Wicked Games
Title:: Wicked Game
Genre::Short Vam Song Fic.
Rating:: PG 13
Characters:: Ville and Bam
Summary:: What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way...
Wicked Games
The world was on fire, no-one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
“BAM!” Ville stood drenched under a doorway, steam literally pouring out of his ears. “ARGH!!!” He shook his wet hair, disgusted that he’d fallen for such a simple prank. “BRANDON MARGERA YOU ARE SO GETTING YOUR ASS WHOOPED.” Bam stood watching at the top of the spiral staircase, shaking with silent laughter where his enraged friend couldn’t see him.
“I swear, that is the last time… he is such a child…. Oooohh someone’s gonna get it…” Ville mumbled to himself, wringing water from his hair; which he’d just spent half an hour carefully drying. “BAM!!!!” Bam couldn’t hold it in any longer, and burst out in hysterical laughter.
“You fell for it, I can’t believe you fell for it.” Ville looked up to the top floor, glaring when he finally saw Bam rolling around on the floor, clutching his stomach. He couldn’t even find the words, just shook his head and stalked out of the room. Bam’s laughter died down a little.
“Aw, come on Ville, it’s just water!”
“Go get screwed, Bam,” Ville called, slamming the door behind him. Bam rolled his eyes. He could be such a drama queen sometimes. He ran down the stairs and barged into the bathroom, where he knew Ville would be standing with a hairdryer, fixing his perfect curls.
“Don’t be such a girl, Ville.” Ville didn’t even look over, just pulled the door open and pushed Bam through it.
“Out.”
“Ville… come on.” Ville heaved a sigh and set the hairdryer down.
“The goddamn bucket missed my head by a fucking centimeter. Okay? See my face? Not. Laughing.” Bam rolled his eyes.
“It was just a joke…”
“When your jokes involve me and metal buckets falling from doors, I’d rather they be kept in that crazy little mind of yours. Now get out. I’m pissed off at you, remember?” Bam left him to his primping, searching out Ryan - he’d just had a great idea.
Ville watched him go in the mirror, disliking the gleam in his blue eyes. It was the gleam that always meant he would find a frog in his bed, sit down on a pine cone, eat maggot pie, or go out to dinner and come back to find his teletubby boxers flying from the window and his blankie half way up a tree. He hadn’t really realized what he was getting into when he decided to spend his vacation in West Chester. Six Weeks of pranks and jokes… and he had four weeks of it left. He was on the verge of calling Seppo and begging him to give him some more work to do. Bam had promised him rest and relaxation and “a good time.” Yeah, right. Ville put both hands down on the sink, staring hard at himself in the mirror, examining his motives for staying.
“Hey, Beauty Queen, d’ya want some cake?” Bam called from the kitchen. Ville smiled, one of his motives baring its not so ugly face - Bam made the best chocolate cake in the world. He scooted into the bench around the table and grinned at the incessant chatter of Bam, his family, and his crew, and yet another motive for staying came clear: he loved this family way too much. Bam smiled at him and gave him a piece of the infamous cake, and Ville devoured it, instantly forgiving Bam his sins.
I'd never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you
And I'd never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you
Theirs was a funny friendship, Ville Valo and Bam Margera. Ville, always the romantic, went through what he called “terminal heartbreak” at least 3 times a year; too quick to fall in love and too easily hurt and betrayed. He hated being the center of attention - only enjoying the rush of stage performance. Any other spotlight he shied from. He was quiet, subdued, and thoughtful; he valued beauty above all else, and spent a great deal of time remembering and dreaming, and running away from pain. Bam went through life with one single goal: to have as much fun as possible. He didn’t care how many hearts he broke, hell, he didn’t care about anything he broke, because he knew someone would just come and fix it for him. He was one of those rare people that managed to be loved by everyone, no matter how much he pissed them off. He didn’t think about things; acted on impulse; didn’t place too much importance in feelings or emotions. While he also cared about the beauty of things, it was more a passive feeling. No-one really understood how they had become so close - Ville wouldn’t say no to a good party and tons of alcohol, but he definitely didn’t want to be doing that every day, and Bam didn’t really mind looking at art, but he’d much rather be wrecking Vito’s car. But they were the best of friends, and Bam always made time when Ville needed him, and Ville hardly ever turned Bam down on an invitation. People stopped questioning it after 3 years and just sat back and watched them in amazement.
“Dude, Ry, c’mere.” Bam pulled Ryan aside while Ville was occupied with his cake.
“What?”
“Look, I have the best trick to pull on Valo.” Ryan rolled his eyes.
“Can’t we just go wreck up that Laura Ashley shit Ape’s trying to pull in her bedroom?”
“Nooo. This’ll be so much more fun.”
“Bam, he’s gonna blow a gasket.” Bam looked over at Ville, who was eyeing up the remainder of the cake.
“Nah. He’s had cake. He’ll forgive me for anything for another 24 hours at least.”
“Whatever. So what’s the brilliant plan?” Bam whispered in Ryan’s ear. Ryan’s eyes widened and he stepped back. “Oh no. Bam. No.”
“Aw come on.”
“Bam, you’ve tortured the poor guy enough.” Bam scratched his head.
“You think?”
“Yes. Come on, lets go wreck the Laura Ashley or something.” Bam looked over his shoulder at Ville, now immersed in “Improve Your Chess Skills” by some boring ass wanker, who obviously interested his best friend more than he did.
Because the CKY crew took up all the bedrooms, and because it was much more fun, Bam and Ville always roomed together when Ville visited Schloss Bam. Except for those nights when Bam came home from bar hopping with a random chick, who invariably got weirded out when a drunken Bam lead her up to his bedroom to find a half naked man already occupying the bed and Ville was forced to scurry out to let Bam have his fun, the arrangement always worked. On this night, several days after the bucket incident, Ville was sitting in bed with a glass of red wine and a good book, enjoying the peace and quiet, and seriously considering giving it all up to spend his days exactly like this.
“Ville, telephone!” April came in and handed him the phone.
“Thanks Ape. Hello?”
“Ville. You gotta do something. Something’s wrong with Linde.” Ville chuckled. Burton.
“Hello to you too Burton. Now, what exactly do you expect me to do?”
“Get your ass back over to the sane side of the Atlantic and slap him or something!”
“Look, I’m sure you two can sort it out…” Ville rolled his eyes at his friends.
“Yeah. Or not.”
“Whatever Burton.”
“Seriously Ville. I think… I think he might be…”
“Burton shut up. He is not seeing anyone else. Okay? End Of Story.” Ville chuckled.
“Oh. Right.”
“Stop being stupid. He loves you.” Ville lit up a cigarette absentmindedly, preparing to launch into the “Lily loves you and noone else so get over it and stop worrying” speech that he’d perfected since his friends had “hooked up”, as Bam called it. He spat it out at high speeds until Burton was considerably calmer, and then hung up the phone, looking up to see Bam leaning in the doorway.
No I don't wanna fall in love
this world is always gonna break your heart
“Hello.”
“Hey.”
“Who was that?” Bam came in and threw himself across the bed, looking up at Ville curiously, requesting a translation of Ville’s conversation.
“Burton.”
“Ah. Lily ‘seeing people’ again?” Ville nodded, thinking. Bam pulled on his pyjamas.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing…”
“You don’t stroke your chin when like that when you’re thinking about nothing, Ville,” Bam observed, pulling the covers up to his chin.
“I was thinking… they’re so lucky. And that I don’t think I’ll ever find that… And… I need it…” Bam nodded, and Ville went on. “Whenever I think I find it, I just end up getting hurt… ugh… Bam… I think I’m just destined to be alone and lonely.” Bam reached over and switched off the lights.
“You will. Don’t worry. Give it some time, and can you not hog the covers tonight?”
“I’m almost 30! How much more time does it need?!”
“Just give it time. Goodnight, Ville.”
No I don't wanna fall in love
this world is always gonna break your heart
..with you
“Bam!” Someone barged into their room the next morning, and Bam groaned as the bright light hit him. Ville stayed where he was, simply shutting his eyes tighter underneath the covers.
“Whaddya want?”
“What’d you do with my stuff?” Bam recognized the voice and sat up.
“Jenn?”
“Yeah, yeah, it’s not like I’m Christ risen again, lets not get too worked up about my appearance. Where’s my stuff?”
“Huh, what stuff?”
“My STUFF! You know, the cd’s and things I left behind. I told you I’d come pick them up.” Ville groaned, the shouting hurting his head. “What was that?”
“Nothing. My stomach. Look, I dunno where your shit is. I’ll get it to you later. Now, would you kindly leave?”
“I want my stuff, Bam.” Jenn’s voice got louder and Bam got more irritated.
“You’re not getting it now. I’m going back to sleep, I’ll get it to you later!” He emphasized every word very clearly and very loudly; Ville covered his hands with his ears.
“I’m going to sit right here until you get me my stuff.” Jenn promptly sat down on the bed, directly on Ville’s foot.
“OW!!!! THAT WAS MY FOOT, BITCH!” He beat his way out of the covers and grabbed his foot, which she had forced in the wrong direction, cradling it in his arms. Jenn jumped up and looked at Bam.
“Your stomach? Right. Well, you two didn’t waste any time, did you? I knew you always liked him better.”
“Jenn, he’s just visiting. He always sleeps in here when he visits, you know that.” Bam kneaded his forehead. “Look, will you just go? I don’t know where your stuff is, ask April. She cleans this place, not me.” Jenn rolled her eyes at him and stalked out of the room.
“Well, there goes the only woman I ever loved,” he said quietly. Ville looked at him, still cradling his foot.
“You okay?” Bam nodded, smiling for some reason.
“Of course I am. We split up ages ago, right? I’m fine.” Ville squeezed his arm. “Seriously, I’m fine, Ville. How’s your foot?”
“Sokay.”
“Kay… I’m gonna go get breakfast, alright?” He smiled and got out of bed, and Ville wondered where he got his strength.
What a wicked game to play
To make me feel this way
“EEEEEEEEEKKK!!!” Ville shrieked, several hours later, suddenly waking up from a relaxing snooze in the sun. “BAM!!!” Bam laughed and ran away. Ville stood up and shook the ice cubes from his shirt. “CAN’T YOU LET ME HAVE 10 MINUTES PEACE?!”
“NO!” Bam called back, still laughing. Ville shook his head, smiling despite himself.
“VILLE, COME HAVE FUN!” Bam shouted at him.
“I don’t like your fun much, Bam,” he called back.
“Aw, cmon. We’re gonna set up some sprinklers and stuff!”
“Bam you know I hate water.” Bam walked back towards him, satisfied that he wasn’t getting slapped.
“It’s too hot not to get wet!”
“If you didn’t run around so much you wouldn’t be so hot,” Ville retorted.
“Ahhh quit acting your age.”
“Hey. Not cool, Brandon. You’re not that much younger yourself.”
“Yeahh… whatever. And quit calling me Brandon. That is not my name.”
“Whatever you say Brandon.”
