(no subject)
My meds are working really well, I mean I'm doing well in my classes and sleeping better. It's not as good as it was the first time I was on it. Or maybe it is and I just forgot since I went like 8 months without any.
The feelings are gone for the most part.
It's weird to not really feel. I mean some things really make me happy, and some things tear at my heart, but it's a lot more level than it used to be.
I think the thing that's really hurting me the most at this point is Todd.
Todd is the son of my classmate and his fiance, the two of which I have become close with over the last year and a half.
He went into cardiac arrest almost 7 weeks ago and, while revived, isn't thriving.
Todd's been in ICU for this entire time, gone through many ups and downs, and the prolonged time in the hospital seems to be making him worse.
It's not uncommon for people to acquire infections while in the hospital, and with Todd being young, having just had surgery to place a pacemaker-like device, and having neuro damage that is affecting his ability to get rid of foreign material, he's been an infection factory.
What's heartbreaking is that we don't know when he'll be able to leave the hospital
and when he leaves, what he'll be able to do or able to relearn.
At this point, he seems pretty far gone mentally and it breaks me heart.
This kid was lively, sweet, caring, and funny.
I don't like children but I really didn't mind being around him.
Brian and Lauren (his parents) are engaged to be married
the wedding is planned for December, and at this point we don't know if it will happen.
Not only does it depend on how Todd does, but it depends on how the two of them respond to this situation.
It's been hard on both of them.
Lauren has barely left the hospital, she's eating, sleeping, showering there
Brian has been in and out more, but he's trying to still stay on track with vet school, sleep, and help with Todd. Even with the added stress, he's spent most of his time the last 7 weeks in a tiny hospital room, sleeping on a couch that he shares with Lauren.
Tonight, Lauren told me that Brian needs therapy because they can't talk to each other anymore. I had this concern.
When couples have a devastating event happen to their family, it can either drive them apart or bring them together.
Brian is a very submissive person and Lauren is not. They are good together and I love them as a couple. I think that Brian is probably feeling like he's not allowed to express his feelings because Lauren overrides them with hers, seeing as she is the mother and he's the "step-father."
I don't mean that Lauren means to do this, I'm very similar. I like to be in control and right. It's a flaw, and we both know we have it, but when you are in such a stressful situation, I can understand how Brian may feel that he is being muffled.
I hope he seeks out help and has an opportunity to talk to someone, be listened to, cries.
I think that crying is an important step.
You need to realize your emotions and how overwhelmed you are. You need to see that this is hard.
But, seeking out help is never easy. Very rarely do people know right away that they need to find a professional to talk to. It takes a lot of convincing because you think you can fix it yourself. You think that needing someone else to help you talk through your thoughts and feelings makes you weak. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you a real person. A person who wants to be better.
So anyway, I want to help them. I want to be able to clap my hands and make Todd stand up and start speaking to them again. I want them to be able to take him to rehab and start the healing process. Unfortunately, I can't. I can offer my assistance in any way possible. I've brought food, spent time with them, tried to get them out of the hospital for short periods of time.
I hope that Lauren can be strong without wearing herself out. I hope that Brian can seek out help and get the assistance he needs. I hope that Todd improves. Most of all, I hope this event doesn't break this family that I have come to love so dearly.
I don't know if there's a God, and it's things like this that keep me from having total faith. What is this supposed to teach us? That people who work hard, struggle but manage to provide a relatively good life for their family aren't strong enough? That adoring, well-mannered children will be punished?
I had similar thoughts when Sarah told me that her mother passed away. What could the reason be for taking away someone who helped bring life into the world, who was always friendly, who was a great mother, who was my biggest supporter when I was first thinking of vet school?
It isn't fair the way that things happen. I know they say that life isn't fair, but why not? If there were a God, why wouldn't those who are decent and kind be rewarded...or at least left alone? It sucks.
The feelings are gone for the most part.
It's weird to not really feel. I mean some things really make me happy, and some things tear at my heart, but it's a lot more level than it used to be.
I think the thing that's really hurting me the most at this point is Todd.
Todd is the son of my classmate and his fiance, the two of which I have become close with over the last year and a half.
He went into cardiac arrest almost 7 weeks ago and, while revived, isn't thriving.
Todd's been in ICU for this entire time, gone through many ups and downs, and the prolonged time in the hospital seems to be making him worse.
It's not uncommon for people to acquire infections while in the hospital, and with Todd being young, having just had surgery to place a pacemaker-like device, and having neuro damage that is affecting his ability to get rid of foreign material, he's been an infection factory.
What's heartbreaking is that we don't know when he'll be able to leave the hospital
and when he leaves, what he'll be able to do or able to relearn.
At this point, he seems pretty far gone mentally and it breaks me heart.
This kid was lively, sweet, caring, and funny.
I don't like children but I really didn't mind being around him.
Brian and Lauren (his parents) are engaged to be married
the wedding is planned for December, and at this point we don't know if it will happen.
Not only does it depend on how Todd does, but it depends on how the two of them respond to this situation.
It's been hard on both of them.
Lauren has barely left the hospital, she's eating, sleeping, showering there
Brian has been in and out more, but he's trying to still stay on track with vet school, sleep, and help with Todd. Even with the added stress, he's spent most of his time the last 7 weeks in a tiny hospital room, sleeping on a couch that he shares with Lauren.
Tonight, Lauren told me that Brian needs therapy because they can't talk to each other anymore. I had this concern.
When couples have a devastating event happen to their family, it can either drive them apart or bring them together.
Brian is a very submissive person and Lauren is not. They are good together and I love them as a couple. I think that Brian is probably feeling like he's not allowed to express his feelings because Lauren overrides them with hers, seeing as she is the mother and he's the "step-father."
I don't mean that Lauren means to do this, I'm very similar. I like to be in control and right. It's a flaw, and we both know we have it, but when you are in such a stressful situation, I can understand how Brian may feel that he is being muffled.
I hope he seeks out help and has an opportunity to talk to someone, be listened to, cries.
I think that crying is an important step.
You need to realize your emotions and how overwhelmed you are. You need to see that this is hard.
But, seeking out help is never easy. Very rarely do people know right away that they need to find a professional to talk to. It takes a lot of convincing because you think you can fix it yourself. You think that needing someone else to help you talk through your thoughts and feelings makes you weak. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you a real person. A person who wants to be better.
So anyway, I want to help them. I want to be able to clap my hands and make Todd stand up and start speaking to them again. I want them to be able to take him to rehab and start the healing process. Unfortunately, I can't. I can offer my assistance in any way possible. I've brought food, spent time with them, tried to get them out of the hospital for short periods of time.
I hope that Lauren can be strong without wearing herself out. I hope that Brian can seek out help and get the assistance he needs. I hope that Todd improves. Most of all, I hope this event doesn't break this family that I have come to love so dearly.
I don't know if there's a God, and it's things like this that keep me from having total faith. What is this supposed to teach us? That people who work hard, struggle but manage to provide a relatively good life for their family aren't strong enough? That adoring, well-mannered children will be punished?
I had similar thoughts when Sarah told me that her mother passed away. What could the reason be for taking away someone who helped bring life into the world, who was always friendly, who was a great mother, who was my biggest supporter when I was first thinking of vet school?
It isn't fair the way that things happen. I know they say that life isn't fair, but why not? If there were a God, why wouldn't those who are decent and kind be rewarded...or at least left alone? It sucks.