(no subject)

Nov 27, 2005 19:43

umm...lets see. i went to arizona and saw matt. that was amazing, you have no idea. when we were together everything was perfect. i came home and they were ok for the first two days, then all of a sudden its like back to hell. we faugh so much and yesterday he finally told me he didnt want to date me. im like dieing inside, very slowly. he always changes his mind about what he wants and can never be happy. its nto even about us anymore. he knows i want to be with him more then anything, but he cant just try to make me happy. in a relationship there is two and he never sees that. i love that boy more then anything and i just want him to make a choice and be happy with it. i know i made a huge mistake and i have learned so much from it. i have found a new light and i know there is no possible way i could ever do it again, i only wish he could see that.i guess i just want him to be happy, with or without me. he is going to tuson soon to record and earlier he told me he couldnt go there if we were like this. i dont think he ment it tho, i just think he said that. i know its gunna be a long time before he makes a desicion because he is going to liek things the way they are. he can do whatever he wants when he wants but i am staying commited, every guys dream right? but i know thats not why he is doing this, but i know it will end up liek that. i love him so much and i want him to be happy, but selfishly i want him to be happy with me. but i guess my happyness doesnt matter right now, we just have to focus on him trusting me. and i know im not gunna ruin that trust. i love him so much!
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