Crossover #4: It gets even worse…
Think a Jack Sparrow-like Sirius Black accosting Elizabeth Swann is bad? Well, it is. It’s nothing, though, compared to this fresh horror. I…I find myself frozen with disbelief, so you’ll forgive me if this report is short.
Just to give you a sporting chance, I’ll tell you what this is right off the bat. This is a Little Mermaid crossover with Pirates of the Caribbean. It’s a Little Mermaid crossover with Anamaria in the place of Ariel and Jack Sparrow in the place of Prince Eric. Jack Sparrow and Anamaria are in love, and they kiss. That’s it; that’s the entire plot. Now, for the really bad news: this is a songfic. Why, yes, Anamaria and Jack do stare longingly into each other’s eyes while “Kiss the Girl” plays in the background. It’s really funny….if you’ve had a lot to drink.
*eyes the liquor cabinet*
Hmmm.
TITLE:KISS THE GIRL
CULPRIT: kathrl1
SUMMARY: this is a parody of kiss the girl from the little mermaid with Ana and JackONESHOT if you dont like this pairing don't read DONT OWN ANYTHING
I had hope for this fic when I saw that it was labeled a parody. Much to my dismay, however, there’s only unintentional humor involved, because the author is absolutely serious about the sappy Jack/Anamaria romance. I think she’s confusing “homage” with “parody.” Dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Best Line: Ana quietly walked up beside jack her soft boots making no noise on the decking “it’s beautiful isn’t it…” she said dreamily looking out to see.
Verdict:
Jack and Anamaria are really annoying canon Sues.
KISS THE GIRL- pirates of the Caribbean style.
The black pearl was on its way back after plundering a town and they decided to dock at Tortuga for some fun (not the disgusting fun all you perverts are thinking of), Oh, c’mon! What other kind of fun IS there on Tortuga besides the perverted kind? jack lately had been somewhat more quiet and barely even touched his rum! Boy, I feel sorry for this jack person. Sure glad he’s not the Jack that we all know and love… Everyone on the ship was becoming worried about him. But tonight in Tortuga he was going to try and forget his problems and just drink some good old fashioned rum……..
The crew all rushed of the ship as soon as possible to get to the nearest tavern and the rum that was associated with it What elegant sentences you have. and jack D’you mind capitalizing his name even once?! was left alone on the ship with Ana Maria who wasn’t as much into getting herself as stupidly drunk as the rest of the crew.
Jack didn’t even realize she was still there; he stared moodily at the stars wondering what he was going to do. He had never felt like this before, his stomach was in a knot and got butterflies every time he looked at her he knew what it was but just couldn’t admit to himself that it was love he was feeling. *cries*
Ana quietly walked up beside jack her soft boots making no noise on the decking “it’s beautiful isn’t it…” she said dreamily looking out to see. Jack jumped at the sound of her voice “Ana wha what are you doing here” he stuttered. She looked at him “since when was jack so jumpy around me” she thought to herself, she then looked back at jack who was staring determinately out too sea trying to avoid eye contact with her. Jack is just so shy around women he cares about…and even women he doesn’t care about. He’ll just stutter and blush like a schoolboy!
There was silence between the two of them as they both stared out to sea, both of them clearly awkward at this silence. Suddenly music started and all the lights dimmed! *headdesk* Hah. Hee hee. Oh, how amusing this is.
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THE MUSIC HERE IS TO KISS THE GIRL FROM DISNEY CHANNEL the little mermaid kiss the girl
Fire flies buzzed all around them as they both stared wildly around trying to find the source of the music they could now here singing…….
There you see them sitting on a pirate ship
She may be a tough girl but there is something softer She’ll be delighted to hear THAT.
And you know you want to try, you know that your dying toooo kiss the girl…….. Step away from the ellipses!
Both Ana and Jack looked around for the source of the music and started running around the ship trying to find it and suddenly they ran smack into each other and landed next to each other and the music stared up again as they looked at each other from the floor…
Oh you may be a pirate but you just know that, that yooou love her
“This is weird” Ana said, jack however was to busy staring at Ana Maria to pay any attention to what she was saying, Ana noticed the look he was giving her and tried to avert her eyes but just couldn’t and she too stared deep into his eyes, She too stared deep? Who ELSE was staring into Jack’s eyes?
Yes you want her look… at her you know you do
Possible she wants you two there’s on way to ask her……
No it don’t take a sword not a fight not a crime go on and kiss the girl……..
Both Ana and Jack now where listening to the music that was almost touching their very souls, as they stared at each other in a look that was unmistakably love…… jack then leans in a bit closer to a hopeful Ana but pulls away looking to shy. Just how she always looks.
Sing with me now…..
SHA LA LA LA LA my oh my he’s a pirate guy but he cant kiss the girl, come on now don’t be scared just say the word go on and kiss the girl
LA LA LA LA
They both lost in each other eyes move closer together and there hands brush one another and jack then holds onto Ana’s hand, Shyly she looks up at him a blush flattering her tanned skin, jack smiles at her a warm smile and they both move In closer until there faces are mere centimeters apart….. There are no centimeters in colonial times!
SHA LA LA LA LA my oh my looks like the captains to shy he aint gonna kiss the girl…….
Come on pirates now this love so just go on now go on and kiss the girl,
WHO WOH LA LA
They look deeper at each other’s eyes and they hesitate not knowing this feeling…..
She just a pirate girl so why don’t you go on and kiss the girl…
OH WHOA WHOA
Sha la la la la my oh my looks like the captains shy he aint gonna kiss the girl……
They both lean in closer together and their lips touch in a romantic kiss, it was none of the sloppy kissing but a romantic kiss that a people might kiss when they ask to marry them.
