the times they are a changin.
who knew like so much could happen in my life in the span of two weeks?
ive experienced just about every emotion: sadness, mad, happy, excited, doubtful, rejection, confusion, hate, relieved, liked, hated, tired, sick, hurt, embarresed. (and thats just some)
i need to keep matt out of my life, because he his toxic. he is nothing but bad news for me, but im having a hard time dealing with the fact that i was once the girl of his dreams and now im public enemy number one in his eyes. my intentions with him are always meant to be good, but end up being bad. very bad. and i said some pretty fucked up things. but i was also being hurt so there it is: a vicious cycle of the ex's.
i say i care about him and thats why i still try, but maybe i dont, maybe im just selfish and i still want him to be in love with me and for me to just shrug him off. that was honestly fun to me, i liked being chased, it made me feel important. but i was completely unhappy when i was with him. i wanted to date everyone around me BUT him. he hurt me to the 10th degree and i need to realize why i broke up with him.
and as far as this other boy goes, he will remain nameless. everything i felt was going good, but i felt like a goomba everytime i was around him. maybe cuz i felt like i liked him more than he liked me. thats the thing it was like completely opposite of matt, i didnt even want to look at another guy, nor do i still, mainly cuz i was truely starting to like him. so what? do i just wait. not live my life......for the possible. or should i just date anyone i can to find that "someone". something tells me im not gonna like anyone else right now, that i should wait, but that sounds foolish cuz it wasnt like we are official or even really dating. i think the "old" shannon is emerging from the "new" shannon. im wearing my heart on my sleeve and im going for it. what else do i have to lose right?
good night livejournal
ive experienced just about every emotion: sadness, mad, happy, excited, doubtful, rejection, confusion, hate, relieved, liked, hated, tired, sick, hurt, embarresed. (and thats just some)
i need to keep matt out of my life, because he his toxic. he is nothing but bad news for me, but im having a hard time dealing with the fact that i was once the girl of his dreams and now im public enemy number one in his eyes. my intentions with him are always meant to be good, but end up being bad. very bad. and i said some pretty fucked up things. but i was also being hurt so there it is: a vicious cycle of the ex's.
i say i care about him and thats why i still try, but maybe i dont, maybe im just selfish and i still want him to be in love with me and for me to just shrug him off. that was honestly fun to me, i liked being chased, it made me feel important. but i was completely unhappy when i was with him. i wanted to date everyone around me BUT him. he hurt me to the 10th degree and i need to realize why i broke up with him.
and as far as this other boy goes, he will remain nameless. everything i felt was going good, but i felt like a goomba everytime i was around him. maybe cuz i felt like i liked him more than he liked me. thats the thing it was like completely opposite of matt, i didnt even want to look at another guy, nor do i still, mainly cuz i was truely starting to like him. so what? do i just wait. not live my life......for the possible. or should i just date anyone i can to find that "someone". something tells me im not gonna like anyone else right now, that i should wait, but that sounds foolish cuz it wasnt like we are official or even really dating. i think the "old" shannon is emerging from the "new" shannon. im wearing my heart on my sleeve and im going for it. what else do i have to lose right?
good night livejournal