A List Cause All The Cool Kids Are Doing Them
1. If you happen to be reading this and have asston of cash lying around that you really want to spend on something that will help you in no way shape or form please contact me asap. I have some student loan people who are going to rape my asshole rotten and steal my firstborn if I dont get crack-a-lackin on paying back all the money I spent on that degree I dont have.
2. Wake me up when November ends. SO. SICK. OF POLITICS/ POLITICIANS. Okay. You can scratch that. I love politics. I would love to run for office some day. I HATE crazy ass radicals who cant see shades of gray. Or white trash redneck conservative fucktards who assume things about Obama- 'Hey!? Isnt he Muslim? That must mean hes a terrorist! I mean, look! Is last name is OBAMA! That must mean hes in cohorts with OSAMA... you know... BIN LADEN! All those muslims are the same anyway.' Really? REALLY!?
I hate election years because those normal friendly people who youve been hanging out with and not discussing politics with for the past three years finally open their mouths and the retardation that spews out makes you want to jam a fork in your eye. Scratch that. Makes you want to jam a fork in THEIR eye.
3. Does anyone here want to have a playdate? I have a few mom-efriends who live in the area and Id really like to get out with the kids before it gets too cold.
And while we are on the topic of parenting boringness: Does anyone have any suggestions for kids who tantrum in public? I really do try and go out to the playground with Eisley and Brody as much as we can... but I DREAD it to the point that I would rather stay inside because whenever we go out it takes two tranquilizer darts and a gang of luchadores to wrestle Brody back indoors. If he were an only child this would not be such an issue as I could just hoist him up and walk away... but with Eisley in tow it often becomes harder as I usually nearly-drop one or brody nearly kicks eisley in his fit of rage. I give him fair warning that we are going in (Brody in five minutes we are going to head inside) Ive tried bribes. Ive tried enticing him with fun activites we can do once he gets back indoors. Nadda. Im getting desperate.
4. Im going out with tommy tomorow- the first time Ive gone out sans mark or babies since.... I dont even know. Since Jack Johnson in June? Yes. Im very excited.
5. Give me your favorite sing along songs/ tiny kid games.
Im working hard with brody on his speech and have read that doing rhyming songs and such is a good way to help so we've been doing itsy bitsy spider like crazy... And then I realized that its like the ONLY little kids song I know (besides twinkle twinkle and the abc song). Yes, his usual bedtime serenades of nirvana and led zepplin songs are awesome for him to learn... but Im thinking something a little simpler may be good also.
And while we're on the speech subject... Hes still not talking. At all. (Although he IS fully potty trained...) He says 'momma' and something similiar to 'up'. The end. At two and a half (in december). What the shit?! We have tons of signs (which he avoids using any time he can get away with it) and he grunts all day long and gets frustrated at the fact that we cant communicate. And so do I. Im not just being a mom when I say this- hes super fucking smart. I know when he goes into these long grunting tyrades and making hand gestures hes telling me stories or important toddler-bits of info and I havent the faintest idea of what any of its about. I started crying the other day in target when a little girl eisleys age heard one of the employee walkie talkies go off and started shouting 'cell phone!'.
Why cant I have a conversation with my child!? Bleearrrghhh. SO. Upsetting. And the fact that he may or MAY NOT have apraxia makes me feel like his lack of speech is my fault. Did I not talk to him enough when he was born? Do I not play the right kinds of games with him? Do we do the wrong activites throughout the day? Any suggestions would be appreciating. At this point, if sacrificing a virgin goat under a full moon and drinking its blood would give us a few nouns, Id be buying livestock in a heartbeat.
God, this entry turned out WAY longer than I intended. And now its almost three and Im officially artarded for having stayed up this late.
Oy vey!
