Jan 21, 2008 14:25
Always the same... Slightly different settings... a coffee shop... a libary... a house... always the same thing... I walk in and find her sitting at a table... we talk, we laugh, we joke, and everything is as it was.... I still don't get why it can't be... I wake up and cry... I think my subcounciuos is trying to make up for the loss by giving me back my best friend in my dreams... I keep hoping that things will get better but it has been so long that I have been chasing her trying to make her like me.... I don't know how much longer I can continue... We used to try and solve our problems... I would hold out my hand and she would take it... she would hold out hers and I would grab on... we would go and skip down the mall together and find the magic of the world together... everything was possible... It has been years since she has held out her hand to me and when I reach out to her she refuses to even look in my direction... I don't know why I keep reaching.... Everyone has told me repeatedly to give up walk away and let go... But I can't stop beleiving that she is there somewhere in all of this drama she is still there... That if I could just hold on my best friend will shine through.... She asked me to fight for her friendship no matter what... I am trying hard to keep that promise... I just... never thought... I would be fighting her....