Hide in this hole around my heart

[notamistake]

"I'm sorry, kid." I muttered as I glanced down at Connor's still form layin' on the ground. Hadn't meant to wail on him so hard but I'd just kinda....I dunno....lost it I guess. Wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, he'd been tryin' to prove something to me, right? Prove that I was still just as badass as I'd always been,

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[notamistake]

I sat stalk still in the chair, my eyes following her carefully as she stood up to make herself a drink. Why was she so fucking calm? I was expectin' my ass to be kicked all the way into next week by now. If I could die I was pretty sure I'd get electrocuted to death before the end of the night. But nothing from her but a calm smirk and a calm glint behind her eyes. Almost like she fucking knew I'd be back and that was the only reason she hadn't come after me. She knew what I'd do before I even knew what I'd do. That was more than just a little disconcerting.

Shifting uncomfortably in the chair my chin snapped up when she brought up Connor. So she did know where I was the whole time and she was gonna go after him just like I thought she would. Didn't know why. Wasn't like Connor had anything to do with this, he was just tryin' to protect me and I already knocked the kid on his ass enough for one day. Why couldn't she just let it go? Quickly she turned the topic back to how scared I should be and I just narrowed my eyes at her. Didn't she understand it? She couldn't scare me anymore. I wasn't afraid of anything except....

Something that was buried and was better off staying that way.

"C'mon, Alyx. It's not my fault that your blonde friend let me outta the cage. I don't know why she did that. I came back on my own, didn't I? That's gotta count for something. Why do we gotta drag Connor into it? Look, I knocked him out and made it pretty clear to the kid that he shouldn't be messin' with you. I don't think you have to worry about him." I forced my voice to stay calm and agreeable and my eyes to study her desk so it didn't look like I was wantin' to challenge her.

Challenge her. Yeah fucking right. Not only had she kicked my ass more times than I could count this was just as good as giving up. I was sittin' here in her office. I gave up. I didn't care anymore.

[alyx_d]

I listened to her with just as much calmness and curiosity as a fat cat laying in the sun after drinking too much cream. She really was pretty when she was trying to save her ass, but she was lying. I didn't like lying and especially when it is as half ass as she is giving me, she could at least lie and make it good. Interesting. Entertaining. She sat there just staring at my desk before I stood up and turned her chair around toward the large screen on the wall, clicking a remote fuzzy images flickered onto the screen before focusing. I leaned against the arm of her chair and watched intently as the scene played out.

"Yes. There's a key on top of her dresser. Right next to that mirror. See it." Justin's eyes playing on the dresser and my girl trying to explain we don't let Mommy's pretty things out of cages. "Alyx is gonna let me out of here eventually. You and I? We both know that. So I tell ya what. Let me out now, and I promise not to stake you later."

"Don't know why she did it? You did quite a good job trying to convince the two idiots to let you go. And? I really didn't see you not reaching for that key so I'm not seeing the whole benefit in you wandering back on your own." I clicked the screen off and sat down in the chair beside her as her own chair whipped back around to face me. I didn't want to play games with her and I knew she'd be expecting it. I'd have to be calm and easy for now because that seemed to frighten her more than me zapping her ass into next week.

"Another thing baby doll, you don't get to make the rules around here." I leaned forward and looked at her wickedly. "You can knock the boy out all you want but you forget one thing. He's Angel's kid which means he has a real hard-on for the whole damsel in distress bullshit. You think he won't come to me on his own? That... that is the funniest thing I've ever heard out of your pretty little mouth." I stood up and moved to the window, my back turned to her as I stared out on the city. Crummy little city that had no clue what was going to hit it, eventually.

"Everyone that helped in that little fiasco will pay. Britney, Justin, Connor and you." I looked over my shoulder and smiled at her as she sat in the chair. "What exactly were you hoping in getting by dragging your sorry ass back to me? A cookie?"

