Fangirls vs. Mary Sues. This should be interesting, but it's just so bad.
TITLE: The Insane, the Freak, and the Obsessed
CULPRIT: legoluver I used to love Legos, too, before my sister got big enough to try and eat them.
Summary: What happens when an elf, a pirate, and a blacksmith travel to the future and wind up in the care of three very crazy seventeen-year-old girls. Why romance and humor of course! Not to mention Blonde mobs of doom, ex boyfriends, family, sugar, and of course a writers twisted mind! Come and read the craziness of The Insane, The Freak, and The Obsessed Please tell me the title doesn't reflect the nature of the writer. Please.
Best line: My cheeks burning from the kiss. How could I be so bold! I carefully looked at Jack. He was shocked, stunned, and was that a blush on his face. Chosen for the sheer, staggering absurdity of Jack blushing.
and:
“ Okay the sipper.” she said pointing to the pants on her jeans. Just what do you sip from there?
Verdict:
NAME: Adriana, who for some strange reason is nicknamed Ted; Mary, who for an equally strange reason is nicknamed Marlo; Elsa, who for a reason light-years beyond strange is nicknamed Pippin or Jack Sparrow. Yes. Pippin or Jack Sparrow.
HAIR: I'm not sure, but it's definitely not blonde, since all three seem to hate blondes. Except for Legolas, who is also described as a "blonde".
EYES: Don't know. They either pop open wide or roll around a lot.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: "Ted" is clumsy. Um…*starts to search through* Ugh, who am I fooling? I can't go back and read through this again. Suffice it to say, none that I noticed.
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: Jack Sparrow, Will Turner and Legolas. And in this fic, it is not an exaggeration. The three canon characters are possessions, forced to obey every whim of the fangirls.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: The modern world.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Adriana is Legolas' One True Love, Mary is Will's One True Love, and Elsa is Jack's One True Love. Couldn't see that coming, could you?
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: The ability to own three characters and dictate where they go and how they dress. The three hapless males might as well be prisoners.
THE "PLOT": There isn't even an attempt at a bad plot device. No mysterious medallion or magic swimming pool hauls characters in from an alternative universe. The three girls just wake up with their three beloveds beside them. Interestingly, none of the canon characters fights them, demands to know why the girls can be trusted, or even makes an attempt to get out of their house. I swear, it's like the canon characters are going to obedience school.
The only thing that is even slightly entertaining is that these girls have a fight with three Mary Sues that the fangirls understand are perfect, unrealistic creations. Though nothing is really explained about this bizarre turn of events, I can almost hear the author referring to them out loud as "those bitchy, blonde girls from my high school who think they're so perfect". They fight over the guys, of course. I guess the guys don't mind too much, since the only way they can think of evading the Mary Sues is to come up with pathetic excuses.
By the way, if the "enter" key or html seem to be malfunctioning, it's not my fault. This author types in bold and italic for any, all, and no discernible reasons.
NOTES: *headdesk* *headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk** *headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk*
*looks up*
Is it gone yet?
Chapter One: Who is the pansy?
I stared at my Orlando Bloom, Will Turner, and Legolas posters. Why did god curse me not to be born in the same time period as Orli. It was so unfair! A hottie like him should not have been born ten years before me! Have it your way. Have him born ten years later, so that he's your age. Then he would have been too young to star in Lord of the Rings and you never would have heard about him. I sighed. “ Oh well I can always dream.” I said and then thought ‘ Yeah whatever if you believe in all that crud mushroom stuff!’
Well I suppose you are wondering who the hell is this girl and why isn’t she in mental house? I'm wondering who the hell is this author and why her formatting is so nutty. Is there any reason to have this statement in bold italics? I suppose I would ask you the same question if I were in your place. I blame it on the stupidly annoying people at my school but then again I could just be mental on my own. Oh well all this will be explained later in the story. With me so far? Good readers! Here have a cookie! Comparing your readers to chimpanzees is always a good strategy.
My name is Adriana. To my friends I am Ted. *blinks* Alrighty then. You know what lets skip the bios and get on with the story. They take too long anyways. So onward to the story!
After staring at Orlando long enough I walked out of my room and waited in the living room for my friends to arrive. After waiting for what seemed like forever I heard a car pull up to my driveway. I immediately raced for the door. Falling down in the process. Me being the klutz that I am. I stood back up and opened the door. Only to be knocked over by two people.
“ Ted!” yelled the two girls. Better known as Mary and Elsa. “ Hey Marlo! Hey Jack!” I said, “ How are my Insane and freak friends doing this day?” Heaven help us. They really are the nicknames. We stood up off the ground.
“ Oh so glad you know who we are.” said Mary ( Marlo)
“ Yeah we thought you would forget who we were oh obsessed one!” said Elsa bowing mockingly. (Pippin or Jack Sparrow)
Yes I am the obsessed one. Yes I love Orlando Bloom and anything g to do with him, but I do not blame Orli for me acting like a dumb blonde! (No offense to Blondes.) I told you the stupid people at my school made me this way or at least that’s what I told my parents when I got a D- in science last year. They didn’t buy it. I wonder what your English grade was.