“Ville, stop it.”
“Stop what, Brandon?” Ville’s eyes were dancing, and he had to hold back hysterical laughter at how worked up Bam got about his name.
“Right. You are so going in the sprinkler.” Bam bodily picked Ville up and hoisted him over his shoulder, carrying him towards the other side of the yard.
“No! No! Bam put me down. BAM! No! Get off!” Ville squirmed around in his arms, beating at his friend’s back, but Bam had a death grip on him, and he couldn’t get out.
“Get the water running guys!” Bam called, turning his jog into a run.
“No, Bam, come on… put me down, I’m sorry, put me down now.”
“Shut up Ville. You deserve this.” The sprinkler was running full speed, and Bam pulled Ville down from his shoulder and tipped him backwards, making sure his hair got completely soaked.
“BAM!” Ville tried to kick him and missed, but he was suddenly able to wriggle free.
“Oh no you don’t,” Bam said when Ville tried to run away. He grabbed him and held him still while Raab came up with another hose. “You earned this, you know you did. Now shut up and face consequences.” Bam grinned maliciously. Ville just gave him an exasperated look as Ryan opened the hose and completely drenched them both.
“You kids need to grow up,” he said, speaking louder over Raab’s hysterical laughter. Bam shrugged, and turned Ville around like a puppet, so that he would get wet on both sides. Ville accepted his fate and stood fuming a little as Bam turned him round and round. When he deemed Ville wet enough and had shouted at Ryan to turn the water off, Bam smiled at him and wiped some of the water from his face. Ville just raised his eyebrows at him.
“Come on, let’s go get you dry.” Ville rolled his eyes.
“I can do that myself, thanks.” Bam sighed.
“Whatever. When you’re done, we were gonna watch like, The Crow or something. If you want.” Ville shrugged.
“I’m gonna go wash my hair. There’s grass and shit in it now.” Bam grinned.
“Okay. Ape got some new shampoo… it’s in the green bottle.” Ville nodded and went off to the bathroom, while Ryan stared at him.
“You didn’t seriously…” Bam started shaking, clutching his stomach; as soon as Ville disappeared into the house he roared with laughter.
“Bam. You’re kidding.”
“No. Hahahahha. Ooooh hahahahaha.” He went away, still laughing, to find a camera, while Ryan shook his head.
“BAM!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD BAM!” Ville stared at himself in the mirror, and let off another scream. “BAM!!!” A bright flash went off, and he turned to see Bam holding a camera, doubled over in laughter.
“BAM THAT IS SOOO NOT FUNNY!”
“Ooooh hhaahahahh yes it is. Heheheheeh.” Ville stared at the mirror some more, not believing his eyes. He ran his hands through his hair, and then had to steady himself on the sink.
“It’s GREEN!” Bam nodded and fell on the floor, still dying with laughter. April came curiously up the stairs
“What’s going on… Ville honey what did you do to your hair?!” Ville whirled around, pointing at Bam.
“Ask this… this… hellion of a child of yours.” April turned to look at Bam, still rolling on the floor laughing.
“Bam, how many times do I have to tell you to play nicely? Ville, it’s okay, it washes right out again with this stuff I have. He’s done that to me so many times,” April took Ville’s arm and lead him to her bathroom. “You just have to ignore him sometimes, he’s been acting weird lately, you know,” she said soothingly.
“Yeah…” Ville shook his head, Bam’s laughter still chorusing through the house.
“He’ll calm down in a while. I think he’s just excited to have you here.” April handed him the magic cleaning stuff she had. “He misses you when you’re not around.” Ville frowned. “That stuff should work. If not, I’ll take you to my hair-dresser. She’s an expert by now.” She winked and left him alone in the shower. He heaved a sigh and stepped into the shower to wash his hair for the third time that day.
April’s magic potion got the green out of his hair in the first go, but Ville was still not an extremely happy camper. He avoided Bam for the rest of the day, and was already asleep by the time Bam came stumbling up to their room, piss drunk. Bam saw Ville sleeping peacefully and had a rare moment of repentance - a tiny bit of green trapped in Ville’s dark brown hair glared at him in the moonlight that filtered through the window, and Bam reached over to try and get it out. Ville rolled over and pushed him away in his sleep, and Bam sighed heavily as he crawled under the covers.
What a wicked thing to do
To let me dream of you
Bam’s repentance and determination to be a good boy lasted all of two days. But during them, Ville somehow managed to forgive him for turning his hair green and all the other infringements he’d committed in the three weeks, because he loved Sorry Bam, and Cute Bam, and Let’s Make a Cake To Cheer Ville Up Bam. They had one of their spells during which everyone had learned to leave them alone during, because during these spells they were really only interested in each other. They got drunk together and watched Johnny Depp movies for hours on end… they managed to entertain themselves for 4 hours with a single pair of rollerblades in the garage… and soon all was forgiven and forgotten and the world was a happy place again.
At the end of the second day of this spell, Ville collapsed, exhausted on their bed, and looked at wall with a small smile on his face for no apparent reason. He started humming randomly to himself, then singing - and then he grabbed his pen and paper and scribbled down his new song. Which he actually really liked. He wrote no end of songs - at least one a day - but most of them just ended up forgotten in the box that he always carried with him, which was now hidden underneath the mattress so that Bam couldn’t find it. He wasn’t taking any risks. When he was pretty much happy with the first draft of his new song, he knelt down - first making sure that Bam was still occupied in the Pirate Bar - and pulled out the box from its hiding place. He frowned - it was much lighter than usual. He opened the box slowly, and took out the single piece of paper inside, read it quickly, and threw the box at the wall.
Save the trees, Recycle paper! This Message Brought to You by Your Friendly CKY Recycling Service.
“BAM!!!!!” Ville roared. This was one too far. One step way to far. He flew down the stairs, not believing that he had actually trusted Bam to have some common sense. “WHAT’D YOU DO WITH THEM?!” Bam looked up from his magazine.
“What?”
“WHAT’D YOU DO WITH THEM?!” Ville held the empty box in his hand, waving it in front of Bam’s face. A log popped in the fire crackling in the chimney. Ville turned slowly around. “No,” he whispered, running towards it. “No, no, no.” He fell to his knees in front of the fire, watching the last sheet of his messy handwriting curl up and burn black. He couldn’t say anything; was lost for words, cradling his head in his hands. “No… no no no.” Bam’s heart twinged a little, and he got up and approached Ville. Ville looked up at him, actual tears in his eyes. “How could you?”
“I didn’t,” Bam said simply, pulling out a box from behind the wood pile, identical to the one Ville held in his hand. Ville snatched it from his hands and stood up. He didn’t have the words to say what he wanted. Just gave Bam a look that would kill if it could, and walked out of the room. He slept on the couch downstairs that night, clutching his box to his chest - he’d fallen asleep wondering where the real Bam was hiding and why he couldn’t stay mad at him like he should be. He hoped that Bam hadn’t read any of the pages of scribbles - there were songs about things in there that were better left unsaid between two friends. He fell asleep with Bam’s smile in his mind, because it refused to leave him alone.
What a wicked thing to say
You never felt this way
Bam couldn’t focus on the movie. He wanted to, it was his second favorite movie in the world. But he couldn’t, even when the guys were being quiet. Something was missing that made the quiet even more unnatural. He couldn’t quite place his finger on it - there was something he normally did when everything went quiet… then he remembered. He would always watch Ville, thinking up some new way to annoy or surprise him. He’d spent the past 3 weeks playing at least 3 tricks on his friend a day; without that it was empty. Ville had gone to town with Ape for god knows what reason, and Ryan had gone with them, which was also odd. Ville and Ryan had been pretty chummy lately, Bam reflected, wondering why that bothered him a little. Ville had actually been acting annoyed with him lately. He’d even slept on the couch the night before. Which was weird. And ever since his last break up he’d started acting his age, Bam thought. Even older. He kept fussing about his goddamn hair and reading boring books and… Bam wanted his old friend back. The slightly crazy, drunken one. Actually, Bam just wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. He was getting tired of playing tricks - he was actually running out of ideas. He didn’t really know why he had to keep playing tricks on Ville - he’d never done it before. But it … seemed the only thing to do now. He felt like he was back in third grade, hitting girls because he thought they enjoyed it, because it was the only way he knew of to get their attention.
“Ville… what are we doing here?” asked April. Ville lead her and Ryan through the white doors, which had the words Snake Emporium over them in large chrome letters.
“I’ve come to see a friend about a snake,” he said. “Or a hundred.” A small grin showed itself at the corners of his mouth, and Ryan suddenly caught on.
“Oh, Ville, you are so harsh.” The grin spread across Ville’s whole face and onto Ryan’s. “I like it,” Ryan said.
“What are you two boys planning?” April eyed them up dubiously.
“You’ll see. Hey, you wanna come pick us up in about… 20 minutes?” April nodded.
“Ville Valo?” A lady approached Ville and Ryan.
“That’s me.”
“Okay, follow me.”
Bam threw his plate at the wall. He couldn’t even eat without Ville and have it feel right. The plate shattered and the pieces fell to the floor. He wondered when his friends would get back - he was bored, and Raab and DiCo were pissing him off. He didn’t know what had happened to Rake, and Jess was missing without an explanation too. He went upstairs and flung himself on his bed, flicking on the stereo. Ville’s voice blared through the speakers, and he groaned. He looked up and something caught his eye. Ville’s prize guitar glittered in the corner; he bet that Ville’d spent half an hour that morning polishing the damn thing, and he hadn’t even said hello to him. Bam fumed. He was more interesting than a guitar, wasn’t he? Who’d rather polish a guitar than talk to him? The guitar caught a ray of light through the window and shone, just to rub it all in his face, he was sure. Bam stood up and grabbed it. What was so good about it? It was a guitar. Before realizing what he’d done, he’d grabbed a pair of scissors from his desk and cut all the strings from it, relishing the despairing TWANG each one gave as it snapped. Scratches appeared all down the neck somehow, and chunks disappeared from the body, before Bam could stop himself. He took a deep breath and set the guitar down in the corner again. It didn’t shine anymore, and seemed to have recognized its inferiority. Bam nodded resolutely and went back downstairs, ignoring his churning stomach.
What a wicked thing you do
To make me dream of you
Ville and Ryan came back with April, chuckling to themselves. Ville was proud to bursting of his brilliant idea, and Ryan was just laughing at the thought of it.
“This afternoon, right?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah. I’ll tell you when.”
“Brilliant. Oh, um… Jess just sent me an sms - he said he’d just got back and Bam had just spent half an hour destroying your guitar. In case you wanted to know.” Ville rolled his eyes.
“Sokay. It’s not my guitar. I switched mine with that one he had on his wall in his office…” Ryan stared at him, and then burst into laughter.
“Oh, he’s going to be so pissed.” Ville stepped out of the car, cradling the very important white Styrofoam box, and then looked back at Ryan, smiling a little.
“Yep. And he deserves every second of it.”
