Dream Journal 2/26/2016
Haopefully I can get this out quick and get back to sleep because I have a health assessment in five and a half hours.
At 36 I still feel like I have no power or authority to do anything to stop bullies or stop getting bullied myself. Just had a dream where I was walking through a busy college library and there a small group of assholes following me who knew I knew they were following me with the intention to pick on me. I was using reflections in windows and being generally aware of how close behind me they were to dodge the head asshole's kicks of my foot to make me trip or light shoves to make me run into things. All the while keeping an eye out for someone with some kind of authority I could report they guys to. I didn't confront them directly because there for like five of them and I had no one to back me up. I always feel like I'm alone in these situations. Towards the end there was another kid they decided to pick on who was going the same direction I was. Then a group of people I walked by who noticed what was going on and decided to step in. One of the guys in that group threw his backpack at them and was generally telling them to stop it and go away. The last couple of parts happened just as I saw someone who worked there I could report the bullies to and just as I reached this person, I thought came to me that I should have used my phone to get pictures of the guys so I could go "These guys are picking of people" in case they decided to disappear as soon as they realised they were about to get caught. Woke up just before I actually got to the guys who worked there and tensions were building between the bullies and good samaritans.
I never feel like can I win in any of the situations I've been in with bullies. Nothing I ever say or do (i.e. report them to someone or tell them to fuck off) makes them stop and I always feel like if I do confront them they're daring me to do something to stop them which will only lead to me hitting them which will end in only me getting in trouble becasue I threw the first punch.
Now it's going to take an hour for me to get back to sleep if I'm lucky. This sucks.
At 36 I still feel like I have no power or authority to do anything to stop bullies or stop getting bullied myself. Just had a dream where I was walking through a busy college library and there a small group of assholes following me who knew I knew they were following me with the intention to pick on me. I was using reflections in windows and being generally aware of how close behind me they were to dodge the head asshole's kicks of my foot to make me trip or light shoves to make me run into things. All the while keeping an eye out for someone with some kind of authority I could report they guys to. I didn't confront them directly because there for like five of them and I had no one to back me up. I always feel like I'm alone in these situations. Towards the end there was another kid they decided to pick on who was going the same direction I was. Then a group of people I walked by who noticed what was going on and decided to step in. One of the guys in that group threw his backpack at them and was generally telling them to stop it and go away. The last couple of parts happened just as I saw someone who worked there I could report the bullies to and just as I reached this person, I thought came to me that I should have used my phone to get pictures of the guys so I could go "These guys are picking of people" in case they decided to disappear as soon as they realised they were about to get caught. Woke up just before I actually got to the guys who worked there and tensions were building between the bullies and good samaritans.
I never feel like can I win in any of the situations I've been in with bullies. Nothing I ever say or do (i.e. report them to someone or tell them to fuck off) makes them stop and I always feel like if I do confront them they're daring me to do something to stop them which will only lead to me hitting them which will end in only me getting in trouble becasue I threw the first punch.
Now it's going to take an hour for me to get back to sleep if I'm lucky. This sucks.