goodbye.
A while back ago, I had said that I wanted to drop out of or leave Truman. Well, my mind was changed because I had a good support system. A backbone. A lumbar vertebrae. But since then, the marrow has dissipated. I don't feel close to anyone here that I had felt close to before. I look around Kirksville and the beauty has vanished. I once looked at Kirksville with this feeling of completeness. I was excited to explore this little town and get to know it's people. Now when I look out my window, I don't know what to look for anymore. There's nothing to look forward of it anymore. The little family that I made here, including people of my own kin, has divorced me. I feel like they look forward to my departing. The root to their problems.
I've been evaluating myself since the problem had come up. Does my friendship really make them miserable? Do I really hurt so many people? & I realized that I probably do. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. As much as this has hurt me, they're all only hurting me but I'm affecting so many other people.
Here at Kirksville, I realized what I'd really miss. The dress shop, the abandoned bottling plant, the girls I've met at BOB, the ATO parties and affiliates, the wonderful Art faculty and inside jokes. Food network with Ashley. The comraderie that I was once a part of.
So today, I'm going to clean my room. They say that if you're room is messy, which mine is, will clear up your life. The clutter of my room parallels the clutter in my life. So I'll start new and clean.
Which made me realize that I've been hefloats too long. Two years now. So I'll have a new identity too. I'll personally contact people when I get a new journal. A new life. A new journal.
Well, this is it. Thanks for keeping it real.