Bam waited for Ville’s screams when he heard him go upstairs, but they never came. Instead he heard something that vaguely resembled… guitar playing. He raced up the stairs to find Ville sitting on the bed, smiling serenely and playing his guitar. His perfect, beautiful guitar. Ville looked up, trying not to laugh at Bam’s face. Bam’s eyes traveled to the corner of the room, and he suddenly recognized his own guitar, hacked and mangled and looking very lonely indeed.
“Bam… why’d you destroy your Grandpa’s guitar?” Bam looked between the innocent Ville and the destroyed guitar, lost for words. Ville chuckled. “It’s okay. I know this guy; he’s brilliant at fixing guitars. He’s had to fix mine several times, because one of my friends always tries to destroy it.”
“Okay, okay, you win.” Bam came and sat next to his friend. “Truce?” Ville raised an eyebrow.
“Did Bam Margera just offer me a truce? I can’t believe my ears. I must be hearing things.”
“I meant it! I’m sorry for being horrible.” Bam looked down and shuffled his shoes a little. Ville smiled and put his guitar down, giving his friend a quick hug.
“Don’t lie, you enjoyed every second of it. Hold on, I’ve gotta go ask Ryan something.” Ville hopped down the stairs and Bam just sat watching the doorway, waiting for him to come back - mainly because he couldn’t think of anything better to do.
“Hey, Bammie, I got a surprise for you,” Ville bounced back in the room, oddly excited about something. Bam smiled.
“What is it?”
“Hold on, you have to be blindfolded, okay?” Bam frowned a little, and Ville smiled at the cute wrinkles that crossed his face.
“Um… okay.” Ville tied a big piece of black cloth around Bam’s eyes.
“Okay, stay there. I’ll be right back.” Ville bustled out of the room to make sure Ryan was ready in the bathroom, and then came back.
“Okay. Ready?” Bam nodded, and Ville lead him out of the house, twirled him around to make him dizzy, and then walked him around the house in circles, bringing him in the side door that no-one ever used. Up the stairs, around the top floor, and then finally into the bathroom. Bam was completely lost, and Ville was out of breath, but he pushed his helpless friend through the door. Without saying anything, Ville took Bam’s shirt off over his head and Ryan stripped his pants off, and they both clapped him in handcuffs, one set on each hand, attached his hands to the handles on the sides of the bathtub.
“What are you doing?” Bam asked, moving his head around, trying to see.
“Ready?” Ville asked Ryan. Ryan grinned and nodded. They grabbed Bam’s body and sat him in the bathtub. Bam thrashed his legs around a little.
“What the…” Bam stopped moving. “Oh my god.” Ville pulled off his blindfold before he fell to the floor laughing. “Oh. My. God.” Bam was up to his waist in snakes. They were writhing all over him: one was climbing up his chest, another had wrapped itself around his arm. He stared at the bathtub full of snakes for a second, and then screamed. Ville couldn’t breathe he was laughing so hard. “VILLE GET ME OUT! OH MY GOD! AGHHH NOT FUNNY! VILEEEE!!!” He thrashed his legs and tried to stand up but he couldn’t - Ryan had tied his feet together. “GUYS GET ME OUT!” He couldn’t breathe any more. “Ville. Please. Get me out.” Ville sat up.
“Um… no.”
“Ville. Please. Let me out.” Ville simply shook his head.
“No.”
“VILLE! GET ME OUT OF HERE!” Bam shouted. April barged in the door.
“What on earth is… Oh my.” She stopped short, and looked at Ville, still on the floor, tears of laughter on his cheeks.
“MOM! GET ME OUT!” April chuckled.
“I think not.” She grinned at Ville. “Good one, Ville,” she said, and left them to it. Ville stood up and leant over the bathtub. There were tears rolling down Bam’s cheeks; he was still thrashing madly, trying to get out.
“Now, Brandon, have we learnt a lesson?” Bam nodded ferverently.
“Yes, god, I’m sorry, whatever, Ville, just get me the FUCK out of here.”
“And no more pranks?”
“No. No more. I’m sorry.” Ville sat back down.
“I don’t believe you,” he said, smiling to himself. He didn’t like seeing Bam this distressed, honestly he didn’t, but he definitely deserved it.
“Valo you fuckhead get me out of this bathtub right now.” Ryan was still watching them, laughing his head off.
“Ville… maybe you should let him out…” Ville sighed.
“Oh, I suppose you’re right.” He undid the handcuffs and lifted Bam out of the tub, shaking all the snakes off of him. Ryan undid the bindings around his feet and Bam jumped out of Ville’s arms.
“You two suck,” he said, wiping his eyes and running to his room. Ville watched him go and sighed.
“D’ya think that was too harsh, Dunn?”
“Nah. He needed that. He’s been being a little bitch.” Ville sighed again, and they started putting all the snakes back in the box, Ville hoping the whole time that he hadn’t gone one step too far.
No I don't wanna fall in love
this world is always gonna break your heart
No I don't wanna fall in love
this world is always gonna break your heart
..with you
Bam was miserable, cooped up in his room, listening to all the CD’s Ville had ever made for him. This had never happened in 3rd grade. In 3rd grade the girls just giggled and ran away, waiting for him to catch him. They never got angry and played nasty tricks back on him. When had the world changed? Bam sighed and rubbed his head. Obviously he was out of practice with the flirting thing. Ah, it was all useless. He was stuck in the 3rd grade and he just had to accept the fact that he wasn’t ever going to escape.
When he’d first fallen for Ville he tried to stop it. But he couldn’t. He knew it was wrong and blah blah blah, but once he’d started he couldn’t stop. He’d dealt with it for a while, but now it was all too much. And he’d done everything he could and still Ville was as oblivious as the sun is of the moon. Every single prank that got played simply produced rage and then it got brushed off and Ville went back to his goddamn books and his goddamn newfangled philosophy about how he would never love again. Bam wanted to scream. He wanted Ville to love HIM. No matter how many cakes he baked, how many hugs he gave, how many times he listened to Ville crying about his latest heartbreak and ignoring his own, it was all going nowhere.
The past 3 weeks, he’d just been exploding. He wanted so much to be able to call Ville his own, and he could hardly contain it anymore. He’d never had a broken heart before, and if this was half the pain that Ville dealt with on a regular basis, he wasn’t sure he wanted to continue. Because he was sure that his heart was breaking. Every time Ville shrugged and walked away, every minute he spent apart doing something else made Bam’s heart crumble that little bit more. And he’d been in here 4 days, and Ville hadn’t even come to apologize. He was beginning to wonder if he’d screwed everything up, even their apparently indestructible friendship.
He was a mess, and he knew it. He was having fun, that much was true, and yet he knew he couldn’t do this his whole life. He wanted something more. A real job, a nice house, a sensible car; two kids and a dog playing in the front yard and … Ville Valo to call his own.
The world was on fire, no-one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
A knock on his door brought him out of his thoughts.
“What?” Depressed or not, he was still pissed off at them for the snake thing.
“Can I come in? Please?”
“Whatever.” Ville poked his head around the door to check that Bam was in a sane state of mind and wouldn’t rip his head off. The situation appearing secure, Ville walked in and sat next to him on the bed, taking his hand.
“Look, I’m sorry… The snake thing was really harsh. And I’m sorry. Only please come out of here. I miss you… we all miss you.” Bam frowned and took his hand back - physical contact was not needed for this to suck as much as possible. “Oh, come on Bam, you deserved it, and you know it.” Ville sighed, exasperatedly. “Frankly, my dear friend, you’ve been an ass lately. And I’d like to know when it’s going to stop. Because I want my Bam back.”
“I… oh, fine. I’m sorry about… all the pranks and stuff.” He wanted to be miserable a little more; he quite liked self-pity, it was more fun than facing Ville day in and day out and knowing he had no chance.
“I know. Now come on. Vito has had a new car for a month and you haven’t even flattened the tires yet.” Ville smiled and watched Bam’s eyes widen.
“He’s had a new car for how long?”
“A month. He was celebrating downstairs just now.” Bam snatched up his coat.
“Come on Ville, we are going to fix that.” He may be an emotional mess, and his heart may be broken in two, and he may be stuck in a life he didn’t want anymore, but there was always, always time to wreck Vito’s cars. And then later, he thought, he might bake a cake.
3 days later and Bam had had enough of trying to be just friends. Ville spent most of the morning in bed, after what Bam thought must be an acute attack of post-breakup-depression had kept him awake all night, writhing around in bed. As a result, Bam had also only slept for a grand total of about 2 minutes. It was time for another prank, he thought, watching Ville’s sweaty face contort with his dreams. It was time to throw caution to the wind, and do what he had to do. Otherwise, the love that he had pent up inside him would drive him crazy and he might just spontaneously combust.
“Let the games begin,” he whispered, and quietly padded out of the room to get everything ready. When Ville finally got out of bed that day, he walked right into Bam’s first trap.
“OW. OW OWOWOWOWOWOW!” He hopped backwards, clutching his foot and dusting the thumbtack off of it. “BAM!” He wanted to fall back on his bed and cry. He couldn’t believe that Bam had only managed to contain himself for 3 days. And today of all days, he did not need this. Picking his way through the thumbtacks, he finally got out of the room, and walked quickly through the hallway, aiming for the kitchen. Before he could get there, however, he stepped onto a piece of carpet that had somehow acquired rollers and fell flat on his ass. Not even bothering to grant Bam the pleasure of hearing him scream, he picked himself up and managed to get down the stairs, taking it slowly, one step at a time, making sure that Bam hadn’t cut loose any of the boards so that he’d go falling through. The house was completely empty - which wasn’t unusual on a nice summers afternoon. He ate breakfast - as he had suspected, there was salt in the sugar bowl and someone had put a piece of garlic in the butter so he stuck to very strong coffee and April’s secret stash of safe bagels that Bam hadn't found yet. He was beginning - once again - to wonder why he put up with Bam. In anyone else this kind of behavior would drive him crazy. But he figured that Bam was just dealing with his frustration at not being able to grow up right now, and reasoned that that must be why he was so forgiving with him. He went upstairs, careful to open the door so that the plastic container of syrup didn’t fall on him, turned the heat off so that he wouldn’t’ have to turn on the fan, which was covered in feathers, and crawled back in bed. Just ignore him, that was the best way about this. He’d grow out of it.
Bam watched Ville crawl back into bed on the CCTV that he’d had installed a while back and basically forgotten about until that morning.
“Damn,” he said. “He is soo goddamn boring.” Which wasn’t true, but still, he thought, he’d expected him at least to turn on the TV or something. What was there to do in bed? At noon?! In the summer! Ahh… when Ville was down, he was really down. He smiled and picked up the phone.
Ville sighed and settled back into the pillows, picking up a piece of paper to doodle on. He’d wait till Bam got home to do anything - there was no point in getting up if Bam wasn’t there, because there was nothing to do. He smiled, remembering the past 3 days. It hadn’t quite been normal - there was definitely something wrong with Bam - but it had been so much better. He often thought about how they were the most unlikely people to be so close, but he was glad of it. He would definitely miss Bam if he wasn’t around - he looked at the paper and laughed. Bam’s face had appeared on it without him even thinking. The telephone rang and Ville turned to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hey. It’s me.”
