Heaven's Ablaze - Interlude
Title:: Heaven's Ablaze
Genre:: AU Vam Fanfic
Rating:: R
Summary:: His heaven is ablaze in my eyes
Notes:: This story is based on the album Dark Light. All lyrics are taken from that album, and are copyright of Ville Valo. I do not know or own the characters in this story. The storyline itself is property of me and me alone. This story deals with the themes of religion and a degree of pedophilia. If you have a problem with the themes, dont read it.
Links under the cut
Links
Prologue
Chapter 1 - Accident
Chapter 2 - Pot Luck
Chapter 3 - Warmth
Chapter 4 - Joseph on Wheels
Chapter 5 - My First Christmas
Interlude - Bam
Chapter 6 - Beginnings
Chapter 7 - Music
Chapter 8 - Time
Chapter 9 - Unfortunate Meetings of Unfortunate Friends
Interlude - Bam
Chapter 10 - Journies
Chapter 11 - First Crush
Chapter 12 - Contemptible
Interlude - Bam
Chapter 13 - Bath Tubs
Chapter 14 - Labyrinth
Chapter 15 - Pure Mornings
Interlude - Bam
And that was that.
I didn’t even pause to think that this was probably going to be my first ever real relationship, and that it was with a man who was more than ten years older than me.
Because I no longer thought of Ville like that. He wasn’t an older man to me. He was someone who understood me, who could understand things that I was going through, who listened and who was always there for me. He was funny, he was always entertaining to be around. And I understood him, even though I couldn’t even begin to relate to his background or situation in life.
Maybe the word Love was a big word to put on it, but I knew I’d fallen for him. I saw the universal signs in myself. I always wanted to be with him, I wanted to tell him everything, I didn’t like watching him talk to other people, I hated the thought of him touching anyone else, and I even found myself dreaming of what it would be like to feel his lips on mine.
I wasn’t blind either. Most guys refuse to admit that they can tell when another one is good looking or not. Ville screamed good looking though. From every pore on his body. He could wake up with the worst hangover in the world, have not washed his hair in a week and have three day old eyeliner half way down his face, and he was still stunning.
Of course, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I had heard the preaching, heard my mothers more conservative friends harping on about the state of society today, in which homosexuals were treated as normal people.
I found that I didn’t care.
When I kissed him, it felt like I was soaring. I’d never felt that in a kiss before.
Of course, he was only the second person I’d ever kissed. But the fact remained, in my mind, that this was what kissing should feel like. That this was wonderful. Beautiful. Amazing. Life changing.
There was no going back. Not for me. I’d tasted manna from heaven in his lips and I was never going to be able to get enough.
For a week or two, Ville kept on worrying. What if my parents found out? What if the school found out? What if Jess found out? What were we doing? What if I was just fooling myself? What if he was just influencing me into this without meaning to? What if something went wrong?
Once, on a Friday, he tried to lock me out of his apartment; had the locks changed so I couldn’t get in. Took the day off of school. Avoided me.
It hurt. I wanted to scream when I realized what he’d done.
But of course, I knew what he was trying to do with the whole thing. He was trying to save me from himself, something he still thought was necessary, even though I’d told him to give up.
I sat on his doorstep, and waited. I’d rung the doorbell a few times, but he didn’t answer. So I waited. I fell asleep there, leaning against the doorframe, waiting.
When he opened it the next morning and found me there, he actually started crying. Then he pulled me inside, and we spent the whole day on the couch together, sometimes talking about what was happening, sometimes just watching TV, sometimes just kissing a bit.
He gave up on getting rid of me after that. I knew he didn’t really want to get rid of me, he just thought he had to.
School was weird. I had music everyday, so I had to sit in a classroom with him for an hour everyday and not let on that anything had changed. In fact, the week after the lock incident, that Monday, he made me make him a promise. We were sitting in the parking lot of the school, and he’d grabbed me by the hand as I made to get out of the car.
“Bam, promise me this. Once we get out of this car, and go in there… promise me you won’t act any different. Don’t come and try and talk to me during the day. Don’t stare at me in class. Don’t expect me to treat you any different than the rest of the kids. We get out of here and we’re just friends, okay? Casual acquaintances. Promise me that.”
I didn’t like it. I told him it was stupid. Of course, it wasn’t, it made perfect sense, but there was a part of me that wanted to show this off.