PS. 6. Salma Hayek is one of the most gorgeous women alive. Im a little bit of an insta-lesbian when drunk anyway, but I would start batting for the other team in a hot second if she were available and interested. *SO. GORGEOUS* Wow. (Shes guest starring on 30 Rock soon... look for her and her amazing hypnotizing enormous breasts. I bet she smells like gods vagina. (lol) )
2. Wake me up when November ends. SO. SICK. OF POLITICS/ POLITICIANS. Okay. You can scratch that. I love politics. I would love to run for office some day. I HATE crazy ass radicals who cant see shades of gray. Or white trash redneck conservative fucktards who assume things about Obama- 'Hey!? Isnt he Muslim? That must mean hes a terrorist! I mean, look! Is last name is OBAMA! That must mean hes in cohorts with OSAMA... you know... BIN LADEN! All those muslims are the same anyway.' Really? REALLY!?
I hate election years because those normal friendly people who youve been hanging out with and not discussing politics with for the past three years finally open their mouths and the retardation that spews out makes you want to jam a fork in your eye. Scratch that. Makes you want to jam a fork in THEIR eye.
3. Does anyone here want to have a playdate? I have a few mom-efriends who live in the area and Id really like to get out with the kids before it gets too cold.
And while we are on the topic of parenting boringness: Does anyone have any suggestions for kids who tantrum in public? I really do try and go out to the playground with Eisley and Brody as much as we can... but I DREAD it to the point that I would rather stay inside because whenever we go out it takes two tranquilizer darts and a gang of luchadores to wrestle Brody back indoors. If he were an only child this would not be such an issue as I could just hoist him up and walk away... but with Eisley in tow it often becomes harder as I usually nearly-drop one or brody nearly kicks eisley in his fit of rage. I give him fair warning that we are going in (Brody in five minutes we are going to head inside) Ive tried bribes. Ive tried enticing him with fun activites we can do once he gets back indoors. Nadda. Im getting desperate.
4. Im going out with tommy tomorow- the first time Ive gone out sans mark or babies since.... I dont even know. Since Jack Johnson in June? Yes. Im very excited.
5. Give me your favorite sing along songs/ tiny kid games.
Im working hard with brody on his speech and have read that doing rhyming songs and such is a good way to help so we've been doing itsy bitsy spider like crazy... And then I realized that its like the ONLY little kids song I know (besides twinkle twinkle and the abc song). Yes, his usual bedtime serenades of nirvana and led zepplin songs are awesome for him to learn... but Im thinking something a little simpler may be good also.
And while we're on the speech subject... Hes still not talking. At all. (Although he IS fully potty trained...) He says 'momma' and something similiar to 'up'. The end. At two and a half (in december). What the shit?! We have tons of signs (which he avoids using any time he can get away with it) and he grunts all day long and gets frustrated at the fact that we cant communicate. And so do I. Im not just being a mom when I say this- hes super fucking smart. I know when he goes into these long grunting tyrades and making hand gestures hes telling me stories or important toddler-bits of info and I havent the faintest idea of what any of its about. I started crying the other day in target when a little girl eisleys age heard one of the employee walkie talkies go off and started shouting 'cell phone!'.
Why cant I have a conversation with my child!? Bleearrrghhh. SO. Upsetting. And the fact that he may or MAY NOT have apraxia makes me feel like his lack of speech is my fault. Did I not talk to him enough when he was born? Do I not play the right kinds of games with him? Do we do the wrong activites throughout the day? Any suggestions would be appreciating. At this point, if sacrificing a virgin goat under a full moon and drinking its blood would give us a few nouns, Id be buying livestock in a heartbeat.
God, this entry turned out WAY longer than I intended. And now its almost three and Im officially artarded for having stayed up this late.
Oy vey!
PS. 6. Salma Hayek is one of the most gorgeous women alive. Im a little bit of an insta-lesbian when drunk anyway, but I would start batting for the other team in a hot second if she were available and interested. *SO. GORGEOUS* Wow. (Shes guest starring on 30 Rock soon... look for her and her amazing hypnotizing enormous breasts. I bet she smells like gods vagina. (lol) )