With the lights out it's less dangerous
I'm so scared, I'm so afraid that my whole life is going to pass me up just because of this anxiety and depression that I have. It overwhelms me, it's wearing at my body, physically,emotionaly, and mentaly. It's runining my relationship with what I consider the best boy in the whole world. I'm so nervous all the time, I'm such a head case. I worry about everything, getting old, having kids, and dying. Mainly dying. Ever since Mrs. Jones died that's all I've been thinking about, and I usually don't think about it until someone close to me dies. I just start to get scared, I worry about when I'm going to die, and how I'm going to die, and if there are going to be people there when I go. I also get scared about my own mother and father leaving me, and my sister and brother. Sometimes I think I'm going to be all alone. And it worries me. I don't want to feel like this. I'm runing my relationship with Don. If I'm not worrying about Bobbi I'm worrying about something else. My stomache hurts so bad right now, I can't breath, I can't think, I almost can't live. I miss Don so much when he's not around me, I miss my family when I'm not home. I just worry so much, and I hate it. I want to be normal like everyone else. I've been this way since I was a little girl. I would make myself throw up just so I didn't have to go to school, so that I could stay home with my mom. I never wanted to leave, I never wanted to do anything, I've let this take over my life. I was doing a lot better last year when my doctor put me on Paxil. I hated to take that shit, but it really did make me feel better. I didn't worry as much and I was able to sleep a lot better at night. Lately I haven't been able to sleep until clost to 2:00am and then I wake early go to work work all day and then try and function sometime in between all of that. Lastnight sucked really bad. I had, had a really bad anxiety attack the night before, where my vision went blurry and my breathing went shallow, and I couldn't stop crying. And lastnight Don had gotten us a hotel room for New Year's. Everything was so wonderful, we were sitting in the hottub just relaxing, well I was trying to relax anyway.Trying to keep my mind off all the bad things. Then it came time to get out and lay on the bed and well we both really wanted to have sex. And as soon as we started to fool around, my body started to just stop. I was really enjoying myself, and Don. Something happened tho, something went wrong. And we never had sex, I pretty much just fell asleep after yelling at Don trying to tell him that I was into it. It didn't matter much, I had ruined his whole night. What a way to start off the new year. I just think he shouldn't be with such a head case like me. I can understand why everyone else has left me over the years. I don't even believe in myself, how can I expect anyone else to? I love Don, I love him so unbelievably much. There's just so much going on in my head and it's not fair to him. I'm so confused and I don't know how to deal with all of this. I'm just so scared about growing up and everything that comes with it. God help me, I really need some strength. I'm so confused.Please someone help me.
Ex,oh,ex,oh
Ex,oh,ex,oh