[Infinite] Back To Tomorrow -Part 2-
Title: Back To Tomorrow (2/2)
Author: Heiji Hatsutori
Length: 6,008 words
Genre: AU, Angst
Pairing: OT7, Bandfic
Rating: R
Summary:
There is a coffee shop at the end of the road by the hospital. The shop is quaint, small and simple in design, with a lone wind chime hanging by the sign that read Infinite café, emblazoned in pearly gold color. No one knows how old the shop is, for it has been there since one can remember, though for some reason the townspeople generally tend to stay away from it, as if there is a barrier that keeps them at arm’s length.
A/N:
Originally posted here as part of Season Three 2015 at seasonthreee.
I'm so sorry for this madness, and to be honest I still don't know if the rating is too high, but it is better safe than sorry, considering the triggering subject matters.
Now with fanmix. Download or listen to the playlist.
BACK TO TOMORROW
-Part 1- -Part 2-
*******
Shadows settle on the place, that you left
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness
From the window in his room, one can only see the greenery separating the hospital and Infinite café, but if they squint hard enough they will swear that they can almost see the red lilies, as well as the outline of the small building.
Sungjong has been able to see the wooden structure since the first day he threw his gaze outside, and thought nothing about it, until he caught wind of the rumor in the hospital, how only one close to death are able to do so, and he watched with morbid realization as the image becomes clearer as days goes by.
Now, it is as if the greenery between the two buildings does not even exist in his eyes, and he had learn to come to peace with everything for awhile now, despite the doctor’s reassurance that he will be fine; we just need a donor, etc, etc.
He can technically recite the whole speech by heart now, it is almost pitiful.
A knock on the door brings him out of his musing, and he can hardly hide the surprise on his face when Sunggyu comes in, a plastic bag in his hands.
“How’s our maknae today, bored out of your mind as usual?”
He sits upright, shrugging, and accepts the gift, which is apples this time around, along with some books about constellations, to his delight. The older boy settles on the chair beside the bed, his back on the door, and out of habit he reaches to draw the curtain close, to which the elder chastises him on it.
“Let the sunlight in, you’re too pale to worry on tanned skin anyway.”
He stuck his tongue out on the remark, and distracts the other by almost demanding the other to peel the fruit, which earn him a half-hearted glare, like always. He listens as the eldest rambles about work, how Sungyeol actually got a huge tip and bought the constellation book as apology for not dropping by, Dongwoo almost got fired for smoking during working again, and Howon almost never goes home anymore, crashing in at Dongwoo’s place.
Sungjong watches as shadows settle in Sunggyu’s eyes, and ignores the ache in his chest when the eldest continues talking, even with his head lolled to one side, like always whenever the sleep episodes occurs. He reaches for the other’s hand, and holds his tongue when the other man snaps awake and switches the topic, for Sunggyu has no memory of what he was talking about, as evident when he repeat the same thing again, worry marring his face as he talks about Howon and his home trouble.
Still, he nods and agrees at appropriate places, letting his hyung doing all the talking, and it feels like everything is normal until Sunggyu gets up from the chair, ready to leave, and sees the lone white lily in the vase on the table. He watches as the other promptly stills, as if rooted on the spot, staring at the stalk.
“I wonder if that really was him telling me goodbye, Sungjong-ah.”
Something akin to dread pools in Sungjong’s stomach and he unconsciously held his breath in when the elder reaches out a hand, and brushes the petals softly.
“How cruel, to do that after all this time.”
He opens his mouth to ask, and the words come out so small, like a whisper.
“Who did you met there, Sunggyu-hyung?”
The haunting look on the man’s face crushes him, so much it hurts.
“Woohyun, of course; Myungsoo and Sungyeol still talks to me, you see.”
It took all of his entire being not to scream.
*******
For such a long time I didn't know if I'd find you
Say stop, made up, lying on the bathroom floor
On rare times when Sunggyu actually stayed out, Sungyeol liked to sit in the bathtub, or just filled it full with water and lets it overflow, washing over him as he sat on the floor, unmoving, until Sunggyu returned and got mad for blowing the bills again, though the eldest would always tugged him close and dried his hair, exasperate sigh escaping the lips.
He felt bad every single time, for worrying the other as much, but the cool water helped him empties his mind from dark thoughts, and once he found out a way to break out of them he could not stop, even when he was a shivering mess, hugging his lanky frame close against the tub.
That day, Sunggyu was out for the usual hospital appointment, and Sungyeol was actually being productive for once, cleaning the kitchen, throwing out the trash, and sorting out his stuffs when a black shoebox caught his attention, hidden deep underneath all the old clothes in the cupboard.
Something niggling at the back of his mind, as if screaming at him to leave it as is, but Sungyeol was not really good at ignoring things when he was supposed to. Thus he had no one but himself to blame when he could feel the start of his off days, dozens and dozens of photos spilled out, scattered near his feet when he dropped the box.
With shaking fingers, he gathered them, shoved it back into the slightly bent box, when he caught sight of a key, and he remembered the locked metal box he saw behind the shoebox earlier.
At this point Sungyeol was past caring already, and decided to just get it over with as he pulled out the box. He had an inkling on what might be inside, yet his breath still caught in his throat when the key unlocked smoothly, revealing Myungsoo’s DSLR camera.
After the carnage, he had salvaged as much of what was left of Myungsoo’s belongings, despite the disagreement of the rest of the guys, and in the end Sunggyu made him choose between the camera and the lighter, to which he pick the latter, to the eldest surprise.
He had not known what had become of it afterwards, and half of him had accepted the thought of Sunggyu throwing everything away, which is why he had not expected to see all the remnants again, after all that had went down.
When they found the camera, in its pitiful state, the first thing everyone lunged for was the SD card, for surely Myungsoo would use it before he went, and maybe, just maybe, they can have some sort of answer to all the never-ending question brought by the situation, and he remembered the pure disbelief in their eyes when the slot was empty.
Nobody figured out where the missing card was, and Sungyeol was too disoriented to care at that time, that the matter was dropped altogether. The authorities returned the camera back to them after closing the case, and it lie in that box, forgotten by time.
He picked the camera up, cradling it carefully, despite the mess it has become, and started fiddling with the buttons, the way he remembered its owner used to do, and frowned when some of it were jammed, stuck in its frame. The lens was cracked, broken beyond repair, and the fact that it was more or less still in one piece amazed him, somewhat.
Just because, he checked the SD slot again, confirmed its empty, and was about to put it back when he noticed the bundle of stuffs in the same box, thrown haphazardly together in the DSLR pouch; USB wires, card readers, batteries, floppy discs, and the younger’s compact camera.
The guys had teased the younger for being sentimental when they figured out that Myungsoo still kept his first camera, despite being broken for years now after a mishap involving a pool, and the definitely-not-waterproof gadget, but his best friend had always been quite a character under the aloof exterior.
His mind spun when he discovered the SD card in it, and Myungsoo’s voice rang.
