Hide in this hole around my heart
"I'm sorry, kid." I muttered as I glanced down at Connor's still form layin' on the ground. Hadn't meant to wail on him so hard but I'd just kinda....I dunno....lost it I guess. Wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, he'd been tryin' to prove something to me, right? Prove that I was still just as badass as I'd always been, that I could still kick his ass. Well, mission accomplished. He could consider his ass well kicked but I had the feelin' he was gonna be kinda pissed off when he woke back up. Hopefully not pissed enough to break his promise to me, but for some reason I had the feelin' that I could trust Connor. In the grand scheme of things I didn't know him all that well, but he was kinda like Angel. Definitely like Angel, had that same hard headed instinct combined with a wicked hard on savin' the nearest damsel in distress. Hated to break it to him- I might be in distress but I'd never be the damsel and I could take care of my own damn self. And even if I couldn't this thing was way too big for him and he was in way over his head. It was only a matter of time before Alyx tracked me down and if I was with Connor I knew he'd pay the price for it. I didn't want that for him and I think we both knew it was better this way. Not that I wouldn't miss the swanky hotel room and the drugs but I knew what I had to do. Had no choice.
I had to go back to Alyx.
Puttin' the sunglasses back on I made my way down the elevator and ignored all the whispers as I walked through the lobby. Fucking idiots. They all thought I was some movie star that wanted to stay out of view. I could hear them whispering amongst themselves, tryin' to figure out who I was. Good luck. I didn't even know who I was. As soon as I got outside into the dark night I trashed the sunglasses and wrapped my arms around myself defensively. I had the feeling I was in for another ass whuppin' when I got back to Wolfram and Hart. Could only hope that Alyx would be feelin' a little more agreeable considering I came back on my own and didn't make her track my ass down. Besides, it wasn't my fault that Barbie the vampire let me out. Britney. Who the hell was that chick anyway? And how did she know so much about me? I guess it didn't matter because the important part was that she let me out of that cage and all I could do was hope that Alyx was in a good mood and not in a feelin' like caging me up mood. I'd spent entirely too much time behind bars in my short lifetime and I wasn't willing to add anymore to it. I'd play nice, I'd do whatever she wanted me to as long as it didn't have to do with hurtin' B. Everybody else was fair game except for Buffy and I thought that was fair.
It was wicked hard though because some small part of myself really wanted to do what Alyx asked me to do. I wanted to dig the knife in this time and twist just enough to hurt her this time. Some part of me righteously pissed off because I remembered what happened in that basement. How long I'd hung on just hopin' she'd come for me. I rescued her, why couldn't she save me? Did she even care when I was gone? Or did she jump right back into Spike's bed? I wasn't exactly gonna begrudge her gettin' her party on with the vampire or anyone but still....some part of me really hated her. For so many reasons I couldn't even begin to count them all.
Still, I wasn't willing to give in all the way. At least not yet. I knew that Alyx could make my life really fucking miserable if she wanted to. I also knew that she could give me the answers I needed if I decided to play nice. That was the thing that Connor didn't understand. I needed answers and he just couldn't give 'em to me. Only hoped that the kid wasn't so thick headed that he'd try to bust in on Alyx to rescue me. I didn't need rescuing and if anybody was gonna bust up anybody it was gonna be Alyx bustin' up the kid. Just like I had a few minutes ago. I knew he'd be okay but I still felt wicked bad about knockin' him out after he'd been so nice, ya know? Crazy how different he seemed from that angst ridden, Daddy hatin' punk I'd known when I'd first been busted out of the clink by Wes.
I had the feelin' that Alyx knew about me the minute I walked into the building. Everybody else pretty much ignored me. Demons and lawyers bustlin' on past me and that was when I noticed that the sun had crested over the horizon and had probably been shining for the last hour or so. I hadn't even noticed. Which was weird considering I never thought I'd see the sun again. Idly I watched it for a minute through the large windows before turnin' to head towards Alyx's office.
Once I got upstairs I heard a familiar voice that made me freeze in my tracks.
"Oh don't even, I've had enough of the 'Shut up Spike' to last me more than one eternity."