[notamistake]

I cringed watchin' the whole scene play out in front of me. Leave it to bitch of the year to have that shit videotaped. Course she had cameras up all over the place. Why wouldn't she want to spy on everyone? Fucking pervert. Settin' my jaw into a hard line I sat back in the chair and looked at her impassively cause she was doin' her best to give me the same look. She seemed so diseffected and that was kinda creepy considering she was always the first one to fly off the handle. You'd think that someone with as much power as she had would be a little more laidback. Almost wound as tight as B was just in a different way.

She did have a point with the whole Connor thing. I knew he was his Daddy's boy and he'd come lookin' for me. But what the fuck was I supposed to do? Kill him? It was almost tempting for a sec there but I only wanted to get away from him. I'd already involved him way too much and now I was just feelin' all kinds of guilty for tellin' him anything. Never should have let him help me. Shit. Why'd I have to wander into the same alley where he was stakin' some vamps? It was like I really was fate's bitch and everything I touched turned to shit.

"So fine. You caught me. Can you really blame me? You had me locked in a fucking cage in...your bedroom. But I came back on my own willingly, without you havin' to drag me kickin' and screamin' so I thought that might be worth something. I get it now, what I wasn't gettin' before."

Easily I stood up and tentatively walked over to the window so I was just a couple of feet away from her. My arms crossed defensively over my chest I glanced over the same cityscape view she was lookin' over.

"I don't belong out there anymore."

Well, hey. I'm not exactly one to start articulating how I feel about everything but it was the closest thing I could think to say. I didn't belong out there anymore. I belonged here with the fucked up bitch who probably wanted to set the world on fire. She brought me back, almost like she created me. And now I was here because there was no other place for me anymore.

[alyx_d]

I smiled slightly when she said she didn't belong out there anymore because I knew that feeling. I hadn't belonged out there for longer than her few days and she was already whining about it. She had a lot to learn and it was going to be a long, hard, cruel lesson. If she kept up her behavior she'd be teaching herself most of the time and all I had to do was sit back and watch the show. I glanced briefly at her with her arms protectively wrapped around herself as she stared blankly out into the world.

"You're right about one thing. You don't belong out there anymore and as hard headed as you are, it's going to be a long hard road." I took a final drag from my cigarette and stubbed it out in a nearby ashtray. "Another thing that you're also right about? You in a cage in my bedroom. That's where you're going to hang out until you can properly behave yourself."

I walked over to my desk and glanced up as Jessica entered, she was getting more and more brazen. I'd have to threaten her life and the life of her fat little babies again it seemed.

"Sorry Ms. Donovan but there is a problem down in the lab and one of the technicians is requesting you." She said quietly with her eyes cast down at the floor and her fingers twined nervously together. I walked over to her and brought my mouth close to her ear.

"Jessica, sweet dear Jessica..." I whispered gently as my hands wrapped into her hair, energy crackling around me in the air causing the hair on Jessica's arms to stand up, "how many times have I told you not to interrupt me when I'm dealing with important things? Faith here is important and I will not be interrupted again, understood?" I faintly heard her scream fill the room as the crackling became more violent and she turned and ran from the room nodding her head profusely. I smirked and turned around to see a wide eyed Faith staring anxiously at me and the event that just took place.

"Awww baby you shouldn't look so jealous, what I have planned for you is so much more delicious. More painful too, I promise." I winked at her and started walking toward her, small lines of energy still crackling around me as I smirked and stopped just in front of her.

[notamistake]

I bit down on my tongue hard when Alyx started fuckin' around with her little secretary. What surprised me about the fact that Alyx would treat her staff just as shitty as she treated everyone else? It didn't and so I just watched as she worked out her little aggression on her fucking secretary. I wasn't surprised that when I eased up on my tongue there was no blood.

"Fine." I offered her, uncrossing my arms as she took a step towards me. For my own part I took my own step towards her and let my eyes trail back down to the floor. This wasn't me, but I felt so far from myself that I didn't think it even mattered anymore. At this point it was just easier to give Alyx whatever she wanted. Yeah. I was kinda hopin' that whatever she wanted wasn't gonna include me sittin' pretty in that fucking cage in her bedroom but whatever. Not like I had anything else to do these days.