The reason my dear friends are here though is because my parents are taking a little vacation. They thought that at seventeen years old I could handle myself. I wonder if this Sue could handle herself at thirty years old. So with parental advisors gone Mary and Elsa get to stay over. Their parents are letting them stay for some bizarre reason plot contrivance.. Wait what am I doing! Back to the story! It'd be a good idea to, y'know, actually have a story before taking a break from it.
“ I’m not obsessed just a freak!” I said to Elsa
“ Ted I’m the freak. You’re obsessed.” she said
“ Fine have it your way.” I said
“ Yoo-hoo!” said Mary “ I would like to put my stuff down somewhere thank you very much!”
“ Oops!” I said “Uh just put your stuff in my room.” They nodded and began to walk off. “ Oh and ladies try not to stare at Will and Jack for to long.” They laughed. Then Mary said “ Oh we’ll do it just for you Ted!” and so they walked off to my room.
I walked out to the kitchen. Time for junk food and movies! So I grabbed chips, soda, popcorn, ice cream, spoons, bowls, and the handy dandy Lysol wipes. I looked at the array of food. Ah what every teenage girl needs! I'd like to vote myself out of the teenage girl population. “ Don’t forget the cookies!” Mary yelled from the living room. Yes cookies how could I forget you. So I walked out into the living room and arranged the junk food on the coffee table. “ So what shall we watch?” I asked smiling at my friends, who in turn smiled at me. “ Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the rings!” Why are you bolding these things?! we all said at the same time.
After inserting pirates first ( I was outvoted 2-1. I wanted to see my pretty blonde elf!) we sat down to some Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp goodness. I was more in favor of Orlando bit Elsa gave me an I-would- shut up- right- now-unless-you-want-to die look. Sp we all settled down to watch the movie
(Two hours and a lot junk food later )
Well now it is the end of the movie, you know that part where Will and Elizabeth kiss. Well that’s when Mary starts rolling out the curses. “ Die Elizabeth Die.” She said. Yeah, yeah, we've heard your puerile threats before. Sue, Elizabeth could toss you off the fort in an eyeblink, corset or no corset. (That’s the G rated version). So as you can see Mary likes Will a lot. If she really liked him, she would like the part of his personality that makes him love Elizabeth. Also, she wouldn't wish for Elizabeth's death, because that would devastate Will. A lot more than me actually which is kind of weird seeing as how I’m the obsessed one in the group.
“ Mary you always do this.” said Elsa “ Would you just shut up!”
“ No!” said Mary childishly. Crossing her arms over her chest. Elsa rolled her eyes at Mary and then it happened. The one thing no fan girl wants to hear about her favorite character. He's in love with someone else?
“ I don’t even see why you like him he’s such a pansy.” said Elsa (Collective gasp from the readers) No, you're not going to surprise us with that statement. Not after one of your fellow fangirls created Rocking-back-and-forth-and-crying!Will last week.
“ He is not!” Mary and I yelled and so began the great popcorn throwing war! Mary and I prevailed. “Okay!” said Elsa “ Let’s watch LOTR.”
“ Yeah!” I squealed happily and popped the Fellowship into the DVD player. Soon we all became silent and watched the movie. Then once again it arises. “ Legolas is such a pansy.” said Elsa
“ He is not!” I retorted
“ Is to!” she replied I think we've had enough of this, no?
The Untited States of Americe
Ch.2 - Holy Elves and Pirates Batman!
Adriana POV.
The sun flittered through my blinds, trying to awaken me from slumber. I groaned and turned away from my window. I rested one hand on my pillow…Wait! That’s not my pillow! *groans* My eyes popped open and I sat up looking beside me. You’ll never believe what I saw! Try me. Blonde hair swirled around a pale face and blue eyes stared off into oblivion. That’s when I did the only thing I could do: I screamed.
“ What the hell!” asked Mary with a dazed expression.
“ What she said.” mumbled Elsa also in a daze.
Now at this point the guy next to me had woken up and as I turned to look at Mary and Elsa I got tangled in the bed sheets. Of course me being the oh so graceful person I am I fell off the bed. While the guy next to me fell off on the other side.
“ Ooowwww!” I hissed as I landed on the floor with a dull thud. I crawled over to the door and looked at the others. My eyes became wide. “ Mary.” I whispered pointing beside her. Mary looked at me and then at where I was pointing. Her eyes became really wide and she yelled. “ Oh my god!” She fell off the bed and walked/crawled over to me. How does one walk and crawl at the same time? That is when we looked at Elsa.
“ Uh Elsa?” Mary said timidly
“What !” yelled Elsa annoyed. That’s when he sat up.
“ Ello’ luv.” said Captain Jack Sparrow. Okay now I know Elsa is not one for screaming but she did anyway. “ Holy Shiite the Muslim empire!” Shiite is not an empire. It's a religious sect. she yelled as she jumped off her cot and raced to Marlo and I.