“Bam, it has to be like this. You want to do this, to be together, then okay. We can do it. But it’s got to be secret. You can’t tell anyone. Don’t you get that? I’m not going to put your education or my job - in fact, my life -at stake, okay?”
And then he kissed me, and I had to agree. There was no choice.
We went on ‘dates’ sometimes. To the movies, to Pizza Hut, once we even went to a musical in Philly, because Ville wanted to educate me in something besides what he called the “deteriorating pop culture of today’s world.” It was the beginning of November. Of course, I always went to his house after school; he made me do my homework before I could do anything else, and sometimes there was so much that I was working for hours. But Ville would sit with me, help, watch, give me snacks and drinks, keep me going until I got it all done. My mom was amazed. My grades had never been so high before; she actually wanted to pay Ville, thinking he was tutoring me, or something like that.
The truth of the matter was, though, that I wanted to work for him. I wanted to make him proud. It had always been like that. Ever since I first met him, I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to impress him. I wanted him to think of me and smile and only have good things to think.
My mom was glad that I spent so much time with Ville. She thought he was a good influence on me. She always said she’d rather I spent time with him than with the rest of my ‘no good friends’, as she called them. Of course, she let me hang out with my friends too; she loved Ryan, she couldn’t help it, even when he stopped going to church with his parents and, like the rest of my friends, started drinking and partying and sleeping around. She, apparently, trusted my decisions when I was with them, her logic being that I had known them for so long, we didn’t need to pressure each other into anything. But all that said and done, she still preferred me to spend a Friday night at Ville’s apartment watching movies than with the rest of my friends at some party. She wasn’t an unreasonable mother. She let me make my own choices, didn’t try and hold me back.
Sometimes, I thought about the future. About what would happen to us later on. But I never could figure anything out. So I decided to live in the moment. Carpe Diem, seize the day - I heard that quote in a movie Ville made me watch, and I’ll never forget it. It became my motto. I didn’t know it was at the time, but I know it was now. I didn’t let myself think about the next day. I never knew what to expect, so I didn’t expect anything.
It was a good thing to do. I enjoyed every moment of what we had enough for it to be worth three moments. I soaked every last drop of his love up, and gave him as much as I could in return. And I will never regret a second of the time I spent with him.
Genre:: AU Vam Fanfic
Rating:: R
Summary:: His heaven is ablaze in my eyes
Notes:: This story is based on the album Dark Light. All lyrics are taken from that album, and are copyright of Ville Valo. I do not know or own the characters in this story. The storyline itself is property of me and me alone. This story deals with the themes of religion and a degree of pedophilia. If you have a problem with the themes, dont read it.
Links under the cut
Links
Prologue
Chapter 1 - Accident
Chapter 2 - Pot Luck
Chapter 3 - Warmth
Chapter 4 - Joseph on Wheels
Chapter 5 - My First Christmas
Interlude - Bam
Chapter 6 - Beginnings
Chapter 7 - Music
Chapter 8 - Time
Chapter 9 - Unfortunate Meetings of Unfortunate Friends
Interlude - Bam
Chapter 10 - Journies
Chapter 11 - First Crush
Chapter 12 - Contemptible
Interlude - Bam
Chapter 13 - Bath Tubs
Chapter 14 - Labyrinth
Chapter 15 - Pure Mornings
Interlude - Bam
And that was that.
I didn’t even pause to think that this was probably going to be my first ever real relationship, and that it was with a man who was more than ten years older than me.
Because I no longer thought of Ville like that. He wasn’t an older man to me. He was someone who understood me, who could understand things that I was going through, who listened and who was always there for me. He was funny, he was always entertaining to be around. And I understood him, even though I couldn’t even begin to relate to his background or situation in life.
Maybe the word Love was a big word to put on it, but I knew I’d fallen for him. I saw the universal signs in myself. I always wanted to be with him, I wanted to tell him everything, I didn’t like watching him talk to other people, I hated the thought of him touching anyone else, and I even found myself dreaming of what it would be like to feel his lips on mine.
I wasn’t blind either. Most guys refuse to admit that they can tell when another one is good looking or not. Ville screamed good looking though. From every pore on his body. He could wake up with the worst hangover in the world, have not washed his hair in a week and have three day old eyeliner half way down his face, and he was still stunning.
Of course, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I had heard the preaching, heard my mothers more conservative friends harping on about the state of society today, in which homosexuals were treated as normal people.