“This way, no one but you will see it first, so promise you won’t tell, okay?”
Sungyeol plucked out the card, and started putting everything back into place.
“Of course; it’s a promise, Myungsoo-ah.”
*******
I am with you always
From life until death takes me
He cannot really remember how they came to be, nor does he think it is that important anymore, but as the second oldest member of this ragtag group, Dongwoo is in the unique position of able to care for the younger guys and keeping an eye on the reckless Sunggyu at the same time, no matter how much the eldest refused it.
He has been playing peacemaker for the group a lot, and in a way, they had all come to rely to him in a way or another, so much that he is listed as the first person contact in case of emergency instead of each other’s family; Howon included.
(He had refused when Howon asked, considering he is in good terms with the latter’s mother himself, but the strained look in the other’s eyes stopped him in his tracks, and he agreed.)
He had taken full responsibility, despite the quiet disagreement in Sunggyu’s eyes, and he had never ones regretted it. Sungjong once remarked that he is stronger than he seems to be, and if he believed in those words more than he believed in himself, well, nobody else needs to know.
Dongwoo wonders what else the youngest see in him, and in each of them, for the other is always far more observant and wiser than the rest of them combined.
Still, he doubts Sungjong will ever see this coming, he thinks.
He had received a call from Howon’s mother, voice hushed yet firm, calling him over immediately, as the younger’s hysterical cry filling the background. His blood rushed to the head as he ran out of his flat and sprinted down the road, dread pooling in his stomach.
Walking into the scene of carnage, he assessed the situation, and wordlessly pulled Howon’s zipper up, covering the shirt, the younger’s eyes glassy, staring blankly to the ceiling.
“Take him away, Dongwoo.”
The cold in her voice before the call abruptly cut off sent shiver down his spine, and he nudges the other to stand, guiding him to the sink and washes the hands and face off the sickening red color.
He ignores her throughout the whole ordeal, and only when they are at the front door, does he turns back, silently asking her to stop this. Alas, she grants him a hard look, and all but shoves him and her son out of the place.
“You are no longer my son! Leave!”
Her shout echoes throughout the building, and ringing in his head.
They are well within a distance from the building when Howon snaps out of his reverie, eyes looking around in panic, and trying to make his way back. He responds by tightening his iron grip on Howon’s hand, and marches on; the younger’s endless pleading falls into deaf ears.
His mind whirls in his head, and he remembers the one time they lie down on the tarmac of the empty parking lot, his head on Howon’s arm, staring at the starless night sky, as they wait for Woohyun to arrive in his rented car and picking up the rest of the guys.
The younger’s voice was laced with quiet resignation as they talk about the future, and moments later Howon was whooping and laughing as Woohyun arrived, driving in a circle around them, Sungyeol’s manic laughter echoing the area.
It makes him wonder what else he missed, amidst the happy picture they painted.
For the regret on not talking to Myungsoo after that night at their hideout still haunts him till this very day, and he is determined enough to do absolutely everything to keep Howon safe, now, even if it kills him in the process.
Still, Dongwoo clenches his teeth, hard, and wonders just where they went wrong.
*******
I want you to be brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
If one asked Woohyun what is his biggest wish, he would most definitely answer, with sincerity in his voice; for them to stay together for as long as they could, and smiles softly, as if just the mere thought of it left him content already.
For he had been there when Sungjong’s diagnosis came out, his heart beating madly in his chest, and his blood had run cold the first time Sunggyu collapsed, freezing all of his insides until there was nothing but helplessness with each nap the eldest took, drifting in and out of wakefulness.
He also had noticed that Myungsoo’s off days had been more regular than usual, which affecting Sungyeol more than the latter lets on, while Howon had gotten more distance with each day he spent not talking to his mother. He ignored the sight of the cigarette box in Dongwoo’s pocket, and how the shine in the elder’s eyes dimmed with each drag of nicotine into his system.
One may think that Woohyun’s tendency to exaggerate came to play again, but the group of friends he has was technically the family he never had, and it broke him to see them going off-tangent, one by one, and having no power to do anything to fix the situation.
So he did the best thing he could; which was taking as many jobs as possible for a man, and accumulate as much money as possible. He convinced Dongwoo to try out as gas station attendant -with a hidden motive of having the elder cut back on the smoking habit-, and when Howon got fired from the last job, he was quick to suggest a new one almost immediately, if only to channel the excess energy the younger have outside of home.
He worked hard, too hard, that it was almost cruel how everything was taken away.
He had a day off at one of his night shifts, and while he would usually took the opportunity to catch up on some well-deserved rest, he found that sleep had eluded him, and he wound up wandering on the streets, thoughts whirling in his mind.
So when he bumped his shoulder onto one of the guys, he barely noticed it.
Enraged, the taller of the two men shouted at him, before pushing him against the shutter of the closed flower shop, hand grabbing his neck, to which he defiantly slapped off, eyes cold. A kick landed square on his stomach immediately after, rendering him breathless.
Alas, Woohyun was not much of a fighter, but he definitely could hold his own had he not been tired as hell. Still, he tried defending himself, as much as he possibly could in his state, but a well-aimed knee-kick to his face send him reeling, and he hits the ground unceremoniously. Shots of pain stinging all over his body and he can feel blood trickling from his lips.
When the men finally left, he took some time to grab a hold of himself, and stood up before trying to make his way back. He lost himself in his thoughts again; formulating excuses to give to his boss at work the next day and Sunggyu, who would definitely get worried again.
A loud screech of tire braking on the road brought him out of his musing abruptly, and he turned to his left to see an incoming car, speeding straight towards him, the light so bright it practically blinds him.
So much, all Woohyun could see was white, even when the car painted everything red.
*******
We would run on the block all night and day
We didn't want to get older
On the rare days that they were able to go out together, the whole seven of them, Sunggyu always suggested that they go for a walk, regardless of distance; sometimes near, just along the streets near the neighborhood or running around the deserted buildings a couple of blocks down the road. Sometimes they went far, hanging out at the old train station, walking across the abandoned railway tracks, and hanging out on top of the biggest train head they could find, chattering aimlessly as they face the town.
They usually went around doing things as they come, that the first time they really took to plan on meeting up was also the last time they gathered together, all seven of them.
Woohyun had wanted to see the sea, so bad; he even went so far as to offer the ticket money, to which the rest of them shamelessly agreed. And the happiness on the man’s face must be infectious enough, for they actually managed to plan a trip of sort, scheduling everyone’s schedule so that everyone would be present, and on that promised date, they took the earliest bus to the nearest beach, excitement rolling off of them in waves.
When they arrived, Sungyeol spotted a construction structure in a distance, and Woohyun started walking on the raised concrete by the sidewalk, balancing himself when Myungsoo broke off into a run, heading straight to the said structure.
Soon enough, they were running around after him, while Sungjong settled for a jog after he sent him a hard stern look, to which the others promptly slowed down, and ran along with the youngest, joking around.
