"the one that stirs up the waters..."
let's see...
handbells and i cantori concert... not very many people came out to see it, but it was fun playing "william tell overture," and having the upper bells deafen us...
james invited me to watch x men with him and a couple of friends on friday... rode with justin koo and craig h down... good getting to know them better through carrides... funny moment at the ticket booth:
ticket lady: "would you like to donate some change to this worthy cause ::details details blah blah::?"
craig: "hey, that sounds like a GREAT idea... i'll have to think about it..."
::everyone in line bursts out laughing at the clever denial::
hey, it was funny! one of those "you had to be there" moments... maybe it was my contagious cackle that got the crowd laughing as well, since i was the one to initiate the laughter... anyways, the movie didn't live up to my expectations, considering i've waited three years for it... i think the music was the worst part of it, but maybe i'm just overly critical, since i'm a music major and listen to things like that...
kristen and amy came up for the long weekend... didn't see them until mid saturday... plans were a bust on saturday, since kristen wasn't feeling too well, but it was cool... kristen, tim, jay jay, jill, and i ended up going to applebee's that night and having a nice dinner, playing the "i've/i've never" game, holding five fingers up, lowering them when it didn't apply to us... we each won at least one game... kristen and tim had the most hilarious fight over nachos, which got quite serious... but jill and me both know: you don't allow kristen to waste food... it was good getting to meet jay jay, as well as hang out with jill, tim, and kristen, and learn a lot about those four in our carrides through the random games we played...
ended up heading over to SF sunday to meet up with amy, joyce, and jamie... ate at houston's first, then went to pier 39... didn't really do anything... headed back to PUC, since other plans didn't work out too well... tried organizing an ultimate frisbee game twice, which were both a bust... i'm definitely not a planner... had breakfast with amy and the twins, and they were off...
went to watch "twelfth night..." maybe it was b/c it was hot outside, or shakespeare is quite hard to understand, but i didn't enjoy it as much as other DAS productions... but i applaud anyone that can memorize that many lines... good job everyone that i know...
enjoyed a nice late night dinner with andy, shelley, and tif-la...
had fun drawing portraits of kara and krinstin on the music seminar room chalkboard...
getting another "there's nothing i can tell you to fix... run it again for fun" during conducting from doc...
- - - - - - -
so that's where i stand on events... and yes, the topic of nearly every entry of mine lately... if you're sick of it, you don't have to read it... i need to write it out...
i've been telling several people lately, but i actually feel like my life is on the verge of depression... i've been through many sad events in my life, but i've never actually reached the point of that status... getting past the fact that i'm a melancholic by nature, it's more than that... i can't sleep at night, since my mind is so clouded by millions of thoughts, i've lost all motivation in school, loss of appetite, loss of energy... and it's not so much during the day that's the problem... yeah, i may seem all happy and such to others, but it's those moments of solitude that really kill me... and everyone says that "you are who you are behind closed doors..."
in talking to kari, i've realized that i've been one to bottle up all these feelings of sadness, especially targeted at loved ones leaving, that this time, this forced the bottle open... i knew i had to talk to dr davis about it, and in doing so, i found out that she's been through the same cycle, even having to be prescribed medication for it... you would've never guessed, since she's one of the most bubbly and positive people i've ever known... sort of like myself, i guess you can say... but like me, her world has been turned upside down, in a similar situation as mine... it's more than just losing a mentor and friend, but losing one of the key figures in my life... it just means so much to have someone there who can empathize with me... it's helped me realize that these are issues that i just have to get over with, and i know i would never let myself get to the point of needing medication for it... i've wondered whether it's a self-fulfilling thing, thinking that i'm depressed being the reason that i am, but i really don't think it is...
in the random, short quiet moments before class starts, when i'm the only one early to class, doc and i have random bits of "good-bye" mini conversations... doc can't stop thanking me for the tribute video i put together... it's "filled in the gaps emotionally" for him, so he says... not feeling the love in the department, it's definitely something he needed... "this is one of the reasons you're at PUC... i needed you to be here, for that..." i'm glad to be able to give him that send off he deserves, since he's not getting it from the department... "i can see myself being the person they'll learn to hate, not by choice though" i've said... there has been so much lost respect for several people at PUC, and i can see myself going from "the model music major" to "the one that stirs up the waters..." i finally had enough in me to tell him that "the one motivating factor is leaving after this year..." it's nice to know that someone needs me just as much as i need them...
oi ve... and i can't get over the fact that school's ending, and there are so many people that i'm not going to be able to see next year... ::exhale:: but that's one of those issues i'll need to get over...
doc's treating our theory class to breakfast at gilwood's tomorrow... ditching class and colloquy to do so... now what other teacher does that?
handbells and i cantori concert... not very many people came out to see it, but it was fun playing "william tell overture," and having the upper bells deafen us...
james invited me to watch x men with him and a couple of friends on friday... rode with justin koo and craig h down... good getting to know them better through carrides... funny moment at the ticket booth:
ticket lady: "would you like to donate some change to this worthy cause ::details details blah blah::?"
craig: "hey, that sounds like a GREAT idea... i'll have to think about it..."
