Awkward Last Words (1/1)
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Pairing: Meredith/Addison
Rating: PG
Word Count: 740
Summary: Meredith's feeling a little dark and twisty.
A/N: Written in about an hour, in a moment where i was feeling dark and twisty myself, then promptly forgotten. And now being resurrected and posted ten months later.
She doesn't know how she got here. Hands clasped over dark blue water, tendrils blowing in her face, leaning against the railing of a ferryboat.
Ferryboats are Derek's thing. His weird, obsessive, fascination thing. But she's here. And it's not because of him. Because he's gone and she's over him. It's because of her. Because she can't make it work with her.
She can't be a girlfriend. She can't do the dating thing. She's never done the dating thing before. No... no, she has. With Derek. But the whole time, her skin was on fire, her mind was a jumble of unspoken fears, and she knew it wasn't going to work. Even if she hadn't shown up, it wasn't going to work. Because she can't do the dating thing. She can't be a girlfriend.
But those red locks, the salmon scrubs, the fire in those blue eyes- everything changed. She changed. All because of her. It took her months to admit it, to even entertain the idea, but once she had, everything was different. She wasn't dark and twisty. She wasn't a dirty mistress. She was better. She was better for knowing this amazing, talented, beautiful woman. At least, for a while, she thought she was better.
She had stumbled one day. She wasn't ever going to admit her feelings to anyone- not even Cristina- but she was standing in front of her, being stared at by her, and in seven seconds, she promptly told everything she swore she would take with her to her grave to her. She had wanted to be an adult about it, to let her feelings lie dormant, to never see a look of pity in those eyes, but she stumbled. She failed. But four seconds later, she was being kissed by those lips. Five seconds later, she had never thought stumbling could feel so good.
She had tried to be perfect, to be the best person that she could be. Addison deserved the best, because she was the best. But she knew she could never be truly worthy of her. No one was. Especially not the formerly dark and twisty, not previous dirty mistresses. They're not Addison Montgomery material. But she tried. She tried so hard.
The closer that Addison got, the more she was sure she wasn't good enough for her. She had warned her. Told her that it wasn't going to work, that she couldn't make things work. Because deep inside, she knew she was still dark and twisty. Because dark and twisty never goes away. But Addison resisted and she gave in, because she had yet to be able to say no to those eyes.
But she pushed. And she pushed. And before she knew it, she was standing on one side of the world, and Addison was on the other side. She was in winter, Addison in summer. She was cold, stormy, hurricane-force winds. Addison was a beach in Tahiti with a cold Mai Tai and a cabana boy to gawk over. She would yell. Addison would sit silently. She couldn't stand the silence anymore. She couldn't stand hurting her anymore.
So, she left. She got in her car and drove. And when the gas tank was nearly empty, she got on the ferry. It was somewhere around midday when she got on. Now the sun's setting, her phone has been vibrating in her pocket for the last few hours, and she's lost. She knows she's in Seattle, she knows the exact route to her house, but she's lost. She's lost in a city of four million people. And all she really needs is one. But she knows better than to think that that one person needs her. She's not good enough for her.
No. This is the way it has to be. Because she's not girlfriend material. She's not Addison Montgomery material. She's dark and twisty and dark and twisty isn't good enough for her. She's not good enough for her.
And she knows, because she loves her, that this is what she has to do. She has to let Addison go. She has to let her find someone who is just as much a beach in Tahiti as she is. She has to give her a chance to escape the hurricane, to get out of the cold. She has to give her a chance at warmth, and happiness, and love without pain.
She has to let Addison go.
Pairing: Meredith/Addison
Rating: PG
Word Count: 740
Summary: Meredith's feeling a little dark and twisty.
A/N: Written in about an hour, in a moment where i was feeling dark and twisty myself, then promptly forgotten. And now being resurrected and posted ten months later.
She doesn't know how she got here. Hands clasped over dark blue water, tendrils blowing in her face, leaning against the railing of a ferryboat.
Ferryboats are Derek's thing. His weird, obsessive, fascination thing. But she's here. And it's not because of him. Because he's gone and she's over him. It's because of her. Because she can't make it work with her.
She can't be a girlfriend. She can't do the dating thing. She's never done the dating thing before. No... no, she has. With Derek. But the whole time, her skin was on fire, her mind was a jumble of unspoken fears, and she knew it wasn't going to work. Even if she hadn't shown up, it wasn't going to work. Because she can't do the dating thing. She can't be a girlfriend.
But those red locks, the salmon scrubs, the fire in those blue eyes- everything changed. She changed. All because of her. It took her months to admit it, to even entertain the idea, but once she had, everything was different. She wasn't dark and twisty. She wasn't a dirty mistress. She was better. She was better for knowing this amazing, talented, beautiful woman. At least, for a while, she thought she was better.
She had stumbled one day. She wasn't ever going to admit her feelings to anyone- not even Cristina- but she was standing in front of her, being stared at by her, and in seven seconds, she promptly told everything she swore she would take with her to her grave to her. She had wanted to be an adult about it, to let her feelings lie dormant, to never see a look of pity in those eyes, but she stumbled. She failed. But four seconds later, she was being kissed by those lips. Five seconds later, she had never thought stumbling could feel so good.
She had tried to be perfect, to be the best person that she could be. Addison deserved the best, because she was the best. But she knew she could never be truly worthy of her. No one was. Especially not the formerly dark and twisty, not previous dirty mistresses. They're not Addison Montgomery material. But she tried. She tried so hard.
The closer that Addison got, the more she was sure she wasn't good enough for her. She had warned her. Told her that it wasn't going to work, that she couldn't make things work. Because deep inside, she knew she was still dark and twisty. Because dark and twisty never goes away. But Addison resisted and she gave in, because she had yet to be able to say no to those eyes.
But she pushed. And she pushed. And before she knew it, she was standing on one side of the world, and Addison was on the other side. She was in winter, Addison in summer. She was cold, stormy, hurricane-force winds. Addison was a beach in Tahiti with a cold Mai Tai and a cabana boy to gawk over. She would yell. Addison would sit silently. She couldn't stand the silence anymore. She couldn't stand hurting her anymore.
So, she left. She got in her car and drove. And when the gas tank was nearly empty, she got on the ferry. It was somewhere around midday when she got on. Now the sun's setting, her phone has been vibrating in her pocket for the last few hours, and she's lost. She knows she's in Seattle, she knows the exact route to her house, but she's lost. She's lost in a city of four million people. And all she really needs is one. But she knows better than to think that that one person needs her. She's not good enough for her.
No. This is the way it has to be. Because she's not girlfriend material. She's not Addison Montgomery material. She's dark and twisty and dark and twisty isn't good enough for her. She's not good enough for her.
And she knows, because she loves her, that this is what she has to do. She has to let Addison go. She has to let her find someone who is just as much a beach in Tahiti as she is. She has to give her a chance to escape the hurricane, to get out of the cold. She has to give her a chance at warmth, and happiness, and love without pain.
She has to let Addison go.