“Oh. Hi Lily. What’s he done this time?”
“Who? Burton? Nothing. Just… have you seen the news?”
“Um… no. The news is way too depressing to watch on a regular basis.”
“Ville. Go turn on CNN. Right now.” Ville picked up the remote and switched the TV on. Bam’s face filled the screen; he was talking to a reporter about something… Ville frowned.
“Lily, it’s just Bam being…” He stopped speaking and stared at the screen.
“Ville? Ville?” Ville watched the whole broadcast and then switched the TV off. “VILLE!” He picked up the phone again, which he’d dropped.
“Lily…”
“You okay?”
“G… Get me… Get me a flight out of here. Now.”
“I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t?!”
“All the airlines are on strike today.” Ville choked.
“Linde I need to get out.” He heard Linde sigh.
“I can’t do anything about it Ville. Deal with it for a day, and then I’ll see what I can do, okay?” Ville heard something vaguely like Burton chuckling in the background, but chose to ignore it.
“Thanks. Really.” Sarcasm dripped from his voice, and he hung up the phone, throwing it at the wall.
No and I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you
I'll never dream that I lose somebody like you, no
Bam had watched Ville turn on the TV and knew Lily was doing his job properly. He snuck quietly into the kitchen - the first place he knew Ville would come in search of a drink, and prepared himself. Ville came thundering down the stairs, cursing up a storm when he lost his balance on the rolling carpet again, and burst into the kitchen.
“Goddamit, who the fuck does the little shit think he is…” He muttered, slamming the cupboard doors. “WHERE’S THE GODAMN ALCOHOL IN THIS HOUSE!?”
“Right here,” Bam said quietly, holding up a bottle of wine. Ville looked over, and Bam seriously thought he was going to have a glass thrown at his head.
“You presumptuous little… I’M making moves on you?! I’M flirting with you?! WHAT?! OH Bam this goes sooo far beyond a simple prank.” Ville narrowed his eyes and Bam sat staring at his hands. “I can handle stepping on pins, and having salty cornflakes and getting wet and all that shit. But public humiliation?! You lied about me to the PRESS?! Do you KNOW what that’s going to do to my career?! My BAND?! MY LIFE?! Do you even THINK, Bam? Is there a BRAIN in there?!” Ville was red in the face and his throat hurt from yelling. “I don’t know why I put up with it. I really really don’t. And I’m not going to anymore. I’m leaving, just as soon as those stupid planes get off strike.” Bam smiled at him a little.
“There isn’t a plane strike, you know.” Ville sighed.
“I knew it. You got Lily and Burton into this too?” Bam shrugged.
“Wasn’t hard. They thought it was a great idea.”
“To wreck our band?!” Bam shook his head and took Ville’s hands firmly.
“That wasn’t a real news-cast. The reporter was a friend of mine. It was just a tape.” Ville stared at him.
“That is so not funny at all Bam.”
“I know.”
“So why’d you do it?”
“You didn’t watch the end of the tape, did you?” Ville shook his head. Bam sighed.
“I dunno why, but whatever. Actually I just wanted to tell you something.”
“Can’t you just TALK, like NORMAL people?!”
“I’m not normal.”
“Obviously.” Ville snorted. “So what is it that you’re dying to tell me so much? Before I leave. Because I am leaving. Now. You have 5 seconds. Go.”
“I…” Now that it was time, Bam found the words hard to say.
“4. 3. 2. On…”
“I’m in love with you.” The words fell out of his mouth, and he and Ville both stared at each other. Ville took a deep breath. Bam sighed; he may be losing his best friend more with every second passing, but at least it was in the open now. Ville didn’t believe what he’d just heard. He shook his head.
“Okay. This trick has gone one step too far, Bam. What the fuck are you…” Bam leant over and grabbed Ville’s face, kissing him quickly and firmly on the lips. Ville pushed him away. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I’m leaving Bam. When you grow up, maybe we can talk again.”
“Ville. I’m not kidding. You know all your talk about “the one” and all that shit? You’re right, Ville. There is only one person for me. Which is you.” Ville stopped with his hand on the doorknob. Bam had tears in his eyes, and his hand clutched at Ville’s arm. “I’m an asshole, Ville, and I’m a mess. I need your help. I’m sorry for… everything. Anything I’ve ever did. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to start over. I love you.” Ville turned his head slowly, his heart beating hard in his chest. A strange urge to rush over and kiss his best friend to stop his pained ramblings almost overpowered him, but he gained control of himself, and took a deep breath.
“Bam… I… I’m done with love. It’s not meant for me. I… I’m sorry… I wish…”
Now I wanna fall in love
This world is always gonna break your heart
He stopped. What did he wish? That his last relationship had never happened and his heart hadn’t been broken one too many times, so he could justify the feelings rushing through him? Or that he could throw caution to the wind. Or that they hadn’t been friends for 3 years and were random acquaintances in a bar?
“Tell me you don’t feel anything for me?” Bam was squeezing his hand now - he’d seen Ville stop dead in his tracks, and hope started making him bold. His blue eyes sparkled, and Ville realized that it wasn’t the first time he’d almost fallen into them.
“I… Bam I can’t do this!” He pulled away and went to the other side of the room. Bam grinned inwardly at the knowledge that he’d managed to get Ville flustered - his tight jeans hid nothing. He striped off his shirt, knowing full well that he was playing mean. Ville looked over again and saw Bam’s bare chest, his blue eyes, his brown hair falling into his face - and gave in.
Now I wanna fall in lust
This world is always gonna break your heart
..with you
He was back on the other side of the room in half a second, pressing Bam against the wall, straddling his lap, and finally kissing his soft lips. They kissed till they were both breathless and Ville had been forced to take his shirt off, too.
“Is that… a… yes?” Bam asked, in between pecks at Ville’s lips.
“Hmm. No… more pranks? You… promise?” Bam frowned at him.
“C’mon, be realistic, Ville.”
“Okay. Fewer pranks?” Bam thought about it and nodded.
“I think I can do that.”
Ville still wasn’t completely satisfied; he found Bam’s lips again, wondering what he’d been doing with this “friends” shit for three years. Suddenly he was curious.
“Bam… how long have you…”
“2 years.” Ville groaned. That was a hell of a long time.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were… busy.” Ville kissed him again, unable to get over the feeling of completeness as he did.
“I think I loved you the whole time,” he said without thinking, realizing it was true as he said it.
“I thought you were ‘done with love,’” Bam teased, his hands running over Ville’s back. Ville sat on Bam’s knees, thinking a little.
“You know what I think now?”
“No, darling, what do you think?”
Ville cocked his head, looking at Bam thoughtfully. He was surprisingly comfortable with this situation. He liked this situation. He nodded to himself, and bent forward to sing into Bam’s ear. “Nobody loves no-one.” Pulling the love of his life down into his arms, Bam grinned, knowing he had finally won the game.
Two days later, during which Bam's family had been forbidden to come inside Bam's house, Bam and Ville had just finished breakfast and Bam had just started, still in a vague haze of disbelief, kissing Ville across the breakfast table. Ville opened his mouth to his boyfriend, but just as things were getting interesting, they were interrupted by loud knocking.
“BAM ARE WE ALLOWED BACK IN THE HOUSE YET?!” Bam looked at Ville, and Ville looked at Bam.
“NO!” They shouted, giggling, foreheads pressed together.
“BAM OPEN THE GODDAM DOOR! YOU SAID TWO DAYS!!”
“I love you,” Bam mouthed, smiling and kissing Ville’s lips.
“Love you too. Now go let them in.” Bam sighed, and stood up slowly.
“Hey… I have the best idea… for a trick…” Ville raised an eyebrow. Bam chuckled and whispered it in his ear. Ville had to keep himself from laughing.
“Okay?” Ville nodded.
“Okay.”
“Let’s go.” They smiled at each other, and then slammed into the door, making out like teenagers - and very noisily.
“Bam… are you… okay?” Jess called from outside. Ville groaned loudly as Bam rubbed up against him.
“Is that… Ville?” Raab’s voice sounded lost.
“Baaammmmmmm,” Ville groaned as Bam moved from his lips to his neck and his hand moved down…
“It is Ville!”
“What’s going on? Open the door!” April’s voice joined the rest of the gang’s - she had obviously just arrived.
“We can’t!”
“Why not?!” Ville chose that moment to grind his hips against Bam’s, his hand accidentally slipping inside Bam’s pants.
“Oh God. Villlllleeee.”
“Because of that!” Jess said loudly.
“Is that… was that Bam?”
“Bam and Ville are having sex against the door!” Raab cried, laughing hysterically. Bam winked at Ville, who kissed him, and fumbled with the doorknob.
“Brandon Cole Margera…” The door opened outwards and Ville fell backwards, landing on the floor with Bam on top of him.
“Oops. You okay baby?”
“Shut up and kiss me,” Ville growled, his eyes twinkling. Noone moved, but stared as Bam started to devour Ville’s lips. After a few seconds, when Bam’s hand started to disappear under Ville’s pants, April coughed.
“Bam. Ville. Please.” They stopped and looked up.
“Whoa. Where’d you guys come from?” Ville had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at their faces as Bam sat up and acted surprised. Raab started laughing insanely and ran into the house, singing “BAM’S A FAGGOT” at the top of his voice. Everyone else stared, until Jess suddenly shook himself.
“Wow. I just watched my little brother have an insane make out session with another guy. I sooo need cleansing. Ryan, bar?” Ryan grinned at Ville and Bam and followed Jess, giving them a thumbs up before he got in Jess’s car. Rake just shook his head, rolled his eyes and went inside to find a book, and DiCo - he followed Raab upstairs without really realizing what was going on. April looked down at Ville and Bam, who were now just smiling at each other without obvious reason. She patted Bam on the back and squeezed his shoulder, and then leaned over to whisper in his ear: “You have a bedroom for a purpose, darling,” smiled at Ville, and then went inside. Bam smiled, shrugged, and bent down, planting another kiss on Ville’s lips, before pulling him up.
“Let’s go for a walk or something,” Bam said.
“A walk?”
“That’s what adults do, don’t they?”
“Bam, you ARE an adult,” Ville chuckled.
“I know. Exactly. Let’s go for a walk.” Ville shrugged.
“Whatever. Lead on. And no creeks!” Bam rolled his eyes.
“I didn’t MEAN to push you in that time…”
“You so did,” Ville said, grinning and pushing his boyfriend a little bit. Bam laughed.
“Okay, maybe just a little bit.”
“Whatever Bam.” Ville took Bam’s hand and couldn’t contain his smile. “You are evil, you know. I’m sure you blackmailed me into this or something.” Bam shrugged.
“It was worth it though, right?”
“Yes Bam. Your twisted little wicked games paid off in the end.”
