…terrifying.” She was staring past Martha, her eyes distant. “He’ll say the human brain isn’t meant to have all that knowledge, but that’s not it. It’s that way of seeing. All those possibilities. It’s enough to drive you mad.” She shuddered a little.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Donna staring off into the distance, her eyes haunted, and Martha watching her. Eventually Martha said, “You seemed so happy.”
“Oh, I was,” Donna replied, focusing on her again. “There was something so amazing about it, too; having all that in my head. Beautiful and terrible all at once.”
Martha reached across the table and clasped her hand. “I’m glad you’re back,” she said.
Donna squeezed hers in return. “Me, too,” she said fervently. “I knew there was more to life than being a personal assistant.”
Martha laughed. “Much more,” she agreed. She hesitated. “Are you going to stay with him?”
“Are you kidding? Wild horses couldn’t stop me. Only, don’t tell him that.” She winked. “I want him to work a little.”
Martha laughed again. “You’re secret’s safe with me.” After a moment she added, “I’m glad. He listens to you.”
Donna snorted. “Only when he wants to.”
“No, I mean it. He’s changed since I was with him. He’s…better. Not so broken. You’re good for him.”
Donna looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, and then she said, “He listens to you, too, you know.”
“Not like you.”
“Different, maybe. But…you know, I met him before.”
Martha raised her eyebrows, surprised. “You did? When?”
“Before you. Right after Rose. I mean, right after. He had just managed to find a hole between the universes big enough to project an image of himself through so he could say goodbye, and then I appeared on the TARDIS and-well, it’s a long story, but like you said, he was broken.” She shook her head, remembering. It had taken her a long time to get him to tell her that, but it explained so much. “There was so much darkness in him. It was like he never thought he’d be happy again. I think a part of him was ready to give up trying. You helped him see that he didn’t have to. And you helped him see himself better, too. You were good for him, too. Still are.”
Martha looked away from her, suddenly embarrassed. Had she really done all that? She remembered how he had been when they met, by turns hot and cold, drawing her in and pushing her away until she decided to leave. But he had been different, that last day on the TARDIS: still broken, still damaged, but a little less closed off. Ready to let her leave on her own instead of pushing her away.
“Oh, come on, stop being modest,” Donna teased.
Martha glanced up. “You know what?” she said, grinning a little. “I really am good.”
Donna smiled back. “I’d say we both are. Who knows where he’d be without us? Now,” she continued. “On to more important things.” She reached for Martha’s hand and tilted it so her ring caught the light. “When’s the big day?”
***
The Doctor stirred, pulling Jack abruptly into wakefulness in the dim light of the medical bay. He looked at his watch. Barely an hour had passed. The Doctor still breathed slowly and deeply beside him, fast asleep. Jack let out a breath, relaxing. He closed his eyes, drifting again.
A few minutes later the Doctor moved again, his body tensing, and whimpered softly. Jack started awake again. “Doctor?” he asked. He didn’t respond. Alarmed, Jack pushed himself up on his elbow and leaned over him, pressing his other hand to the Doctor’s forehead. His skin felt cool. His brows were drawn down in a slight frown and his eyes moved rapidly behind the lids. He whimpered again.
Nightmare, he thought, sinking back down. Of course. Something else they shared, the two of them. Of course the Doctor hadn’t wanted to sleep; Jack so rarely did, even with Ianto lying beside him. Afraid of monsters in the dark.
He put his arm around the Doctor, holding him. “Shh,” he whispered. “It’s all right. I’ve got you.” He kept his voice low, trying to soothe without waking him. The Doctor moaned and shuddered in his sleep. Jack held him tighter. “Shh. You’re all right.”
The Doctor shuddered again, more violently this time. He gasped, jerking out of Jack’s arms and half-sitting up. For a moment he stayed there, wide-eyed and breathing hard. “Jack?”
Jack sat up beside him and placed his hands on the Doctor’s shoulders. “Yeah. I’m right here.”
The Doctor’s breathing was ragged and uneven. He shook his head. “I was dreaming-”
“Shh. I know.”
“Donna. Is she-?” He looked around at Jack, desperation in his eyes.
“She’s fine.”
“And Martha?”
“They’re both fine. They’re in the other room.”
