Outrageous Sues by Adult Suethors #2!
TITLE: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4058721/1/The_Cruel_Mistress_Crew
CULPRIT: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1258761/Jenna_Cassie_Herdz
SUMMARY: Sequal to 'Captain Krystal Robyn'. When Krystal arrives at Tia Dalma's shack, she gets some bad and worse news. Then Jasmine gets kindapped. Now Krystal must cope with Jack's death, her sister helping in it, and two search and rescue missions.
Best Line: Krystal felt her heart fall to her stomach and dig into her gut making her feel sick. A little less graphic detail on those metaphors, please!
The Verdict:
NAME: Captain Krystal Robyn Y, Aztecs gods, Y?
HAIR: Ebony hair
EYES: Turquoise eyes
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: She’s supposedly Spanish, even though her name...well, look at it. Eugh. She also has an improbable tattoo: “Just below her wrist was a tattoo of a dragon swallowing a serpent with Japanese characters lining the back of her wrist.” Later, it performs a lightshow for Sue's benefit.
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: A pet lemur named *cough* Nemo, because monkeys just aren’t speeshul enough, and a “mild Spanish accent”. A magic ring called the Eye of Cortes.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Governor and Mrs. Swann. Poor babies.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Is Elizabeth’s older sister.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: “There was suddenly a green glow from the tattoo on Krystal's left arm. She looked at it with a frown and pulled her sleeve down to get a better look at it. It became brighter and shot beams of light at the ceiling, blinding her and John.
"What is that?!" John asked, shading his eyes.
"How should I know?!" Krystal replied, shading her eyes as well. The green beams fluttered and shone onto the ceiling, their light waning just enough to show a picture above them.”
TRAGIC PAST: Probably, but I don’t dare look back to find out.
THE "PLOT": Well, there’s this samurai...
*half the readers flee in terror*
Yes, I’m afraid there are samurai in this one. Anyway, this samurai called Kan the...Samurai...hates Sue for some reason and wants to see her dead. He has kidnapped one of her crewmembers at the point in Dead Man’s Chest where Jack has just died and Barbossa has returned from the dead. Sue and Jack were apparently in love before the mutiny split them apart, and when Sue finds out Jack is dead, she howls and rants and storms like any true kindergartener captain would. All of the canon characters seem to know and respect her, and she’s Elizabeth’s older sister, but all that doesn’t matter. Why? The Sue decides to set sail for Japan to find the samurai, and the canon cast just buggers off to go find Jack without returning to the story.
I’m serious. The only times we see canon characters after the first ten pages are in flashbacks (where Sue is obnoxious to Davy Jones) and in some weird dream/hallucination Sue has of Jack, repeatedly. At first, it sounds like Jack’s ghost is haunting her, but it’s clearly portrayed as Sue’s own wild imagination.
...Why hasn’t she been relieved of duty, again?
NOTES : The grammar and spelling are much better than yesterday’s Sue, but this Suethor compensates for that by forgetting that she’s writing about Pirates of the Caribbean and not doing original fic. Also, she uses one of my pet stylistic peeves: pidgin Spanish (meaning, she’ll say most of a sentence in English, but then she’ll throw in Spanish words just because). There’s no reason to assume that her crew speaks Spanish, too, so it just strikes me as showing off.
Hey, Suethor, guess what? I speak Spanish and have been to Spain, too! But you don’t see me writing a Sue report and deciding just to dispersar unas palabras muy conocidas in the middle of my sentences so I can sound guay, ¿no?
As you can see, it’s incredibly annoying. Don’t do it, or I may switch over to Latin.
Sue makes everyone feel her pain.
"Speaking of the Black Pearl, where's Jack? If you're here, then so is he, eh?"
"You should listen to your friends, Krystal Robyn," the dark skinned woman standing next to Barbossa called and Krystal looked at her.
"Tia Dalma," she smiled. "I am listening."
"No, Krystal," Elizabeth argued softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. "It's about Jack."
Krystal turned with a frown to her sister as her hand fell.
"What's wrong with Jack?" she asked then looked around at the others. "Is he hurt?"
No one answered and only stared at her forlornly.
"Well, I'm listening now. Someone tell me!" She turned around and gripped Elizabeth's arms, distress and fear in her eyes. "What's wrong with Jack?!" Krystal stared at Elizabeth as she began to tear up and Krystal panicked.
