20.

Dec 14, 2010 17:10

I’m a magnet for negativity.
Even with every effort I put forth to bring forth positive emotions. Even with every strained action that I do to bring a smile to people.. All I receive is negativity.

I wish I could move faster. I wish I didn’t need time. I wish I didn’t hurt people through asking for time.. And yet at the same time, I wish they’d just understand.

I ask for time, because if people continue to push, I will drop them.
I ask for time because through compliance and space, I can rebuild the bridge that I already set ablaze. That I can slowly make my way back to the person on my own accord. By asking for time I set their rowboats at bay. I give myself the leisure of going to them. But.. It doesn’t seem like that’s understood by most.

I don’t understand why so many want to be my mate.
And I don’t understand why I can’t just give in and open up when I’m needed to.
I take care of those I love.
I also cut down those who I can’t stand.
All in a peaceful manner.

Negativity, negativity, negativity.
Everyone always has a choice. Even when their back is pressed up against a wall. There’s more than one alternative, if only you would look.
It infuriates me when people say that they can’t do it. Or that there’s no other way.
They always look to the most obscure things to find a solution, when the most obvious ones are right before their faces.

I don’t trust people to keep up the strain of wanting to make things better. I don’t want to feel as if things are going the right way, only to watch them nose dive back into the concrete and start the redundant pattern of self pity again. There are always options. There are always unexplored avenues, half-thoughts in the back of one’s subconscious that can be snagged and brought forth to the forefront to be analyzed before implemented.

.. I’m just.. So tired of it..
I’m beginning to see why Taylor constantly bored.
I’m beginning to see why a lot of my friends see the glass as half empty rather than half full.
But at the same time it’s entirely ingrained into the very core essence of my being to look towards the light. To keep hoping that there always will be a better tomorrow, you just have to wait for it.

And that’s my gift.. The gift of virtually endless patience.
So long as there’s still grains of sand in my hour glass, I can wait.
Wait for a better tomorrow.
Wait for the sun to rise.. And to clear away the darkness..

Everything will get better..
I just have to wait for it.
I just have to keep ushering my loves to look towards the light, and not turn their back on it.
Just a little longer.
.. Just..
.. A little longer.
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