sick and tired
guess i got something sick going on in my insides. woot. its prolly strep, since some of the girls have it. le sigh. its been a while since ive been ill,oh how ive missed that. but i just feel like hell. i want to sleep but i cant because i cant turn my mind off. there's a fuck ton of packing, and i have a lot of math to do before monday, and im trying to finish burning these playlists, and i need a shower and i have laundry.
fuck.
natium and the claws severed their ties on sunday. no wait. i should rephrase that. natium severed its tie with glenn from the white claws on sunday. ah. thats more accurate. since the majority of the group (ever hear of a belly dance democracy? well now you have) either cannot or refuse to work with him while he is heading up the drummers, we have broken up with our six boyfriends and three and a half girlfriends and are now enjoying the single life.
for one, i cant work with him anymore. i cant believe i invested so much of my energy into seeing the good side of him. i cant believe how naive i fucking am sometimes.
school is school. i missed my dance class today because i feel so out of it, which makes me sad. i like that class. i like the professor/instructor. i dont even mind the music. and my math class is really hard, as usual. im more confident than i was last time itook this course, but nervous nonetheless.
deep down, i know im not a total fuck up. i know everyone does good things and bad things, and sometimes things work out, and often times they dont. i get that. what i dont get is why i feel the need to have to re-learn and re-learn things over and over again. i am a hands on learner; i need to fuck something up myself or make something great before i appreciate it further. but why must i have to repeat my mistakes? its an exhausting way to make yourself a better person. quite frankly, it makes you want to stop trying, which, upon writing that out, poses the realization that perhaps thats why i have to keep repeating myself. im too tired to be paying attention to much of anything, much less the things i fuck up.
off to pack my things in this glorified hotel room. check in, check out nine months later. parts of me are really going to miss this place. this experience.
fuck.
natium and the claws severed their ties on sunday. no wait. i should rephrase that. natium severed its tie with glenn from the white claws on sunday. ah. thats more accurate. since the majority of the group (ever hear of a belly dance democracy? well now you have) either cannot or refuse to work with him while he is heading up the drummers, we have broken up with our six boyfriends and three and a half girlfriends and are now enjoying the single life.
for one, i cant work with him anymore. i cant believe i invested so much of my energy into seeing the good side of him. i cant believe how naive i fucking am sometimes.
school is school. i missed my dance class today because i feel so out of it, which makes me sad. i like that class. i like the professor/instructor. i dont even mind the music. and my math class is really hard, as usual. im more confident than i was last time itook this course, but nervous nonetheless.
deep down, i know im not a total fuck up. i know everyone does good things and bad things, and sometimes things work out, and often times they dont. i get that. what i dont get is why i feel the need to have to re-learn and re-learn things over and over again. i am a hands on learner; i need to fuck something up myself or make something great before i appreciate it further. but why must i have to repeat my mistakes? its an exhausting way to make yourself a better person. quite frankly, it makes you want to stop trying, which, upon writing that out, poses the realization that perhaps thats why i have to keep repeating myself. im too tired to be paying attention to much of anything, much less the things i fuck up.
off to pack my things in this glorified hotel room. check in, check out nine months later. parts of me are really going to miss this place. this experience.