Genre::Short Vam Song Fic.
Rating:: PG 13
Characters:: Ville and Bam
Summary:: What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way...
Wicked Games
The world was on fire, no-one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
“BAM!” Ville stood drenched under a doorway, steam literally pouring out of his ears. “ARGH!!!” He shook his wet hair, disgusted that he’d fallen for such a simple prank. “BRANDON MARGERA YOU ARE SO GETTING YOUR ASS WHOOPED.” Bam stood watching at the top of the spiral staircase, shaking with silent laughter where his enraged friend couldn’t see him.
“I swear, that is the last time… he is such a child…. Oooohh someone’s gonna get it…” Ville mumbled to himself, wringing water from his hair; which he’d just spent half an hour carefully drying. “BAM!!!!” Bam couldn’t hold it in any longer, and burst out in hysterical laughter.
“You fell for it, I can’t believe you fell for it.” Ville looked up to the top floor, glaring when he finally saw Bam rolling around on the floor, clutching his stomach. He couldn’t even find the words, just shook his head and stalked out of the room. Bam’s laughter died down a little.
“Aw, come on Ville, it’s just water!”
“Go get screwed, Bam,” Ville called, slamming the door behind him. Bam rolled his eyes. He could be such a drama queen sometimes. He ran down the stairs and barged into the bathroom, where he knew Ville would be standing with a hairdryer, fixing his perfect curls.
“Don’t be such a girl, Ville.” Ville didn’t even look over, just pulled the door open and pushed Bam through it.
“Out.”
“Ville… come on.” Ville heaved a sigh and set the hairdryer down.
“The goddamn bucket missed my head by a fucking centimeter. Okay? See my face? Not. Laughing.” Bam rolled his eyes.
“It was just a joke…”
“When your jokes involve me and metal buckets falling from doors, I’d rather they be kept in that crazy little mind of yours. Now get out. I’m pissed off at you, remember?” Bam left him to his primping, searching out Ryan - he’d just had a great idea.
Ville watched him go in the mirror, disliking the gleam in his blue eyes. It was the gleam that always meant he would find a frog in his bed, sit down on a pine cone, eat maggot pie, or go out to dinner and come back to find his teletubby boxers flying from the window and his blankie half way up a tree. He hadn’t really realized what he was getting into when he decided to spend his vacation in West Chester. Six Weeks of pranks and jokes… and he had four weeks of it left. He was on the verge of calling Seppo and begging him to give him some more work to do. Bam had promised him rest and relaxation and “a good time.” Yeah, right. Ville put both hands down on the sink, staring hard at himself in the mirror, examining his motives for staying.
“Hey, Beauty Queen, d’ya want some cake?” Bam called from the kitchen. Ville smiled, one of his motives baring its not so ugly face - Bam made the best chocolate cake in the world. He scooted into the bench around the table and grinned at the incessant chatter of Bam, his family, and his crew, and yet another motive for staying came clear: he loved this family way too much. Bam smiled at him and gave him a piece of the infamous cake, and Ville devoured it, instantly forgiving Bam his sins.
I'd never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you
And I'd never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you
Theirs was a funny friendship, Ville Valo and Bam Margera. Ville, always the romantic, went through what he called “terminal heartbreak” at least 3 times a year; too quick to fall in love and too easily hurt and betrayed. He hated being the center of attention - only enjoying the rush of stage performance. Any other spotlight he shied from. He was quiet, subdued, and thoughtful; he valued beauty above all else, and spent a great deal of time remembering and dreaming, and running away from pain. Bam went through life with one single goal: to have as much fun as possible. He didn’t care how many hearts he broke, hell, he didn’t care about anything he broke, because he knew someone would just come and fix it for him. He was one of those rare people that managed to be loved by everyone, no matter how much he pissed them off. He didn’t think about things; acted on impulse; didn’t place too much importance in feelings or emotions. While he also cared about the beauty of things, it was more a passive feeling. No-one really understood how they had become so close - Ville wouldn’t say no to a good party and tons of alcohol, but he definitely didn’t want to be doing that every day, and Bam didn’t really mind looking at art, but he’d much rather be wrecking Vito’s car. But they were the best of friends, and Bam always made time when Ville needed him, and Ville hardly ever turned Bam down on an invitation. People stopped questioning it after 3 years and just sat back and watched them in amazement.
“Dude, Ry, c’mere.” Bam pulled Ryan aside while Ville was occupied with his cake.
“What?”
“Look, I have the best trick to pull on Valo.” Ryan rolled his eyes.
“Can’t we just go wreck up that Laura Ashley shit Ape’s trying to pull in her bedroom?”
“Nooo. This’ll be so much more fun.”
“Bam, he’s gonna blow a gasket.” Bam looked over at Ville, who was eyeing up the remainder of the cake.
“Nah. He’s had cake. He’ll forgive me for anything for another 24 hours at least.”
“Whatever. So what’s the brilliant plan?” Bam whispered in Ryan’s ear. Ryan’s eyes widened and he stepped back. “Oh no. Bam. No.”
“Aw come on.”
“Bam, you’ve tortured the poor guy enough.” Bam scratched his head.
“You think?”
“Yes. Come on, lets go wreck the Laura Ashley or something.” Bam looked over his shoulder at Ville, now immersed in “Improve Your Chess Skills” by some boring ass wanker, who obviously interested his best friend more than he did.
Because the CKY crew took up all the bedrooms, and because it was much more fun, Bam and Ville always roomed together when Ville visited Schloss Bam. Except for those nights when Bam came home from bar hopping with a random chick, who invariably got weirded out when a drunken Bam lead her up to his bedroom to find a half naked man already occupying the bed and Ville was forced to scurry out to let Bam have his fun, the arrangement always worked. On this night, several days after the bucket incident, Ville was sitting in bed with a glass of red wine and a good book, enjoying the peace and quiet, and seriously considering giving it all up to spend his days exactly like this.
“Ville, telephone!” April came in and handed him the phone.
“Thanks Ape. Hello?”
“Ville. You gotta do something. Something’s wrong with Linde.” Ville chuckled. Burton.
“Hello to you too Burton. Now, what exactly do you expect me to do?”
“Get your ass back over to the sane side of the Atlantic and slap him or something!”
“Look, I’m sure you two can sort it out…” Ville rolled his eyes at his friends.
“Yeah. Or not.”
“Whatever Burton.”
“Seriously Ville. I think… I think he might be…”
“Burton shut up. He is not seeing anyone else. Okay? End Of Story.” Ville chuckled.
“Oh. Right.”
“Stop being stupid. He loves you.” Ville lit up a cigarette absentmindedly, preparing to launch into the “Lily loves you and noone else so get over it and stop worrying” speech that he’d perfected since his friends had “hooked up”, as Bam called it. He spat it out at high speeds until Burton was considerably calmer, and then hung up the phone, looking up to see Bam leaning in the doorway.
No I don't wanna fall in love
this world is always gonna break your heart
“Hello.”
“Hey.”
“Who was that?” Bam came in and threw himself across the bed, looking up at Ville curiously, requesting a translation of Ville’s conversation.
“Burton.”
“Ah. Lily ‘seeing people’ again?” Ville nodded, thinking. Bam pulled on his pyjamas.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing…”
“You don’t stroke your chin when like that when you’re thinking about nothing, Ville,” Bam observed, pulling the covers up to his chin.
“I was thinking… they’re so lucky. And that I don’t think I’ll ever find that… And… I need it…” Bam nodded, and Ville went on. “Whenever I think I find it, I just end up getting hurt… ugh… Bam… I think I’m just destined to be alone and lonely.” Bam reached over and switched off the lights.
“You will. Don’t worry. Give it some time, and can you not hog the covers tonight?”
“I’m almost 30! How much more time does it need?!”
“Just give it time. Goodnight, Ville.”
No I don't wanna fall in love
this world is always gonna break your heart
..with you
“Bam!” Someone barged into their room the next morning, and Bam groaned as the bright light hit him. Ville stayed where he was, simply shutting his eyes tighter underneath the covers.
“Whaddya want?”
“What’d you do with my stuff?” Bam recognized the voice and sat up.
“Jenn?”
“Yeah, yeah, it’s not like I’m Christ risen again, lets not get too worked up about my appearance. Where’s my stuff?”
“Huh, what stuff?”
“My STUFF! You know, the cd’s and things I left behind. I told you I’d come pick them up.” Ville groaned, the shouting hurting his head. “What was that?”
“Nothing. My stomach. Look, I dunno where your shit is. I’ll get it to you later. Now, would you kindly leave?”
“I want my stuff, Bam.” Jenn’s voice got louder and Bam got more irritated.
“You’re not getting it now. I’m going back to sleep, I’ll get it to you later!” He emphasized every word very clearly and very loudly; Ville covered his hands with his ears.
“I’m going to sit right here until you get me my stuff.” Jenn promptly sat down on the bed, directly on Ville’s foot.
“OW!!!! THAT WAS MY FOOT, BITCH!” He beat his way out of the covers and grabbed his foot, which she had forced in the wrong direction, cradling it in his arms. Jenn jumped up and looked at Bam.
“Your stomach? Right. Well, you two didn’t waste any time, did you? I knew you always liked him better.”
“Jenn, he’s just visiting. He always sleeps in here when he visits, you know that.” Bam kneaded his forehead. “Look, will you just go? I don’t know where your stuff is, ask April. She cleans this place, not me.” Jenn rolled her eyes at him and stalked out of the room.
“Well, there goes the only woman I ever loved,” he said quietly. Ville looked at him, still cradling his foot.
“You okay?” Bam nodded, smiling for some reason.
“Of course I am. We split up ages ago, right? I’m fine.” Ville squeezed his arm. “Seriously, I’m fine, Ville. How’s your foot?”
“Sokay.”
“Kay… I’m gonna go get breakfast, alright?” He smiled and got out of bed, and Ville wondered where he got his strength.
What a wicked game to play
To make me feel this way
“EEEEEEEEEKKK!!!” Ville shrieked, several hours later, suddenly waking up from a relaxing snooze in the sun. “BAM!!!” Bam laughed and ran away. Ville stood up and shook the ice cubes from his shirt. “CAN’T YOU LET ME HAVE 10 MINUTES PEACE?!”
“NO!” Bam called back, still laughing. Ville shook his head, smiling despite himself.
“VILLE, COME HAVE FUN!” Bam shouted at him.
“I don’t like your fun much, Bam,” he called back.
“Aw, cmon. We’re gonna set up some sprinklers and stuff!”
“Bam you know I hate water.” Bam walked back towards him, satisfied that he wasn’t getting slapped.
“It’s too hot not to get wet!”
“If you didn’t run around so much you wouldn’t be so hot,” Ville retorted.
“Ahhh quit acting your age.”
“Hey. Not cool, Brandon. You’re not that much younger yourself.”
“Yeahh… whatever. And quit calling me Brandon. That is not my name.”
“Whatever you say Brandon.”