I found that I didn’t care.
When I kissed him, it felt like I was soaring. I’d never felt that in a kiss before.
Of course, he was only the second person I’d ever kissed. But the fact remained, in my mind, that this was what kissing should feel like. That this was wonderful. Beautiful. Amazing. Life changing.
There was no going back. Not for me. I’d tasted manna from heaven in his lips and I was never going to be able to get enough.
For a week or two, Ville kept on worrying. What if my parents found out? What if the school found out? What if Jess found out? What were we doing? What if I was just fooling myself? What if he was just influencing me into this without meaning to? What if something went wrong?
Once, on a Friday, he tried to lock me out of his apartment; had the locks changed so I couldn’t get in. Took the day off of school. Avoided me.
It hurt. I wanted to scream when I realized what he’d done.
But of course, I knew what he was trying to do with the whole thing. He was trying to save me from himself, something he still thought was necessary, even though I’d told him to give up.
I sat on his doorstep, and waited. I’d rung the doorbell a few times, but he didn’t answer. So I waited. I fell asleep there, leaning against the doorframe, waiting.
When he opened it the next morning and found me there, he actually started crying. Then he pulled me inside, and we spent the whole day on the couch together, sometimes talking about what was happening, sometimes just watching TV, sometimes just kissing a bit.
He gave up on getting rid of me after that. I knew he didn’t really want to get rid of me, he just thought he had to.
School was weird. I had music everyday, so I had to sit in a classroom with him for an hour everyday and not let on that anything had changed. In fact, the week after the lock incident, that Monday, he made me make him a promise. We were sitting in the parking lot of the school, and he’d grabbed me by the hand as I made to get out of the car.
“Bam, promise me this. Once we get out of this car, and go in there… promise me you won’t act any different. Don’t come and try and talk to me during the day. Don’t stare at me in class. Don’t expect me to treat you any different than the rest of the kids. We get out of here and we’re just friends, okay? Casual acquaintances. Promise me that.”
I didn’t like it. I told him it was stupid. Of course, it wasn’t, it made perfect sense, but there was a part of me that wanted to show this off.
“Bam, it has to be like this. You want to do this, to be together, then okay. We can do it. But it’s got to be secret. You can’t tell anyone. Don’t you get that? I’m not going to put your education or my job - in fact, my life -at stake, okay?”
And then he kissed me, and I had to agree. There was no choice.
We went on ‘dates’ sometimes. To the movies, to Pizza Hut, once we even went to a musical in Philly, because Ville wanted to educate me in something besides what he called the “deteriorating pop culture of today’s world.” It was the beginning of November. Of course, I always went to his house after school; he made me do my homework before I could do anything else, and sometimes there was so much that I was working for hours. But Ville would sit with me, help, watch, give me snacks and drinks, keep me going until I got it all done. My mom was amazed. My grades had never been so high before; she actually wanted to pay Ville, thinking he was tutoring me, or something like that.
The truth of the matter was, though, that I wanted to work for him. I wanted to make him proud. It had always been like that. Ever since I first met him, I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to impress him. I wanted him to think of me and smile and only have good things to think.
My mom was glad that I spent so much time with Ville. She thought he was a good influence on me. She always said she’d rather I spent time with him than with the rest of my ‘no good friends’, as she called them. Of course, she let me hang out with my friends too; she loved Ryan, she couldn’t help it, even when he stopped going to church with his parents and, like the rest of my friends, started drinking and partying and sleeping around. She, apparently, trusted my decisions when I was with them, her logic being that I had known them for so long, we didn’t need to pressure each other into anything. But all that said and done, she still preferred me to spend a Friday night at Ville’s apartment watching movies than with the rest of my friends at some party. She wasn’t an unreasonable mother. She let me make my own choices, didn’t try and hold me back.
Sometimes, I thought about the future. About what would happen to us later on. But I never could figure anything out. So I decided to live in the moment. Carpe Diem, seize the day - I heard that quote in a movie Ville made me watch, and I’ll never forget it. It became my motto. I didn’t know it was at the time, but I know it was now. I didn’t let myself think about the next day. I never knew what to expect, so I didn’t expect anything.
It was a good thing to do. I enjoyed every moment of what we had enough for it to be worth three moments. I soaked every last drop of his love up, and gave him as much as I could in return. And I will never regret a second of the time I spent with him.