"Do whatever you want. I'll do whatever you want. I'm done fighting you." I said in a low even voice not sure if that might just disappoint her. After all, didn't Alyx like me so much cause I was the only one who ever challenged her anymore? Everyone else just laid down and took it. Now I was just like everyone else, minus the heartbeat. Except for Angel. He didn't have a heartbeat either.

My mind wandered to the fact that I'd just seen Angel and Spike a few minutes ago. I'd totally forgotten about them once I'd gotten inside her office but I didn't know why. I shouldn't forget about it. The two of them and add in Buffy? Pretty much how my cute ass ended up in this little situation. Course they were both doin' what they always did, runnin' around and playin' hero while I hung out at Wolfram and Hart and paid the price. Hey, story of my fucking life right? Whatever. Guess it was just time to face up to it and accept it.

I kept my head bowed down for a few minutes and I realized nothing was happening, Alyx was just staring at me with slight crackles of energy pouring off of her. Slowly I tentatively met her gaze and gave her a questioning look as if to say 'well, aren't you gonna do it?'

[alyx_d]

Part of me was greatly pleased that Faith was being so compliant but there was that part of me that longed for the warrior in her to lash out and strike me. I understood her submission though I mean after all we are talking about dealing with me, Queen Evil. I smiled so wide I thought my face would crack from pleasure when she said she would do whatever I wanted. She was done fighting me. I hope she didn't think I'd forgotten about that whole Buffy thing, oh no I forget nothing and especially not something that fucking important. I stood there watching her when her dark eyes moved up to mine wondering why I hadn't thrown her for a loop.

"Whatever I want, done fighting. I'm real glad I have cameras everywhere every now and then." I smirked at her and took her by the elbow and tugged her toward the chair she was in before. Small lines of energy pulsed painfully through her skin and I knew it was the only thing she could feel besides the dull ache in her body of being dead. Walking dead, animated corpse. Another understandable feeling from my side of the fence.

"Have a seat." I said as I forced her into the chair and sat behind my desk and glanced up at her. "Don't you think for one fucking minute I've forgotten about the whole Buffy incident, nor will I. Now that you've been such a good girl and told me you are going to behave, well... I imagine you have your first job in front of you once again. We'll just have to see how that goes over."

I had a feeling she was going to protest and I wanted to trap her into the chair like I had done with Angel earlier but I didn't. Part of me wanted her to come up over my desk and knock the holy hell out of me. She really was the only one who ever challenged me and now I knew I had to be extra careful with her. She had her little tricks and I couldn't let myself forget how it felt to be zapped with my own stolen energy.

"This whole kicked puppy routine? Really looks pitiful on you sweetie. I'm not expecting you to lay down and take all I dish out, so feel free to attempt to kick my ass from time to time. I'd be disappointed if you didn't." I leaned forward on my desk and gave her a challenging look. I really wanted to just light her up like a fucking light bright but I could wait. I had plans already forming in my head. "I'm going to have to pay a visit to our dear sweet Buffy."

[notamistake]

I glanced to the side when she brought up the whole Buffy thing. She just couldn't let that shit fucking lie could she? She had to dig into all the most painful wounds right off that bat like that was something I was gonna respond to. Not that it mattered. B'd probably moved on by now and as much as I didn't wanna see her or talk to her or have Alyx fuck around with her I just....I didn't really care anymore. She never came for me when I needed her to, why should I protect her now? Mostly I just wanted to protect myself cause I knew talkin' to B was gonna throw me for a loop that I didn't wanna go on.

Slowly I moved my eyes back to Alyx when she called me a kicked puppy. She wanted me to attempt to kick her ass every once in awhile? Someone should tell her that it was a wicked turn off when a girl couldn't make up her mind. She really was all kinds of just like Buffy. Maybe if B were evil they could be best pals. At least then it'd get me off the hook of tryin' to play nice with the psycho bitch with bad bleached hair.

My eyes snapped up to her's when she said she was gonna pay a visit to B. Did that mean the plan had changed? I wasn't just supposed to call Buffy and blame her for everything like she'd wanted me to do when she first brought me back? It was gettin' a little hard to keep up with all of Alyx's whims. Somehow I had the feelin' I hadn't seen anything yet.

