Hanamuke (2/?) part ii
The air is cold and the sky is still crying, dark clouds making the day look like night. Around the university campus, hundreds of lamp posts flicker to life, guiding the students walking about. The wind blows , and Baekhyun wraps his military jacket closer to his body while childishly stepping in a puddle, displacing water with every stomp of his feet, sneakers annoyingly squishing with every step he takes. He notices the looks he’s receiving from passing students under their umbrellas with every puddle he steps into, judging him like he’s a lunatic let loose in their campus. He doesn't care. He enjoys the rain. He enjoys stepping into puddles and messing up his sneakers. He’s done this loads of times before. With Chanyeol.
The name numbs Baekhyun suddenly and stops him from his childish behavior. The impulsive youthful energy drains out of him and leaves him trudging instead towards the nearest bench. He settles then to watch the flurry of colored umbrellas rush by him, couples huddled together under tiny umbrellas to keep each other from getting wet. He laughs at them, remembering quite bitterly Kyungsoo’s last words to him before he left.
“I trust you Baekhyun. I know you’ll do not only the right thing, but also what would make you happy.”
Baekhyun's laugh comes out hoarse from the cold, and he lets the rain drops fall on his face. He closes his eyes as he relishes on the cooling and soothing effect every rain drop leaves him.
“Baekhyun? Byun Baekhyun?”
His head snaps to the direction of the voice calling out his name. The owner of the voice is unrecognizable as the lamp shines its light behind him, shadows playing all over his face. Baekhyun squints hard , but to no avail.
“It is you! It’s been so long! How are you?”
“Chen!” Baekhyun sputters out as recognition of the lean figure dawns over him, the melodic voice defining him. He moves to hug his friend but realizes he’s dripping wet at the last minute. It stops them in an awkward half hugs to which Chen laughs good heartedly at.
“What are you doing here in the rain?” Chen asks as he shelters Baekhyun under his umbrella.
Baekhyun smiles sheepishly as he rubs his arms, the cold suddenly creeping under his skin. “Oh, I dropped Kyungsoo off to meet Jongin. I sort of forgot my umbrella in my car.”
“So you decide to sit on a bench and get soaked wet instead?” Chen asks as he gestures for them to move forward. “You’re really something Byun Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun laughs. “I guess I am,” he answers and takes in a good look of his friend, all coat and tie and looking professional.
“Are you hungry? I was just out to eat some noodles. You still like noodles , don’t you?” Chen invites him although the constant tugging on Baekhyun’s sleeves are an indication he’s not about to take no for an answer.
“I’m cold and hungry. Let’s go grab some noodles,” Baekhyun agrees as they head toward their favorite noodle shop.
It’s a shop , quite small, and new students will probably overlook it. Baekhyun would never have known of its existence if it weren’t for Chen. Free time after vocal lessons are spent most of the time there, hot noodles soothing their tired throats and empty stomachs. They choose a seat somewhere at the back of the shop, their usual spot during their college days. It’s more private in a way, something they appreciate after long hours of practice.
“So, Kyungsoo? Is he still with Jongin?” Chen asks after they gave their order to the kind ahjumma who owns the shop. She smiles fondly at them, remembering them as her favorite customers who sang for her on days she felt tired and dreary.
Baekhyun picks on the kimchi served before him before answering. “Yeah, I guess he’s still wrapped around Jongin’s fingers,” Baekhyun says, shoulders relaxing at the familiar and comfortable atmosphere Chen’s presence offers him.
“Who wouldn’t be? I mean, I’ve seen that guy dance at school events, and straight men go gay for him,” Chen jokes around as he pours soju in each of their glass.
Baekhyun drinks, and lets the liquor warm his shivering body. “So , what about you? Are you really a sub instructor in the vocals class?” he asks.
“Yeah. Pretty boring stuff, right?” Chen answers as he pours his friend another cup, noticing the way the other would shiver every so often.
Baekhyun shakes his head. “Nope. It sounds lovely. I’m sure your students adore you and your voice,” he says, remembering just how talented his friend really is and the kind of voice he has.
“Thanks, but I guess they would’ve loved yours better,” Chen comes back at him, which makes Baekhyun laugh.
“Stop it. I’m blushing,” Baekhyun says as he mockingly covers both cheeks with his hands as though embarrassed by the compliment.
The ahjumma appears again with their noodles this time, adoring smile still pasted on her aged yet beautiful face. The steam rising from the freshly cooked noodles excites Baekhyun, the smell even more. It’s been too long since he had these noodles , and he asks himself why he doesn’t even bother coming back.
