the hysterical laughter...
moments today that completely made me lose my head, hysterically:
andy: "hey, are you an MAS officer?"
darrin: "yeah! i'm the DAMN pastor!"
john: ::breaks out into hysterical laughter::
john: ::writes "cory <3 bach" on cory's motet::
cory: ::erases "<3" and draws a gun, pointing from cory towards bach::
john: ::breaks out into hysterical laugher::
john: "they actually have pasta bar today! woohoo!"
kiley: "yeah, but they don't have vegan bar!"
shondene: "so the vegans are just gonna have to DIE!!!"
john: ::breaks out into hysterical laughter::
raboy: "so what form is this piece in?"
darrin: "well... there's an A somewhere... possibly a B, too..."
john: ::breaks out into hysterical laughter::
i definitely needed those laughs... they brought me through the gloomy day, so far...
- - - - - - -
so this week hasn't been the greatest, and i haven't been doing my part in "looking at the bright side," and let my cynicism take over... it just seems like one of those weeks, where things don't really fall into place...
*i know everytime rasmussen asks me for how much i practice during my lesson, it's b/c he could tell i didn't put enough time to better my pieces... i should've spent more time with my pieces...
*i didn't do so hot on my prophets test on monday, i'm assuming...
*rasmussen seemed to badger and lecture us nonstop in i cantori on monday, which became really frustrating and sorta set a negative tone for the rehearsal...
*i spent 3 hours, "recording" in the church on tuesday, with jessica shine and mr hunt, when i thought it would take an hour, maximum... b/c they weren't set up, and they kept joking around... i could've watched the guy's playoff game instead, and still make it on time for the recording...
*i called my mom to tell her how much weight i've lost, and she wasn't excited for me ("john, you better slow down," so she says)...
*i've pretty much ditched three classes this week... didn't go to counterpoint on monday, opting for the nap... didn't go to prophets or wind ensemble today (decided that i'd rather hang out with my friends in i cantori instead... darrin was a good shield for the first 10 minutes of class)...
but some awesome things have happened so far...
*i went running on monday to release some endorphins, and afterwards weighed myself... i'm back to the weight i was end of senior year, high school... let's just say that i would've been 75% close to my weight goal, had my friends and i still kept our bet running... i've lost almost 15 pounds from what i started from, the end of this summer...
*hung out with josh a bit on monday, as he discussed some points that him and shondene brought to rasmussen's table...
*convinced jordan to help me transcribe a part i was supposed to write, for pay... hung out with him, josh, tim, kara, and janer afterwards in the caf...
*laurie and i both ditched prophets after books of moses, to explore paulin, and find the hidden ladder that led up to the organ pipes, that her sister used to trespass into all the time... since i have a master key, i thought we'd venture... there ended up being a really tiny trap door in a back closet, leading into a really narrow passage, where at the end was a wooden ladder and trap door... we climbed up, hid there in the dark, empty auditorium, in the little corner next to the organ pipes... we both started venting to each other, and just talked for an hour... it was great...
*jayaram and thatcher going out of their way to say "hi mr. osio" to me... it's great seeing and talking to former "students" of mine... i talked to tanner a bit on friday last week, too...
*i cantori today, in general... josh/darrin/cory/andy <3 bach... the motet's definitely starting to sound musical...
- - - - - - -
i've made a realization last night, and it was definitely confirmed today...
i've realized that my happiness is too externally driven...
when my friends are happy, life is good... when school and grades are good, with very little homework, life is good... anything that induces happiness is good... on the flipside, when everything's the contrary, i'm pissy and moody...
i don't have enough internal happiness... my persona does not exude natural bliss... i keep blaming my "melancholic nature," but i've always hated making excuses for myself... i hate hearing other people's excuses, and i hate taking ownership for my responsibilities...
i need to learn how to naturally have a positive outlook on life, and stop resorting towards the realist views my mind tends to push me towards... yeah, i tell myself this every now and then, but this realization is fairly new... what makes it frustrating is i've lost my individuality that i used to pride myself for, and have become something that i've learned to dislike: the feeling that i rely on other people... i distance myself from people when i sense they rely too heavily on me... now i feel like i need to discover my individuality again...
i can still be a sucker for seeing a smile on someone's face or hearing them laugh, receiving a rare and genuine compliment from a friend, mentor, or acquaintance, or just being able to spend quality time with someone, no drama, reliance, or strings attached...
but i need to make a conscious effort to lean towards internal satisfaction and optimism... here we go...
