A New Love
Title: A New Love
Genre: Angst
Pairing: OnKey; ninja!JongTae
Rating: PG
Summary: Love comes without warning, in any form, to anybody. Fail to see it will make you loss the only change you’ll have. Kibum lost his lover and found a friend as a replacement. A friend who silently loved him, who slowly felt the tiredness of waiting. Jinki lost his twin and found a man who owned his heart. A man who firstly blinded by his sorrow, who slowly lighten by the love. Will the new love grow or die before it blooms? Time was all they needed; the perfect time to reveal the true feeling. Will they have it or time run out on them?
AN: This should be a birthday present to Jinki and to all my friends who have birthday on this special day, but why did I write angst? I don’t know. I am so sorry…. T____T
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It has been 2 years after the accident. The accident which had made them lost their beloved one. The accident which made Kibum lost his lover. The accident which made Jinki lost his twin.
It has been 2 years for Kibum to feel numb through love. It has been 2 years for Jinki to fall in love to his twin lover; a love that always denied by Kibum; a love that never said by Jinki.
Kibum was tired. Jinki was tired. They wanted to quit. They wanted to call the day. They both tired from running; as Kibum tired ran from love, Jinki tired from chasing it.
It’s all started 2 years ago. The day that Jinki’s twin, Kibum’s lover, was coming home. He’s bringing his new beautiful lover to celebrate his birthday together with his twin and family. Everything was well plan. Everything was prepared. The family was waiting for the happy couple with food and home decoration; while the couple was eagerly hit the road, couldn’t wait to meet the family.
As plan could be made, accident could be happen. A truck had hit the couple’s car and sent Kibum’s lover to meet the GOD. Kibum could not believe what really happen, his heart shatter into pieces. Shock blanketed him tightly, suffocated him from living the reality. Kibum moved like robot, attending the funeral as an audience to a show. Not a single tear rolled from his eyes, not a single word said by his mouth.
Days passed on Kibum’s life but still he could not cry his heart out. Everything was surreal; too weird to be digested.
One day a knock came to his house, sending the identical face to his door. Kibum was shocked at first, and then he realized his lover was dead as the face in front of him was not his to claim. It’s the day Kibum started to cry. It’s the day reality stiffed him.
Jinki never knew who his twin was and what kind of people he was. They surely shared the same blood, but all his life, Jinki never met his twin. He was adopted by Lee family while his twin had been leaving with the Park family. A prophet once told their parents, the twin should be separated or one would die very young. But as life was written by GOD and HIS plan was final, death came to the twin on the first event they should be met; their 21th birthday party.
So he came to Kibum to learn about his twin. He knew his twin would be on his true self in the eye of his lover. He was fully aware Kibum might refuse or his presence might depress Kibum more. But he needed to know or he could not mourn properly.
Kibum knocked by the shock when he saw his lover stepped on the door. For a while he believed his lover was still alive, for a while he believed all was joke. It took only seconds to let reality hit him hard, as he realized that the man was not his lover. He crumpled on Jinki’s feet and started to cry. Jinki didn’t know what he should do except pulled the grieving man to his embrace and let him cried his sorrow.
Night took charge when Kibum began to calm down. For the first time, Kibum was willingly talked about his lover. It’s morning when they stop and decided to prepare some breakfast.
The talk continued as Jinki wanted the memory of his twin, as Kibum willingly shared his. Then Kibum ran out of stories and Jinki ran out of questions. Silent approached and sit between them. For the first time of seem forever, they both felt peace.
“What will your plan now, Kibum-ssi?” Jinki asked the younger man after minutes of silent.
“Call me Kibum. To be honest, I don’t know, Hyung. For weeks I lived in other universe. Now as reality hits me, I don’t know if I can live my old live anymore. He penetrated too many aspects on my life. I worked as his secretary before we became lover. Then when we decided to live together, we had done everything together.” Tears started to roll down again from his eyes.
“You said you’re a secretary before?” Jinki asked while the younger man just nodded his answer. “Will you be my secretary then? My father’s company, my adoptive father, just open a new branch here. He asked me to control its operation. You know this town better than me, so we can help each other. The company has prepared a house for me. If you don’t want to leave alone, you are welcome to stay at my house.” Jinki’s suggestion was so appealing to Kibum. He surely needed an activity to keep his mind busied. A new place to live, was also an advantage, added it with a company of someone who understand his sorrow.