"So what do you want me to do?" I finally asked quietly as I lit up a cigarette. "Hang out while you kick her ass and tell her how it's all her fault?" I moved my eyes away again because I really couldn't think of anything I'd rather do less. Besides, why was I suddenly gonna play so nice for Alyx if she wasn't gonna do for me what I'd come here for in the first place.

I had questions. I wanted answers. And she had 'em.

[alyx_d]

I smiled at her as she light her cigarette up and tried to play it up like she was the big girl. So sweet really. I didn't fail to notice how she flitted her eyes down and away from me after making such a bold comment. That just wouldn't do, not at all. She'd have to realize if she was going to make such bold statements she had to have the balls to back them up, not look down at the floor like it was the best thing she's ever seen. I stood up and casually walked over to her before letting my fingers grip along her jaw and jerk her eyes up to mine.

"Actually I was thinking of beating the shit out of her until you've told her how much you have always hated her. How she's always made you feel. Watch you break her down verbally after I've kicked her ass, sound like fun cupcake?" I gripped harder and shoved her back in her chair spilling her and her weak little self onto the floor where she belonged. At my feet.

"If you're going to say something like that, say it with conviction or don't bother opening your worthless little mouth." I looked down at her as she just lay on the floor glancing up at me. "I'm offering you something you'd never have gotten in your real life Faith. The chance to get back at everyone that has ever told you were worthless. If you play by my rules baby you'll have anything and everything you can imagine."

I bent down and grabbed a handful of hair and pulled her to her feet and tossed her against my desk before picking up the over turned chair. I brushed my hands along the sides of my thighs and glanced as Jessica stuck her head in my office door again. I moved quickly and grabbed her, closing the door behind us I pulled her over to Faith and flung her at her.

"I think you should show Jessica here what happens when she doesn't listen." I moved back to the bar and poured another drink waiting to see what was going to happen. "Go on Faith... what would you do if you found someone eavesdropping on you, spying on you, interrupting you."

[notamistake]

Of course she assumed I was bein' wicked sarcastic and that's why she had her little panties in a wad. Either that or she was just pissed that I wasn't fightin' back. What the hell did she want? At some point it was gonna go too far and she was gonna end up sendin' me straight back to the hell I crawled out of.

She yanked me back up by my hair and I had no idea what to say to her and spitting in her face was startin' to look better and better the longer she stayed all up in my grill. I'd heard her fake little promises before comin' out of someone who didn't treat me like shit to get what he wanted. I still remembered what Alyx had said about Wilkins when she walked out of the elevator that day. I wondered if she'd been bluffing. I wondered if she could really talk to him somehow.

I caught Jessica by her arms as she stumbled into me. Steadied her on her feet with my hands still grippin' her arms. Didn't she get that this was the dumbest place for her to ever work. Or maybe she was like me. Maybe she couldn't leave. Maybe Alyx controlled her because at some point this Jessica chick was important. I felt kinda bad for her so I just shoved her towards the door and she quickly scrambled through it on her way back out to the main office.

Alyx came chargin' over at me drink still in hand and without thinkin' I just let my fist wail across her jaw. Not hard enough to sent her to the floor or anything just hard enough to send a message home. I said I'd do whatever she wanted me to do, but I wasn't gonna sit around and play kicked puppy either. If she really wanted me to work for her she was gonna have to at least try not to be such a total cunt all the time.

"Look! I said I'd play my part in whatever sick fucking little game you wanna play but if you don't want a kicked puppy. Don't kick the puppy." I kept my eyes serious and matching her's but all of a sudden gave a playful growl and let my serious expression melt into a smirk.

She seemed kinda confused for a sec so I walked past her and poured a drink for myself at the bar. Whatever. I was dead. Might as well fucking enjoy it, right? Startin' with getting sloshed with the queen bitch herself.

