the smile that spans my face...
i can't concentrate... i have a midterm that i need to study for, and two papers to write, but i can't seem to contain my bliss... my happiness... my glee...
which means that i just need to journal...
- - - - - - -
i've been told four times within the past 24 hours, from four different people, that they enjoy hearing me laugh, and enjoy the "new" john... throw in two more conversations or compliments that revolve around a similar topic, and i have all the reason to wear this smile that spans my face...
*last thursday, megan tells me that i'm one of the very few people she's ever met, that made her feel instantly comfortable from the moment we met...
*the same day, jordan shares his amazement that a "college kid" like me would wanna hang out with him... and that i was a great guy for it...
*after spending practically the entire weekend with cory, he thanked me last night for just being there for him, in my "goofy, laughing, always singing way," and that it means a lot to him...
*last night, andy said that he loved the "new" optimistic, happy john, and that he appreciates this friendship that challenges both of us to grow...
*laurie couldn't stop laughing at me today in prophets of israel, wondering why i was so happy, even though i failed my quiz AND got a C on my triterm... she thought it was great...
*josh stopped by tonight to let me know about how ironic our bet was; we bet each other that whoever got sick first would lose, and that the winner had the better immune system and wins bragging rights... apparently, he's already coming down with a flu five hours after our wager, and told me that he debated not telling me, but that he'd rather see me smile and laugh, b/c he enjoys seeing me do so... even if i was pointing and laughing at him sprawled on my floor with aches and pain...
seriously, these people will probably never understand how much saying these things mean to me... to know that the feelings are returned... i never realized how much a smile, or a laugh, could mean to someone... especially in friendships i want to constantly strengthen, since they're amazing people in my eyes...
being a person where those words of affirmation definitely help me measure how much i mean to someone, these comments are the world to me... to be returned love when i'm giving love is such a wonderful feeling... and it's very hard for me to give compliments to those i really care about, so i just hope they know that i'm returning the feelings...
i know that sometimes, you shouldn't vocalize feelings like these, b/c you tend to jinx things, but how can i not share what's making me so happy these days...?
life comes full circle... spending time with positive friends makes me happy... those friends are positive b/c i'm doing something positive for them... i'm happy b/c they're happy, and spending time with positive friends makes me happy...
- - - - - - -
back in high school, uncle garry had a session where he helped us discover our spiritual gifts... he had us hold out our hands facing up, with everyone laying hands on us, and he would lift up a prayer... afterwards, he would tell us what he felt God bestowed to us... he sensed, without a doubt, a huge sense of healing when he laid hands on me... i was happy, b/c i had intended on being a doctor, and a gift of healing is something i definitely would want...
i've realized, now that i'm no longer seeking out a medical path, that my gift of healing is not the physical healing i thought i would have... i'm finding out that i am able to help others sooth their minds, and feel at ease... i've been told so many times that i have a knack for making people feel comfortable in their own skin, allowing them to lower the walls they've put around themselves... even in awkward situations, i've been able to steer people away from feeling inferior... it's been awesome to know that people feel comfortable around me, and that i am exuding a positive light...
it's an amazing character trait... and i'm glad that it's something God has given me... it's such a wonderful spiritual gift...
- - - - - - -
today's been awesome... what day hasn't been, lately...? it's definitely an outlook thing...
i aced my books of moses test... 100%... i know it... i'll accept nothing lower than a 99%, if anything...
rasmussen said some words to me today, that surprisingly caused me to cry... he didn't say anything bad... he was just being a "father figure," in a way... he asked me what i wanted from being an organ major, and i told him that i just wanted to be comfortable with playing one, for church reasons... i didn't practice, and i can't fake it when i don't practice... i told him that this week, i've dedicated my time to my friends that needed me, which is why i don't have time for myself... he had to remind me that as awesome as that is, i need to find time for myself to better myself... i think that's what did it for me... i couldn't even look at him, and had to look up to allow my tear ducts to drain my tears constantly... he had me list all the things musically that i was good at, and to help me realize that i shouldn't settle for less than i have potential for... and he knows that i have potential... he brought up that had i stuck with voice, there would have been amazing things to come from that... i appreciated the reality check...
moment of weakness, easily overturned by some great songs by beethoven in music history... throw in the fact that he put me in charge of running the bass sectional, and you literally see john prancing down the halls of paulin to catch up with the basses... i asked him during my lesson if he needed me, and he said he did... i thought i was gonna run the tenor sectional, which i wasn't looking forward to... a lot of the tenors don't have the confidence they need to hold their own, so working with the basses made me really happy... got to work with my friends, who learned their music pretty well, and not at the "slow, learning tempo" he had us singing when we met back together again...
hanging out in paulin with jordan and josh, and making a health wager with josh... apparently, we both have amazing immune systems... i've called it my "immune system of kings..." even if i'm missing 1/5 of my lymph nodes from my cancer experience, i've been amazingly healthy... so we bet that the person to stay well the longest would win bragging rights over the other...
cory, andy, and josh all stopping by my room randomly... cory to grab a movie, andy to discuss his election changes, and josh to see me laugh... andy and josh stuck around and talked... according to andy, my room was just the "happening place to be..." you can count darrin stopping by at room check and chatting as a "random" stop, too...
life is good... i don't think i'm gonna allow myself to crash from this one... i'm the one that determines whether or not i'm gonna be down... and i'm not gonna let that happen anytime soon...
- - - - - - -
both cory and megan, within a day mentioned how awesome this song was... i was chatting with cory about how i feel about life right now, and he made me aware of the song... megan mentions it in passing... it's amazing how much i've been able to connect with these people lately... i'm copying these lyrics here...