Without further ado they started their new life; working together as boss and secretary at day and housemate at night. Kibum was happy for his new life, slowly gaining strength to move on. Jinki firstly happy with his life until a reality grasped him; he loved Kibum.
Jinki could not confess as he knew Kibum’s heart still belonged to his twin. Every morning a candle was lit by Kibum as a pray for the man. And every month on the date of his death, Jinki would take Kibum back to his family’s cemetery to what Kibum called as his monthly chatting. They did their routine for months, without fail, without absent.
“Kibum, I can’t go with you tomorrow.” The younger one just looked with confused eyes. Jinki always took him to the cemetery. No matter what, he would arrange his schedule to be there with him. Why did in sudden he cancel their plan?
“Why Hyung?” silently Kibum asked. He never went to the cemetery alone.
“My father asked to meet me.” That’s the answer which Jinki gave; meanwhile, ‘I can’t accompany you again to meet my twin. Every time you talk to him, jealousy hit me. You still love him so dearly and I can’t compete with someone who is unreal,’ is the truth answer.
“Oh, okay then” Kibum tried to smile, but fail. ’Please come with me Hyung. You are my anchor that keeps my sanity. I don’t know what will be happen if I go by myself.’ Kibum plead silently
Looking at Kibum’s sad face, Jinki felt guilty so he’s given-up. “Let me accompany you first then I’ll meet my father. But you have to go home alone. Is it okay with you?”
Happiness suddenly rushed to Kibum’s heart; sent a beautiful smile to his face, made Jinki lost a breath or two. “Yes, it’s okay. Thank you Hyung.”
They arrived at the cemetery when the sun still low. Breeze slowly blew, sending Kibum’s hair to his eyes. When he brushed it aside, Jinki mistakenly took the gesture as sweeping his tears away. Pain hit his chest like bullet, dig the still bleeding hole. What he could do just blinked his tears away.
‘Brother, I cannot keep my promise. I can’t accompany him any longer. On every minute I spent with him, what I ever thought was how much I love him. I know you won’t mind if I love him. But I can’t be you while he only sees me as a substitute of you. I want him for a selfish reason. I want him just for me, and not share even with you. So this is the last time I come along with him. Next month, on our birthday, I will visit you alone. At that time, I will let him go. I am sorry brother.’ Jinki shed secretly; mutely poured his confession.
‘Hi honey, it’s me. Next month is your birthday, so it’s been two years since you left me. Honey, will you mad if I am not sad anymore? I still miss you a lot; but for me you slowly become a sweet memory. A memory of being in love. Now I can laugh again, thanks to Jinki Hyung. Honey, do you know that he is so clumsy? If you always calm and full of concentration, he is full with energy and laugh. It so easy to live with him. Everything is bright when I was with him.’ Kibum smiled secretly; mutely told his story.
“Are you done?” Jinki asked Kibum while the younger one just nodded. They looked once again at the grave, made a mental promise,
‘I will come again next month. This time I will come alone. I am sorry.’
‘I will come again next month. Until next month, honey.’
Days past on their life, another birthday for Jinki, another death anniversary for Kibum. Somehow the mood was twisted, Jinki felt sad while Kibum felt ecstatic.
“Jinki Hyung, what time will we go to the cemetery tomorrow?” Kibum smiled. He’s been waiting for that day this whole month. There’s something important he need to tell his belated lover.
“This time you surely has to go by yourself Kibum. I have this important meeting at the head office early in the morning, so I have to go tonight.” Lie, it’s all lie that spelled from Jinki’s mouth. Jinki busily put his clothes on a bag.
“But why so sudden, Hyung? And why did I not know about it?” Kibum asked again. He’s his secretary after all. It’s his job to arrange all Jinki’s schedule.
“They just called me. This meeting is very important so they can’t reschedule it.” Another lie. Jinki couldn’t look Kibum in the eyes, pretended to keep on busy.