"Everything and anything I can imagine, huh? That include a heartbeat?" I asked her tiltin' my head to the side coyly still pissed about her ruining my cigarette. With a shrug I took a shot of Jack and put my glass back on the bar.

[alyx_d]

I wasn't surprised when she flung Jessica at the doors, my dumb little secretary had just gotten very lucky. Faith was going to have to learn that in my world when I suggested punishment it didn't involve letting them go, it involved pain and consequences. I came at her and smirked as I wiped the trail of blood from the corner of my mouth after she'd hit me. I stood and listened to her before she brushed past me and poured herself a shot talking like she was suddenly the boss because she smacked me and let Jessica go. She had a long hard road in front of her but wasn't she a pretty tool?

"You're clever but you're not bright." I pointed out with a grin as she suggested that her getting everything and anything included her mortality. "You've got a lot to learn Faith, a whole hell of a lot to learn. I'm going to enjoy teaching you too every step of the way. You see you haven't figured out quite what you are yet. You're walking around but you lack one small thing, life."

I casually strolled over to her and stood in front of her, true she was a bit taller than me but that meant nothing. Dangerous things come in small packages and I was the most dangerous of all. My sweet little lovely kicked puppy throwing out instructions on her newly earned unlife. I 'tsk'd' her and smiled briefly before pouring myself a drink of my own and slamming it back before turning from her and walking back to my desk. I tipped my head lightly and her body jerked forward violently before landing her on her knees in front of me. I reached my hand down and ran it through her hair and smirked at her inability to move.

"Anything and everything are what I decide, not you. This isn't a grocery store where you get to pick out your own cookies, but that's cute of you to think you got some say in this." I pulled a chair in front of her and sat down in it, my hands stroking along her face as I smiled evilly at her. "You're going to cause so much damage for me, you're going to be my pretty little tool. They'll never see it coming."

[notamistake]

I watched her carefully as she started playin' games with me again. Was this ever gonna get me anywhere? I was startin' to realize that it didn't matter if I played nice or if I played rough the outcome was always gonna be the same. She just wanted to fuck my little world up and she'd done a good job of that from the minute I got back from hell. Actually. From the minute I walked into hell. I'd come to Wolfram and Hart to help Soul Boy out. B and I weren't plannin' on bein' in L.A. for more than a couple of weeks and here we were, months later. If we'd left when we were supposed to maybe I wouldn't be dead.

Suddenly it was like some invisible wall pushin' me forward. Til I was pressed down to my knees in front of her and I couldn't even move. What the fuck was this shit? More magick crap? Gritting my teeth I just glanced up at her as she called me a tool, running her fingers through my hair. Petting me like...petting me like a kicked puppy. God damn it.

"Oh yeah?" I barely got out, tryin' so damn hard to not just spit in her face and tell her to go fuck herself. "So what do I get out of all this then? I'm not alive, I'm still dead. As far as I can tell? You can't offer me anything that's better than the hell you just dragged me out of. So why don't you do us both a favor and just send me back. Because I'm not hurtin' any of them just so you can get your rocks off."

We were back to playin' rough but it wasn't my fault that she was always pissin' me off. What'd she expect? You could only push me so far before I push back. What the fuck was I supposed to do?

[alyx_d]

I smirked down at her as she spat out her useless little words while her pretty little body was kneeling in front of me. Couldn't move. Couldn't fight back. She was lucky all I was doing was pinning her to her knees in front of me, I should be holding her skin in my hands right about now. Watching her bloody twitching corpse fall to the floor as she slowly went into shock before succumbing to heart failure. Instead here I was petting the pretty baby and smiling at her.

"I can't offer you anything that's better than the hell I just dragged you out of?" I repeated her statement and quirked a brow at her, my back leaning against the frame of the chair I sat in. "Are you quite sure you feel confident with that statement? Was it not me who carried you dead and bloody from that bathtub? Was it not me who pleaded with the Senior Partners to spare you? Then... it must have been me playing God in your Hell."

