the good times are killing me
its 9:10. i went to sleep 5 hours ago. i usually sleep for 12 or 13 hours on weekend. i woke up and couldnt fall back asleep so i went and got a snackpack. it wasnt as good as it should have been.
im sorry if i ruined any of your nights. i know you hate it when im like that and im sorry. i wanted so badly to go over with you all and sit with you but it seemed to late and that seemed out of the question. you know somethings wrong when sometimes you feel out of place with your own friends. yet its none of you guys. i tell myself that. you guys would never do anything to make me feel out of place. yet last night that i what i felt. maybe the alcohol and pills had something to do with it. maybe they were my friends last night and you guys were just distant aquaintances. i love you guys so much. sam, kyle, coltin, lianne. and i have barely known any of you for that long. save lianne. yet i feel as if we have been friends for so long, that i know so much about you, and you guys know so much about me. and in this little town, you guys are my best friends. yet i seem to convince myself that something has to constantly be wrong. one thing. twenty things. as long as its there. as if i cant get used to happiness. please show me. well it took a lot of work to be the ass that i am and im really damn sure that anyone can equally easily fuck you over my friends are my pathway to happiness. and they can offer happiness, i just need to accept it. its right in front of my face. that is what you supply me of. the most pure form of happiness. save long makeout sessions with a blue eyed boy. save feelings of lust and desire. but you, you provide me with things i havent seen for awhile now. and i admire everything about the four of you. e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. today im going to liannes. we will probably swim and hang out with kyle and chris but i guess we will see what happens. i shall tell myself that things arent that bad, because they arent, and i shouldnt like to be alone. because i really shouldnt. the days will come when im sitting in my room in the dark drinking the vodka, alone. but its not here yet. so i might as well make the best out of it. im going to try and get some sleep. "everything that keeps me together is falling apart. ive got this thing that i consider my only art of fucking people over. my boss just quit the job says hes goin out to find blind spots and hell do it. the 3rd Planet is sure that theyre being watched by an eye in the sky that cant be stopped. when you get to the promise land your gonna shake that eyes hand. your heart felt good it was drippin pitch and made of wood. and your hands and knees felt cold and wet on the grass to me. outside naked shiverin looking blue from the cold sunlight thats reflected off the moon. baby cum angels fly around you reminding you we used to be three and not just two and thats how the world began and thats how the world will end. a 3rd had just been made and we were swimming in the water, didn't know then was it a son was it a daughter. when it occurred to me that the animals are swimming around in the water in the oceans in our bodies and another had been found another ocean on the planet given that our blood is just like the Atlantic. and how the universe is shaped exactly like the earth if you go straight long enough youll end up where you were."<3
im sorry if i ruined any of your nights. i know you hate it when im like that and im sorry. i wanted so badly to go over with you all and sit with you but it seemed to late and that seemed out of the question. you know somethings wrong when sometimes you feel out of place with your own friends. yet its none of you guys. i tell myself that. you guys would never do anything to make me feel out of place. yet last night that i what i felt. maybe the alcohol and pills had something to do with it. maybe they were my friends last night and you guys were just distant aquaintances. i love you guys so much. sam, kyle, coltin, lianne. and i have barely known any of you for that long. save lianne. yet i feel as if we have been friends for so long, that i know so much about you, and you guys know so much about me. and in this little town, you guys are my best friends. yet i seem to convince myself that something has to constantly be wrong. one thing. twenty things. as long as its there. as if i cant get used to happiness. please show me. well it took a lot of work to be the ass that i am and im really damn sure that anyone can equally easily fuck you over my friends are my pathway to happiness. and they can offer happiness, i just need to accept it. its right in front of my face. that is what you supply me of. the most pure form of happiness. save long makeout sessions with a blue eyed boy. save feelings of lust and desire. but you, you provide me with things i havent seen for awhile now. and i admire everything about the four of you. e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. today im going to liannes. we will probably swim and hang out with kyle and chris but i guess we will see what happens. i shall tell myself that things arent that bad, because they arent, and i shouldnt like to be alone. because i really shouldnt. the days will come when im sitting in my room in the dark drinking the vodka, alone. but its not here yet. so i might as well make the best out of it. im going to try and get some sleep. "everything that keeps me together is falling apart. ive got this thing that i consider my only art of fucking people over. my boss just quit the job says hes goin out to find blind spots and hell do it. the 3rd Planet is sure that theyre being watched by an eye in the sky that cant be stopped. when you get to the promise land your gonna shake that eyes hand. your heart felt good it was drippin pitch and made of wood. and your hands and knees felt cold and wet on the grass to me. outside naked shiverin looking blue from the cold sunlight thats reflected off the moon. baby cum angels fly around you reminding you we used to be three and not just two and thats how the world began and thats how the world will end. a 3rd had just been made and we were swimming in the water, didn't know then was it a son was it a daughter. when it occurred to me that the animals are swimming around in the water in the oceans in our bodies and another had been found another ocean on the planet given that our blood is just like the Atlantic. and how the universe is shaped exactly like the earth if you go straight long enough youll end up where you were."<3