They stood in line, talking about everything and nothing, waving at the birds and huddled in jackets as the wind blows around them, the sea spread out before them so wide, and the sun shone down, like a blessing.
Those are the best moments he can think off the top of his head, and he ignores the fact that the sky was always too bleak for such occasion, just as he likes to think that the radiant faces of his friends were so blinding it effortlessly replaced the brightness of the sun above.
Woohyun would laugh at him then, saying things like he had gotten sentimental for no apparent reason, and he would get mad at the younger for being such an obnoxious kid, but the guffawed laughter of Dongwoo would appeased his wrath, and they were back to the start again.
If they were lucky Howon would brought some homemade cookies courtesy of his wonderful mother, and they laughed as Sungyeol started making grabby hands at them, until they were down for the last piece, to which Myungsoo and Sungjong would start fighting for them seriously, or as serious as one can get over a cookie, which according to the two youngest, was a lot, really.
They will do this again; keep on being like this, tomorrow.
In another world, perhaps, Sunggyu’s wishes might come true.
*******
Keep it close
When they’re coming for us
He had checked Myungsoo’s SD card almost immediately after he found it, and he exhaled in relief to discover that it was still working, surviving the carnage. He locked the door to his room, careful to ensure that Sunggyu would not catch him in any way possible, and ignored the way his hands could not stop shaking, despite himself.
There was dozens and dozens of pictures inside, and he laughed out loud at some of the weird poses and faces they made, reveling in the good memories, back when they were still seven.
Myungsoo had hardly brought out his DSLR anymore after Woohyun left, and even if he did, he would only photograph his best friend anyways, that no one even bother asking about it later on, accepting it as the way the younger cope with the missing number in the group, though Sungyeol knows better.
He started deleting the pictures, one by one by one, till he reached the last file, and true to prediction it was taken on the same date as the incident, though he hesitated slightly when he realized it was a video file instead of the usual pictures.
The man who found the camera had said that it was placed with support and everything, as if to ensure that it stay stabilized throughout the whole thing, and he had been to the other’s place too many times to count to figure out where exactly it was placed.
Still, he could not help the shiver that ran down his skin when he played the video, and the whole of Myungsoo’s room, like the one he remembered, came into view. The younger must have used automatic timer or something, for the said person was not seen anywhere, and he was about to fast forward when Myungsoo showed up, dressed in a jean and simple shirt, holding a gas can.
Dread pooled in his stomach, and he was saying ‘no’ over and over again, like a prayer, horror in his eyes as the younger opens the can, and pours its content all over the room while standing on the bed before throwing the empty can carelessly, a blank expression on his face the whole time.
Alas, nothing stopped Sungyeol from stifling a silent scream when his best friend took out the lighter, flicking it on and off before keeping it on with a dazed look at the sight of the flame, and stood up, his body facing the camera.
Kim Myungsoo drops the lighter on the floor, setting the whole room on fire.
Yet, even as he stood there, the dazed look remained on the handsome face, as he watched the flame engulfing the area before he made his way to the camera, as calm as ever.
The video stopped there, as the screen fades to black, but Sungyeol did not have to watch to know that Myungsoo must have took out the SD card, placed it in the compact camera, puts it with other stuff for him to retrieve later, and sat down, amidst the fire he loved so much.
Later, Sungyeol sat in the bathtub, hugging his knees, his mind surprisingly empty, devoid of any thoughts. He opened the tap, watching as the water starts filling the space, and took out a paper envelope with smashed bits of Myungsoo’s SD card inside.
He leant on the tub then, grabbing the lighter from his back pocket, and flicked it on effortlessly, before setting the envelope on fire. He held onto the paper, watching as the flame quickly spreads over every inch of it, and drops it on the floor.
Lee Sungyeol closed the tap just so it will not overflow, and sinks lower.
*******
Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Howon returned home from work to hear the usual argument, again, and he was ready to turn and walked away when the sound of something breaking stopped him. He shuffled closer to the door, and he could hear his voice now, slurred and angry, and then there was her voice and she was-
He stepped inside, his heart pounding wildly in his chest, careful not to alarm the two on his presence, and he watched as the man lifts his hand, and hits her with a sounding slap, his mind spun as she staggered at the force.
He had suspected of it, and even confronted her about possible violence in their arguments, but she always denied everything, and worse, defended that man, all while saying things like it was nothing for him to be worried about.
Howon saw red when that man continued screaming down at her and in blind rage, picked up one of the empty soju bottle, and rammed it into his stomach, over and over and over again.
When he came to, there was trickle of blood coming out from that man’s mouth and there was red, red everywhere; on that man’s shirt, on his shirt, his hand, the hand covering his, on the floor, and he unknowingly took a step back as the man fell on his knees.
He released his grip of the glass, letting it fell to pieces between them, and the crashing sound snapped something inside of him. Howon slide down the wall as he screamed, hands covering his eyes at the realization of everything, his hysterical cry echoing the small wall of their home.
Later, when his throat hurts and raw from all the screaming, he settled to stare at the ceiling, his mind blank, as if being wiped clean of everything, to the point he barely registered Dongwoo’s presence in front of him, zipping his jacket and pulled him up, guiding him to the sink to wash off all the red on his hand and face.
He almost registered his mother’s shout as they walked out the door, and he totally snaps out of his reverie when they are well within a distance from the building. He looks around in panic as flashes of red whirls in his head, as well as that man’s lifeless eyes, and he tried making his way back -to do what he did not know exactly- but Dongwoo’s steps are not faltered, not one bit as they marches down the road.
Howon can care less on anything now, as he pleads to the elder to turn around, but the other is eerily stubborn, and he does not even have half the energy to yank his hand from Dongwoo’s iron grip on his, that he just follows, eyes dazed at the sea of red lilies in front of them.
Dongwoo stops right at the doorstep, and loosens the grip, albeit slightly.
“Nobody will find us here, so for the time being we can just, sit here.”
The haunted look on his hyungs face kills any semblance of words on his lips.
“She entrusted you to me, the moment she cut all ties with us.”
Her shout rings clearly in his mind, echoing deep inside.
“I will not give you up, Howon.”
He looks at the other’s face, properly, and finds the hidden words in the dark eyes.
“Don’t give me up,” it told him.
So he nods, slowly, feeling the numbness settling in, and follows the other inside.
They settle on one of the tables by the window, and waits for the setting sun. Dongwoo will then go back to his place, where he will pack both his and Howon’s stuff, and together they will leave the town before the sunrise.
And the whole time, the barista simply looks on, without as much of a word.
For both Lee Howon and Jang Dongwoo are becoming the ghost in their own hearts, yet still strong enough to hold onto life, that there is nothing Infinite café can do for them, but to lend a roof as shelter, only if for a night.