I smiled at her and a flash of amusement danced wickedly behind my eyes, she really thought she could just lip off and throw around words in attempt to win? She didn't realize how much my puppet she was, but she would soon. Very, very soon. I stood up and pushed my chair back before releasing the hold I had on her, watching as she spilled forward to her hands. I leaned against my desk with my arms crossed waiting for her to come around and attack me again or something just as useless.

"I could send you back to that lovely little Hell I designed for you, but are you really up for reliving being raped and beaten by every man your Mother ever brought home? I mean no big if you'd rather do that than stay at my place with me, entertain me a little and help me out here and there." I shrugged and picked up the folder with her name printed on the front, clicking my pen and moving the tip to write in her file. "I can offer you anything Faith, they can't offer you anything anymore. It's time they realize that they can't win and you're going to help me with that, aren't you?"

[notamistake]

I turned my face towards the floor when she started goin' on about all the shit she did. Carried my dead body from that bathtub? So that was....right. I already knew that. How he'd left me for B to find in our own fucking apartment. I didn't wanna think about that. Yeah, the Senior Partners begging for my life thing kinda threw me for a loop but I never knew when Alyx was bein' straight up and when she was just playin' me. It wasn't until she mentioned playing God in my hell that I lifted up my chin and met her eyes. God?

Before I could even process that the invisible wall finally let me go and I flung forward onto my hands. I didn't even move from where I was on the ground when she started talkin' circles around me. She designed my hell and I knew she was tellin' the truth as soon as she started to describe it. It wasn't enough to control me here she had to control me while I was dead too. Why me? Why did Alyx walk into this place, check out all it had to offer and decide on me?

"Yes." I hated myself the minute the word escaped from her lips but I knew from that second on that I was gonna help her. I was gonna betrayal all the people that used to give a shit about me to help someone who only wanted to destroy me since the minute she laid eyes on me. But anything had to be better than going back to a hell that she designed for me personally, and it didn't matter what I did. She had already won. Why should I even bother fighting anymore?

Finally I stood back up to my feet and walked over to the window before gazing out over the cityscape again, a blanket of silence falling over the two of us. I was right before when I said I didn't belong there. I wasn't evne breathing anymore, and free will? Well, that had just gone right out the window.

I didn't wanna face them. Not ever. I could play along with Alyx but when it came to seeing Buffy or Angel again my entire body froze. They had probably already forgotten about me. That was their habit when I was gone for long periods of time. Well, maybe not Angel. Or maybe. Nothing made sense to me anymore.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked her quietly, my eyes were still drawn to the landscape below, my back turned to her but I could hear her from somewhere behind me.

[alyx_d]

I smiled and set the folder down and watched her walk to the windows and stare out, maybe longing for what was. Maybe wishing she'd stayed in Rome like a good little girl, maybe a lot of things but I didn't care. I never did. Only thing I did care about was the fact she was my fucking pawn and she was going to do whatever it was I wanted her to do or else. I stood up and walked over toward her as she asked me what I wanted her to do.

"I have a plethora of things I want you to do Faith, but since you've been such a good little bitch I'm going to be nice." I turned her around to face me and smiled slightly at her, not a nice smile but one of wickedness and promises of future dealings. I dangled a set of keys in front of her. "These keys are for you. One goes to a Mustang down in the garage, it's yours. One goes to my front door, it's yours. The other goes to the cage I've moved in the basement, if you ever should decide to be uncooperative? Well then you can lock yourself up before I have to, makes things way easier on you."

I took her wrist and forced her hand out dropping the keys into them with a smile and curling her fingers around them. I patted her hand and stepped back toward my desk pulling out a few files before turning back to her.

"These files are files of all your little friends, every good and every evil they've ever done from childbirth on. I want you to read them. I want you to memorize them. I'll be home later tonight and we'll have our first little lesson, sound good?" I smiled and winked at her before stepping closer to her and leaning in to whisper. "Oh and if you decide to try to oh I dunno, escape? You'll fail. I know you're every move. I know where you are every waking second of your life. I will find you. I will punish you. Promise. You're mine and the sooner you get used to it? The better." I let my hand wander along her back before affectionately patting her ass before moving back and seating myself behind my desk.