(no subject)
GOD! Sometimes I think Nick can't be as fucking clueless as he makes himself out to be...and sometimes I hate him for it.
I'm feeling really awful and he never says the right things. For instance, I might miss my flight on the way back because I have to go through customs, so I told him, as he's supposed to pick me up from the airport with my parents, that I feel bad if he has to wait for me to catch a later flight and that he doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to wait. Now, any girl will tell you, those words are purely asthetics. I, of course, do indeed feel bad he has to wait, but the response I want is: "Don't even think about it. There's no way I would miss you getting off that plane, whether I had to wait 1 or 10 hours." What I get is a good bit different, "[hem hawing]...well, that does suck, but I mean, I know that you really want me to be there. Plus, it won't be that late."
"I know that you really want me to be there"!?!?!?! Are you fucking kidding me!? So you don't want to be there? This has been contention for awhile, as I kept telling him BLUNTLY that it would be nice for him to come pick me up, and he kept saying "I'll try" but I was originally scheduled to come back on his mom's b-day and he said he probably wouldn't be able to come if it was on that day. He later claimed (when I yelled at him about it) that he was absolutely going to come, he was just trying to make it a surprise by throwing me off. While I may have bought that BOLD FACED LIE when he first fed it to me, I am obvisouly not so convinced.
Honestly, right now I can't shake the feeling that he's just EXTREMELY SELFISH. We wanted to live together, but my mom said she wouldn't help me to pay for it(which I would need). So, instead, she said she'd pay for me to live by myself. I talked to Nick about it, and he expressed the idea that we wouldn't be able to spend time with each other without the "guilt of wasting money or neglecting Burton(his rabbit)" Because if I stayed with him, I'd be wasting money, but if he stayed with me, God Forbid, his rabbit wouldn't get enough attention in a day. Which is another area of contention for me, as I realized that he'd rather neglect me than that fucking rabbit. It's pathetic, I know, that I'm vyying for his attention with a rabbit, but I can't help it. And it just makes me more upset.
He'd bend over backwards for a bunny, but he'll only reluctantly drive up to see his girlfriend that he supposedly cares so much about after being 6000 miles away from her for 4 months. And maybe he'll sacrifice some time to see me when I move, but only if it doesn't interfere with his rabbit's daily schedule.
God it fucking pisses me off. More and more I think that he just never says the things that would make me feel so much better, and more and more I'm becoming like a fucking fortune-teller, able to predict what he'll say instead of it. And that's not a good thing.
I know I'm depressed right now, but I don't really feel like any of these points are particularly irrational. In fact, I'm finding them particularly rational. And it really hurts me...cos I don't think he's gonna change...
I don't know what to do...other than cry...
I'm feeling really awful and he never says the right things. For instance, I might miss my flight on the way back because I have to go through customs, so I told him, as he's supposed to pick me up from the airport with my parents, that I feel bad if he has to wait for me to catch a later flight and that he doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to wait. Now, any girl will tell you, those words are purely asthetics. I, of course, do indeed feel bad he has to wait, but the response I want is: "Don't even think about it. There's no way I would miss you getting off that plane, whether I had to wait 1 or 10 hours." What I get is a good bit different, "[hem hawing]...well, that does suck, but I mean, I know that you really want me to be there. Plus, it won't be that late."
"I know that you really want me to be there"!?!?!?! Are you fucking kidding me!? So you don't want to be there? This has been contention for awhile, as I kept telling him BLUNTLY that it would be nice for him to come pick me up, and he kept saying "I'll try" but I was originally scheduled to come back on his mom's b-day and he said he probably wouldn't be able to come if it was on that day. He later claimed (when I yelled at him about it) that he was absolutely going to come, he was just trying to make it a surprise by throwing me off. While I may have bought that BOLD FACED LIE when he first fed it to me, I am obvisouly not so convinced.
Honestly, right now I can't shake the feeling that he's just EXTREMELY SELFISH. We wanted to live together, but my mom said she wouldn't help me to pay for it(which I would need). So, instead, she said she'd pay for me to live by myself. I talked to Nick about it, and he expressed the idea that we wouldn't be able to spend time with each other without the "guilt of wasting money or neglecting Burton(his rabbit)" Because if I stayed with him, I'd be wasting money, but if he stayed with me, God Forbid, his rabbit wouldn't get enough attention in a day. Which is another area of contention for me, as I realized that he'd rather neglect me than that fucking rabbit. It's pathetic, I know, that I'm vyying for his attention with a rabbit, but I can't help it. And it just makes me more upset.
He'd bend over backwards for a bunny, but he'll only reluctantly drive up to see his girlfriend that he supposedly cares so much about after being 6000 miles away from her for 4 months. And maybe he'll sacrifice some time to see me when I move, but only if it doesn't interfere with his rabbit's daily schedule.
God it fucking pisses me off. More and more I think that he just never says the things that would make me feel so much better, and more and more I'm becoming like a fucking fortune-teller, able to predict what he'll say instead of it. And that's not a good thing.
I know I'm depressed right now, but I don't really feel like any of these points are particularly irrational. In fact, I'm finding them particularly rational. And it really hurts me...cos I don't think he's gonna change...
I don't know what to do...other than cry...