:(
Ok so I lied in the previous post.
But this is definitely my last entry.
Infact - its my last entry ever as heffaloopaloop.
Things happened, I got incredibly fucked over, and as a result, I'm never speaking to Andy again, because he will never, and CAN'T EVER make it up to me, nor can he repay me for everything I did for him. Its like falling for those nigeria bank email scams. I sent all my money thinking I'd get something huge in return but then I find out that I lost everything just because I blindly trusted someone.
If I can help it I'll never even SEE him again. I realise we have similar friends. Thats ok, I bow out of everything. If you can be sure Andy or Han are DEFINITELY not going to be at a gathering, please, invite me along and I'll be happy to chat and laugh. Otherwise, just forget about me. I remove myself from the circle. Your friendship isn't that important to me.
Ben, my answer is no. I don't want to be your friend. I want new different friends.
Because of all this shit, I'm going to create a new journal (once I've moved house and gotten everything sorted out), and its going to be permanently friends locked. I had a lot of fun with this journal, rarely ever locking posts. And I thought I'd be able to carry on. But now it seems that theres an actual need for privacy because I don't actually want some people to know what I'm doing anymore. I will not be carrying all current listed friends over to the new journal. If I do like you enough to be on the new one, I'd like you not to discuss my happenings and whereabouts with anyone else that even KNOWS Andy. I am to have completely disappeared from his life. If you can't do that, please do the courtesy of telling me so I can unfriend you. Nothing personal, I just need to extract myself from everything. And if you cunts can't respect my privacy over the need for your fucking inane gossip then you can fuck right off too. I don't need that kind of shit, I never asked for it, and if I find out that information is being relayed, I swear on my life you and whoever you spoke to will lose an eye. This is no idle threat.
I require no sympathy. I am okay. It hurts a bit, but after what happened, its safe to say that I have a strong dislike and complete disdain for the methods and actions undertaken by my fucking ex boyfriend. All respect has been lost. The only thing I hope is that he realises just how much he missed out on, and that the next person that does get the opportunity to hold my heart realises it and treats me like a princess, and not a rag on a stick for when he can't reach the sponge. When I'm particularly angry I hope that rest of his life is as fucked up as how I feel now and that nothing will ever go right - but I know inside I don't really. Because I really did love him, and that part of me wishes that he'll learn and become a stronger and better person and that I helped to make him realise what he needs to do to make him happy. And that part of me probably won't die either. Sometimes I wish I could go back and still be friends or something, but I know I'll be all the better for fucking right off and out and not even risk being put in that situation again.
And so... here I sit, flicking my lighter. I intend to burn bridges. Not many though. Some weren't trod often and had the potential to become monumental linking highways, but I burn them regardless so that there are no paths that Andy can walk to get to me. I apologise that I will be doing so to people that hold a strong connecting rope, again, nothing personal. It is a bit silly that I will not be a friend just because they're friends with someone else. But I'm selfish and sacrificing both at the same time. If you think that I may drop you, and really really want to still know me, leave a comment, send an email, something. Otherwise, die quietly and safely, knowing you don't have to chose between anyone.
Goodbye public journal.
Goodbye apartment.
Goodbye "love".
But this is definitely my last entry.
Infact - its my last entry ever as heffaloopaloop.
Things happened, I got incredibly fucked over, and as a result, I'm never speaking to Andy again, because he will never, and CAN'T EVER make it up to me, nor can he repay me for everything I did for him. Its like falling for those nigeria bank email scams. I sent all my money thinking I'd get something huge in return but then I find out that I lost everything just because I blindly trusted someone.
If I can help it I'll never even SEE him again. I realise we have similar friends. Thats ok, I bow out of everything. If you can be sure Andy or Han are DEFINITELY not going to be at a gathering, please, invite me along and I'll be happy to chat and laugh. Otherwise, just forget about me. I remove myself from the circle. Your friendship isn't that important to me.
Ben, my answer is no. I don't want to be your friend. I want new different friends.
Because of all this shit, I'm going to create a new journal (once I've moved house and gotten everything sorted out), and its going to be permanently friends locked. I had a lot of fun with this journal, rarely ever locking posts. And I thought I'd be able to carry on. But now it seems that theres an actual need for privacy because I don't actually want some people to know what I'm doing anymore. I will not be carrying all current listed friends over to the new journal. If I do like you enough to be on the new one, I'd like you not to discuss my happenings and whereabouts with anyone else that even KNOWS Andy. I am to have completely disappeared from his life. If you can't do that, please do the courtesy of telling me so I can unfriend you. Nothing personal, I just need to extract myself from everything. And if you cunts can't respect my privacy over the need for your fucking inane gossip then you can fuck right off too. I don't need that kind of shit, I never asked for it, and if I find out that information is being relayed, I swear on my life you and whoever you spoke to will lose an eye. This is no idle threat.
I require no sympathy. I am okay. It hurts a bit, but after what happened, its safe to say that I have a strong dislike and complete disdain for the methods and actions undertaken by my fucking ex boyfriend. All respect has been lost. The only thing I hope is that he realises just how much he missed out on, and that the next person that does get the opportunity to hold my heart realises it and treats me like a princess, and not a rag on a stick for when he can't reach the sponge. When I'm particularly angry I hope that rest of his life is as fucked up as how I feel now and that nothing will ever go right - but I know inside I don't really. Because I really did love him, and that part of me wishes that he'll learn and become a stronger and better person and that I helped to make him realise what he needs to do to make him happy. And that part of me probably won't die either. Sometimes I wish I could go back and still be friends or something, but I know I'll be all the better for fucking right off and out and not even risk being put in that situation again.
And so... here I sit, flicking my lighter. I intend to burn bridges. Not many though. Some weren't trod often and had the potential to become monumental linking highways, but I burn them regardless so that there are no paths that Andy can walk to get to me. I apologise that I will be doing so to people that hold a strong connecting rope, again, nothing personal. It is a bit silly that I will not be a friend just because they're friends with someone else. But I'm selfish and sacrificing both at the same time. If you think that I may drop you, and really really want to still know me, leave a comment, send an email, something. Otherwise, die quietly and safely, knowing you don't have to chose between anyone.
Goodbye public journal.
Goodbye apartment.
Goodbye "love".