“So. Chanyeol. I heard he’s getting married?” Chen asks as he splits his chopsticks into two.
“Yeah. He is,” Baekhyun answers, eyebrows slightly raising in confusion at the sudden change of topic. Chen isn’t exactly a friend of Chanyeol’s.
“And you’re okay with that?”
Baekhyun chokes on the soup he just sipped. “What? Of course I am!” he says indignantly and reaches for a glass of water. Why is Chanyeol and his upcoming wedding a trending topic?
Chen pats Baekhyun’s hand as the other forces water down his throat, coughing every now and then. “Baekhyun? Remember the reason I told why I couldn’t continue dating you?” he asks as his friend’s coughing reduces and his face becomes less red.
“No?” the other answers, willing his breathing to return to normal, the sudden lodging of water down his throat and up his nose still has him breathless. He eyes Chen curiously though, and wipes his mouth with a napkin. He's not really sure of how his past of dating the other briefly relates to Chanyeol. Sure, they’ve met , but they're not exactly what you call chummies.
“It’s because you’re obviously smitten with your best friend, I can’t compete with that,” Chen says, looking intently at Baekhyun whose hands went slack from wiping his face. “You’ve been together all your life , and most probably even the future. I liked you a lot but I can’t come in between what you two had,” he continues and watches Baekhyun bury his face in his hands.
“Oh my god. Not you too.” Baekhyun grumbles, not believing that even Chen is doubtful of him being okay with Chanyeol’s wedding. Is there a Gang Up On Baekhyun event today he’s not aware of?
Chen peers at his friend, noodles forgotten. “Why?” he asks when Baekhyun refuses to move his hands away from his face despite the other’s continuous prodding.
“You almost sound like Kyungsoo.,” Baekhyun complains and huffs in annoyance, face reappearing but with a pout in place.
Chen laughs at the childishness and shakes his head. “Because it’s just that glaringly obvious,” he says as though talking to a child and pats Baekhyun’s hair affectionately. “So, I guess you never told him how you felt about him?” he asks as his friend swats his hands away from his damp hair and glares at him.
“I’ll take that as a yes , then,” he muses as he finally takes his first bite of noodles.
Baekhyun pouts while watching Chen gobble down his noodles. He stirs the noodles around, the chili making everything a pretty shade of red. “Why is everybody lecturing on me this today?” he murmurs, eyes downcast and takes in his first bite too. It’s hot. It’s spicy, too spicy for his normal preference, and it takes his tongue in a whirlwind of flavors, and it’s complicated, but he still likes it. And , he thinks as he takes in another bite, it’s just as complicated as his feelings are right now.
“Kyungsoo already had this conversation with you and yet you’re still doing nothing?” Chen asks as they finish their noodles and decide to stay for a while. Let the rain pour its heart out, figuratively speaking.
“I. I don’t think I should do it,” Bakhyun says and stares into space.
Concern flashes across Chen’s eyes. He’s genuinely and deeply concerned about Baekhyun. Their dating was short-lived, but it was great. Everything about them clicked, from the way their voices blended together to how they just knew the best way to have fun. Too bad he wasn’t Chanyeol , though , and he can’t even be on par with the guy’s huge shadow over Baekhyun’s heart. They parted as friends and on good terms, and he hopes that someday maybe the two will be together, just like the way he sees them to be. “What’s stopping you?” he asks then.
“Everything.”
“You know aside from that amazing voice of yours and unbelievable aegyo, I’ve always admired how head strong you were,” Chen starts and wonders where all of these insecurities are coming from. From all these years he’s known the guy, he never really found his weakness and really soft spots. But tonight, here the great Byun Baekhyun is, shivering and vulnerable.
“I’ve always liked how you’re not afraid to voice out your opinions and always stand up for what you believe in. How sure you are of what you want and not stopping until you get it. Sounds cliché, I know. But that’s you , Byun Baekhyun. That’s how I see you. So why can’t you go get your own happy ending?” he asks, really perplexed at the situation.
“Wow , Chen. The years did you wonders. Where’s the trolling Chen I know?” Baekhyun asks in retort , but a playful smile sneaks its way on his face.
“Oh, he’s still here. Somewhere hiding, and it hits you when you least expect it.” Chen waves off Baekhyun’s attack of using his embarrassing nick name. It was a one-time thing when he trolled and sent Kyungsoo a dot as a response. One time. But Baekhyun’s nick name for him stuck and he just the decided to live up to his name. “But this is serious. I’m still genuinely concerned for you.”
