(no subject)
Let me start out by saying this is the 2nd time I am writing the same fucking thing, thanks to bitch ass Livejournal, I have to re-write it all, and if it wasnt SO important tonight, I would have said FUCK IT. It is almost 3AM and my high is long gone, and if it wasnt, reading what Trav wrote in his Livejournal just now would have KILLED it. I think this irritates me most because for the past few days I have been doing nothing but writing nice things about him in my journal, and when I go to read his, expecting something cool, I get all this BS. I am going to confront EACH of the things he said about me. First Trav started off with how he realized today JUST how much I try and start fights. HEH! I distinctly remember being online today, minding my own business playing a Pogo game, and Travis in the background, making clapping noises, fucking with the dog, stealing my hairtye, and making foolish 2 year old sounds. Can we say "Attention Whore". Next he went on bitching about how after he walked on to the store for me (which I greatly appreciated) I bitched at him because he wasnt going to eat dinner with me. He also said that he wasnt hungry because he just walked in the cold (75 Degrees), when the REAL reason he wasnt hungry was because he stuffed his face with Doritos on the walk home instead of eating the pizza I made him after one of his nightly "Mommy Im Hungry" rants. Sorry, if you cant spend a measley 10 minutes eating dinner with your wife, you dont belong being married. Then Travis bitches about how he NEVER gets enough computer time. Now Travis does NOT keep track of time very well, and 2 hours to all of us, will feel like 30 minutes to him, I dont know why this is. He then went on to state that he uses the computer to escape the "Cruelness of Reality". LMAO. I am SO sorry there isnt enough time to sit on the net, chain smoke, watch TV, sleep, and put me down all in the same day. How could he even be so selfish as to say something like that? I am the one paying for EVERYTHING and always worrying about bills and the budget. I might not make all that much, or have the best things, but I try my fucking best, and if that isnt good enough, fuck it. He then talked about me being pregant and neithe one of us understanding parental hardships, but he has had a little experience with Troy. NEWSFLASH, a week is NOT experience babe! I am the one that worked in the childcare business for over 2 years, and lived with my best friend and her 3 kids on and off for 4 years. I think I have just a tad more knowledge in that subject. Then he talked about how I get mad when he goes out with his mom? LOL, how fucking DARE he say that shit, I couldnt care less. I have been more then nice as hell to his mom and he knows it. Loaning her money and not getting it back, and being there for her when she was upset and drunk, as she has for me. I have NO problem with him seeing her. But while we are on the subject of mom, I should state what I have a MAJOR problem with. Everytime we get in a little spat he has to jump on the phone and call mommy. UH UH. There are somethings between a couple that are no one elses business and should be kept privately, from family, friends and neighbors. I see Trav doesnt agree with that. I wasnt raised to THROW my family's dirty laundry in the street.
After all, I dont tell my mother about when he choked me, or the fact that he doesnt have a job, I am too embarassed for that. He also got pissy because I write in my Livejournal more then once a day instead of talking to him. Excuse the hell out of me if this is the way of expressing my feelings. I dont go to him for 2 reasons, it will either start an argument, or I get the feeling he couldnt care less what I have to say. So I do the thing that releases MY tention. Lastly, Travis gets angry about the fact that I am an exotic dancer, and part of this job is to send our exotic pictures (not nude, and any of you who have seen my pictures can verify that) and talk to guys. I have offered to get a regular job many times, and even sent out my resume and turned down intervies because it was Travis who said that I should keep dancing because I make more money and my own hours. Meanwhile, he talks to females for NO purpose but to Role Play. I do agree with one thing Trav had to say, we spend WAY too much tome together. Once he gets a regular job, I suppose it will do us both alot of good. We will appreciate each other more, and miss each other more as well. He did say something that bothered me though, if after an 8 hour work day I asked him to spend time with me, he would get pissed. I wont ask for all of his time, but after not seeing him all day, I want a little quality time with my pooh. If he doesnt agree, he doesnt belong being married. We are around each other 24/7, but the only quality time we spend together is lying in bed at night watching a movie, or eating a short meal, other then that we are each doing our own thing. I feel that Trav has a constant attitude towards me and gets irritated when I try to show him any affection most of the time. It makes me wonder quite often why he is even here. I also feel he thrives off drama, as that is what he is used to. Despite all this I love him more then I have ever loved anyone and probably ever will. I want to make our marriage work and be a nice, happy family. I think we need to learn to communicate better, and perhaps we even need counseling. Next stop, Jerry Springer.
After all, I dont tell my mother about when he choked me, or the fact that he doesnt have a job, I am too embarassed for that. He also got pissy because I write in my Livejournal more then once a day instead of talking to him. Excuse the hell out of me if this is the way of expressing my feelings. I dont go to him for 2 reasons, it will either start an argument, or I get the feeling he couldnt care less what I have to say. So I do the thing that releases MY tention. Lastly, Travis gets angry about the fact that I am an exotic dancer, and part of this job is to send our exotic pictures (not nude, and any of you who have seen my pictures can verify that) and talk to guys. I have offered to get a regular job many times, and even sent out my resume and turned down intervies because it was Travis who said that I should keep dancing because I make more money and my own hours. Meanwhile, he talks to females for NO purpose but to Role Play. I do agree with one thing Trav had to say, we spend WAY too much tome together. Once he gets a regular job, I suppose it will do us both alot of good. We will appreciate each other more, and miss each other more as well. He did say something that bothered me though, if after an 8 hour work day I asked him to spend time with me, he would get pissed. I wont ask for all of his time, but after not seeing him all day, I want a little quality time with my pooh. If he doesnt agree, he doesnt belong being married. We are around each other 24/7, but the only quality time we spend together is lying in bed at night watching a movie, or eating a short meal, other then that we are each doing our own thing. I feel that Trav has a constant attitude towards me and gets irritated when I try to show him any affection most of the time. It makes me wonder quite often why he is even here. I also feel he thrives off drama, as that is what he is used to. Despite all this I love him more then I have ever loved anyone and probably ever will. I want to make our marriage work and be a nice, happy family. I think we need to learn to communicate better, and perhaps we even need counseling. Next stop, Jerry Springer.