*******
Don't save me, don't save me, 'cause
I don't care
There is a firm knock on the door, and Sungjong pauses in his reading, brows furrowed. A quick glance at the clock tells him that it is way too early for a visit, and the staffs would not wait for more than 5 seconds before inviting themselves in, so this must be something else altogether.
His mind helpfully applies Dongwoo’s sudden and quick visit three days ago, and he schools his features quick enough as the door opens, revealing two men who smiles politely, yet Sungjong knows enough by now to recognize them as people from authority.
One of them introduces himself as Soohyun, from the local police station, and he listens with quiet resignation as the detective calmly explains the possible homicide case that took place at their home and-
“We are still searching for the whereabouts of the victim’s son, Lee Howon, and we were informed that you knew the young man quite well, so is it possible to ask a few questions…”
Sungjong grips the book in his hands, so hard, his knuckle turns white, and he just realized that he had stop breathing when the detective’s panicked face swims in front of his eyes, before everything goes black.
Much later, when he is 80% confident he can control himself, he rings the nurses, and watches dazedly as the head nurse drops by, administrating the machines with the ease of a veteran.
“The detective might pay you another visit later.”
His mind spins around, and he reminds himself to simply breathe.
“But from what I heard that young man already gave his statement.”
He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.
“The one who brought that thick book on stars, I think.”
He wonders how Sunggyu deals; now there are only the two of them left.
“I know you don’t believe in possible cure anymore, but for his sake, I hope you give everything a try again, Sungjong-ah.”
His eyes widen at that, for he never thought the staff will pick up on that.
“Sometimes, you look like you rather get everything done and over with, Sungjong.”
The soft look in her eyes tells him she had known for awhile now, and he grimaces inside, averting his eyes. She pats his head, before silently walking out; the door closes with a soft click.
He sighs, slow and inaudible, and throws his gaze outside, where Infinite café stood proud, and if he squints hard enough he can see the barista watering the lilies, leaning over the open window, dark hair tousled by the wind. As if sensing him from there, the barista looks up, and the ache in Sungjong’s chest acts up again.
For even from this far, he can make up Myungsoo’s features quite clearly, and if he really wishes for it, he swears he can hear Woohyun’s voice, singing softly as he bakes, and Sungyeol’s attempt for harmony as he cleans the table.
He had sneak out again two days ago, when the sun had long sets and the sky was bare of any stars, and he made it just in time to catch Howon and Dongwoo at the end of the road, wearing a cap on and a backpack on their backs, and Sunggyu had given them a hug tight enough to hurt, before the two disappeared into the night.
Sunggyu turned towards him then, a soft smile on his face.
“I’ll look after you, so please, don’t get too far away, tomorrow.”
The eldest had said it with quiet resignation in his voice, so soft, like a whisper, and impossibly lonely, he had to grit his teeth to ensure that he would not cry at the sight.
Later, much later, the youngest of the group holds his hyung’s hand, as the eldest falls into a nap again, and grips it as tight as he can for as long as time allows him to. When the other gets up to leave by the end of visiting hours, he steadies his voice, and speaks.
“Forgive me, hyung.”
He simply smiles, pats the younger’s head, and walks away.
Kim Sunggyu never goes to visit Lee Sungjong again.
*******
I need to empty you out little by little
Yes, I need to erase you
The sky is blue and the sun is shining, yet all Sunggyu wants is to stay in his room and lies down all day, the sound of cicadas too loud in his ears, and the heat is pricking his skin. There is a fishbowl filled with trinkets and decorated with shells under his arms, and he is walking down the trodden path towards the hospital, as an errand for the old grandmother who lives in the room opposite his.
“My grandchild is hospitalized, and I want to decorate his room a bit, you see.”
He almost pointed out that the child most probably not going to stay long anyway -it’s just a minor surgery-, but he can see the silent pleading in the elder’s eyes, and before he knew it he is already halfway down the stairs, holding the round fishbowl.
Besides, he owed the grandmother a lot anyway, for always baking extra batch of cookies just for him, even when she really should not have. Or maybe it is secretly her way to manipulate him into running around in her stead under this horrible weather on his day off work at the restaurant.
Sunggyu makes it to the building without any incident, something he secretly marvels at, and walks down the hallway to the child’s room with an air of someone who has been there countless times. Like always, he is careful to avoid familiar faces among the staffs, and upon reaching the room, he is glad to discover that the girl is alone, sitting upright on the bed, fiddling with a book.
A memory flashes in his mind at the sight, and he promptly ignores it.
He keeps the visit short, and does not wait around until the girl’s mother returns back to the room, as he can feel his head spinning. It would not do to scare the poor girl after all, he thinks.
Still, he all but dashes outside the room and out of the hospital, and he barely realize that he is going the wrong way when sea of red greets him, yet he marches on, until his legs wobbles beneath him, and he collapses down the sidewalk, stalks of white lilies looming over his head.
He has hard time recalling things and people lately, to his own horror sometimes, but from time to time there are familiar faces talking to him about everything and nothing, and he can live with that.
His mind drifted to the empty bottle in the bathroom cabinet, or is it the kitchen now?
Right, he had run out of the pills faster than usual this time around.
Kim Sunggyu sighs, heavily, closes his eyes, and stops thinking altogether.
*******
There is a coffee shop at the end of the road by the hospital. The shop is quaint, small and simple in design, with a lone wind chime hanging by the sign that read Infinite café, emblazoned in pearly gold color. No one knows how old the shop is, for it has been there since one can remember, though for some reason the townspeople generally tend to stay away from it, as if there is a barrier that keeps them at arm’s length.
One would attribute that to the elders of the town, who would warn against going down the very road, much less visiting the café, with threatening and cautionary tales keeping the curios away, passed from generations to generations; words like haunted by death being the most common legend about the place.
This is even more so when they lost a group of youth, one by one they left until only one remains, and the whole town watches as the lone young man, who has a serious case of narcolepsy starts trekking down the usually deserted road daily soon after.
Nobody says anything, but there is an unspoken agreement among the folks to lend a hand and keeps watch over the soft-spoken young man, who always, always working hard to repay the others back by all means he can think of at the time, -sometimes he sings for the elderly, or run simple errands- even when he can barely gather himself together.
Until one day the son of the local barber found the man collapsed right at the door step of the coffee shop, and the whole town reacts in horror as the young man stare blankly at the ceiling of the hospital ward, forgotten names on his lips.
When he finally opens the door to Infinite café, no one has it in them to blame him.
For the place is always there, a constant through time, doors welcome for the broken ones with shadows in their eyes, and perpetual sadness clinging to their entire being.
Only to be greeted by the very ghosts in their hearts.
Who beckons them in with a soft, gentle smile, and impossibly real.
And they will do this again; keep on being like this, tomorrow.
Surely, their wishes will come true.
*******
They say that we’re
Living for happiness
But what is that
A/N:
Putting this at the end to avoid spoiler, har har.
