Nothing and Everything (Saturday Night)
I was sitting at a small square table close to the restrooms as the band set up and tuned their instruments. I had come because Aaron had invited me but as I was sitting there I was feeling like maybe I should have just stayed home. Steve was going join me if he got back from CMU in time and Lindsey would be joining me as soon as she was out of work around 12 my phone said 10:15 and sitting alone for 2 hours seemed really lame. I texted Josh H. to see if he would come join me. He says I am up at Hamlin with Steve.... WHAT?? that punk came back in town and didn't tell me or come to IT? Josh gives me the excuse that Steve thought it was karaoke night and he didn't feel like that. I told them it was a band but ok. I am looking around the room at all the groups of people and I'm feeling even more alone then I had already been feeling for past few days. Mean while Lindsey and I are texting back and fourth. The band begins to play, I listen and think about leaving, Aaron is not even here. I mean he never said I will be there right at ten but it was 10:45 and for some reason I was mad at him. I know it was more myself I was mad at but I was directing it his way inside my head. Josh texted me saying they were on my way up there if I stayed they would see me in a few minutes. Lindsey's next text says what if he doesn't come? I said well then maybe he is an asshole and I am about to be over him real quick. I hit send, lifted my head up and took a quick glance at the door right as I do this I see him breeze through the door way, we make eye contact he smiles and takes a seat next to me. This makes me laugh because I can feel God laughing at me saying quit making plans or pretending you know what will happen next when you have no idea. We exchange some small talk but the band is loud so we mostly just listen and bob our heads to the beat and tap our hands on the table or our legs smiling.
I wanted to start up a great conversation one both of us would get into and maybe remember for a long time, but my mind was blank. Conversations came easily to me with almost everyone but not him. I was always drawing blanks and asking him questions that I knew he would have easy quick answers to. After awhile Steve and Josh showed up, I saw the look on Aaron's face instantly change and get nervous and I wondered why but I didn't ask. We pulled two tables together since there was now 7 of us plus Lindsey was on the way, Aaron got up and went to talk to a few friends I made fun of Steve for a while because he looked like he was kind of cracked out. He said it was lack of sleep and I believe him. Ashley and Kane, who I knew a little bit in high school were sitting across from me. Ashley looked at me after a while and said do you remember me I think we had choir together. Of course I remember you Ashley.. how are you? I'm good, didn't you date Mike. I shake my head and laugh yes I did. When did you break up? just before my senior year! Really I thought you guys were together for a while after that and were going to get married or something. NO! He dated Michelle after that for almost 3 years. Oh I heard she has issues and is lesbian now. Hahaha no I don't think that's true.
Its 12:20 and Lindsey is finally there. She takes the seat where Aaron was sitting and says oh I see he left his sweater so he has an excuse to come back and talk to you. I laugh at her, She likes to pretend like he is secretly in love with me and we are going eventually end up together and happier then ever. I can't say I mind this little fantasy since our love story has played a few times in my own head since I have met him. After a while Aaron is up singing with the band and I can't help but smile at him while he works the crowd. The night is coming to an end and Aaron asks if we would like to join him and the band afterwords to hang out for a bit. I say Ok since I don't have to work in the morning he says ok I have to run to CJ's real quick but that I should text when I am leaving and he'll tell me how to get there. So when the band is done Lindsey and I head outside and I hug her goodbye. I text Aaron telling him I was leaving and asked him if he still wanted me to join. He doesn't answer so I decide to go get gas down the road since I am almost on E. I also decide to use the rest room remembering how bad the bathroom was the last time I was at the "BOYS" house. I still don't hear from Aaron so I send Lindsey text saying he didn't answer me and I probably will just go home because I am not waiting all night for his punk ass. Right after I send it I get one from him saying he was at VP alone and that I could join him if I wanted. So I went and found him in the back alone. I asked him if he was ok and why he was alone and he said I am better alone. I said alone time is good but no one is really better off alone. He smiles and says maybe. We talk about random ass stuff, it wasn't an awesome conversation but we laughed a lot and seemed to be both enjoying ourselves.
He would randomly feed me pancakes or ham and we would laugh about how silly that was but do it again 5 min later. If I didn't know any better I would say we were flirting. However I thought that after I broke up with Dustin, if I hung out with Aaron the big fat elephant would no longer be in the room but sure enough it was still there! I am not sure if this elephants name is "hey I like you but so does my brother so nothing will ever happen" or "hey I know you have a stupid crush on me but I really don't think of you in that way" or even "Hey you scare the crap out of me because I know there is something undeniable between us" Not knowing drives me nuts but I know there is a reason I don't know yet and maybe that is for the better!?!? We paid for his meal and headed over to drop the car off to his mom and then he got in my car and we dove over to the "BOYS" house. We walked down stairs and the jamming began. Loud as all hell and full of smoke but the sight of people doing what they love and the view Aaron standing infront of me at the mic shaking his butt just a tad to the rhythm of the song and the sound of his almost perfectly controlled voice floating above the banging drums made everything else seem to fade away. We didn't stay very long, the room was a little to smokey for both of us and he was waking early to help a friend move. We said our goodbyes and headed back to my car. He had a head ache so I tried not to talk to much, not to mention I never said anything interesting or important anyways. We pull in his drive way and about 4am he pauses before he opens the door and hugs me and then he pauses again but just says good night and gets out. Nothing was said and I was no closer to knowing anything but I went home and fell fast asleep ....