i wanted to give some good advice on how to deal with an abused woman....
...but i just can't think of anything to say.
If you can't offer her everything she needs to get out of the situation, she's not going to get out of it at all. Your very own pet battered woman. Tidier than a dog, to be sure. That's why there are such things as shelters, because they need food, and a bit of emotional support, and a place to sleep that isn't the boyfriend's bed. The couch, or she gets your bed and you get the couch. Skip the physical comforting, she needs anything but that. If she has been punched in the face, she does not need to be touched anywhere for a long time. It is more than bruises that need to heal.
Maybe a little bit of kindness will make her feel better for a little bit, but it won't change anything at all. That is why people generally don't want to do anything, because offering real help will become such an ordeal. You are about to become her only friend in the world. She has this boyfriend who gives her bruises, but that's just what you can see. If she had any friends that cared about her, they knew she was no good for her, and told her so, and in her sense of duty, she told him, and he said she couldn't talk to them anymore. They will probably be happy to talk to her again, and maybe even take her, put her on their own couch (who are you, after all? just another man to do the same thing all over again), if only she can get in contact with them again. Hope she isn't from out of town, that she didn't alienate everyone she ever knew by any means other than just distance and silence. Most immediately, she needs to get away from the person who did this to her. I don't know why shelters are always talking about how full and overcrowded they are. It will scare away the meek, who are overridden with the guilt of everything they did or didn't do, everything they have said or might be capable of... The last thing she wants is to inconvinience anyone, take a space when someone else might need it more. It is not so bad, for her, she is used to it, or feels she deserved it, or feels it is worth it somehow. The first time he raised his hand against her, he had made her ready for it. Maybe years of belittlement, denigration. Control. Who she talks to, what she says. Where her paychecks go.
It might be hard to imagine how a person can become so broken.
If you can't offer her everything she needs to get out of the situation, she's not going to get out of it at all. Your very own pet battered woman. Tidier than a dog, to be sure. That's why there are such things as shelters, because they need food, and a bit of emotional support, and a place to sleep that isn't the boyfriend's bed. The couch, or she gets your bed and you get the couch. Skip the physical comforting, she needs anything but that. If she has been punched in the face, she does not need to be touched anywhere for a long time. It is more than bruises that need to heal.
Maybe a little bit of kindness will make her feel better for a little bit, but it won't change anything at all. That is why people generally don't want to do anything, because offering real help will become such an ordeal. You are about to become her only friend in the world. She has this boyfriend who gives her bruises, but that's just what you can see. If she had any friends that cared about her, they knew she was no good for her, and told her so, and in her sense of duty, she told him, and he said she couldn't talk to them anymore. They will probably be happy to talk to her again, and maybe even take her, put her on their own couch (who are you, after all? just another man to do the same thing all over again), if only she can get in contact with them again. Hope she isn't from out of town, that she didn't alienate everyone she ever knew by any means other than just distance and silence. Most immediately, she needs to get away from the person who did this to her. I don't know why shelters are always talking about how full and overcrowded they are. It will scare away the meek, who are overridden with the guilt of everything they did or didn't do, everything they have said or might be capable of... The last thing she wants is to inconvinience anyone, take a space when someone else might need it more. It is not so bad, for her, she is used to it, or feels she deserved it, or feels it is worth it somehow. The first time he raised his hand against her, he had made her ready for it. Maybe years of belittlement, denigration. Control. Who she talks to, what she says. Where her paychecks go.
It might be hard to imagine how a person can become so broken.