“Ville, stop it.”
“Stop what, Brandon?” Ville’s eyes were dancing, and he had to hold back hysterical laughter at how worked up Bam got about his name.
“Right. You are so going in the sprinkler.” Bam bodily picked Ville up and hoisted him over his shoulder, carrying him towards the other side of the yard.
“No! No! Bam put me down. BAM! No! Get off!” Ville squirmed around in his arms, beating at his friend’s back, but Bam had a death grip on him, and he couldn’t get out.
“Get the water running guys!” Bam called, turning his jog into a run.
“No, Bam, come on… put me down, I’m sorry, put me down now.”
“Shut up Ville. You deserve this.” The sprinkler was running full speed, and Bam pulled Ville down from his shoulder and tipped him backwards, making sure his hair got completely soaked.
“BAM!” Ville tried to kick him and missed, but he was suddenly able to wriggle free.
“Oh no you don’t,” Bam said when Ville tried to run away. He grabbed him and held him still while Raab came up with another hose. “You earned this, you know you did. Now shut up and face consequences.” Bam grinned maliciously. Ville just gave him an exasperated look as Ryan opened the hose and completely drenched them both.
“You kids need to grow up,” he said, speaking louder over Raab’s hysterical laughter. Bam shrugged, and turned Ville around like a puppet, so that he would get wet on both sides. Ville accepted his fate and stood fuming a little as Bam turned him round and round. When he deemed Ville wet enough and had shouted at Ryan to turn the water off, Bam smiled at him and wiped some of the water from his face. Ville just raised his eyebrows at him.
“Come on, let’s go get you dry.” Ville rolled his eyes.
“I can do that myself, thanks.” Bam sighed.
“Whatever. When you’re done, we were gonna watch like, The Crow or something. If you want.” Ville shrugged.
“I’m gonna go wash my hair. There’s grass and shit in it now.” Bam grinned.
“Okay. Ape got some new shampoo… it’s in the green bottle.” Ville nodded and went off to the bathroom, while Ryan stared at him.
“You didn’t seriously…” Bam started shaking, clutching his stomach; as soon as Ville disappeared into the house he roared with laughter.
“Bam. You’re kidding.”
“No. Hahahahha. Ooooh hahahahaha.” He went away, still laughing, to find a camera, while Ryan shook his head.
“BAM!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD BAM!” Ville stared at himself in the mirror, and let off another scream. “BAM!!!” A bright flash went off, and he turned to see Bam holding a camera, doubled over in laughter.
“BAM THAT IS SOOO NOT FUNNY!”
“Ooooh hhaahahahh yes it is. Heheheheeh.” Ville stared at the mirror some more, not believing his eyes. He ran his hands through his hair, and then had to steady himself on the sink.
“It’s GREEN!” Bam nodded and fell on the floor, still dying with laughter. April came curiously up the stairs
“What’s going on… Ville honey what did you do to your hair?!” Ville whirled around, pointing at Bam.
“Ask this… this… hellion of a child of yours.” April turned to look at Bam, still rolling on the floor laughing.
“Bam, how many times do I have to tell you to play nicely? Ville, it’s okay, it washes right out again with this stuff I have. He’s done that to me so many times,” April took Ville’s arm and lead him to her bathroom. “You just have to ignore him sometimes, he’s been acting weird lately, you know,” she said soothingly.
“Yeah…” Ville shook his head, Bam’s laughter still chorusing through the house.
“He’ll calm down in a while. I think he’s just excited to have you here.” April handed him the magic cleaning stuff she had. “He misses you when you’re not around.” Ville frowned. “That stuff should work. If not, I’ll take you to my hair-dresser. She’s an expert by now.” She winked and left him alone in the shower. He heaved a sigh and stepped into the shower to wash his hair for the third time that day.
April’s magic potion got the green out of his hair in the first go, but Ville was still not an extremely happy camper. He avoided Bam for the rest of the day, and was already asleep by the time Bam came stumbling up to their room, piss drunk. Bam saw Ville sleeping peacefully and had a rare moment of repentance - a tiny bit of green trapped in Ville’s dark brown hair glared at him in the moonlight that filtered through the window, and Bam reached over to try and get it out. Ville rolled over and pushed him away in his sleep, and Bam sighed heavily as he crawled under the covers.
What a wicked thing to do
To let me dream of you
Bam’s repentance and determination to be a good boy lasted all of two days. But during them, Ville somehow managed to forgive him for turning his hair green and all the other infringements he’d committed in the three weeks, because he loved Sorry Bam, and Cute Bam, and Let’s Make a Cake To Cheer Ville Up Bam. They had one of their spells during which everyone had learned to leave them alone during, because during these spells they were really only interested in each other. They got drunk together and watched Johnny Depp movies for hours on end… they managed to entertain themselves for 4 hours with a single pair of rollerblades in the garage… and soon all was forgiven and forgotten and the world was a happy place again.
At the end of the second day of this spell, Ville collapsed, exhausted on their bed, and looked at wall with a small smile on his face for no apparent reason. He started humming randomly to himself, then singing - and then he grabbed his pen and paper and scribbled down his new song. Which he actually really liked. He wrote no end of songs - at least one a day - but most of them just ended up forgotten in the box that he always carried with him, which was now hidden underneath the mattress so that Bam couldn’t find it. He wasn’t taking any risks. When he was pretty much happy with the first draft of his new song, he knelt down - first making sure that Bam was still occupied in the Pirate Bar - and pulled out the box from its hiding place. He frowned - it was much lighter than usual. He opened the box slowly, and took out the single piece of paper inside, read it quickly, and threw the box at the wall.
Save the trees, Recycle paper! This Message Brought to You by Your Friendly CKY Recycling Service.
“BAM!!!!!” Ville roared. This was one too far. One step way to far. He flew down the stairs, not believing that he had actually trusted Bam to have some common sense. “WHAT’D YOU DO WITH THEM?!” Bam looked up from his magazine.
“What?”
“WHAT’D YOU DO WITH THEM?!” Ville held the empty box in his hand, waving it in front of Bam’s face. A log popped in the fire crackling in the chimney. Ville turned slowly around. “No,” he whispered, running towards it. “No, no, no.” He fell to his knees in front of the fire, watching the last sheet of his messy handwriting curl up and burn black. He couldn’t say anything; was lost for words, cradling his head in his hands. “No… no no no.” Bam’s heart twinged a little, and he got up and approached Ville. Ville looked up at him, actual tears in his eyes. “How could you?”
“I didn’t,” Bam said simply, pulling out a box from behind the wood pile, identical to the one Ville held in his hand. Ville snatched it from his hands and stood up. He didn’t have the words to say what he wanted. Just gave Bam a look that would kill if it could, and walked out of the room. He slept on the couch downstairs that night, clutching his box to his chest - he’d fallen asleep wondering where the real Bam was hiding and why he couldn’t stay mad at him like he should be. He hoped that Bam hadn’t read any of the pages of scribbles - there were songs about things in there that were better left unsaid between two friends. He fell asleep with Bam’s smile in his mind, because it refused to leave him alone.
What a wicked thing to say
You never felt this way
Bam couldn’t focus on the movie. He wanted to, it was his second favorite movie in the world. But he couldn’t, even when the guys were being quiet. Something was missing that made the quiet even more unnatural. He couldn’t quite place his finger on it - there was something he normally did when everything went quiet… then he remembered. He would always watch Ville, thinking up some new way to annoy or surprise him. He’d spent the past 3 weeks playing at least 3 tricks on his friend a day; without that it was empty. Ville had gone to town with Ape for god knows what reason, and Ryan had gone with them, which was also odd. Ville and Ryan had been pretty chummy lately, Bam reflected, wondering why that bothered him a little. Ville had actually been acting annoyed with him lately. He’d even slept on the couch the night before. Which was weird. And ever since his last break up he’d started acting his age, Bam thought. Even older. He kept fussing about his goddamn hair and reading boring books and… Bam wanted his old friend back. The slightly crazy, drunken one. Actually, Bam just wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. He was getting tired of playing tricks - he was actually running out of ideas. He didn’t really know why he had to keep playing tricks on Ville - he’d never done it before. But it … seemed the only thing to do now. He felt like he was back in third grade, hitting girls because he thought they enjoyed it, because it was the only way he knew of to get their attention.
“Ville… what are we doing here?” asked April. Ville lead her and Ryan through the white doors, which had the words Snake Emporium over them in large chrome letters.
“I’ve come to see a friend about a snake,” he said. “Or a hundred.” A small grin showed itself at the corners of his mouth, and Ryan suddenly caught on.
“Oh, Ville, you are so harsh.” The grin spread across Ville’s whole face and onto Ryan’s. “I like it,” Ryan said.
“What are you two boys planning?” April eyed them up dubiously.
“You’ll see. Hey, you wanna come pick us up in about… 20 minutes?” April nodded.
“Ville Valo?” A lady approached Ville and Ryan.
“That’s me.”
“Okay, follow me.”
Bam threw his plate at the wall. He couldn’t even eat without Ville and have it feel right. The plate shattered and the pieces fell to the floor. He wondered when his friends would get back - he was bored, and Raab and DiCo were pissing him off. He didn’t know what had happened to Rake, and Jess was missing without an explanation too. He went upstairs and flung himself on his bed, flicking on the stereo. Ville’s voice blared through the speakers, and he groaned. He looked up and something caught his eye. Ville’s prize guitar glittered in the corner; he bet that Ville’d spent half an hour that morning polishing the damn thing, and he hadn’t even said hello to him. Bam fumed. He was more interesting than a guitar, wasn’t he? Who’d rather polish a guitar than talk to him? The guitar caught a ray of light through the window and shone, just to rub it all in his face, he was sure. Bam stood up and grabbed it. What was so good about it? It was a guitar. Before realizing what he’d done, he’d grabbed a pair of scissors from his desk and cut all the strings from it, relishing the despairing TWANG each one gave as it snapped. Scratches appeared all down the neck somehow, and chunks disappeared from the body, before Bam could stop himself. He took a deep breath and set the guitar down in the corner again. It didn’t shine anymore, and seemed to have recognized its inferiority. Bam nodded resolutely and went back downstairs, ignoring his churning stomach.
What a wicked thing you do
To make me dream of you
Ville and Ryan came back with April, chuckling to themselves. Ville was proud to bursting of his brilliant idea, and Ryan was just laughing at the thought of it.
“This afternoon, right?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah. I’ll tell you when.”
“Brilliant. Oh, um… Jess just sent me an sms - he said he’d just got back and Bam had just spent half an hour destroying your guitar. In case you wanted to know.” Ville rolled his eyes.
“Sokay. It’s not my guitar. I switched mine with that one he had on his wall in his office…” Ryan stared at him, and then burst into laughter.
“Oh, he’s going to be so pissed.” Ville stepped out of the car, cradling the very important white Styrofoam box, and then looked back at Ryan, smiling a little.
“Yep. And he deserves every second of it.”
