A Halloween Story, by Laura Gill
It started with a search for a decent T-shirt and headgear to wear on Halloween. Plus-size costumes never fit, because this size 18 girl is too short and not buxom enough to fit the proportions of mass-marketed plus-sized Halloween costumes. Not to mention that all the size 1X's of the few costumes I was interested in were out of stock and I certainly wasn't about to try on a sexy nurse costume. Some things should just be left unseen.
I found an awesome silver lame Statue of Liberty headpiece, but nothing to match. Off to the fabric store. How my quest to make an inexpensive silver lame Lady Liberty toga and gown exploded into a $120+ odyssey to create a kick-ass Greek goddess costume, I don't recall. Next thing I know, I'm struggling with ivory panne velvet (terrible fabric for a newbie seamstress to work with!), rushing to the fabric store for crepe backed satin for a peplos, rushing back because they have this awesome Greek-key trim, finding a suitable white toga at Party City to put under it, being unable to decide on a wig because they all look terrible on my double-chinned mug and buying TWO cheap ones, and THEN deciding I want to be Athena, which means making my own armor because the pre-fab armor out there is for guys, and doesn't feature the head of Medusa. Athena isn't Athena without Medusa's head on her shiny aegis, you know.
What do you mean that silver panne velvet isn't on sale? What do you mean it's $27 A YARD?! Shit.
That breastplate was a bitch to make. I was up to my near-sighted eyeballs in gold spray paint, foam, sewing pins, tacky glue, AND ratty gold cord for five days. I watched a three-hour Spartacus: Blood and Sand marathon while stitching epaulets and backing the breastplate in felt to give it flexibility. I MISSED a shot of Manu Bennett's God-given bits while trying to position those spirals. I began contemplating a crepe backed satin red cloak while watching gold-painted tits and epic blood splatter from a fatal paper cut splash across my screen. I am NOT going back to Joann's. Swear to God, I'm not. And last night, I painted copper onto gauntlets while wondering WHY after four seasons Boardwalk Empire's weaselly Mickey Doyle is still alive? I tried to cope without grommets while confusing PBS's The Paradise with Mr. Selfridge.
I entered my plus-size self wearing the Athena costume into a contest for handmade Halloween costumes for shits and giggles. This girl does not win contests. This girl needed a wide-angle lens to capture all that luscious cellulite dressed up as a bad-ass Greek goddess.
This girl really wanted a bad-ass Corinthian helmet to go with her armor, because there's gonna be a thousand undereducated peeps out there who can't figure out the Greek goddess of warfare without her headgear. ^^ sad horns.