“Oh… okay. I help you pack then.” Kibum suffered a pain in his chest. He didn’t know why, but his heart crunched with agony. ’You might not know Hyung, but you’re the reason that I want to go to the cemetery tomorrow,’ Kibum stole a look at Jinki while helping him packing.
’I am sorry Kibum. I am sorry I have to lie to you.’ Jinki hid his face from Kibum.
’Do you hide something, Hyung?’ Kibum eyed Jinki.
So Jinki went that night; left Kibum alone. Not to Kibum’s knowledge, Jinki had no intention to come back. A letter has received that morning, as the letter said it’s for Mr. Lee Jinki. A letter that Jinki refused to receive a year ago, because at that time he still believed he wanted to stay with Kibum. The letter came from the head office, said that he was needed to lead their Japan representative office. After postponing for the whole year, his father asked him again. This time, Jinki agreed.
As sun rose, they both went to the cemetery, separately. Kibum never knew, Jinki just went to the nearest hotel for the night and lied about the plane. His ticket was for tomorrow not for last night.
While Kibum was kneeling in front of the grave, Jinki observed from a far. Both talked their heart to the belated one.
’Brother, I come to say goodbye. I will move to Japan, starting tomorrow. I am sorry brother; I can take care of him anymore. But don’t you worry, he’s strong now. You can see his smiles and hear his songs. He even laughs now. He is happy, that I am sure. So he doesn’t need me anymore. The thing is; it’s getting harder to live with him while I have to restrain my love. All I can think of is how much I love him and how much I want to kiss him. And when night came, I want to hold him tight and whisper a lullaby to his ears.’ Jinki smiled bitterly.
’Honey, I am happy now. I can laugh and sing again. I can sleep at night easily and wake-up in the morning with a smile. I think I have to thank you for sending him to me. Your twin helped a lot. He is the reason for my happiness. His beautiful voice asked me to sing along with him while his grin made me chuckled all the time. It’s so easy living with him. So thank you honey. I am happy now. You are okay with it, aren’t you? I know you are.’ Kibum smiled happily.
Jinki hid himself when Kibum finished and walked passed him. Kibum happy smile formed permanently. His active thinking mind made him didn’t see the hiding Jinki. He would meet Taemin for some shopping then they will have lunch together. Today was Jinki’s birthday. A surprised gift was hidden on his bedroom. He only needed to pick-up the cake and started to prepare for dinner. Everything should be perfect tonight. Kibum wanted to thank Jinki properly.
Meanwhile Jinki had a plan to meet Jonghyun. He would say goodbye to his best friend.
“Hyung, how about Kibum? Have you told him?” Jonghyun asked while they sat together on the small coffee shop.
“No. I can’t face him” Jinki answered.
“Why?” Jonghyun asked again
“That is the reason.” Jinki replied.
“Now I am confused.” Jonghyun frown.
“Why is the reason. I can’t face him if he asks me “why” without explaining that I love him so much. It’s hurt me deeply to live together with him day and night without claiming him. That’s why!” Jinki’s voice croaked when he whispered his answer.
“So you will leave him without goodbye? Without telling him that you love him?” Jonghyun couldn’t believe this. “You said once to me that love should be labored. You said if I love Taemin, I have to step on the battle field and win his heart. Love isn’t silent.”
“And you believed all the nonsense that I said?” Jinki cynically smiled. This Jonghyun believe all the rubbish that he said before when Jonghyun desperately longed for Taemin.
“It’s not nonsense. If it’s not because what you called “nonsense” I would give-up on pursuing Taemin’s love.”
“But tell me Jonghyun, he once was engaged to my twin. And he is dead for God shake. My twin is dead. So tell me, how can I compete with someone who only lives in his mind? To Kibum, my twin is perfect. To his memory, my twin is flawless. I can’t compete with ghost Jonghyun, I simply can’t.” His frustration sent tears to his eyes.
“But Hyung, you never know the truth except you ask him. So please Hyung, just ask him. What do you gonna lose after all. You’re leaving. So leave if you must, but ask him first before you go.” Jonghyun tried to make some point.
“If he doesn’t love me, my confession will become a burden to him. I don’t want him to fell obliged to return my love. I don’t want him to feel sad anymore. I don’t need that. If he is happy now, he will easily forget me and move on. ” Stubbornly Jinki returned.