Baekhyun really smiles this time, the concern he’s receiving somewhat uplifting. “Thanks , but there are a lot more things that I should consider. I can’t be selfish in a situation like this,” he says as he finally come to terms that maybe this situation is bigger than what he thinks it is. That maybe this really is a big deal that he just can’t run away from.
“You’ve always been selfless when it comes to Chanyeol,” Chen reassures him. “It makes me wonder how he couldn’t just see how much he means to you.”
“Babe!” a voice interrupts their conversation.
Baekhyun cranes his neck and finds another familiar face approaching them. He smiles in greeting, happy to see another old friend.
“Xiumin!” he says as he envelopes the new comer in a tight hug. The other squishes him tightly in return and he yelps in pain. He totally forgot that the guy is strong despite his cute and soft look.
“Baekhyun! What are you doing here?” Xiumin asks. “How are you? Why are you dripping wet?” his mouth starts firing out in rapid speed, thoroughly excited at seeing Baekhyun, and he hugs him once again.
“Hyung! It’s been too long!” Baekhyun gushes out as they pull away from the hug and settle in their seats once again. Chen pulls out a chair from a table nearby and hands it to his boyfriend.
“I found him like that in the rain,” Chen says while his boyfriend continuously fusses over his dongsaeng and his wet state.
“Still enjoying stepping in puddles? Where’s Chanyeol?” Xiumin then asks as he holds onto Chen’s hand, satisfied by his brief work drying up his dongsaeng.
Baekhyun stiffens at the question , though. He forgot Xiumin was actually quite close to Chanyeol from all the noise they call rapping. “Uh..he’s not with me today. I just dropped Kyungsoo off to see Jongin.” he answers and offers a glass of soju to Xiumin.
“Oh. Right! I did hear he’s getting married soon! Lucky guy, she’s really pretty too.” The other thoughtlessly says as he drinks the liquor quickly.
“Yah. What did you say?” Chen smacks his boyfriend.
“Nothing!” Xiumin quickly realizes his error and tightens his grip on Chen’s hand, and he kisses it lightly, Chen pulling his hand away from embarrassment. “So, Baekhyun , you okay with this?” Xiumin says as he grabs for his boyfriend’s hand and turns his attention back to his dongsaeng.
“Erm, you dating Chen? Totally.” Baekhyun slowly answers, quite confused at the question. They started dating immediately after he and Chen called it quits. And that was even before they graduated. He can see no reason why his hyung would suddenly ask for his permission to date Chen.
“Pa-bo,” Xiumin laughs and flicks Baekhyun’s forehead. “I’m talking about Chanyeol getting married.”
“Hyung,” Baekhyun whines, completely frustrated at how the world seems to be on one team against him today. “Not you , too. Seriously,” he complains and drinks another shot of soju.
“What did I say?” Xiumin asks and turns to his boyfriend for answers as Baekhyun seems to be a turtle and retreats inside of his jacket. The large clothing manages to hide his head entirely.
Chen laughs at his boyfriend’s confused looks between him and their companion’s tortoise-like disappearing act. “Seems like everyone’s asking him today if he’s fine with Chanyeol getting married,” he answers thoroughly , enjoying how his boyfriend just unwittingly backed him up in his discussion with Baekhyun.
“Oh,” Xiumin unintelligently says, still unable to grasp the whole situation.
“I told you. You were just that obvious with your feelings for Chanyeol,” Chen gloatingly says and pokes what he can only assume is Baekhyun’s forehead underneath all the clothing. Baekhyun swats the annoying hand away in a general direction, unable to actually see the pestering finger.
“Well, I thought Chanyeol liked him back, too. Until I heard he has a pretty little girlfriend back home,” Xiumin adds in , which earns a loud groan from Baekhyun. Chen guffaws and high-fives his boyfriend. He adds in a kiss then, too happy for the information that his boyfriend has given. Maybe now, Baekhyun will see just how much he and Chanyeol belong perfectly with each other.
“See , Baekhyun? It’s not as hopeless as you think.” He coos which makes Baekhyun come back up from beneath his jacket and pull a disgusted face at Chen.
“Don’t ever, ever. I repeat. Ever, use that tone on me again. I swear, it’s vomit-inducing,” Baekhyun retorts and straightens up. “I need to go. I still need to get my tux from the drycleaners.”
“You’re leaving already?” Xiumin asks. “I just got here,” he complains, disappointed.
