FIC: what is (and never will be) [1/5]
Title: what is (and never will be)
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~500
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Ryan Wolfe, Tara Price; mentions of Kyle Harmon
Continuity: set during 7x23/7x24
Summary: What if Ryan acted differently after the grenade incident in autopsy revealed Tara's addiction? An exploration of reality... and what could have been.
Disclaimer: Characters mentioned are used without permission and are trademarks of Jerry Bruckheimer/CBS; I am simply borrowing them for my purposes. Please don't sue.
Notes: Dialogue in the prologue may look familiar-- I took it directly from the show. (This only happens here in order to illustrate the inner-workings of Ryan's choice of action and how a different one then alters everything that follows.) So, just to be clear, this chapter (and the epilogue) will be within the show canon and the chapters in-between will explore the "what if?" idea from the summary.
Prologue: The Way of Things
Tara turns to see Ryan watching her. "It's not what you think."
"I think it's exactly what I think-- you're showing up late to crime scenes, taking pills at work... what is that?" His gaze never wavers but she refuses to answer. "Is that Oxy? Yeah, you got a problem. There comes a point in addiction where you don't care if you get caught anymore. You're there."
She clears her throat, agitated.
"What's going to happen when you mess up in autopsy--?"
She interrupts: "It's not going to happen."
"I used to say the same thing when I was gambling," Ryan persists. "Now I told you what would happen if I caught you doing this again."
Kyle bustles into the room and Tara's eyes plead with him. "Please. Okay?" But they both know it's too late now, that this has gone too far.
Several Days Earlier...
Ryan thinks he's being gentle. He's trying to be, at any rate. (It doesn't always come easily or naturally to him.) "Are you hooked?"
"No." Tara's dead serious; she honestly believes what she's saying. "They're for pain."
"How come the first thing you do as soon as a grenade goes off is run for your drugs?" he asks pointedly.
"You know what?" She moves to leave "I--"
Ryan stops her. "Listen." This is the moment. This is when he has to decide. Does he protect her from the bureaucracy or from herself? Does he gamble with caring or keep it professional?
The problem, in essence, is that he likes Dr. Price, has respected her up until today. Has felt them slowly building toward something-- work buddies, friendship, maybe even genuine caring.
But. She's new, she's not asking for his help, and she's crossing into more dangerous territory than he ever did. (Or so he tells himself. It's easier to think that way on the other side of his problem.)
In the end, he makes the simpler choice. "I need you to kick this," he says. "'Cause next time I can't sweep this under the rug for you."
There's a long stretch of silence and then Tara relaxes, just a little. "I'm fine. I promise you." She says it with wide eyes to show how honest she's being. That's how he knows she hasn't hit bottom yet, that it's only a matter of time before she destroys her whole world. (That he's made the wrong choice.)
She smiles a little before she turns away. Ryan watches her go and wonders what if. What if he'd made a different decision? What would this story look like then?
(Because he can already see the ending of this one and it isn't pretty. Tara fired. Tara arrested. Tara dead. The spiral will only continue downward-- it always does. And this right here? This is where he has to walk away, to leave her to take her path alone. If he doesn't, he risks being dragged down along with her. And that's not a risk he's willing to take.)