"He's---" William choked making Krystal turn her attention to him and let go of Elizabeth as she approached him.
"He's gone---" he choked again.
"Gone?!" Krystal questioned. "Gone where?! Tortuga?! Singapore?! Where?!"
"I'm sorry, Krystal," Barbossa broke in suddenly. He’s sorry? He’s sorry? Jack Sparrow shot him in the heart, took his ship, and worst of all, cut the feather from his hat, and Barbossa is sorry he’s dead? "He's gone to Davy Jones' Locker." At least he’s safe from the Sue.
Silence. Krystal stared at Barbossa in disbelief, mouth agape, eyes wide, and tears welling up in them. She stood still for so long, the group had thought her soul had left her, leaving her a ghostly complexion. Krystal felt her heart fall to her stomach and dig into her gut Ewww! making her feel sick.
"Davy Jones' Locker?!" she thought. "It can't be! It's impossible! Jack was one of the best pirates at cheating death! He can't be--- It's not possible!"
"That…" Krystal finally spat. "That can't be--- No. It's not--- Jack is really?" She was too shocked she couldn't finish her thoughts, her mind went spinning out of control.
"How?" she asked turning to Will.
"The Kraken," he replied in a sad, low voice. "Davy Jones sent the Kraken to take him and the Black Pearl. He had a debt to pay."
Krystal felt tears rapidly flowing down her face and suddenly doubled over with a loud shout as if she had been stabbed. Nemo leaped off of her shoulder as she sank to the floor and scampered out the door.
"Krystal!" Elizabeth cried, kneeling down to her sister now on all fours on the floor. The rest of the group crowded around her, with the exception of Tia Dalma and Barbossa.
"No!" Krystal argued, slamming her fist on the floor. "It's not possible! He can't be gone! He promised! He swore we would see each other again!" She sobbed into her hands as she rocked back and forth on her knees.
"A bit dramatic," Barbossa muttered, disapprovingly. Took the words out of my mouth.
"She in love with him," Tia Dalma said turning to him. "No man but Jack Sparrow has her heart. I thought her heart was stuck in her gut someplace? When it comes to him, she cannot hide her feelings from no one."
"Love?" Barbossa smirked. "Had no clue it was love between them."
"Don't worry, lass," Gibbs assured Krystal. "We're going to get him back! We're going to go to World's End!"
"Back away from her now!" John ordered from the doorway, sword drawn and the group jumped back from Krystal as she stopped sobbing.
"Mr. Stewart! Sheath your sword!" Krystal growled from her place on the floor. "We're among more friends than enemies, here!"
"There will be a time for grieving later for you, Captain," Tia Dalma broke in, addressing Krystal. Krystal looked up at her with shocked watery eyes. Tia Dalma set the tray she was holding on s shelf and strode toward Krystal who was still on the floor. Melodramatic, much?
"Why not grieve now?!" Krystal demanded angrily. Tia Dalma ignored her question and grabbed Krystal left wrist, pulling her to her feet by it. She pulled Krystal's sleeve down to reveal the back of her forearm. Just below her wrist was a tattoo of a dragon swallowing a serpent with Japanese characters lining the back of her wrist. Quite an elaborate tattoo for the colonial era.
"What do the symbols say?" Tia Dalma asked, knowingly. If she’s “knowing” then why did she ask?
"Rebel," Krystal began. "Obey. Live. Die. Two opposites." In other words, they cancel each other out and mean nothing. I’m surprised the tattoo artist was able to give you that tattoo without shaking with laughter.
"It's time to face your destiny," Tia Dalma replied.
"You're big on destiny," William observed.
"My destiny was Jack!" Krystal confessed, angrily. "Now he's gone! I have nothing!" You’re a pirate captain with a ship of her own, a friendly lemur, and all the canon characters respect you. But of course, without a man, you’re nothing. /sarcasm
"No, Krystal Robyn," Tia Dalma said, still gripping her wrist. "Your destiny is here." She pointed at the tattoo. "This mark shows your destiny." Her destiny is to get her skin carved with a knife? Woo-hoo!
"This 'mark' means nothing! It's only a picture that I like and my personality in symbols!"
"The dragon swallows the serpent and rules the waters. You are the dragon."
"And who, pray tell, is the serpent, if you know so much?!"
"Kan the Samurai." Samurai.
Samurai.
SAMURAI.
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH.