They broke apart finally realizing what they had both felt for so long! Ana Maria and Jack sat there staring into each others eyes, holding hands until the crew got back…
“uuurrr what’s going on?” Gibbs asked curiously at witnessing the scene of the two staring lovingly at each others faces and holding hands “ WHAT NOTHING” they both said quickly tearing away from the others eyes and almost running away in separate directions.
Jack was now back at the wheel of the black pearl and Ana was back in the crows nest, she looked down at him dreamily jack saw this and since no one else was watching blew her a kiss! She blushed, and took her eyes away from him “ so this is love” she thought to her self grinning happily, jack to down at the wheel was grinning sheepishly with the whole crew looking at the weird expression on his face. “Are you alright cap’n?” one of the crew asked worriedly “I’m just fine” jack said in a dreamy voice and stared humming the song that he had heard earlier.
1234356789123456798912347324783657568756874326148364716921431243 Oh, look! The author has given us the exact number of all of the PotC Mary Sues ever written!
Awwwwwwww that was so sweet No. don’t you think I’ve always thought that they should have been together, remember this is only a one shot so I probably won’t be adding anymore chapters to this. Anyways plz review cause it helps me improve my wrighting but don’t be too mean to me about a my spelling cause I already know its crap! It’s not the only thing.
You know, if you really wanted to write a Jack/Anamaria kiss...
"Jack Sparrow, this is all...your...doing!"
"You're very welcome, m'dear. Always knew you were the adventurous type! The captain, now, he had his doubts--"
"And he isn't stuck floating in an empty barrel in the middle of the ocean!"
"Perish the thought, my slightly pickled beauty. Empty, this lovely vessel is not." Jack Sparrow reached down and scooped up a hatful of rum, downing a mouthful with relish. "Mmm, I quite approve."
"Well, my barrel's empty, Jack, except the water that's leaking into the bottom. How far is it to the mainland?"
"A mere six days, but quell your apprehensions. I fully expect us to be rescued in at least three days' time."
"Three...three..." There came the sound of heavy breathing and a pistol being cocked.
"Good idea!" Sparrow called to her. "Put more air holes in your barrel!"
"I was about to aim at you!"
Jack sighed. He was still in the doldrums about the mutiny, though he was grateful for this woman's help. With a touch of fondness, he remembered their meeting the previous day...
"He's been drinkin' our rum!"
"How'd he find his way onto our island?"
"Dispatch 'im, quick, 'fore he wakes!"
At that, Jack Sparrow's eyes opened and he bolted upright, nearly falling back down under the weight of an extreme hangover.
The second voice was that of a woman. She was attractive enough, though her tone was no-nonsense, and he gave her what he was sure was a winning smile.
She wrinkled her nose. "Well, let's not cut him too quick. We could use an extra hand."
"And what about our rum?"
Jack interrupted the conversation by staggering into the first speaker, a weathered sailor who looked like the leader of the small group that had arrived on "his" island. "I barter!" Jack said. "I work! I steal for hire! I dance, too!" His bandanna beads jingled as he attempted a two-step.
The captain rolled his eyes and shoved Sparrow away. "Off in the head, no doubt."
"Harmless, in other words," said the woman. "He'll do."
"You speak the truth, dear...ah, sorry..."
"Anamaria."
"Dear Annie, I will indeed do. Anything. Anything, and practically everything, to rid meself of this sand and landlock. Aye? Name your price."
She looked him up and down. "We'll see if you clean up as well as you kiss up."
He obliged her with a dunk in the sea and a change of clothes, on loan from the captain. Despite his near-delirium, he was wise enough to eat the food he was offered in small amounts, and by the evening had set his sights on getting his ship back.
Perhaps with the help of the woman now before him.
She appraised him coolly, a small smile tugging at her lips. "Well, I'm afraid those clothes don't wear well on you."
"Easily rectified." Jack shrugged out of his shirt.
There was no doubt about it now. Her grin was nearly visible. Jack knew when to take advantage of a situation, and he reached for his belt--at the same time that she did. With a sharp tug--she was strong for her size--she brought him against her.
"Now, just to be certain, the bargain is, er..."
"Settled."
"Ah. Very good. Excellent, magnificent, and in all other ways--" He captured her lips, softly, for a moment, and then moved his hands through her hair. "Satisfactory." He began to remove her hat.
"Ah ah." Anamaria grabbed his wrist. She pulled her hat more firmly on her head. "Hat stays on."
"Ah, a kindred spirit! So does mine."
The captain had given Jack permission to stay, provided he work as a deck hand. While this wasn't Jack's preferred status, he obliged as best he could. It was only later that he had learned that the captain had made Anamaria personally responsible for guaranteeing Jack's mischief-free stay aboard ship. Otherwise, they would both have to leave.
"It was just a little gold pocketwatch and some spare doubloons! Fancy him noticing any of it gone." Jack stretched as much as he could and spoke winningly into the side of the barrel. "'Sides, don't tell me the recompense wasn't of prime value!"
His barrel, lashed firmly to hers, received an unpleasant jolt.
"Oy! No need to kick a man when he's down...or...slighly squished and contorted."
A moment later, there was another bump, which didn't sound at all like a kick. In fact, it resonated, a bit like...
"Wood," said Jack Sparrow in satisfaction. They had bumped into a ship!
He hadn't known they were going to, of course, but that hadn't stopped him from being certain, after all. He was Captain Jack Sparrow, and no mutinous cur like Barbossa was going to change that.
The ship was a merchant vessel, and Jack explained to its very gullible leader how their ship had been attacked by murderous pirates and they had left to fend for themselves.
"This is my mad half-sister, y'see. It was her idea to escape in the barrel...foolish thing to do, if you ask me...and lucky for us, you intervened!" Jack beamed at the man. "Show him you're grateful, dear batty Annie."
WHACK!
THE END