Bam waited for Ville’s screams when he heard him go upstairs, but they never came. Instead he heard something that vaguely resembled… guitar playing. He raced up the stairs to find Ville sitting on the bed, smiling serenely and playing his guitar. His perfect, beautiful guitar. Ville looked up, trying not to laugh at Bam’s face. Bam’s eyes traveled to the corner of the room, and he suddenly recognized his own guitar, hacked and mangled and looking very lonely indeed.
“Bam… why’d you destroy your Grandpa’s guitar?” Bam looked between the innocent Ville and the destroyed guitar, lost for words. Ville chuckled. “It’s okay. I know this guy; he’s brilliant at fixing guitars. He’s had to fix mine several times, because one of my friends always tries to destroy it.”
“Okay, okay, you win.” Bam came and sat next to his friend. “Truce?” Ville raised an eyebrow.
“Did Bam Margera just offer me a truce? I can’t believe my ears. I must be hearing things.”
“I meant it! I’m sorry for being horrible.” Bam looked down and shuffled his shoes a little. Ville smiled and put his guitar down, giving his friend a quick hug.
“Don’t lie, you enjoyed every second of it. Hold on, I’ve gotta go ask Ryan something.” Ville hopped down the stairs and Bam just sat watching the doorway, waiting for him to come back - mainly because he couldn’t think of anything better to do.
“Hey, Bammie, I got a surprise for you,” Ville bounced back in the room, oddly excited about something. Bam smiled.
“What is it?”
“Hold on, you have to be blindfolded, okay?” Bam frowned a little, and Ville smiled at the cute wrinkles that crossed his face.
“Um… okay.” Ville tied a big piece of black cloth around Bam’s eyes.
“Okay, stay there. I’ll be right back.” Ville bustled out of the room to make sure Ryan was ready in the bathroom, and then came back.
“Okay. Ready?” Bam nodded, and Ville lead him out of the house, twirled him around to make him dizzy, and then walked him around the house in circles, bringing him in the side door that no-one ever used. Up the stairs, around the top floor, and then finally into the bathroom. Bam was completely lost, and Ville was out of breath, but he pushed his helpless friend through the door. Without saying anything, Ville took Bam’s shirt off over his head and Ryan stripped his pants off, and they both clapped him in handcuffs, one set on each hand, attached his hands to the handles on the sides of the bathtub.
“What are you doing?” Bam asked, moving his head around, trying to see.
“Ready?” Ville asked Ryan. Ryan grinned and nodded. They grabbed Bam’s body and sat him in the bathtub. Bam thrashed his legs around a little.
“What the…” Bam stopped moving. “Oh my god.” Ville pulled off his blindfold before he fell to the floor laughing. “Oh. My. God.” Bam was up to his waist in snakes. They were writhing all over him: one was climbing up his chest, another had wrapped itself around his arm. He stared at the bathtub full of snakes for a second, and then screamed. Ville couldn’t breathe he was laughing so hard. “VILLE GET ME OUT! OH MY GOD! AGHHH NOT FUNNY! VILEEEE!!!” He thrashed his legs and tried to stand up but he couldn’t - Ryan had tied his feet together. “GUYS GET ME OUT!” He couldn’t breathe any more. “Ville. Please. Get me out.” Ville sat up.
“Um… no.”
“Ville. Please. Let me out.” Ville simply shook his head.
“No.”
“VILLE! GET ME OUT OF HERE!” Bam shouted. April barged in the door.
“What on earth is… Oh my.” She stopped short, and looked at Ville, still on the floor, tears of laughter on his cheeks.
“MOM! GET ME OUT!” April chuckled.
“I think not.” She grinned at Ville. “Good one, Ville,” she said, and left them to it. Ville stood up and leant over the bathtub. There were tears rolling down Bam’s cheeks; he was still thrashing madly, trying to get out.
“Now, Brandon, have we learnt a lesson?” Bam nodded ferverently.
“Yes, god, I’m sorry, whatever, Ville, just get me the FUCK out of here.”
“And no more pranks?”
“No. No more. I’m sorry.” Ville sat back down.
“I don’t believe you,” he said, smiling to himself. He didn’t like seeing Bam this distressed, honestly he didn’t, but he definitely deserved it.
“Valo you fuckhead get me out of this bathtub right now.” Ryan was still watching them, laughing his head off.
“Ville… maybe you should let him out…” Ville sighed.
“Oh, I suppose you’re right.” He undid the handcuffs and lifted Bam out of the tub, shaking all the snakes off of him. Ryan undid the bindings around his feet and Bam jumped out of Ville’s arms.
“You two suck,” he said, wiping his eyes and running to his room. Ville watched him go and sighed.
“D’ya think that was too harsh, Dunn?”
“Nah. He needed that. He’s been being a little bitch.” Ville sighed again, and they started putting all the snakes back in the box, Ville hoping the whole time that he hadn’t gone one step too far.
No I don't wanna fall in love
this world is always gonna break your heart
No I don't wanna fall in love
this world is always gonna break your heart
..with you
Bam was miserable, cooped up in his room, listening to all the CD’s Ville had ever made for him. This had never happened in 3rd grade. In 3rd grade the girls just giggled and ran away, waiting for him to catch him. They never got angry and played nasty tricks back on him. When had the world changed? Bam sighed and rubbed his head. Obviously he was out of practice with the flirting thing. Ah, it was all useless. He was stuck in the 3rd grade and he just had to accept the fact that he wasn’t ever going to escape.
When he’d first fallen for Ville he tried to stop it. But he couldn’t. He knew it was wrong and blah blah blah, but once he’d started he couldn’t stop. He’d dealt with it for a while, but now it was all too much. And he’d done everything he could and still Ville was as oblivious as the sun is of the moon. Every single prank that got played simply produced rage and then it got brushed off and Ville went back to his goddamn books and his goddamn newfangled philosophy about how he would never love again. Bam wanted to scream. He wanted Ville to love HIM. No matter how many cakes he baked, how many hugs he gave, how many times he listened to Ville crying about his latest heartbreak and ignoring his own, it was all going nowhere.
The past 3 weeks, he’d just been exploding. He wanted so much to be able to call Ville his own, and he could hardly contain it anymore. He’d never had a broken heart before, and if this was half the pain that Ville dealt with on a regular basis, he wasn’t sure he wanted to continue. Because he was sure that his heart was breaking. Every time Ville shrugged and walked away, every minute he spent apart doing something else made Bam’s heart crumble that little bit more. And he’d been in here 4 days, and Ville hadn’t even come to apologize. He was beginning to wonder if he’d screwed everything up, even their apparently indestructible friendship.
He was a mess, and he knew it. He was having fun, that much was true, and yet he knew he couldn’t do this his whole life. He wanted something more. A real job, a nice house, a sensible car; two kids and a dog playing in the front yard and … Ville Valo to call his own.
The world was on fire, no-one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
A knock on his door brought him out of his thoughts.
“What?” Depressed or not, he was still pissed off at them for the snake thing.
“Can I come in? Please?”
“Whatever.” Ville poked his head around the door to check that Bam was in a sane state of mind and wouldn’t rip his head off. The situation appearing secure, Ville walked in and sat next to him on the bed, taking his hand.
“Look, I’m sorry… The snake thing was really harsh. And I’m sorry. Only please come out of here. I miss you… we all miss you.” Bam frowned and took his hand back - physical contact was not needed for this to suck as much as possible. “Oh, come on Bam, you deserved it, and you know it.” Ville sighed, exasperatedly. “Frankly, my dear friend, you’ve been an ass lately. And I’d like to know when it’s going to stop. Because I want my Bam back.”
“I… oh, fine. I’m sorry about… all the pranks and stuff.” He wanted to be miserable a little more; he quite liked self-pity, it was more fun than facing Ville day in and day out and knowing he had no chance.
“I know. Now come on. Vito has had a new car for a month and you haven’t even flattened the tires yet.” Ville smiled and watched Bam’s eyes widen.
“He’s had a new car for how long?”
“A month. He was celebrating downstairs just now.” Bam snatched up his coat.
“Come on Ville, we are going to fix that.” He may be an emotional mess, and his heart may be broken in two, and he may be stuck in a life he didn’t want anymore, but there was always, always time to wreck Vito’s cars. And then later, he thought, he might bake a cake.
3 days later and Bam had had enough of trying to be just friends. Ville spent most of the morning in bed, after what Bam thought must be an acute attack of post-breakup-depression had kept him awake all night, writhing around in bed. As a result, Bam had also only slept for a grand total of about 2 minutes. It was time for another prank, he thought, watching Ville’s sweaty face contort with his dreams. It was time to throw caution to the wind, and do what he had to do. Otherwise, the love that he had pent up inside him would drive him crazy and he might just spontaneously combust.
“Let the games begin,” he whispered, and quietly padded out of the room to get everything ready. When Ville finally got out of bed that day, he walked right into Bam’s first trap.
“OW. OW OWOWOWOWOWOW!” He hopped backwards, clutching his foot and dusting the thumbtack off of it. “BAM!” He wanted to fall back on his bed and cry. He couldn’t believe that Bam had only managed to contain himself for 3 days. And today of all days, he did not need this. Picking his way through the thumbtacks, he finally got out of the room, and walked quickly through the hallway, aiming for the kitchen. Before he could get there, however, he stepped onto a piece of carpet that had somehow acquired rollers and fell flat on his ass. Not even bothering to grant Bam the pleasure of hearing him scream, he picked himself up and managed to get down the stairs, taking it slowly, one step at a time, making sure that Bam hadn’t cut loose any of the boards so that he’d go falling through. The house was completely empty - which wasn’t unusual on a nice summers afternoon. He ate breakfast - as he had suspected, there was salt in the sugar bowl and someone had put a piece of garlic in the butter so he stuck to very strong coffee and April’s secret stash of safe bagels that Bam hadn't found yet. He was beginning - once again - to wonder why he put up with Bam. In anyone else this kind of behavior would drive him crazy. But he figured that Bam was just dealing with his frustration at not being able to grow up right now, and reasoned that that must be why he was so forgiving with him. He went upstairs, careful to open the door so that the plastic container of syrup didn’t fall on him, turned the heat off so that he wouldn’t’ have to turn on the fan, which was covered in feathers, and crawled back in bed. Just ignore him, that was the best way about this. He’d grow out of it.
Bam watched Ville crawl back into bed on the CCTV that he’d had installed a while back and basically forgotten about until that morning.
“Damn,” he said. “He is soo goddamn boring.” Which wasn’t true, but still, he thought, he’d expected him at least to turn on the TV or something. What was there to do in bed? At noon?! In the summer! Ahh… when Ville was down, he was really down. He smiled and picked up the phone.
Ville sighed and settled back into the pillows, picking up a piece of paper to doodle on. He’d wait till Bam got home to do anything - there was no point in getting up if Bam wasn’t there, because there was nothing to do. He smiled, remembering the past 3 days. It hadn’t quite been normal - there was definitely something wrong with Bam - but it had been so much better. He often thought about how they were the most unlikely people to be so close, but he was glad of it. He would definitely miss Bam if he wasn’t around - he looked at the paper and laughed. Bam’s face had appeared on it without him even thinking. The telephone rang and Ville turned to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hey. It’s me.”