Krystal's anger turned to dread and disbelief. Well, at least the disbelief part is accurate.
"Kan?" she breathed as Tia Dalma let go of her wrist. "…the Samurai? Killer Kan? What's that sea-serp---? What's he got to do with me?!"
"That, I cannot tell you," Tia Dalma replied.
"Who's Kan the Samurai?" Elizabeth whispered to Gibbs.
"Killer Kan," Gibbs replied. "He's a merciless, cut-throat who got his name from killing anyone in his path, age making no difference, man or woman." What’s a samurai doing in sailing the high seas, and in the colonial era?
"Of course you can't tell me!" Krystal shouted, becoming frustrated. "You tell us only enough to risk our lives to find the answer to your riddles!"
"Why did you come?" Tia Dalma wondered, calmly.
"I wanted to find Jack! Why else would I have come here, your company?! Or your riddles that rack my brain?! But now that I have my answer I'll just take my ship and leave!" Krystal’s maturity and ability to keep a cool head made her a natural pirate captain. Krystal turned to the door and walked toward John who only stared at her, dumbfounded.
"Krystal!" Elizabeth called and Krystal stopped at the door then turned to her sister.
"Come to think of it," she smirked, still speaking in a booming voice. "Just tell me where Davy Jones is! I'll kill the thing that killed Jack!" Just you try, darling. Just you try.
Chapter 2: Plans
Krystal stood on the bowspirt “Bowspirt” is my new favorite word. of the Cruel Mistress, staring out to sea. Her eyes wondered across the water, watching the waves roll over each other as she always did when she needed to think. She didn't want to be disturbed. Not now.
"Jack is gone," she thought. "Elizabeth helped his death, and now my first mate's wife has been kidnapped. Not to mention, I apparently have to face my destiny." She carefully lowered herself to sit on the bowspirt. It’s even more fun when you say it out loud.
"Why did you get yourself into trouble with Davy Jones?" Krystal asked, as if Jack were there with her.
"It's funny what a man will do to forestall his final judgment, love," she heard Jack's voice echo behind her. She turned to see a transparent, ghost-like Jack Sparrow sitting on the bowspirt with her. I thought he was taken body and soul down to the Locker. What’s his soul doing up here? "And his ship's, for that matter."
"Did you have to go to him?" Krystal sighed, swinging her legs to one side of the spirt. "You could have done what I did. Just find another ship."
"What kind of ship could replace the Black Pearl?!" Jack replied, also swinging his legs to one side to sit closer to her.
"Of course it wouldn't be the same, but you would have had a ship. What happened, anyway?"
"How should I know?! I'm only an image of the real Captain Jack Sparrow."
"That's right," Krystal scoffed. "I wish it wasn't so. I wish you were really here, Jack."
"I know, love," Jack whispered. Oh, bloody hell. Jack’s not back. Sue’s just crazy. He disappeared with a gust of wind and Krystal sighed in sadness. Nemo crawled from the railing and onto the bowspirt to his master.
Where did all the canon go?
Krystal walked to the cell and stood in front of her first mate. John's sky blue eyes stared at her in anger and defiance. Krystal only stared back at him, feeling his rage at the fact that his wife was missing and no one had any idea of where she was or had taken her.
"So," Krystal finally said her hands behind her back. "So you wanted to jump overboard, eh?"
John kicked the door again in rage.
"Oi!" Krystal growled, loudly. "I know you're angry! But killing yourself and throwing tantrums is not going to help get Jasmine back! Spoken like a Sue who did almost exactly the same thing when she found out Jack was a goner! If I untie you and let you out, are you going to act like an adult?!"
John still stared at her in defiance, but nodded.
"Good," she nodded. "Now, come here and turn around so I can release your mouth."
John did as he was told and Krystal untied the gag on the other side of the bars.
"Why aren't you trying?!" he barked once the gag fell from his mouth. He spun around to look at Krystal. "Why aren't you trying to find Jasmine?!"
"Watch your tongue, John!" Krystal growled, angrily. "Don't think I won't make you walk the plank for insubordinance! I know you're angry! I'm angry too! But don't you dare say I'm not trying!" Man, this Sue is angry all the time. I’d walk the plank just to get away from her!
"You don't understand!" John snapped. "I love her! She's all I have! Now she's taken away! You've never felt how I feel now!" His anger suddenly disappeared and turned to realization at the stupidity of his words.