The Doctor let out a breath. Jack rubbed his hands up and down his arms. “Lie down,” he said, applying a little more pressure. After another moment he let Jack press him back down onto the pillow.
“I can’t-” His voice broke.
“Shh.” Jack lay down beside him and held him again, rubbing one hand up and down his arm.
“Jack, I can’t-” He broke off and drew a thick, ragged breath. “I can’t lose her again, Jack. I can’t.” Jack could feel him trembling.
“It’s all right,” Jack said. “You’re not going to.”
“Yes, I am.” He turned over so he was facing Jack. His eyes were bright with tears. “One day. She’ll leave, or…” He trailed off, unable to say it.
Jack pulled him close and wrapped his arms around him. “I know,” he sighed. “But not today.” He pulled back and looked down at him, cupping the Doctor’s cheek in his hand. “She’s here now. We all are. You’re not alone, Doctor.”
The Doctor’s face crumpled. He let his head fall forward against Jack’s shoulder. Jack wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer. The Doctor’s arms came around him. He shuddered and sobbed, clinging to him.
“I’m scared.” The Doctor’s voice was muffled against Jack’s shirt.
“I know,” Jack said, rubbing circles on his back. “It’s all right.”
He sobbed again, his fingers digging into Jack’s shoulders. Jack held him until his exhaustion kicked in again and he slowly began to subside. His hands relaxed, his breathing deepened and evened out, and eventually he lay quiet in Jack’s arms. Jack shifted him gently so he could lie more comfortably and pressed a kiss into his hair. He rested his chin on the Doctor’s head. “You’re never alone,” he whispered.
***
When the Doctor stirred against him a second time, it was with the sleepy languor of slow waking. He sighed and stretched and settled back down, his cool hand closing over Jack’s and lacing their fingers together. “Mmm,” he said drowsily. Jack heard him smile, a little bemused. “This is nice.”
“Mmm,” Jack agreed. He had dozed again, still pressed close to the Doctor, and he inhaled the scent of him, letting himself wake up slowly. The light in the medical bay was still dim. He smoothed the Doctor’s hair back from his forehead, making it stick up even more wildly and tickle his chin. “How do you feel?” he asked.
“All right. Better.” The Doctor shifted in Jack’s arms and rolled onto his back, gazing thoughtfully at the ceiling. “Good, yeah.” He gave Jack a searching look. “How are you?”
Jack opened his mouth and then closed it. He propped himself up on one elbow, fidgeting and avoiding the Doctor’s gaze. Simple question; no simple answer. “I’m fine,” he said, knowing he wasn’t being convincing at all.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Doctor raise his eyebrows. “Are you sure?”
“No.” The word was out of his mouth before Jack could stop it. He sighed.
“I do remember what happened today, Jack,” the Doctor said. “I know you had to revisit some-difficult-memories…” He trailed off.
Jack looked at him and remembered how the Doctor had shrunk from him in the wardrobe; how he had felt, tense and trembling with pain in Jack’s arms when he collapsed in the console room; and again when Jack carried him from the examining table to the bed in the medical bay, sedated and limp and too hot; and crying himself to sleep beside him just a few hours ago. He felt all at once angry and frightened and fiercely protective. There were so many things he wanted to say.
But when he spoke, what he blurted out was, “Do I really hurt you?”
The Doctor’s gaze turned sharp and then slid away from him, toward the ceiling. “No,” he said quickly. “’Course not.”
“Doctor.”
He looked at Jack again and sighed, his expression sad. “You’re like looking straight into the sun, Jack,” he said. “In my head. All the time.”
Jack grimaced and shifted his gaze away, back at his hands. “That’s what you meant by ‘bright.’”
“Yes.”
“You ran because it hurts. To be near me.”
“Yes.” A hand came up, cool against his cheek. Jack looked at him again. “But only at first. You just take some getting used to, is all, Jack. I wasn’t expecting-before. I was confused. And afraid.” He hesitated. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to-”
“Yes, I do.” He looked right at Jack, meeting his eyes squarely. “Not just for today, for the last time. I called you ‘wrong.’ I’m sorry. I was wrong.”
Jack blinked, surprised.
“I was afraid, even then,” the Doctor went on. “Of you. What you are. What that means.”
“Still?” Jack asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.
The Doctor shook his head, avoiding his gaze again. “No.” He tugged at his ear. “If you must know, Jack, it’s-” he broke off. “Knowing you’re here, constant, it’s-a comfort, really.”