Prompts:
1. Quote: "The forecast is
we kiss goodbye and never hello
all kisses are then parting kisses" - She, Saul Williams
2. Image: image
3. Song: BTS - I Need U
Author: Heiji Hatsutori
Length: 6,008 words
Genre: AU, Angst
Pairing: OT7, Bandfic
Rating: R
Summary:
There is a coffee shop at the end of the road by the hospital. The shop is quaint, small and simple in design, with a lone wind chime hanging by the sign that read Infinite café, emblazoned in pearly gold color. No one knows how old the shop is, for it has been there since one can remember, though for some reason the townspeople generally tend to stay away from it, as if there is a barrier that keeps them at arm’s length.
A/N:
Originally posted here as part of Season Three 2015 at seasonthreee.
I'm so sorry for this madness, and to be honest I still don't know if the rating is too high, but it is better safe than sorry, considering the triggering subject matters.
Now with fanmix. Download or listen to the playlist.
BACK TO TOMORROW
-Part 1- -Part 2-
*******
Shadows settle on the place, that you left
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness
From the window in his room, one can only see the greenery separating the hospital and Infinite café, but if they squint hard enough they will swear that they can almost see the red lilies, as well as the outline of the small building.
Sungjong has been able to see the wooden structure since the first day he threw his gaze outside, and thought nothing about it, until he caught wind of the rumor in the hospital, how only one close to death are able to do so, and he watched with morbid realization as the image becomes clearer as days goes by.
Now, it is as if the greenery between the two buildings does not even exist in his eyes, and he had learn to come to peace with everything for awhile now, despite the doctor’s reassurance that he will be fine; we just need a donor, etc, etc.
He can technically recite the whole speech by heart now, it is almost pitiful.
A knock on the door brings him out of his musing, and he can hardly hide the surprise on his face when Sunggyu comes in, a plastic bag in his hands.
“How’s our maknae today, bored out of your mind as usual?”
He sits upright, shrugging, and accepts the gift, which is apples this time around, along with some books about constellations, to his delight. The older boy settles on the chair beside the bed, his back on the door, and out of habit he reaches to draw the curtain close, to which the elder chastises him on it.
“Let the sunlight in, you’re too pale to worry on tanned skin anyway.”
He stuck his tongue out on the remark, and distracts the other by almost demanding the other to peel the fruit, which earn him a half-hearted glare, like always. He listens as the eldest rambles about work, how Sungyeol actually got a huge tip and bought the constellation book as apology for not dropping by, Dongwoo almost got fired for smoking during working again, and Howon almost never goes home anymore, crashing in at Dongwoo’s place.
Sungjong watches as shadows settle in Sunggyu’s eyes, and ignores the ache in his chest when the eldest continues talking, even with his head lolled to one side, like always whenever the sleep episodes occurs. He reaches for the other’s hand, and holds his tongue when the other man snaps awake and switches the topic, for Sunggyu has no memory of what he was talking about, as evident when he repeat the same thing again, worry marring his face as he talks about Howon and his home trouble.
Still, he nods and agrees at appropriate places, letting his hyung doing all the talking, and it feels like everything is normal until Sunggyu gets up from the chair, ready to leave, and sees the lone white lily in the vase on the table. He watches as the other promptly stills, as if rooted on the spot, staring at the stalk.
“I wonder if that really was him telling me goodbye, Sungjong-ah.”
Something akin to dread pools in Sungjong’s stomach and he unconsciously held his breath in when the elder reaches out a hand, and brushes the petals softly.
“How cruel, to do that after all this time.”
He opens his mouth to ask, and the words come out so small, like a whisper.
“Who did you met there, Sunggyu-hyung?”
The haunting look on the man’s face crushes him, so much it hurts.
“Woohyun, of course; Myungsoo and Sungyeol still talks to me, you see.”
It took all of his entire being not to scream.
*******
For such a long time I didn't know if I'd find you
Say stop, made up, lying on the bathroom floor
On rare times when Sunggyu actually stayed out, Sungyeol liked to sit in the bathtub, or just filled it full with water and lets it overflow, washing over him as he sat on the floor, unmoving, until Sunggyu returned and got mad for blowing the bills again, though the eldest would always tugged him close and dried his hair, exasperate sigh escaping the lips.
He felt bad every single time, for worrying the other as much, but the cool water helped him empties his mind from dark thoughts, and once he found out a way to break out of them he could not stop, even when he was a shivering mess, hugging his lanky frame close against the tub.
That day, Sunggyu was out for the usual hospital appointment, and Sungyeol was actually being productive for once, cleaning the kitchen, throwing out the trash, and sorting out his stuffs when a black shoebox caught his attention, hidden deep underneath all the old clothes in the cupboard.
Something niggling at the back of his mind, as if screaming at him to leave it as is, but Sungyeol was not really good at ignoring things when he was supposed to. Thus he had no one but himself to blame when he could feel the start of his off days, dozens and dozens of photos spilled out, scattered near his feet when he dropped the box.
With shaking fingers, he gathered them, shoved it back into the slightly bent box, when he caught sight of a key, and he remembered the locked metal box he saw behind the shoebox earlier.
At this point Sungyeol was past caring already, and decided to just get it over with as he pulled out the box. He had an inkling on what might be inside, yet his breath still caught in his throat when the key unlocked smoothly, revealing Myungsoo’s DSLR camera.
After the carnage, he had salvaged as much of what was left of Myungsoo’s belongings, despite the disagreement of the rest of the guys, and in the end Sunggyu made him choose between the camera and the lighter, to which he pick the latter, to the eldest surprise.
He had not known what had become of it afterwards, and half of him had accepted the thought of Sunggyu throwing everything away, which is why he had not expected to see all the remnants again, after all that had went down.
When they found the camera, in its pitiful state, the first thing everyone lunged for was the SD card, for surely Myungsoo would use it before he went, and maybe, just maybe, they can have some sort of answer to all the never-ending question brought by the situation, and he remembered the pure disbelief in their eyes when the slot was empty.
Nobody figured out where the missing card was, and Sungyeol was too disoriented to care at that time, that the matter was dropped altogether. The authorities returned the camera back to them after closing the case, and it lie in that box, forgotten by time.
He picked the camera up, cradling it carefully, despite the mess it has become, and started fiddling with the buttons, the way he remembered its owner used to do, and frowned when some of it were jammed, stuck in its frame. The lens was cracked, broken beyond repair, and the fact that it was more or less still in one piece amazed him, somewhat.
Just because, he checked the SD slot again, confirmed its empty, and was about to put it back when he noticed the bundle of stuffs in the same box, thrown haphazardly together in the DSLR pouch; USB wires, card readers, batteries, floppy discs, and the younger’s compact camera.
The guys had teased the younger for being sentimental when they figured out that Myungsoo still kept his first camera, despite being broken for years now after a mishap involving a pool, and the definitely-not-waterproof gadget, but his best friend had always been quite a character under the aloof exterior.
His mind spun when he discovered the SD card in it, and Myungsoo’s voice rang.