I swallowed hard, frozen for a second before I darted into an empty office and hid around the corner, listening to Angel and Spike as they walked past me and headed towards the elevator. Once I was sure they were past me, I stuck my head around the corner and watched the two familiar black clad figures waiting for the elevator. My heart was in my throat despite the fact that it didn't beat anymore because that was really him. Angel. No more Angelus. My lips set into a thin line because I missed him. Way more than I thought I would and the hate that I thought I'd feel for him was almost completely gone. It wasn't him. It was just the thing that lives inside of him and everytime I ever looked into dark eyes I knew I'd be reminded about the monster that wore my best friend's face.
As soon as they were gone I headed towards Alyx's office again. Her secretary tried to stop me, but I just shrugged her off as I blew in through the doors to her office. She was sittin' behind her desk with a smirk lookin' like the cat that just stole the cream. Bitch.
I had to go back to Alyx.
Puttin' the sunglasses back on I made my way down the elevator and ignored all the whispers as I walked through the lobby. Fucking idiots. They all thought I was some movie star that wanted to stay out of view. I could hear them whispering amongst themselves, tryin' to figure out who I was. Good luck. I didn't even know who I was. As soon as I got outside into the dark night I trashed the sunglasses and wrapped my arms around myself defensively. I had the feeling I was in for another ass whuppin' when I got back to Wolfram and Hart. Could only hope that Alyx would be feelin' a little more agreeable considering I came back on my own and didn't make her track my ass down. Besides, it wasn't my fault that Barbie the vampire let me out. Britney. Who the hell was that chick anyway? And how did she know so much about me? I guess it didn't matter because the important part was that she let me out of that cage and all I could do was hope that Alyx was in a good mood and not in a feelin' like caging me up mood. I'd spent entirely too much time behind bars in my short lifetime and I wasn't willing to add anymore to it. I'd play nice, I'd do whatever she wanted me to as long as it didn't have to do with hurtin' B. Everybody else was fair game except for Buffy and I thought that was fair.
It was wicked hard though because some small part of myself really wanted to do what Alyx asked me to do. I wanted to dig the knife in this time and twist just enough to hurt her this time. Some part of me righteously pissed off because I remembered what happened in that basement. How long I'd hung on just hopin' she'd come for me. I rescued her, why couldn't she save me? Did she even care when I was gone? Or did she jump right back into Spike's bed? I wasn't exactly gonna begrudge her gettin' her party on with the vampire or anyone but still....some part of me really hated her. For so many reasons I couldn't even begin to count them all.
Still, I wasn't willing to give in all the way. At least not yet. I knew that Alyx could make my life really fucking miserable if she wanted to. I also knew that she could give me the answers I needed if I decided to play nice. That was the thing that Connor didn't understand. I needed answers and he just couldn't give 'em to me. Only hoped that the kid wasn't so thick headed that he'd try to bust in on Alyx to rescue me. I didn't need rescuing and if anybody was gonna bust up anybody it was gonna be Alyx bustin' up the kid. Just like I had a few minutes ago. I knew he'd be okay but I still felt wicked bad about knockin' him out after he'd been so nice, ya know? Crazy how different he seemed from that angst ridden, Daddy hatin' punk I'd known when I'd first been busted out of the clink by Wes.
I had the feelin' that Alyx knew about me the minute I walked into the building. Everybody else pretty much ignored me. Demons and lawyers bustlin' on past me and that was when I noticed that the sun had crested over the horizon and had probably been shining for the last hour or so. I hadn't even noticed. Which was weird considering I never thought I'd see the sun again. Idly I watched it for a minute through the large windows before turnin' to head towards Alyx's office.
Once I got upstairs I heard a familiar voice that made me freeze in my tracks.
"Oh don't even, I've had enough of the 'Shut up Spike' to last me more than one eternity."
I swallowed hard, frozen for a second before I darted into an empty office and hid around the corner, listening to Angel and Spike as they walked past me and headed towards the elevator. Once I was sure they were past me, I stuck my head around the corner and watched the two familiar black clad figures waiting for the elevator. My heart was in my throat despite the fact that it didn't beat anymore because that was really him. Angel. No more Angelus. My lips set into a thin line because I missed him. Way more than I thought I would and the hate that I thought I'd feel for him was almost completely gone. It wasn't him. It was just the thing that lives inside of him and everytime I ever looked into dark eyes I knew I'd be reminded about the monster that wore my best friend's face.
As soon as they were gone I headed towards Alyx's office again. Her secretary tried to stop me, but I just shrugged her off as I blew in through the doors to her office. She was sittin' behind her desk with a smirk lookin' like the cat that just stole the cream. Bitch.