Jack stared at him. “I-really?”
Plainly embarrassed, the Doctor avoided his gaze and tugged at his ear again.
Jack laughed suddenly, relief and affection mingling. The Doctor scowled at him, indignant, but Jack cut off anything that he had been about to say with a kiss. “I’d rather be that,” he told him, and kissed him again. “I’ll always be that, Doctor.”
The Doctor stared at him, mouth open. He began to say something, but instead, he reached up and pulled Jack close again, kissing him. “Thank you.”
Jack grinned and winked. “The pleasure’s always mine, you know.”
“Jack.” The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Is that all you ever think about?” Jack laughed and rolled onto his back beside him. They lay there in silence for a few minutes. Jack’s mind wandered back to the events of the day and he grew serious again.
“What is it?” the Doctor asked, noticing.
Jack realized he was frowning. He smoothed out his features and shook his head. “Nothing,” he lied.
The Doctor raised his eyebrows.
“Really,” Jack said. He didn’t want to ruin this, whatever peace they had just reached, with more questions. There would be time for that later, he thought. Plenty of time.
“Jack,” the Doctor prompted. Jack sighed.
“You remembered Rose,” he said at last, feeling like a child complaining that he had gotten the smaller piece of cake.
But the Doctor nodded, serious as well, not looking at all as if he thought Jack was being childish. “I know.”
Jack hesitated. “Why?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. Not for certain, anyway.” He pushed himself further up against the pillows so he was sitting and drew his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “When I regenerated on the Game Station,” he said, “I had just taken all the power of the Vortex out of Rose. But I think, when I took the Vortex out of her, I got some of her, as well.” He glanced at Jack and then away. “She’s a part of me, now, or part of this regeneration, anyway.”
“Which is why you remembered her,” Jack said.
The Doctor nodded. “What I remembered, it wasn’t things we did together, or places we went, it was more like an idea. The idea of Rose, the-” He gestured, searching for the word. “The Rose-ness of Rose. Loving her, her loving me. The way she makes you feel when she smiles.” He paused, then said, “I’m sorry.”
For a moment, Jack didn’t respond. It occurred to him to feel jealous, but only for a moment. He pushed himself up so he was sitting beside the Doctor. “Don’t be,” he said, and cupped the Doctor’s face in his hands and kissed him. He pulled away and started to unbutton the Doctor’s shirt. The Doctor caught his wrists.
“Jack, what are you-”
Jack cut him off with another kiss. “What you think?” He freed one hand and slid it up the Doctor’s thigh, reaching between his legs and making him gasp. “This way I get to make love to you both,” he said, pressing his lips against the Doctor’s throat.
When Jack’s hands went back to his shirt, the Doctor didn’t try to stop him.
***
***
Epilogue: Going Forward
“Right, then!” the Doctor said, stepping into the console room. Martha and Donna were seated in the captain’s chair. Jack leaned against one of the railings near them, ankles crossed. The Doctor bounded up to the controls and looked at each of them in turn, rubbing his hands together. “What do you say? Scuba diving on Aoxax X?” He started flipping switches on the console. “Or, I know! The singing gardens of Yllu! I haven’t been there in ages.” He paused and looked back up at them. “How about it?”
Martha and Jack glanced at each other. “We really should get back,” Martha said.
“Oh, come on,” the Doctor wheedled. “I do have a time machine, you know. You won’t even be missed.”
Jack snorted. “With your driving?”
“Oi!” The Doctor held on to his indignation for a moment, but then he grinned. “One trip,” he said. “To say thank you. You saved my life, after all.”
“And mine,” Donna piped up.
“And hers,” the Doctor echoed, jerking his thumb at her over his shoulder. “Just one trip,” he repeated.
“That’s what you always say,” Martha said, teasing. She hopped down from the captain’s chair and came to stand beside him, linking arms with him and looking up at him through her lashes. “And then one thing leads to another…”
He grinned. “It does, doesn’t it?”
Jack chuckled. “Little bit.”
The Doctor sighed. “Well, it was worth a try, anyway.” He reset the coordinates and reached for the hand brake, resting his hand on it. “Home?” he asked.
“Home,” Jack agreed.
“Home,” Martha said, a little more fervently than she’d expected.