“This way, no one but you will see it first, so promise you won’t tell, okay?”
Sungyeol plucked out the card, and started putting everything back into place.
“Of course; it’s a promise, Myungsoo-ah.”
*******
I am with you always
From life until death takes me
He cannot really remember how they came to be, nor does he think it is that important anymore, but as the second oldest member of this ragtag group, Dongwoo is in the unique position of able to care for the younger guys and keeping an eye on the reckless Sunggyu at the same time, no matter how much the eldest refused it.
He has been playing peacemaker for the group a lot, and in a way, they had all come to rely to him in a way or another, so much that he is listed as the first person contact in case of emergency instead of each other’s family; Howon included.
(He had refused when Howon asked, considering he is in good terms with the latter’s mother himself, but the strained look in the other’s eyes stopped him in his tracks, and he agreed.)
He had taken full responsibility, despite the quiet disagreement in Sunggyu’s eyes, and he had never ones regretted it. Sungjong once remarked that he is stronger than he seems to be, and if he believed in those words more than he believed in himself, well, nobody else needs to know.
Dongwoo wonders what else the youngest see in him, and in each of them, for the other is always far more observant and wiser than the rest of them combined.
Still, he doubts Sungjong will ever see this coming, he thinks.
He had received a call from Howon’s mother, voice hushed yet firm, calling him over immediately, as the younger’s hysterical cry filling the background. His blood rushed to the head as he ran out of his flat and sprinted down the road, dread pooling in his stomach.
Walking into the scene of carnage, he assessed the situation, and wordlessly pulled Howon’s zipper up, covering the shirt, the younger’s eyes glassy, staring blankly to the ceiling.
“Take him away, Dongwoo.”
The cold in her voice before the call abruptly cut off sent shiver down his spine, and he nudges the other to stand, guiding him to the sink and washes the hands and face off the sickening red color.
He ignores her throughout the whole ordeal, and only when they are at the front door, does he turns back, silently asking her to stop this. Alas, she grants him a hard look, and all but shoves him and her son out of the place.
“You are no longer my son! Leave!”
Her shout echoes throughout the building, and ringing in his head.
They are well within a distance from the building when Howon snaps out of his reverie, eyes looking around in panic, and trying to make his way back. He responds by tightening his iron grip on Howon’s hand, and marches on; the younger’s endless pleading falls into deaf ears.
His mind whirls in his head, and he remembers the one time they lie down on the tarmac of the empty parking lot, his head on Howon’s arm, staring at the starless night sky, as they wait for Woohyun to arrive in his rented car and picking up the rest of the guys.
The younger’s voice was laced with quiet resignation as they talk about the future, and moments later Howon was whooping and laughing as Woohyun arrived, driving in a circle around them, Sungyeol’s manic laughter echoing the area.
It makes him wonder what else he missed, amidst the happy picture they painted.
For the regret on not talking to Myungsoo after that night at their hideout still haunts him till this very day, and he is determined enough to do absolutely everything to keep Howon safe, now, even if it kills him in the process.
Still, Dongwoo clenches his teeth, hard, and wonders just where they went wrong.
*******
I want you to be brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
If one asked Woohyun what is his biggest wish, he would most definitely answer, with sincerity in his voice; for them to stay together for as long as they could, and smiles softly, as if just the mere thought of it left him content already.
For he had been there when Sungjong’s diagnosis came out, his heart beating madly in his chest, and his blood had run cold the first time Sunggyu collapsed, freezing all of his insides until there was nothing but helplessness with each nap the eldest took, drifting in and out of wakefulness.
He also had noticed that Myungsoo’s off days had been more regular than usual, which affecting Sungyeol more than the latter lets on, while Howon had gotten more distance with each day he spent not talking to his mother. He ignored the sight of the cigarette box in Dongwoo’s pocket, and how the shine in the elder’s eyes dimmed with each drag of nicotine into his system.
One may think that Woohyun’s tendency to exaggerate came to play again, but the group of friends he has was technically the family he never had, and it broke him to see them going off-tangent, one by one, and having no power to do anything to fix the situation.
So he did the best thing he could; which was taking as many jobs as possible for a man, and accumulate as much money as possible. He convinced Dongwoo to try out as gas station attendant -with a hidden motive of having the elder cut back on the smoking habit-, and when Howon got fired from the last job, he was quick to suggest a new one almost immediately, if only to channel the excess energy the younger have outside of home.
He worked hard, too hard, that it was almost cruel how everything was taken away.
He had a day off at one of his night shifts, and while he would usually took the opportunity to catch up on some well-deserved rest, he found that sleep had eluded him, and he wound up wandering on the streets, thoughts whirling in his mind.
So when he bumped his shoulder onto one of the guys, he barely noticed it.
Enraged, the taller of the two men shouted at him, before pushing him against the shutter of the closed flower shop, hand grabbing his neck, to which he defiantly slapped off, eyes cold. A kick landed square on his stomach immediately after, rendering him breathless.
Alas, Woohyun was not much of a fighter, but he definitely could hold his own had he not been tired as hell. Still, he tried defending himself, as much as he possibly could in his state, but a well-aimed knee-kick to his face send him reeling, and he hits the ground unceremoniously. Shots of pain stinging all over his body and he can feel blood trickling from his lips.
When the men finally left, he took some time to grab a hold of himself, and stood up before trying to make his way back. He lost himself in his thoughts again; formulating excuses to give to his boss at work the next day and Sunggyu, who would definitely get worried again.
A loud screech of tire braking on the road brought him out of his musing abruptly, and he turned to his left to see an incoming car, speeding straight towards him, the light so bright it practically blinds him.
So much, all Woohyun could see was white, even when the car painted everything red.
*******
We would run on the block all night and day
We didn't want to get older
On the rare days that they were able to go out together, the whole seven of them, Sunggyu always suggested that they go for a walk, regardless of distance; sometimes near, just along the streets near the neighborhood or running around the deserted buildings a couple of blocks down the road. Sometimes they went far, hanging out at the old train station, walking across the abandoned railway tracks, and hanging out on top of the biggest train head they could find, chattering aimlessly as they face the town.
They usually went around doing things as they come, that the first time they really took to plan on meeting up was also the last time they gathered together, all seven of them.
Woohyun had wanted to see the sea, so bad; he even went so far as to offer the ticket money, to which the rest of them shamelessly agreed. And the happiness on the man’s face must be infectious enough, for they actually managed to plan a trip of sort, scheduling everyone’s schedule so that everyone would be present, and on that promised date, they took the earliest bus to the nearest beach, excitement rolling off of them in waves.
When they arrived, Sungyeol spotted a construction structure in a distance, and Woohyun started walking on the raised concrete by the sidewalk, balancing himself when Myungsoo broke off into a run, heading straight to the said structure.
Soon enough, they were running around after him, while Sungjong settled for a jog after he sent him a hard stern look, to which the others promptly slowed down, and ran along with the youngest, joking around.