My Wish
Rascal Flatts
I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
which means that i just need to journal...
- - - - - - -
i've been told four times within the past 24 hours, from four different people, that they enjoy hearing me laugh, and enjoy the "new" john... throw in two more conversations or compliments that revolve around a similar topic, and i have all the reason to wear this smile that spans my face...
*last thursday, megan tells me that i'm one of the very few people she's ever met, that made her feel instantly comfortable from the moment we met...
*the same day, jordan shares his amazement that a "college kid" like me would wanna hang out with him... and that i was a great guy for it...
*after spending practically the entire weekend with cory, he thanked me last night for just being there for him, in my "goofy, laughing, always singing way," and that it means a lot to him...
*last night, andy said that he loved the "new" optimistic, happy john, and that he appreciates this friendship that challenges both of us to grow...
*laurie couldn't stop laughing at me today in prophets of israel, wondering why i was so happy, even though i failed my quiz AND got a C on my triterm... she thought it was great...
*josh stopped by tonight to let me know about how ironic our bet was; we bet each other that whoever got sick first would lose, and that the winner had the better immune system and wins bragging rights... apparently, he's already coming down with a flu five hours after our wager, and told me that he debated not telling me, but that he'd rather see me smile and laugh, b/c he enjoys seeing me do so... even if i was pointing and laughing at him sprawled on my floor with aches and pain...
seriously, these people will probably never understand how much saying these things mean to me... to know that the feelings are returned... i never realized how much a smile, or a laugh, could mean to someone... especially in friendships i want to constantly strengthen, since they're amazing people in my eyes...
being a person where those words of affirmation definitely help me measure how much i mean to someone, these comments are the world to me... to be returned love when i'm giving love is such a wonderful feeling... and it's very hard for me to give compliments to those i really care about, so i just hope they know that i'm returning the feelings...
i know that sometimes, you shouldn't vocalize feelings like these, b/c you tend to jinx things, but how can i not share what's making me so happy these days...?
life comes full circle... spending time with positive friends makes me happy... those friends are positive b/c i'm doing something positive for them... i'm happy b/c they're happy, and spending time with positive friends makes me happy...
- - - - - - -
back in high school, uncle garry had a session where he helped us discover our spiritual gifts... he had us hold out our hands facing up, with everyone laying hands on us, and he would lift up a prayer... afterwards, he would tell us what he felt God bestowed to us... he sensed, without a doubt, a huge sense of healing when he laid hands on me... i was happy, b/c i had intended on being a doctor, and a gift of healing is something i definitely would want...
i've realized, now that i'm no longer seeking out a medical path, that my gift of healing is not the physical healing i thought i would have... i'm finding out that i am able to help others sooth their minds, and feel at ease... i've been told so many times that i have a knack for making people feel comfortable in their own skin, allowing them to lower the walls they've put around themselves... even in awkward situations, i've been able to steer people away from feeling inferior... it's been awesome to know that people feel comfortable around me, and that i am exuding a positive light...
it's an amazing character trait... and i'm glad that it's something God has given me... it's such a wonderful spiritual gift...
- - - - - - -
today's been awesome... what day hasn't been, lately...? it's definitely an outlook thing...
i aced my books of moses test... 100%... i know it... i'll accept nothing lower than a 99%, if anything...
rasmussen said some words to me today, that surprisingly caused me to cry... he didn't say anything bad... he was just being a "father figure," in a way... he asked me what i wanted from being an organ major, and i told him that i just wanted to be comfortable with playing one, for church reasons... i didn't practice, and i can't fake it when i don't practice... i told him that this week, i've dedicated my time to my friends that needed me, which is why i don't have time for myself... he had to remind me that as awesome as that is, i need to find time for myself to better myself... i think that's what did it for me... i couldn't even look at him, and had to look up to allow my tear ducts to drain my tears constantly... he had me list all the things musically that i was good at, and to help me realize that i shouldn't settle for less than i have potential for... and he knows that i have potential... he brought up that had i stuck with voice, there would have been amazing things to come from that... i appreciated the reality check...
moment of weakness, easily overturned by some great songs by beethoven in music history... throw in the fact that he put me in charge of running the bass sectional, and you literally see john prancing down the halls of paulin to catch up with the basses... i asked him during my lesson if he needed me, and he said he did... i thought i was gonna run the tenor sectional, which i wasn't looking forward to... a lot of the tenors don't have the confidence they need to hold their own, so working with the basses made me really happy... got to work with my friends, who learned their music pretty well, and not at the "slow, learning tempo" he had us singing when we met back together again...
hanging out in paulin with jordan and josh, and making a health wager with josh... apparently, we both have amazing immune systems... i've called it my "immune system of kings..." even if i'm missing 1/5 of my lymph nodes from my cancer experience, i've been amazingly healthy... so we bet that the person to stay well the longest would win bragging rights over the other...
cory, andy, and josh all stopping by my room randomly... cory to grab a movie, andy to discuss his election changes, and josh to see me laugh... andy and josh stuck around and talked... according to andy, my room was just the "happening place to be..." you can count darrin stopping by at room check and chatting as a "random" stop, too...
life is good... i don't think i'm gonna allow myself to crash from this one... i'm the one that determines whether or not i'm gonna be down... and i'm not gonna let that happen anytime soon...
- - - - - - -
both cory and megan, within a day mentioned how awesome this song was... i was chatting with cory about how i feel about life right now, and he made me aware of the song... megan mentions it in passing... it's amazing how much i've been able to connect with these people lately... i'm copying these lyrics here...
My Wish
Rascal Flatts
I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.