The Doctor glanced behind him at Donna, who smiled and didn’t say anything.
The TARDIS landed on the Plass with a jolt, throwing everyone against the nearest railing. The four of them stepped outside into the morning sunshine. The Doctor walked a short distance with Jack, leaving Martha and Donna to say their farewells by the TARDIS.
“Jack,” the Doctor began, but Jack cut him off.
“Don’t,” he said.
The Doctor blinked. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t apologize.”
The Doctor closed his mouth. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground, scuffing the toe of his trainer on the pavement.
“It’s like we got stuck, you and I,” Jack said. “I was so angry with you for so long, for leaving, and then for not being able to fix me. For trying to running away from me a second time.” He shook his head. “Maybe a part of me still is.” The Doctor opened his mouth to speak and Jack held up a hand to stop him. “But I don’t want you apologizing every time I see you. I don’t want that to be the only thing that defines who we are to each other. It’s time to go forward.”
The Doctor nodded. “All the same,” he said, but once again Jack didn’t let him finish. He pulled him into a hug and said quietly into his ear, “I forgive you.” He pulled back, holding the Doctor at arms’ length. “Forgive yourself, Doctor.”
The Doctor stared at him for a moment, and then he swallowed and smiled a little sadly. “I’ll try,” he said.
Jack smiled back. “Good,” he replied, as Martha and Donna joined the two of them by the fountain. It was the best he could hope for, really; and he would have Donna to help him along. He looked at her, radiant in the sunlight, and on impulse he grabbed her hand and pulled her in for a kiss. She squeaked in surprise and then kissed him back, her arms going around his neck. Martha giggled and the Doctor made an exasperated sound and said, “Jack!”
He released Donna with a laugh. “It’s good to have you back.”
“It’s good to be back,” she replied, a little breathlessly. The Doctor gave an exaggerated sigh. “What, feeling left out?” Donna teased. “I know you got your share last night.”
The Doctor scowled, trying to hide his sudden blush, and all three of them laughed.
“Ready?” Jack asked Martha. She nodded, and kissed Donna on the cheek.
“See you in July?” she asked.
Donna grinned. “Of course!”
The Doctor looked blankly at the two of them. “Why? What’s in July?”
“Her wedding, you idiot,” Donna said.
“Oh.” He hesitated, scuffing his toe on the pavement again. “Am I invited?”
Martha laughed. She gave him a hug. “Of course you are. You’ll come?”
For a moment she thought he was going to sidle away and come up with an excuse not to, but he seemed to catch himself. He grinned. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Besides, I’ve never met this Tom of yours. I better make sure he’s all right, you know.” He straightened his tie self-importantly.
Martha rolled her eyes and exchanged a smile with Donna. “Don’t worry,” Donna said. “I’ll make sure he behaves.”
Martha laughed again at the indignant look he shot Donna. “Thanks,” she said, stepping back. “Right then. I’ll see you soon.” She took Jack’s hand and the two of them turned and walked away.
The Doctor and Donna stood in silence for a few moments, watching them go. “So,” the Doctor said eventually. “Where would you like to go first?” His tone was nonchalant, but Donna could see he was barely restraining himself from bouncing on his toes.
“First, I’d like to go home,” she said.
The Doctor stared at her, his hearts sinking into his stomach. “You-you don’t want to come with me?” he stammered.
She punched him lightly on the arm. “To pack,” she said. She took his hand and steered him back toward the TARDIS. “I’m not leaving you again,” she said. “Not ever.”
The Doctor winced. “Don’t say that. You’ll jinx us.”
“Well,” Donna said. “Then at least not until after I’ve seen those singing gardens. They’re not tone deaf, are they? Because that would just be wrong.”
He laughed. “They’re not tone deaf.”
“Good. And I quite fancy scuba diving.” She closed the TARDIS door behind them and followed the Doctor up the ramp to the controls. “After that, we’ll see.”
The Doctor smiled, his eyes twinkling. “I can live with that,” he said. “Welcome back, Donna Noble.”
She smiled back. “Mind if I do the honors?” she asked, reaching for the hand brake. The Doctor took a step back and gestured for her to go ahead.
“Be my guest.”
Donna pulled the lever and grabbed hold of the edge of the console as the familiar grinding of the engine started up, feeling like she had finally come home.