“You’re still attending?” Chen asks instead, deeming his boyfriend irrelevant. The fact that his friend is still picking up his tuxedo baffles him. How many more arguments would it take to change his mind?
“I already paid for the rental and the cleaning. I need the tux if I have to return it.” Baekhyun reasons when he sees the confusion in Chen’s eyes.
Chen smiles, hope starting to seep in his next words. “So you’re telling him , and the wedding’s off?”
“I’ll consider it,” Baekhyun answers, letting himself for once take into consideration that maybe telling Chanyeol how he felt wouldn’t be so bad. “But really, there’s no guarantee he’ll call the whole thing off just because I told him I love him,” he continues.
“You said love! How romantic.” Chen swoons and feigns fainting, Xiumin laughing as he catches his boyfriend falling towards him.
“Yeah, Chen. Sappy doesn’t suit you. Go back to trolling.” Baekhyun teases his friend, amused at how dorky the couple seem to be.
“We’ll see you around?” Xiumin asks as Baekhyun rises from his seat.
“Sure.”
Baekhyun arrives in his apartment late with his tuxedo fresh and clean in his hand. He heads straight to his bedroom and hangs the thing carefully in front of his closet. The pristine white collar and contrasting black outer jacket mesmerizes him, and he stares at it for a good minute or two. A blatant reminder of what is to come and the stupid thing he had done in Macau. He needs to do a lot of thinking. Coffee. He needs coffee fast.
He presses the answering machine on the countertop on his way to the coffee maker. The incessant blinking of the red light is finally getting into his nerves after days of ignoring it. It would probably be the best to delete the messages but he argues that maybe an important message is lost in there somewhere. Like a free vacation or winning that beautiful piano he bought some raffle tickets for.
“I’m gonna go now. When you feel like talking to me already, I’ll be waiting , okay? Call me.”
Chanyeol’s voice. Definitely Chanyeol’s voice , as the first of a hundred messages start to pour out from the machine. Go? Where would he go?
“Hey Baekhyun-ah. Uhm. Yeah. I’ve been here outside your apartment for 3 hours already. We really need to talk.”
Right. Baekhyun remembers Kyungsoo telling him Chanyeol dropped by his apartment earlier before they met at the coffee shop. But three hours? Really?
“Baek? Are you there? Come on. Open the door please?”
The mug stops just upon touching his lips, the evident desperation in Chanyeol’s voice surprising him. Butterflies start to fly around his stomach. And guilt, guilt is definitely in there somewhere , too.
“Don’t ignore me like this.”
“I can’t do this on the phone. I want to see you as we talk.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Just listen to me okay? We need to talk.”
“I want to see you. I need to see you.”
“I don’t know what to do anymore Baek, please. We need to talk.”
“If you’re there, please let me in. I really want to talk to you.”
“It’s been days since I’ve heard from you. Let’s talk. I’m worried.”
“Hey Baek, I figured if I went here maybe you’ll talk to me. Open up.”
Baekhyun chews on his lip, coffee long forgotten and cold next to the answering machine. His knuckles are white from gripping the countertop too hard. The rest of the messages sounds just like the previous ones, some from Kyungsoo and Jongin and other worried friends. As the machine dies down, the last of the messages read out, he heads inside his bedroom and flops down the bed.
Tomorrow, he thinks, would he still receive the same messages from Chanyeol, or would he give up? Lightning then flashes outside of his window, illuminating the tuxedo still on display in front of his closet. He squeezes his eyes shut and covers his ears in anticipation of the thunder that soon will follow after. Because as much as he hates to admit it, thunder still scares the shit out of him, especially the cracks that catch him off guard and sound louder than they should be.
Boisterous laughter sounds in his reverie as he remembers how Chanyeol would always tease him about his fear of thunder. The other boy wouldn’t leave the subject alone , but would always be the first one holding out his hand for Baekhyun to hold until his nerves calmed down. He misses that hand and the comfort it brings to him. But more importantly, he misses his best friend.
A sigh escapes from him as thoughts begin to flood inside his head. A scale of some sort appears as pros and cons for each and every possible situation are listed by his suddenly hyperactive brain. Careful calculations of his chances or probabilities are made as he turns on his bed, until he couldn’t think any longer. Cold metal across his chest catches his attention, and he moves to grip it in his hand, chain wrapped softly in between his fingers. He kisses the pendant gingerly before closing his eyes, and lets sleep reel him in. He hopes that of all times that it had brought him good luck it would do it again this time, when he needs his luck and fate beside him the most.