“Oh. Hi Lily. What’s he done this time?”
“Who? Burton? Nothing. Just… have you seen the news?”
“Um… no. The news is way too depressing to watch on a regular basis.”
“Ville. Go turn on CNN. Right now.” Ville picked up the remote and switched the TV on. Bam’s face filled the screen; he was talking to a reporter about something… Ville frowned.
“Lily, it’s just Bam being…” He stopped speaking and stared at the screen.
“Ville? Ville?” Ville watched the whole broadcast and then switched the TV off. “VILLE!” He picked up the phone again, which he’d dropped.
“Lily…”
“You okay?”
“G… Get me… Get me a flight out of here. Now.”
“I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t?!”
“All the airlines are on strike today.” Ville choked.
“Linde I need to get out.” He heard Linde sigh.
“I can’t do anything about it Ville. Deal with it for a day, and then I’ll see what I can do, okay?” Ville heard something vaguely like Burton chuckling in the background, but chose to ignore it.
“Thanks. Really.” Sarcasm dripped from his voice, and he hung up the phone, throwing it at the wall.
No and I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you
I'll never dream that I lose somebody like you, no
Bam had watched Ville turn on the TV and knew Lily was doing his job properly. He snuck quietly into the kitchen - the first place he knew Ville would come in search of a drink, and prepared himself. Ville came thundering down the stairs, cursing up a storm when he lost his balance on the rolling carpet again, and burst into the kitchen.
“Goddamit, who the fuck does the little shit think he is…” He muttered, slamming the cupboard doors. “WHERE’S THE GODAMN ALCOHOL IN THIS HOUSE!?”
“Right here,” Bam said quietly, holding up a bottle of wine. Ville looked over, and Bam seriously thought he was going to have a glass thrown at his head.
“You presumptuous little… I’M making moves on you?! I’M flirting with you?! WHAT?! OH Bam this goes sooo far beyond a simple prank.” Ville narrowed his eyes and Bam sat staring at his hands. “I can handle stepping on pins, and having salty cornflakes and getting wet and all that shit. But public humiliation?! You lied about me to the PRESS?! Do you KNOW what that’s going to do to my career?! My BAND?! MY LIFE?! Do you even THINK, Bam? Is there a BRAIN in there?!” Ville was red in the face and his throat hurt from yelling. “I don’t know why I put up with it. I really really don’t. And I’m not going to anymore. I’m leaving, just as soon as those stupid planes get off strike.” Bam smiled at him a little.
“There isn’t a plane strike, you know.” Ville sighed.
“I knew it. You got Lily and Burton into this too?” Bam shrugged.
“Wasn’t hard. They thought it was a great idea.”
“To wreck our band?!” Bam shook his head and took Ville’s hands firmly.
“That wasn’t a real news-cast. The reporter was a friend of mine. It was just a tape.” Ville stared at him.
“That is so not funny at all Bam.”
“I know.”
“So why’d you do it?”
“You didn’t watch the end of the tape, did you?” Ville shook his head. Bam sighed.
“I dunno why, but whatever. Actually I just wanted to tell you something.”
“Can’t you just TALK, like NORMAL people?!”
“I’m not normal.”
“Obviously.” Ville snorted. “So what is it that you’re dying to tell me so much? Before I leave. Because I am leaving. Now. You have 5 seconds. Go.”
“I…” Now that it was time, Bam found the words hard to say.
“4. 3. 2. On…”
“I’m in love with you.” The words fell out of his mouth, and he and Ville both stared at each other. Ville took a deep breath. Bam sighed; he may be losing his best friend more with every second passing, but at least it was in the open now. Ville didn’t believe what he’d just heard. He shook his head.
“Okay. This trick has gone one step too far, Bam. What the fuck are you…” Bam leant over and grabbed Ville’s face, kissing him quickly and firmly on the lips. Ville pushed him away. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I’m leaving Bam. When you grow up, maybe we can talk again.”
“Ville. I’m not kidding. You know all your talk about “the one” and all that shit? You’re right, Ville. There is only one person for me. Which is you.” Ville stopped with his hand on the doorknob. Bam had tears in his eyes, and his hand clutched at Ville’s arm. “I’m an asshole, Ville, and I’m a mess. I need your help. I’m sorry for… everything. Anything I’ve ever did. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to start over. I love you.” Ville turned his head slowly, his heart beating hard in his chest. A strange urge to rush over and kiss his best friend to stop his pained ramblings almost overpowered him, but he gained control of himself, and took a deep breath.
“Bam… I… I’m done with love. It’s not meant for me. I… I’m sorry… I wish…”
Now I wanna fall in love
This world is always gonna break your heart
He stopped. What did he wish? That his last relationship had never happened and his heart hadn’t been broken one too many times, so he could justify the feelings rushing through him? Or that he could throw caution to the wind. Or that they hadn’t been friends for 3 years and were random acquaintances in a bar?
“Tell me you don’t feel anything for me?” Bam was squeezing his hand now - he’d seen Ville stop dead in his tracks, and hope started making him bold. His blue eyes sparkled, and Ville realized that it wasn’t the first time he’d almost fallen into them.
“I… Bam I can’t do this!” He pulled away and went to the other side of the room. Bam grinned inwardly at the knowledge that he’d managed to get Ville flustered - his tight jeans hid nothing. He striped off his shirt, knowing full well that he was playing mean. Ville looked over again and saw Bam’s bare chest, his blue eyes, his brown hair falling into his face - and gave in.
Now I wanna fall in lust
This world is always gonna break your heart
..with you
He was back on the other side of the room in half a second, pressing Bam against the wall, straddling his lap, and finally kissing his soft lips. They kissed till they were both breathless and Ville had been forced to take his shirt off, too.
“Is that… a… yes?” Bam asked, in between pecks at Ville’s lips.
“Hmm. No… more pranks? You… promise?” Bam frowned at him.
“C’mon, be realistic, Ville.”
“Okay. Fewer pranks?” Bam thought about it and nodded.
“I think I can do that.”
Ville still wasn’t completely satisfied; he found Bam’s lips again, wondering what he’d been doing with this “friends” shit for three years. Suddenly he was curious.
“Bam… how long have you…”
“2 years.” Ville groaned. That was a hell of a long time.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were… busy.” Ville kissed him again, unable to get over the feeling of completeness as he did.
“I think I loved you the whole time,” he said without thinking, realizing it was true as he said it.
“I thought you were ‘done with love,’” Bam teased, his hands running over Ville’s back. Ville sat on Bam’s knees, thinking a little.
“You know what I think now?”
“No, darling, what do you think?”
Ville cocked his head, looking at Bam thoughtfully. He was surprisingly comfortable with this situation. He liked this situation. He nodded to himself, and bent forward to sing into Bam’s ear. “Nobody loves no-one.” Pulling the love of his life down into his arms, Bam grinned, knowing he had finally won the game.
Two days later, during which Bam's family had been forbidden to come inside Bam's house, Bam and Ville had just finished breakfast and Bam had just started, still in a vague haze of disbelief, kissing Ville across the breakfast table. Ville opened his mouth to his boyfriend, but just as things were getting interesting, they were interrupted by loud knocking.
“BAM ARE WE ALLOWED BACK IN THE HOUSE YET?!” Bam looked at Ville, and Ville looked at Bam.
“NO!” They shouted, giggling, foreheads pressed together.
“BAM OPEN THE GODDAM DOOR! YOU SAID TWO DAYS!!”
“I love you,” Bam mouthed, smiling and kissing Ville’s lips.
“Love you too. Now go let them in.” Bam sighed, and stood up slowly.
“Hey… I have the best idea… for a trick…” Ville raised an eyebrow. Bam chuckled and whispered it in his ear. Ville had to keep himself from laughing.
“Okay?” Ville nodded.
“Okay.”
“Let’s go.” They smiled at each other, and then slammed into the door, making out like teenagers - and very noisily.
“Bam… are you… okay?” Jess called from outside. Ville groaned loudly as Bam rubbed up against him.
“Is that… Ville?” Raab’s voice sounded lost.
“Baaammmmmmm,” Ville groaned as Bam moved from his lips to his neck and his hand moved down…
“It is Ville!”
“What’s going on? Open the door!” April’s voice joined the rest of the gang’s - she had obviously just arrived.
“We can’t!”
“Why not?!” Ville chose that moment to grind his hips against Bam’s, his hand accidentally slipping inside Bam’s pants.
“Oh God. Villlllleeee.”
“Because of that!” Jess said loudly.
“Is that… was that Bam?”
“Bam and Ville are having sex against the door!” Raab cried, laughing hysterically. Bam winked at Ville, who kissed him, and fumbled with the doorknob.
“Brandon Cole Margera…” The door opened outwards and Ville fell backwards, landing on the floor with Bam on top of him.
“Oops. You okay baby?”
“Shut up and kiss me,” Ville growled, his eyes twinkling. Noone moved, but stared as Bam started to devour Ville’s lips. After a few seconds, when Bam’s hand started to disappear under Ville’s pants, April coughed.
“Bam. Ville. Please.” They stopped and looked up.
“Whoa. Where’d you guys come from?” Ville had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at their faces as Bam sat up and acted surprised. Raab started laughing insanely and ran into the house, singing “BAM’S A FAGGOT” at the top of his voice. Everyone else stared, until Jess suddenly shook himself.
“Wow. I just watched my little brother have an insane make out session with another guy. I sooo need cleansing. Ryan, bar?” Ryan grinned at Ville and Bam and followed Jess, giving them a thumbs up before he got in Jess’s car. Rake just shook his head, rolled his eyes and went inside to find a book, and DiCo - he followed Raab upstairs without really realizing what was going on. April looked down at Ville and Bam, who were now just smiling at each other without obvious reason. She patted Bam on the back and squeezed his shoulder, and then leaned over to whisper in his ear: “You have a bedroom for a purpose, darling,” smiled at Ville, and then went inside. Bam smiled, shrugged, and bent down, planting another kiss on Ville’s lips, before pulling him up.
“Let’s go for a walk or something,” Bam said.
“A walk?”
“That’s what adults do, don’t they?”
“Bam, you ARE an adult,” Ville chuckled.
“I know. Exactly. Let’s go for a walk.” Ville shrugged.
“Whatever. Lead on. And no creeks!” Bam rolled his eyes.
“I didn’t MEAN to push you in that time…”
“You so did,” Ville said, grinning and pushing his boyfriend a little bit. Bam laughed.
“Okay, maybe just a little bit.”
“Whatever Bam.” Ville took Bam’s hand and couldn’t contain his smile. “You are evil, you know. I’m sure you blackmailed me into this or something.” Bam shrugged.
“It was worth it though, right?”
“Yes Bam. Your twisted little wicked games paid off in the end.”