They stood in line, talking about everything and nothing, waving at the birds and huddled in jackets as the wind blows around them, the sea spread out before them so wide, and the sun shone down, like a blessing.
Those are the best moments he can think off the top of his head, and he ignores the fact that the sky was always too bleak for such occasion, just as he likes to think that the radiant faces of his friends were so blinding it effortlessly replaced the brightness of the sun above.
Woohyun would laugh at him then, saying things like he had gotten sentimental for no apparent reason, and he would get mad at the younger for being such an obnoxious kid, but the guffawed laughter of Dongwoo would appeased his wrath, and they were back to the start again.
If they were lucky Howon would brought some homemade cookies courtesy of his wonderful mother, and they laughed as Sungyeol started making grabby hands at them, until they were down for the last piece, to which Myungsoo and Sungjong would start fighting for them seriously, or as serious as one can get over a cookie, which according to the two youngest, was a lot, really.
They will do this again; keep on being like this, tomorrow.
In another world, perhaps, Sunggyu’s wishes might come true.
*******
Keep it close
When they’re coming for us
He had checked Myungsoo’s SD card almost immediately after he found it, and he exhaled in relief to discover that it was still working, surviving the carnage. He locked the door to his room, careful to ensure that Sunggyu would not catch him in any way possible, and ignored the way his hands could not stop shaking, despite himself.
There was dozens and dozens of pictures inside, and he laughed out loud at some of the weird poses and faces they made, reveling in the good memories, back when they were still seven.
Myungsoo had hardly brought out his DSLR anymore after Woohyun left, and even if he did, he would only photograph his best friend anyways, that no one even bother asking about it later on, accepting it as the way the younger cope with the missing number in the group, though Sungyeol knows better.
He started deleting the pictures, one by one by one, till he reached the last file, and true to prediction it was taken on the same date as the incident, though he hesitated slightly when he realized it was a video file instead of the usual pictures.
The man who found the camera had said that it was placed with support and everything, as if to ensure that it stay stabilized throughout the whole thing, and he had been to the other’s place too many times to count to figure out where exactly it was placed.
Still, he could not help the shiver that ran down his skin when he played the video, and the whole of Myungsoo’s room, like the one he remembered, came into view. The younger must have used automatic timer or something, for the said person was not seen anywhere, and he was about to fast forward when Myungsoo showed up, dressed in a jean and simple shirt, holding a gas can.
Dread pooled in his stomach, and he was saying ‘no’ over and over again, like a prayer, horror in his eyes as the younger opens the can, and pours its content all over the room while standing on the bed before throwing the empty can carelessly, a blank expression on his face the whole time.
Alas, nothing stopped Sungyeol from stifling a silent scream when his best friend took out the lighter, flicking it on and off before keeping it on with a dazed look at the sight of the flame, and stood up, his body facing the camera.
Kim Myungsoo drops the lighter on the floor, setting the whole room on fire.
Yet, even as he stood there, the dazed look remained on the handsome face, as he watched the flame engulfing the area before he made his way to the camera, as calm as ever.
The video stopped there, as the screen fades to black, but Sungyeol did not have to watch to know that Myungsoo must have took out the SD card, placed it in the compact camera, puts it with other stuff for him to retrieve later, and sat down, amidst the fire he loved so much.
Later, Sungyeol sat in the bathtub, hugging his knees, his mind surprisingly empty, devoid of any thoughts. He opened the tap, watching as the water starts filling the space, and took out a paper envelope with smashed bits of Myungsoo’s SD card inside.
He leant on the tub then, grabbing the lighter from his back pocket, and flicked it on effortlessly, before setting the envelope on fire. He held onto the paper, watching as the flame quickly spreads over every inch of it, and drops it on the floor.
Lee Sungyeol closed the tap just so it will not overflow, and sinks lower.
*******
Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Howon returned home from work to hear the usual argument, again, and he was ready to turn and walked away when the sound of something breaking stopped him. He shuffled closer to the door, and he could hear his voice now, slurred and angry, and then there was her voice and she was-
He stepped inside, his heart pounding wildly in his chest, careful not to alarm the two on his presence, and he watched as the man lifts his hand, and hits her with a sounding slap, his mind spun as she staggered at the force.
He had suspected of it, and even confronted her about possible violence in their arguments, but she always denied everything, and worse, defended that man, all while saying things like it was nothing for him to be worried about.
Howon saw red when that man continued screaming down at her and in blind rage, picked up one of the empty soju bottle, and rammed it into his stomach, over and over and over again.
When he came to, there was trickle of blood coming out from that man’s mouth and there was red, red everywhere; on that man’s shirt, on his shirt, his hand, the hand covering his, on the floor, and he unknowingly took a step back as the man fell on his knees.
He released his grip of the glass, letting it fell to pieces between them, and the crashing sound snapped something inside of him. Howon slide down the wall as he screamed, hands covering his eyes at the realization of everything, his hysterical cry echoing the small wall of their home.
Later, when his throat hurts and raw from all the screaming, he settled to stare at the ceiling, his mind blank, as if being wiped clean of everything, to the point he barely registered Dongwoo’s presence in front of him, zipping his jacket and pulled him up, guiding him to the sink to wash off all the red on his hand and face.
He almost registered his mother’s shout as they walked out the door, and he totally snaps out of his reverie when they are well within a distance from the building. He looks around in panic as flashes of red whirls in his head, as well as that man’s lifeless eyes, and he tried making his way back -to do what he did not know exactly- but Dongwoo’s steps are not faltered, not one bit as they marches down the road.
Howon can care less on anything now, as he pleads to the elder to turn around, but the other is eerily stubborn, and he does not even have half the energy to yank his hand from Dongwoo’s iron grip on his, that he just follows, eyes dazed at the sea of red lilies in front of them.
Dongwoo stops right at the doorstep, and loosens the grip, albeit slightly.
“Nobody will find us here, so for the time being we can just, sit here.”
The haunted look on his hyungs face kills any semblance of words on his lips.
“She entrusted you to me, the moment she cut all ties with us.”
Her shout rings clearly in his mind, echoing deep inside.
“I will not give you up, Howon.”
He looks at the other’s face, properly, and finds the hidden words in the dark eyes.
“Don’t give me up,” it told him.
So he nods, slowly, feeling the numbness settling in, and follows the other inside.
They settle on one of the tables by the window, and waits for the setting sun. Dongwoo will then go back to his place, where he will pack both his and Howon’s stuff, and together they will leave the town before the sunrise.
And the whole time, the barista simply looks on, without as much of a word.
For both Lee Howon and Jang Dongwoo are becoming the ghost in their own hearts, yet still strong enough to hold onto life, that there is nothing Infinite café can do for them, but to lend a roof as shelter, only if for a night.
*******
Don't save me, don't save me, 'cause
I don't care
There is a firm knock on the door, and Sungjong pauses in his reading, brows furrowed. A quick glance at the clock tells him that it is way too early for a visit, and the staffs would not wait for more than 5 seconds before inviting themselves in, so this must be something else altogether.