"You thinking about how stupid you are for saying that?" Krystal asked in a low, awfully calm voice. “Peon. You DARE to compare my angst to your angst?!” "I am trying, John. I could have gone with Lizzy and the others to get Jack, and don't think it didn't cross my mind. But I didn't. I stayed here so that I could find Jasmine. To help you find her."
"I'm sorry, ma'am," John muttered, bowing his head. Krystal pulled the ship's keys from her belt and unlocked the cell. John walked toward her, arms outstretched in a silent request to be untied.
"No apologies necessary, mate," Krystal smirked, untying his hands. "All I ask is your cooperation. No more suicide attempts and temper tantrums. Savvy?"
John nodded but instead of walking out of the cell he sat back down on the bench. He held his head in his hands as he slumped forward, shaking his head.
"Why didn't I stay with her in the boat?" he almost whined. "I could have been there to defend her! Or at least see who kidnapped her!" *Lifts fic up and looks under the rug* I could have SWORN there was a “Pirates of the Caribbean” in here somewhere…
Krystal sighed, stepping into the cell and sitting next to him.
"John," she spoke softly. "There was nothing you could have done. No doubt, you would have been killed."
John didn't move, or say a word.
"But there's something you can do now."
John finally looked up with hope and curiosity in his eyes.
"Hacer y esperanza." Hacer y esperar, actually. “Esperanza” is the noun for hope, not the verb.
"Fight and hope?" A better translation would be “act and hope.” John frowned in confusion.
"Hope for what?!" He stood up and began pacing around the cell. "Hope that whoever took her hasn't hurt her?!"
"Unfortunately, yes," Krystal replied, calmly. "We'll have to look for her."
"Where can we start?! We know nothing!"
"We'll start with Killer Kan."
John shot a look of terror at Krystal as he froze.
"You don't think he did it?! My God! If her touches her---! I’ll get meself a Kan-opener! *dodges tomatoes*"
"You'll have your chance for revenge, Mr. Stewart. Yes, I believe it was he. It's no coincidence that your wife would be missing just as Tia Dalma would tell me to face my destiny."
Little Nemo wrapped himself around Krystal's neck under her ebony hair, his tail curling around her throat. “Ack! Gack! Gghthth,” croaked the Sue as she began to suffocate.
"Well, where are we sailing, then?" John asked, leaning on the bars of the cell.
"Isla de Asesino," Krystal replied, standing. "Kan's home."
"That's not a real name, is it?" John asked of their enemies' name. "'Kan.' It sounds like a word in another language."
"It is," Krystal nodded. "It's Japanese. It means 'intuition' or 'sixth sense.' That's how he knows where his enemies are going to be. That's his 'power.'"
"How do we fight that?!"
"We don't. We don't worry about that. But we need to be sure that Killer Kan is on Isla de Asesino. We need to find Kan the Samurai."
There was suddenly a green glow from the tattoo on Krystal's left arm. She looked at it with a frown and pulled her sleeve down to get a better look at it. It became brighter and shot beams of light at the ceiling, blinding her and John.
"What is that?!" John asked, shading his eyes.
"How should I know?!" Krystal replied, shading her eyes as well. The green beams fluttered and shone onto the ceiling, their light waning just enough to show a picture above them. She has a Dark Mark! Ruuuun! Nemo shivered in fear around Krystal's neck and with her free hand she tried comforting him by scratching is head.
Sue has a Jack Sparrow fantasy
Krystal, now, sighed in sadness as she sat in the brig, running her fingers along the wooden hull she leaned on, and wishing Jack was with her. She’s not the only one. What have you done to our beloved canon characters? She remembered their first kiss as if it had been the day before and she knew she would never forget it.
"That damned Sparrow!" she hissed, slamming her fist on the wood. "Even when he wasn't trying to be charming, he was anyway!" She sighed again, leaving her head back on the bars.
"What ever possessed me to become a pirate, anyway?" Krystal wondered. "They have so many problems with curses and the authorities and other pirates after them. Why would I choose this kind of lifestyle?!" Ooh, do I sense an Exposition Moment fast approaching?
She thought a moment, then chuckled, then gave a breathy laugh as she leaned her head back a bit farther.
"Oh, Jack," she laughed. "It was there, in front of me the whole time, wasn't it?"
"Freedom, love," Transparent Jack finished sitting in front of her on the floor. The fact that the only trace we get of Jack is Sue’s hallucination of him makes me sad.