andy: "hey, are you an MAS officer?"
darrin: "yeah! i'm the DAMN pastor!"
john: ::breaks out into hysterical laughter::
john: ::writes "cory <3 bach" on cory's motet::
cory: ::erases "<3" and draws a gun, pointing from cory towards bach::
john: ::breaks out into hysterical laugher::
john: "they actually have pasta bar today! woohoo!"
kiley: "yeah, but they don't have vegan bar!"
shondene: "so the vegans are just gonna have to DIE!!!"
john: ::breaks out into hysterical laughter::
raboy: "so what form is this piece in?"
darrin: "well... there's an A somewhere... possibly a B, too..."
john: ::breaks out into hysterical laughter::
i definitely needed those laughs... they brought me through the gloomy day, so far...
- - - - - - -
so this week hasn't been the greatest, and i haven't been doing my part in "looking at the bright side," and let my cynicism take over... it just seems like one of those weeks, where things don't really fall into place...
*i know everytime rasmussen asks me for how much i practice during my lesson, it's b/c he could tell i didn't put enough time to better my pieces... i should've spent more time with my pieces...
*i didn't do so hot on my prophets test on monday, i'm assuming...
*rasmussen seemed to badger and lecture us nonstop in i cantori on monday, which became really frustrating and sorta set a negative tone for the rehearsal...
*i spent 3 hours, "recording" in the church on tuesday, with jessica shine and mr hunt, when i thought it would take an hour, maximum... b/c they weren't set up, and they kept joking around... i could've watched the guy's playoff game instead, and still make it on time for the recording...
*i called my mom to tell her how much weight i've lost, and she wasn't excited for me ("john, you better slow down," so she says)...
*i've pretty much ditched three classes this week... didn't go to counterpoint on monday, opting for the nap... didn't go to prophets or wind ensemble today (decided that i'd rather hang out with my friends in i cantori instead... darrin was a good shield for the first 10 minutes of class)...
but some awesome things have happened so far...
*i went running on monday to release some endorphins, and afterwards weighed myself... i'm back to the weight i was end of senior year, high school... let's just say that i would've been 75% close to my weight goal, had my friends and i still kept our bet running... i've lost almost 15 pounds from what i started from, the end of this summer...
*hung out with josh a bit on monday, as he discussed some points that him and shondene brought to rasmussen's table...
*convinced jordan to help me transcribe a part i was supposed to write, for pay... hung out with him, josh, tim, kara, and janer afterwards in the caf...
*laurie and i both ditched prophets after books of moses, to explore paulin, and find the hidden ladder that led up to the organ pipes, that her sister used to trespass into all the time... since i have a master key, i thought we'd venture... there ended up being a really tiny trap door in a back closet, leading into a really narrow passage, where at the end was a wooden ladder and trap door... we climbed up, hid there in the dark, empty auditorium, in the little corner next to the organ pipes... we both started venting to each other, and just talked for an hour... it was great...
*jayaram and thatcher going out of their way to say "hi mr. osio" to me... it's great seeing and talking to former "students" of mine... i talked to tanner a bit on friday last week, too...
*i cantori today, in general... josh/darrin/cory/andy <3 bach... the motet's definitely starting to sound musical...
- - - - - - -
i've made a realization last night, and it was definitely confirmed today...
i've realized that my happiness is too externally driven...
when my friends are happy, life is good... when school and grades are good, with very little homework, life is good... anything that induces happiness is good... on the flipside, when everything's the contrary, i'm pissy and moody...
i don't have enough internal happiness... my persona does not exude natural bliss... i keep blaming my "melancholic nature," but i've always hated making excuses for myself... i hate hearing other people's excuses, and i hate taking ownership for my responsibilities...
i need to learn how to naturally have a positive outlook on life, and stop resorting towards the realist views my mind tends to push me towards... yeah, i tell myself this every now and then, but this realization is fairly new... what makes it frustrating is i've lost my individuality that i used to pride myself for, and have become something that i've learned to dislike: the feeling that i rely on other people... i distance myself from people when i sense they rely too heavily on me... now i feel like i need to discover my individuality again...
i can still be a sucker for seeing a smile on someone's face or hearing them laugh, receiving a rare and genuine compliment from a friend, mentor, or acquaintance, or just being able to spend quality time with someone, no drama, reliance, or strings attached...
but i need to make a conscious effort to lean towards internal satisfaction and optimism... here we go...