::everyone in line bursts out laughing at the clever denial::
hey, it was funny! one of those "you had to be there" moments... maybe it was my contagious cackle that got the crowd laughing as well, since i was the one to initiate the laughter... anyways, the movie didn't live up to my expectations, considering i've waited three years for it... i think the music was the worst part of it, but maybe i'm just overly critical, since i'm a music major and listen to things like that...
kristen and amy came up for the long weekend... didn't see them until mid saturday... plans were a bust on saturday, since kristen wasn't feeling too well, but it was cool... kristen, tim, jay jay, jill, and i ended up going to applebee's that night and having a nice dinner, playing the "i've/i've never" game, holding five fingers up, lowering them when it didn't apply to us... we each won at least one game... kristen and tim had the most hilarious fight over nachos, which got quite serious... but jill and me both know: you don't allow kristen to waste food... it was good getting to meet jay jay, as well as hang out with jill, tim, and kristen, and learn a lot about those four in our carrides through the random games we played...
ended up heading over to SF sunday to meet up with amy, joyce, and jamie... ate at houston's first, then went to pier 39... didn't really do anything... headed back to PUC, since other plans didn't work out too well... tried organizing an ultimate frisbee game twice, which were both a bust... i'm definitely not a planner... had breakfast with amy and the twins, and they were off...
went to watch "twelfth night..." maybe it was b/c it was hot outside, or shakespeare is quite hard to understand, but i didn't enjoy it as much as other DAS productions... but i applaud anyone that can memorize that many lines... good job everyone that i know...
enjoyed a nice late night dinner with andy, shelley, and tif-la...
had fun drawing portraits of kara and krinstin on the music seminar room chalkboard...
getting another "there's nothing i can tell you to fix... run it again for fun" during conducting from doc...
- - - - - - -
so that's where i stand on events... and yes, the topic of nearly every entry of mine lately... if you're sick of it, you don't have to read it... i need to write it out...
i've been telling several people lately, but i actually feel like my life is on the verge of depression... i've been through many sad events in my life, but i've never actually reached the point of that status... getting past the fact that i'm a melancholic by nature, it's more than that... i can't sleep at night, since my mind is so clouded by millions of thoughts, i've lost all motivation in school, loss of appetite, loss of energy... and it's not so much during the day that's the problem... yeah, i may seem all happy and such to others, but it's those moments of solitude that really kill me... and everyone says that "you are who you are behind closed doors..."
in talking to kari, i've realized that i've been one to bottle up all these feelings of sadness, especially targeted at loved ones leaving, that this time, this forced the bottle open... i knew i had to talk to dr davis about it, and in doing so, i found out that she's been through the same cycle, even having to be prescribed medication for it... you would've never guessed, since she's one of the most bubbly and positive people i've ever known... sort of like myself, i guess you can say... but like me, her world has been turned upside down, in a similar situation as mine... it's more than just losing a mentor and friend, but losing one of the key figures in my life... it just means so much to have someone there who can empathize with me... it's helped me realize that these are issues that i just have to get over with, and i know i would never let myself get to the point of needing medication for it... i've wondered whether it's a self-fulfilling thing, thinking that i'm depressed being the reason that i am, but i really don't think it is...
in the random, short quiet moments before class starts, when i'm the only one early to class, doc and i have random bits of "good-bye" mini conversations... doc can't stop thanking me for the tribute video i put together... it's "filled in the gaps emotionally" for him, so he says... not feeling the love in the department, it's definitely something he needed... "this is one of the reasons you're at PUC... i needed you to be here, for that..." i'm glad to be able to give him that send off he deserves, since he's not getting it from the department... "i can see myself being the person they'll learn to hate, not by choice though" i've said... there has been so much lost respect for several people at PUC, and i can see myself going from "the model music major" to "the one that stirs up the waters..." i finally had enough in me to tell him that "the one motivating factor is leaving after this year..." it's nice to know that someone needs me just as much as i need them...
oi ve... and i can't get over the fact that school's ending, and there are so many people that i'm not going to be able to see next year... ::exhale:: but that's one of those issues i'll need to get over...
doc's treating our theory class to breakfast at gilwood's tomorrow... ditching class and colloquy to do so... now what other teacher does that?