(no subject)
last night was the end of 2004. it was a wild year, and ive realized that ive been through a lot. i was left by a friend for a boy. twice. only yet to be found again. and for that, i am thankful. i turned 16. got a car. stumbled across a broken heart, or actually a few. went to phoenix. made out with one too many boys in a night. and done many other things im not proud of. ive learned my dad has lung cancer. so for my resolution, im quitting. and loosing weight. and hoping to keep a boy around for once. im sick of being single. and im hoping that this may actually last. because he seems to be right for me. though i would like to steer clear of any false thoughts. and i missed him last night. as i had no one to embrace. to hold. to kiss. as the clock struck midnight. and i didnt mean to make you feel bad, i just thought that this year could be a change. bringing in the new year with something other than alcohol. but its fine, as i saw the other couples. and i just wondered. and hoped. and then i went to bed. and me and tina were loud. because we were hyper. and crystal and korina yelled. and the boys in the other room yelled. and threw things. and tossed shoes on the roof. and caused the curtains to fall. and as i tried to put them back up, i got called: 1) a fuck up. 2) easy. and i didnt take these as jokes, simply because i tend to take insults like that a bit seriously. so me and tina slept in the living room with the boys. watching southpark. smoking our last cigarettes. as i tried to hold my tears back. i didnt want the girls to know that their "jokes" hurt me. but tina comforted me. and then fell asleep. and so did garland. along with everyone else but jeff. as he sat there. stealing my silky blanket. and then my red velvet pillow. so i curled up into a ball, watching him sip his beer at 6am. and then i fell asleep until 10am. and now, here i am. wishing for him to call, and help make up for last night.