(no subject)
wrote more postcards than hooks. i read more maps than books. feel like every chance to leave is another chance i should have took.
risk and reward is a bitch of a relationship. i tried to slit my wrist to see if they actually bleed and didnt realize that these scars would be permenant. elbow to wrist, thats the correct way. realizing what i had done i quickly rushed to the sink to hold them under there, to stop the bleeding of course, but they just bleed more. holy shit, i cant stop it. what happens if it doesnt stop. i thought about that for a while, what happens if it doesnt stop. they say your life flashes before your eyes before you die. but what if thats bullshit, what if nothing flashes and your just like fuck, what did i do with my life? thats the experience i was having now, i knew i was dying, and i felt my soul leaving my body, but no white light. what the fuck? did i do it wrong? is that another thing ive fucked up in my life? how hard is it, i slit elbow to wrist. thats how rerun told me to do it. he knows, doesnt he? then all of a sudden it hits you like train. not the blood lost, but the visions. its like you see everything clear. the light flashes, and you think about colors. your life is spelled out in front of you in deep colors that you feel with your body. there prescenes envelopes you. you are caught in their rapture. it starts with white then progresses through the spectrum till you reach black. you feel black the most. it turns everything cold. you feel cold, and then you cant move. you cant move at all, the black has control of you. why is it so dark in here? where is everyone else? why am i by myself? im scared? what is this suppose to me? the questions continue and you realize that you truly have gone to hell. youre stuck with your own thoughts for the rest of enterinty in a cold dark place. where do you find the answers?
risk and reward is a bitch of a relationship. i tried to slit my wrist to see if they actually bleed and didnt realize that these scars would be permenant. elbow to wrist, thats the correct way. realizing what i had done i quickly rushed to the sink to hold them under there, to stop the bleeding of course, but they just bleed more. holy shit, i cant stop it. what happens if it doesnt stop. i thought about that for a while, what happens if it doesnt stop. they say your life flashes before your eyes before you die. but what if thats bullshit, what if nothing flashes and your just like fuck, what did i do with my life? thats the experience i was having now, i knew i was dying, and i felt my soul leaving my body, but no white light. what the fuck? did i do it wrong? is that another thing ive fucked up in my life? how hard is it, i slit elbow to wrist. thats how rerun told me to do it. he knows, doesnt he? then all of a sudden it hits you like train. not the blood lost, but the visions. its like you see everything clear. the light flashes, and you think about colors. your life is spelled out in front of you in deep colors that you feel with your body. there prescenes envelopes you. you are caught in their rapture. it starts with white then progresses through the spectrum till you reach black. you feel black the most. it turns everything cold. you feel cold, and then you cant move. you cant move at all, the black has control of you. why is it so dark in here? where is everyone else? why am i by myself? im scared? what is this suppose to me? the questions continue and you realize that you truly have gone to hell. youre stuck with your own thoughts for the rest of enterinty in a cold dark place. where do you find the answers?