(no subject)
I told myself that I would no longer write in this journal, but it's so hard resisting when everything is so accessible, clear, and familiar here.
I had been upset for a while now, from many different things that have been hitting me all at once. On the bright side, I have finally gotten through the toughetst part of the year. I passed the Foundations Art Proficiency and my portfolio did really well, I only have three more projects (the quilt, the dysfunctional design, and the conceptual self portrait) as far as art goes this year, and I'm finally able to live. However, I have a shit ton of stuff to pack and need to get ready to get the hell out of here.
The things that have been upsetting me:
-Hindsight of everything this year--I've pretty much ended up the same way I came in. As much as I grew and continually changed my first year of college, I am surprise at how much is still the same. I'm really not disappointed by this, more underwhelmed?
-Humanity is going to hell--The other day, this girl in my design class, in the middle of a pre-crit, fucking walks across the room to kill a bumble bee. WTF. It's not like half of the bee population hadn't died off this year, nothing is getting pollinated, and the cold front in mid April didn't kill off anything that had a chance anyways. Also, apathy is pissing me the fuck off. naeko wrote this huge tangent in the postsecret community about how if we ignore hateful words and racism, then it really doesn't exist and shouldn't hurt people. Seriously? I don't think that I can say any more. What a dumbass.
-I was commissioned to make a dress for the opening of the latest art exhibit tomorrow, and I invested a lot of time and money to make it. Tailor-made to fit her, she decided earlier this week that she might wear it for graduation instead because she wants to look more professional than pretty. I don't know if I feel like I've wasted my time and energy more, or if I've wasted money more, but it was upsetting.
Well, I miss this journal. But maybe I'll just use this to rant. My new journal is granolithic. It will contain my real life and shit, even though I haven't posted in it in an eternity.