What a singularly unpleasant day!
straight back to the complaining
It's not that there was any one thing that went so disasterously wrong, but I woke up with a fierce temper, and nothing has gone really right today. There was breakfast, which I picked from the berry bushes in the yard, and some pretty shadows on the wall at sunset... Otherwise, I'm sinking and can't stop.
I want things to happen, and they don't.
It's not just idle wishing, but it may as well be. Part of me wonders if I angered local gods by coming home this time; if I did, was it the ones here, or there, or somewhere inbetween? Did I wait too long, or leave too early, and miss some occurrance? Did I just dampen my own spirits in the dragging of my feet, that my confidence is shot.
I have to take care of the dog, let her out, walk with her and giver her pills. I have to watch and tend to the bread as it does its mysterious thing in its bag. Pick up the dog poo in the yard, from all three dogs, and mow the lawn, and trim. Maybe I can finish off the bartending classes and get my certification. I will be looking for a job.
lick the carpet, dust the dog
mow the windows, shine the socks
you've got to keep things clean
clean clean clean clean...
Dad says everyone is hiring. He asks why I haven't applied at every shop in the strip mall; I say, "Because they're not hiring." And even if I found that trick I used to do, and made them convinced them they wanted me in their hire, things would go badly when they found it was only for six weeks. Six weeks doesn't seem like enough time to train a person to do anything, like it was skilled labour. I learned the register in under an hour at the only job I've had that used one. In other jobs, it was all credit cards, or I handled cash money but we didn't use registers. The others were all office or warehouse work. I've had a lot of different jobs.
How many times have I told that story? the one that goes something like "I used to have confidence, once." I called up places and told them they wanted to hire me, and they did, and paid me more than they thought they wanted to. I hardly believe it ever happened, anymore. How could I have done that? It is not even possible.
My reading glasses never come clean. As soon as I wipe them, they're foggy again.
Partly, I wish I could have my tools for arts & crafts, but I left it all at home (here is hardly my home). I knew how it would be if I did bring it, and wanted to avoid the trouble- paint! scraps! mess. They don't understand. They just want things to appear... complete... in the early evening maybe? I would get a good night's sleep, run errands, go to work, make a tidy masterpiece, and get to bed at a reasonable hour. I don't really know how it is supposed to work, even in their imaginations.
It's not that there was any one thing that went so disasterously wrong, but I woke up with a fierce temper, and nothing has gone really right today. There was breakfast, which I picked from the berry bushes in the yard, and some pretty shadows on the wall at sunset... Otherwise, I'm sinking and can't stop.
I want things to happen, and they don't.
It's not just idle wishing, but it may as well be. Part of me wonders if I angered local gods by coming home this time; if I did, was it the ones here, or there, or somewhere inbetween? Did I wait too long, or leave too early, and miss some occurrance? Did I just dampen my own spirits in the dragging of my feet, that my confidence is shot.
I have to take care of the dog, let her out, walk with her and giver her pills. I have to watch and tend to the bread as it does its mysterious thing in its bag. Pick up the dog poo in the yard, from all three dogs, and mow the lawn, and trim. Maybe I can finish off the bartending classes and get my certification. I will be looking for a job.
lick the carpet, dust the dog
mow the windows, shine the socks
you've got to keep things clean
clean clean clean clean...
Dad says everyone is hiring. He asks why I haven't applied at every shop in the strip mall; I say, "Because they're not hiring." And even if I found that trick I used to do, and made them convinced them they wanted me in their hire, things would go badly when they found it was only for six weeks. Six weeks doesn't seem like enough time to train a person to do anything, like it was skilled labour. I learned the register in under an hour at the only job I've had that used one. In other jobs, it was all credit cards, or I handled cash money but we didn't use registers. The others were all office or warehouse work. I've had a lot of different jobs.
How many times have I told that story? the one that goes something like "I used to have confidence, once." I called up places and told them they wanted to hire me, and they did, and paid me more than they thought they wanted to. I hardly believe it ever happened, anymore. How could I have done that? It is not even possible.
My reading glasses never come clean. As soon as I wipe them, they're foggy again.
Partly, I wish I could have my tools for arts & crafts, but I left it all at home (here is hardly my home). I knew how it would be if I did bring it, and wanted to avoid the trouble- paint! scraps! mess. They don't understand. They just want things to appear... complete... in the early evening maybe? I would get a good night's sleep, run errands, go to work, make a tidy masterpiece, and get to bed at a reasonable hour. I don't really know how it is supposed to work, even in their imaginations.