Never the same girl twice
The talk with Cordelia had gone better than I thought it might. There had been the initial awkwardness we'd both felt in the beginning and the pauses where we hadn't known what to say. After the 'how are you doing' questions, it got easier. I didn't bring up exactly what had happened with Faith and Angelus even though it was the one subject at the front of both of our minds. I tried to make it clear with the way that I spoke and acted towards towards her that I didn't blame her for what happened. In a way I did, sure, but not the all out blaming where I thought it was completely her or even Angel's fault. Because.. if the situation had been different and Wesley and I were in that situation? I don't know for sure about him, but as for me.. I would have done the same thing regardless of the consequences.
I could try to convince myself otherwise. That I'd walk away from the temptation, pretend that having him at arm's length would've been enough, but deep down I knew it wouldn't be. I was disappointed in the two of them, I couldn't deny that, but fully cast the blame on either of them? No.
Once I finally left her room I started to head back down the stairs to find Wesley again. I'd left him there for all I knew by himself long enough. I didn't hear any voices, so I didn't have the urge to flee back upstairs so I wouldn't have to talk with anyone. Funny how that earlier I'd been wondering where everyone was and yet now with the chance of running into anyone, I didn't want to take that chance. Be it my already having talked enough for one afternoon or not, I just wanted to find Wesley for now.
The lobby was empty which I was again thankful for and as walked to the doorway of the office, I frowned when I saw that it was empty. Hadn't this been where I'd left him? Sighing annoyingly at myself, I looked around the lobby again. Not that I actually expected him to stay put or anything. I wandered around the lobby, checking the courtyard and then back behind the counter. If he'd been anyone else or if this had been any other time I might not be as anxious that I couldn't find him right away. For all I knew he took his stubbornness with him somewhere by himself and didn't really know where he was going.
Finally heading through the lobby again, I glanced to check in the kitchen. I never expected to see him there, but it was one of the very few places I hadn't looked besides upstairs and I didn't think he'd go up there. Ducking my head in the doorway, I almost turned to leave but stopped quickly when I saw him sitting there at the table. Smiling a little, I walked into the room and tried to purposely walk a little harder than I might normally would and hoped he might hear my footsteps so that I didn't startle him as bad as I might.
"Well, hey you," I said as I walked over to him. Leaning over, I placed a hand on his shoulder and kissed his temple then sat down in the chair next to his. The room smelled like some sort of familiar food and I frowned. He wouldn't have tried cooking something by himself would he? Or maybe he'd talked with someone. It wasn't hard to believe saying how much time I'd been up in Cordy's room. "I was beginning to think I'd lost you in here." Frowning again at my choice words, I corrected myself. "In the hotel I mean." With all that's happened in the past few weeks or even days the former in its literal sense wasn't one I'd like to dwell on too much.
I could try to convince myself otherwise. That I'd walk away from the temptation, pretend that having him at arm's length would've been enough, but deep down I knew it wouldn't be. I was disappointed in the two of them, I couldn't deny that, but fully cast the blame on either of them? No.
Once I finally left her room I started to head back down the stairs to find Wesley again. I'd left him there for all I knew by himself long enough. I didn't hear any voices, so I didn't have the urge to flee back upstairs so I wouldn't have to talk with anyone. Funny how that earlier I'd been wondering where everyone was and yet now with the chance of running into anyone, I didn't want to take that chance. Be it my already having talked enough for one afternoon or not, I just wanted to find Wesley for now.
The lobby was empty which I was again thankful for and as walked to the doorway of the office, I frowned when I saw that it was empty. Hadn't this been where I'd left him? Sighing annoyingly at myself, I looked around the lobby again. Not that I actually expected him to stay put or anything. I wandered around the lobby, checking the courtyard and then back behind the counter. If he'd been anyone else or if this had been any other time I might not be as anxious that I couldn't find him right away. For all I knew he took his stubbornness with him somewhere by himself and didn't really know where he was going.
Finally heading through the lobby again, I glanced to check in the kitchen. I never expected to see him there, but it was one of the very few places I hadn't looked besides upstairs and I didn't think he'd go up there. Ducking my head in the doorway, I almost turned to leave but stopped quickly when I saw him sitting there at the table. Smiling a little, I walked into the room and tried to purposely walk a little harder than I might normally would and hoped he might hear my footsteps so that I didn't startle him as bad as I might.
"Well, hey you," I said as I walked over to him. Leaning over, I placed a hand on his shoulder and kissed his temple then sat down in the chair next to his. The room smelled like some sort of familiar food and I frowned. He wouldn't have tried cooking something by himself would he? Or maybe he'd talked with someone. It wasn't hard to believe saying how much time I'd been up in Cordy's room. "I was beginning to think I'd lost you in here." Frowning again at my choice words, I corrected myself. "In the hotel I mean." With all that's happened in the past few weeks or even days the former in its literal sense wasn't one I'd like to dwell on too much.