“But if he loves you, don’t you think he will be broken heart again? And you are the one who will break his heart this time.”
“He never loves me. He loves my twin.” And with that, Jinki made his final decision. No matter what, he will leave.
“Hyung, did Jinki Hyung know your plan tonight?” Taemin and Kibum sat in this fancy restaurant and waited for the food to serve.
“Nope. It’s a surprise.” Kibum chuckled.
“Hyung, don’t be mad but, what is Jinki Hyung for you?” Taemin carefully asked.
“Why did you ask me this?” Kibum confused.
“Did you like him, Hyung?”
“Off course I like him.” Kibum still puzzled.
“I mean really like him. Like as love. Like as pair. Like as together. Do you?” Taemin asked again.
“I don’t know. I really don’t know. But is it matter?” Now it’s Kibum’s turn to ask.
“You have a lover before. You must know that when you love someone, you want to spend time together. To touch him, to hug him, to kiss him. Simply to love him. At least it’s what I want to do when I am with Jonghyun.” And Taemin continue, “so do you love him?
“I don’t know. I really don’t know.” once again Kibum stared Taemin in confussion. “But is it matter to Jinki if I love him or not?”
“Why do you think Jinki Hyung gave you a job and let you stay at his house all this time?” Taemin asked again.
“Because he felt sorry? Because I was engaged to his twin?” Kibum replied.
“At first, yes. But think again Hyung. If he only pities you, he will stop when you’ve gained your strength to move on. But he stays. He stays for you.” Taemin made his point.
“So after all this time, you suggest that he loves me?” Kibum looked at Taemin in surprise.
“It doesn’t matter if he loves you or not. But if you love him enough to make him love you, he will one day. I know for sure he likes you. A lot!” Teamin told his opinion.
Kibum starred at his hands while thinking deeply. “I don’t want to lose him. I want him to stay by my side forever. He is the source of my strength. I can smile just by imagining his smile. I can sleep by knowing he’s sleeping next door. I eagerly go home to know that he will be there. I think… I love him already.”
“So what do you wait Hyung? Go tell your man that you love him.” Taemin smiled widely.
“I will Taemin. Tonight, I will tell him.” Kibum smiled wider.
Kibum felt relieve and happy. Now he knew that he loves Jinki, he couldn’t wait to see him.
He put the cakes on the table, not noticed there is a letter. He prepared the dinner while singing. His heart full with new love, his love to his savior. Yes, to Kibum, Jinki is his savior. Without him, Kibum would not have the strength to live anymore.
Hours of preparation, the birthday dinner was ready. What left was prepared the cake and put the candle. When he lifted-up the box, he saw a letter with his name on it. He knew it’s from Jinki, but why did the man give him letter. Suddenly he felt uneasy. Slowly he read it.
Dear Kibum,
When you read this, I was already on my plane to Japan.
I am sorry that I lied to you last night. My plane wasn’t last night and it isn’t to my home town.
Last year, my father asked me to lead the new office in Tokyo. I refuse since I know you need me to stay.
But you’re stronger now, so I can let you continue your life by yourself.
Kibum, there’s another reason that I can’t stay with you.
I love you.
I’ve loved you since the day I saw you at the hospital.
And I deeply fallen for you each day we spent together.
But I know you love my twin and you will always love him.
That’s why I am leaving.
Please don’t take my love as a burden.
Just live your life happily.
Goodbye Kibum.
Please take care of yourself.
Love,
Jinki
Shocked hit Kibum hard as he crushed the letter and starting to cry. The new love that started to grow would die without blooming.
Two beautiful people had met by a tragedy. One had found new love instantly, as one had ripped from his love. Gradually, one lost the hope but kept the love when one found the new love but not forgot the old one.
- to be continued in A New Hope -
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AN: So this is the original story that at first I want to write for Jinki’s birthday. But realized that I shouldn’t give a depressing story for a bright birthday, I decided to post The Best Gift first.
So I need your opinion:
1. Did you find this style confusing? Should I use it again next time?
2. Did you want me to change the end (cough… make-sequel…cough). But I need enough opinion for this though J
Your comment is my gift so thank you for your comment J
LOVE YOU!!!!