His mind helpfully applies Dongwoo’s sudden and quick visit three days ago, and he schools his features quick enough as the door opens, revealing two men who smiles politely, yet Sungjong knows enough by now to recognize them as people from authority.
One of them introduces himself as Soohyun, from the local police station, and he listens with quiet resignation as the detective calmly explains the possible homicide case that took place at their home and-
“We are still searching for the whereabouts of the victim’s son, Lee Howon, and we were informed that you knew the young man quite well, so is it possible to ask a few questions…”
Sungjong grips the book in his hands, so hard, his knuckle turns white, and he just realized that he had stop breathing when the detective’s panicked face swims in front of his eyes, before everything goes black.
Much later, when he is 80% confident he can control himself, he rings the nurses, and watches dazedly as the head nurse drops by, administrating the machines with the ease of a veteran.
“The detective might pay you another visit later.”
His mind spins around, and he reminds himself to simply breathe.
“But from what I heard that young man already gave his statement.”
He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.
“The one who brought that thick book on stars, I think.”
He wonders how Sunggyu deals; now there are only the two of them left.
“I know you don’t believe in possible cure anymore, but for his sake, I hope you give everything a try again, Sungjong-ah.”
His eyes widen at that, for he never thought the staff will pick up on that.
“Sometimes, you look like you rather get everything done and over with, Sungjong.”
The soft look in her eyes tells him she had known for awhile now, and he grimaces inside, averting his eyes. She pats his head, before silently walking out; the door closes with a soft click.
He sighs, slow and inaudible, and throws his gaze outside, where Infinite café stood proud, and if he squints hard enough he can see the barista watering the lilies, leaning over the open window, dark hair tousled by the wind. As if sensing him from there, the barista looks up, and the ache in Sungjong’s chest acts up again.
For even from this far, he can make up Myungsoo’s features quite clearly, and if he really wishes for it, he swears he can hear Woohyun’s voice, singing softly as he bakes, and Sungyeol’s attempt for harmony as he cleans the table.
He had sneak out again two days ago, when the sun had long sets and the sky was bare of any stars, and he made it just in time to catch Howon and Dongwoo at the end of the road, wearing a cap on and a backpack on their backs, and Sunggyu had given them a hug tight enough to hurt, before the two disappeared into the night.
Sunggyu turned towards him then, a soft smile on his face.
“I’ll look after you, so please, don’t get too far away, tomorrow.”
The eldest had said it with quiet resignation in his voice, so soft, like a whisper, and impossibly lonely, he had to grit his teeth to ensure that he would not cry at the sight.
Later, much later, the youngest of the group holds his hyung’s hand, as the eldest falls into a nap again, and grips it as tight as he can for as long as time allows him to. When the other gets up to leave by the end of visiting hours, he steadies his voice, and speaks.
“Forgive me, hyung.”
He simply smiles, pats the younger’s head, and walks away.
Kim Sunggyu never goes to visit Lee Sungjong again.
*******
I need to empty you out little by little
Yes, I need to erase you
The sky is blue and the sun is shining, yet all Sunggyu wants is to stay in his room and lies down all day, the sound of cicadas too loud in his ears, and the heat is pricking his skin. There is a fishbowl filled with trinkets and decorated with shells under his arms, and he is walking down the trodden path towards the hospital, as an errand for the old grandmother who lives in the room opposite his.
“My grandchild is hospitalized, and I want to decorate his room a bit, you see.”
He almost pointed out that the child most probably not going to stay long anyway -it’s just a minor surgery-, but he can see the silent pleading in the elder’s eyes, and before he knew it he is already halfway down the stairs, holding the round fishbowl.
Besides, he owed the grandmother a lot anyway, for always baking extra batch of cookies just for him, even when she really should not have. Or maybe it is secretly her way to manipulate him into running around in her stead under this horrible weather on his day off work at the restaurant.
Sunggyu makes it to the building without any incident, something he secretly marvels at, and walks down the hallway to the child’s room with an air of someone who has been there countless times. Like always, he is careful to avoid familiar faces among the staffs, and upon reaching the room, he is glad to discover that the girl is alone, sitting upright on the bed, fiddling with a book.
A memory flashes in his mind at the sight, and he promptly ignores it.
He keeps the visit short, and does not wait around until the girl’s mother returns back to the room, as he can feel his head spinning. It would not do to scare the poor girl after all, he thinks.
Still, he all but dashes outside the room and out of the hospital, and he barely realize that he is going the wrong way when sea of red greets him, yet he marches on, until his legs wobbles beneath him, and he collapses down the sidewalk, stalks of white lilies looming over his head.
He has hard time recalling things and people lately, to his own horror sometimes, but from time to time there are familiar faces talking to him about everything and nothing, and he can live with that.
His mind drifted to the empty bottle in the bathroom cabinet, or is it the kitchen now?
Right, he had run out of the pills faster than usual this time around.
Kim Sunggyu sighs, heavily, closes his eyes, and stops thinking altogether.
*******
There is a coffee shop at the end of the road by the hospital. The shop is quaint, small and simple in design, with a lone wind chime hanging by the sign that read Infinite café, emblazoned in pearly gold color. No one knows how old the shop is, for it has been there since one can remember, though for some reason the townspeople generally tend to stay away from it, as if there is a barrier that keeps them at arm’s length.
One would attribute that to the elders of the town, who would warn against going down the very road, much less visiting the café, with threatening and cautionary tales keeping the curios away, passed from generations to generations; words like haunted by death being the most common legend about the place.
This is even more so when they lost a group of youth, one by one they left until only one remains, and the whole town watches as the lone young man, who has a serious case of narcolepsy starts trekking down the usually deserted road daily soon after.
Nobody says anything, but there is an unspoken agreement among the folks to lend a hand and keeps watch over the soft-spoken young man, who always, always working hard to repay the others back by all means he can think of at the time, -sometimes he sings for the elderly, or run simple errands- even when he can barely gather himself together.
Until one day the son of the local barber found the man collapsed right at the door step of the coffee shop, and the whole town reacts in horror as the young man stare blankly at the ceiling of the hospital ward, forgotten names on his lips.
When he finally opens the door to Infinite café, no one has it in them to blame him.
For the place is always there, a constant through time, doors welcome for the broken ones with shadows in their eyes, and perpetual sadness clinging to their entire being.
Only to be greeted by the very ghosts in their hearts.
Who beckons them in with a soft, gentle smile, and impossibly real.
And they will do this again; keep on being like this, tomorrow.
Surely, their wishes will come true.
*******
They say that we’re
Living for happiness
But what is that
A/N:
Putting this at the end to avoid spoiler, har har.
Prompts:
1. Quote: "The forecast is
we kiss goodbye and never hello
all kisses are then parting kisses" - She, Saul Williams
2. Image: image
3. Song: BTS - I Need U