Things That Make Me Go 'Mmm'
Oh hey, you're back. Thanks for staying with me.
So what makes me go 'mmm' today, I know you're dying to find out. Well, they're little, they're round and they're the lighter way to enjoy chocolate.
Yuh-huh, I'm talking about Maltesers. The fire engine red packaging brags about these little babies as being 'crisp malt centres covered with smooth milk chocolate'. And you know what? It's true. That's exactly how I'd describe Malteser chocolate. Not like those Snickers bars -- the chocolate on that bitch isn't all that smooth. If we're talking smooth here, Maltesers are Frank Sinatra, and Snickers are that weird guy from Guns N' Roses who wears the KFC bucket on his head.
Having just eaten a packet of Maltesers, I've noticed a thing or two. (Or three; I haven't, like, counted or anything.) There are a number of ways to eat these little balls of crispified heaven. And oh yes, I'll go there. That's what I do.
There's the Chew, which basically involves chewing and swallowing, but that's not really my style. It's kind-of impersonal. It's like saying, "Let's just get through this bitch as quickly as possible." And then what? Roll over and go to sleep without snuggling? I don't think so. Respect your food.
Then there's the Peel, which involves peeling ("hey, so that's where she got the name for this technique!") the layer of chocolate off the malt ball with your teeth. It sounds complicated, but it's not. Those of you who are eating Maltesers right now could be doing it and not even realising. It's methodical, but the downside to it is that you're separating the taste sensations of the Malteser and never really getting to enjoy the combination of both the chocolate and the malt together.
Then there's what I believe is my personal favourite, the Savour. It involves sucking all that Frank Sinatra chocolate off the Malteser, then letting the malt sort-of melt in your mouth. It's combining the best of the Chew and Peel worlds, because when sucking off the chocolate, some of it melts into the malt, letting you enjoy both elements -- and boy, do they work harmoniously together.
If anyone's still reading this, I congratulate you, because all I did was talk about the fine art of eating Maltesers the entire time. It wasn't particularly thrilling, but hey -- that's me.