Douglas Doesn't believe in Santa Claus
I knew this day would come. But was not sure why. But I got the shock of my life. Douglas no longer believes in Santa Claus.
He has a good reason. One I remember growing up having several ideas about myself.
He not only does not believe in Santa but he doesn't believe in God either. This one worries me more. As I am Catholic and we are raising him in the Roman Catholic religion it makes it almost necessary to believe in something you can not see or touch or feel. But if he can not grasp Santa then how am I to teach him about any God, weather it is my own or another religion? But he has his reasons.
Last year he asked Santa (and God for that matter) for his Grandma back., a request I just recently found out about (this is why I feel women should never keep secrets from men). It is a request that as a child had asked for from my Grandfather when I was 8. That is when I had my falling out with God. But back to Doug. This year he wants nothing. He wants nothing from Santa because he did not bring his Grandma back last year. My mom had been a big part in his life. He has his mind because of it today. But she made more of a contact than even I could have guessed. This year he will get a gift from Santa....and a gift from Grandma. Somehow, someway we are going to turn this around and make it his special year. I could care less about the fact he no longer cares for Santa. But I want him to understand that his love for his Grandma that he feels is never going to go away, and that he is not the only one feeling it. I need to see him smile once again. His behavior, his mood, has all been because of her death. He chose to bury himself in this grief. To find something else to love since the person he loved most was gone.
Wednesday was the 2 year anniversary of her death. Friday was the 2 year anniversary of putting her into the cold dark earth. But in that earth a soul still expends its love. A love that has been felt by many and is still felt by Doug and I. Rest in Peace mom. We will be waiting to see you again. On this plane or another, at least in our dreams.