update to the MAXXX! but dont worry, you'll be bored halfway through
where did i leave off? lets see. last friday was the student recital... i think. was that right? i met up with some of the girls and brandt afterwards at rula bula, which was fun. then saturday i worked, and later that day was alicia's wedding. she looked really, really happy. i dont think i had ever seen her so damn happy before. while the reception was low-key, it was still nice to see her, and it was nice to see her happy.
marriage is a funny thing. some days, its like thats all i'd want out of my life one day- a hubby, kids, a little house with a big kitchen. but other days marriage is the last thing i would ever want. how impossible is it to find someone you can spend the rest of your life with?
when i was a junior in high school i had one of the greatest teachers ever (Mr. Eberle) as my marine bio instructor. he was an extremely liberal thinker, very into the alternative. actually, the year i had him, it was his last year before retirement and he and his wife (whom i also had as a third grade ELP teacher- she was the hippie instructor with three python snakes, newts, rabbits, guinea pigs, turtles, mice, and once she brought in her goat- no im not even exaggerating) could move to colorado, raise their own food and livestock, and live in a wigwam they planned to build themselves out of adobe blocks. they planned to be one with the earth and eat only what they could kill themselves, and drink long islands in the mountains every day. on the last day of school, he wore a shirt that had little light-up words that said "I don't care" and he wore a green poker visor all day. that last day, he told me i was the daughter he never had, and he gave me a big hug, and said he knew i'd be fine, whatever i did. i loved that man, and i loved his wife because they believed in me, and every other "alternative thinking student" that walked through their classroom. they liked the crazies, the stupids, the weirds, and the angsts just the way they were.
my VERY ROUNDABOUT POINT to all that was that he always used to tell us that humans were not made to spend the rest of their lives with just one person. he was on his second marriage, and he used to say that while he was so happy with Vicki, he said in fifteen years they might be different people, and they might have to seperate and try other things, other people. i never ever believed that it could be true- why would you marry someone if you ever thought you might not want to be married to them forever? but now it makes sense. or at least, it makes more sense than it did six years ago. people are constantly changing. we are not stagnant beings. we are complicated and confusing and complex people, and it is so fucking impossible to think that we might find one other person that we can change and grow and be different with. i just dont buy it. i love dating, and god knows i love much of what comes with dating. but dating is the easy part. sex is the easy part. its easy to have drinks with someone and have sex with someone, but its the relationship that is the hard part. people (myself included) want things easy for the most part, and relationships are rarely easy. marriage is rarely easy. i just find it hard to believe that you can find one person to spend your life with who you can put up their constant struggles, and to put up with your shit. marriage is something i dont buy into lightly.
i guess that means im not ready for a real relationship. at least not one that thinks outside of the bar or the bedroom.
and thats the most honest thing ive said in the past twenty minutes. or in the past month.
anyway, the ROUNDABOUT POINT was that i really think alicia and jeremy have a good shot at being together for the rest of their lives. they make each other really happy. and if you can make someone really happy for life, id say thats a pretty good accomplishment.
then the week passed and nothing happened that i want to talk about on lj. then friday came, and we didnt do anything. saturday came, and we went to troupapalooza, which was half fun, half rediculous. the claws were there, which means glenn was there, and i dont know if i can forgive myself for ever being his friend and trying to see the good side in someone that doesnt exist. god i hate that man.
then saturday night i hung out with brian, and we all know how much we like brian. or something.
then on sunday sarah taught me how to drive a stick, (as brian was too busy) which was way fun and way scary. she was a really good teacher too. she showed me all the gears and the clutch, and i think i got first gear figured out, which i think is supposed to be the hardest one, and she showed me how to reverse, which was weird. but i had lotsa fun trying to ruin her car by stalling it out so many damn times. im really looking forward to getting my own damn car already. that i can drive. by myself. but she was patient as ever, and used that really calm, really reassuring voice when youre trying to successfully show someone something, which was cool. then because she was such a good little girl, we went and i bought her an ice cream cone. or in this case, a kit-kat blizzard. how did they not invent those sooner.
which brings us to today. i have a lot of communication homework that im not doing, i have errands to run which im not doing, im still in my boxers so i have to put on pants, and im hungry, so id better go make myself some food.
and get started with my day.