"Freedom," Krystal breathed in repetition as she lifted her head. "That's right. It was always freedom."
"At least we agreed on that," Jack smirked.
"We agreed on other things," Krystal remembered, picking up a grain of sand and flicking it across the cell. "Vacation spots."
"Food," Jack followed.
"Colors for the flag," Krystal continued, examining her nails.
"Punishments," Jack grinned, evilly. Yeah, Jack always struck me as the kind of man who enjoyed beating the tar out of his crew.
"Romance," Krystal smirked.
"All you, there, love."
"Don't tell me you didn't enjoy the attention, Jack! I know you did!"
"I didn't say that! But you were the one who tried all that romantic…fluff!" *starts to feel ill*
"Fluff?" Krystal smiled, raising her eyebrows in amused surprise at his choice of words.
"Fluff!" Jack repeated deliberately.
"Well, we still agreed on things."
"What else, love?"
"Rum," Krystal smirked.
"Rum," Jack grinned slowly, holding every letter of the word as long as he could.
"Jack?"
He looked at Krystal.
"When you found out I was a woman, did you really want to kiss me?"
"What do you think, deary?"
"Right. Stupid question. Sorry I asked."
"No. Really?"
Krystal looked at him in surprise.
"Do you think I wanted to?" *pukes* This is like two seventh-graders trying to ask each other out.
"I-I suppose. I mean, you made enough advances toward me."
Jack suddenly crawled toward her and pinned her in the corner she sat in, but she stared at him calmly.
"You think I want to kiss you now?" “Depends. Will you take me to the prom when I’m old enough?”
"Oh, sure," Krystal answered, coolly. "…if you could."
He suddenly disappeared and all that was left in front of her was the sea breeze, howling through the planks of the ship. The sea breeze had better not be howling through the planks, or the Pearl is going to sink to the bottom of the ocean! She sighed and leaned her head back again.
"I always ruin it, don't I?"
"Ruin what?" John called from the cell door. Krystal picked her head up and looked at him in surprise.
"Nothing," she chirped. "Just talking to Jack again."
John nodded in understanding. Then he backed the hell away from his mad, lovesick captain and thought about how best to stage a mutiny.
A flashback in which Sue is snotty.________________________________________
Chapter 19: Questions, Explanations and Stowaways
"Do you fear death?" Jones asked a seventeen year old Krystal, his face in front of her.
"Why should I, Fish Face?!" Krystal spat. "It looks to me like I'm still standing!" Remember in Dead Man’s Chest, where the second sailor decided to “take his chances” and Davy Jones had him killed the instant he said no? Well, obviously the Sue thinks she’s too good for such treatment.
Jones straightened with a small growl before starting, "Join my crew---"
"Yes, yes. 'One hundred years before the mast. Will ye serve?' No, because I already have a captain. His name is Jack Sparrow, and he's teaching me to sail and whatnot. So, if you'll just escort me back over to the Black Pearl I can get on with my lessons!"
"I think not, lass," Jones grinned, evilly.
"Well, why not? She's only a few leagues away! If we hurry we can---!"
"Silence!"
Krystal cringed back at Jones' shout before asking, "Something I said?"
"Do you ever stop talking?"
"Not really," Krystal shrugged, shaking her head a bit. She looked down and began fiddling with a ring of gold with a diamond set between two emeralds. Jones snatched it off her finger and examined. "'Ey! Thet's mine! Give it back!"
She charged him, but was pulled back by a man with a hermit crab shell on his head.
"Where did ye find this?" Jones asked calmly, still examining the thing.
"Japan," Krystal replied, flatly. "Swiped it off the knave that gave me this…" She showed off her left forearm which had a tattoo of a dragon swallowing a serpent and four Japanese symbols lining her wrist. "Jack was so proud of me!"
"Why don't I keep this then, eh?" Jones grinned, evilly again at her before looking up at the hermit-man behind her and ordering smoothly, "To the brig."
No, no, no. Here’s how it really would have gone:
"Do you fear death?" Jones asked a seventeen year old Krystal, his face in front of her.
"Why should I, Fish Face?!" Krystal spat. "It looks to me like I'm still standHURK!”
Davy Jones wiped off his blade and moved on to the next crewman. “Do you fear death?”
“Yes yes yes oh please have mercy yes!”
The End.