The three of us promptly looked we could throw at our intruders. I had a shoe. A very stinky shoe, Marlo had a teddy bear, and Elsa had one of my Legolas t-shirts. Wait! One of my Lego t-shirts! I walked up to her and grabbed it out of her hands.
“ This happens to be one of my favorite shirts Elsa!” I yelled at her and turned to our three intruders. I looked at them and dropped my shoe. “ This can’t be real.” whispered Elsa. I could only stare. Will Turner, Jack Sparrow, and Lagolas ! Looks like the fangirls have a mini-Balrog in their bedroom. Eeeexcellent. In my bedroom! I leaned against the door. Ready to faint at any moment. Everyone just stared at one another for a few moments. Then Elsa walked up to Jack and poked him.
“ Uh what are you doing?” I asked her
“ Testing to see if he’s real.” Elsa stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Mary rolled her eyes and pulled Elsa away from the captain. We looked at each them. A different facial expression for each.
Legolas: neutral , with a mix of their insane. Insane?
Will: scared, with a puppy dog pout form, You can see how much they respect Will from this description. and another look of their Insane. ( God guys we’re only teenagers…Obsessed and Crazy teenagers but yeah teenagers none the less. )
Jack: Perfectly calm! I mean he has faced undead pirates. Why would three teenage girls scare him?
Elsa’s thoughts ( Oooohhhhh be afraid ) Done and done.
Captain Jack Sparrow! Yeah! Huzzah! Do the happy dance! ( smiles lots and lots of smiles)
Mary’s thoughts ( be even more afraid! ) You really, really should have gone for third person omniscient. Of course, then you would probably be describing "the narrator's thoughts".
Will! My pirate man! All mine! ( Tries but fails not to swoon or look like an obsessed fan girl, even though she is ) Well while all three of us were off in Lala land Jack decided to speak.
“ Ello’ Luvs I’m Captain Jack Sparrow.” He said “ This be Will Turner and I don’t know who Blondie is over there but I would like to know who you three lovely ladies are.” He walked over to Elsa while saying this. Elsa blushed like a tomato.
“ My name is not Blondie its Legolas.” said Legolas matter of factly. Jack didn’t respond as he tried to charm Elsa. It was working.
“ Well isn’t he the little charmer.” I mumbled. I glared angrily at the ground as I looked at the mess around the room.
“ Well somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed!” said Elsa tearing her attention away from Jack for a second.
“ Well how would you feel if you woke up to a strange person next to you and in the process of getting away you are screaming you fall off the bed and land on your butt.” I said glaring as best as I could.
“ Oh come now Ted.” said Elsa walking up to me “ You know you wanted to Legolas in bed with you.” I could tell Legolas had heard the comment and I blushed bright red. I wonder why Legolas has not drawn his weapons and demanded to know his whereabouts. No, I lied, I don't wonder why anymore. But readers should wonder.
“ Well at least I’m not a possessive fan girl. Who makes shrines to Jack Sparrow!” Why do you three Sues spend so much time denying or pretending not to be fangirls? You're so full of hormones it's a wonder that estrogen isn't oozing out of your mucous membranes. I realized I said this a bit to loud and Elsa looked like she was going to murder me.
“ Ted.” said Mary
“ Yeah Marlo?” I asked
“ Run.” she said and taking Mary’s advice I ran. With Elsa right behind me. “ Here we go again.” Mary sighed. She turned to the three men and said “ Uh right I better go stop Elsa before she breaks off Adriana’s head. So um stay here and bye.” and with that uttered Mary raced off after Elsa and I.
“ I’m going to kill you Ted!” yelled Elsa as we were running. Mary was yelling at Elsa to calm down and I was screaming my head off. I had finally gone all over the house and was now back in my room. I slammed the door behind me. Causing the three guys to look at me. “ Uh hehe hi.” I said.
“ Adriana Michaela Fitch or TED E. BEAR. Open this door!” yelled Elsa banging on my door. Oh she used my nickname and my real name, she’s pissed. I ran away from the door the door and hid behind Legolas. Elsa came charging into the room, saw me, and ran for me. That’s when Mary walked in breathless and muttering curses. She looked at the scene around her. Jack was looking quite surprised. Will was trying to hold Elsa back from killing me, much to Mary’s annoyance. Mary finally couldn’t take it anymore. She grabbed a pillow, pulled Will away from Elsa, hit Elsa with the pillow, and then proceeded to yell at Elsa and myself for god only knows how long. How long is it before the canon characters are actually going to speak? So far, they've barely said a word. You'd think that if the girls wanted them there that much, they would let the canonicals get a word in edgewise.
“ Geez don’t have a cow Marlo we were just having some fun.” said Elsa innocently. I giggled Mary’s face was priceless.
“ What am I going to do with you two?” she asked exasperated
“ Oh you know you love us Marlo.” Elsa and I said in unison and we hugged Mary.
“ Some how I feel that will be the death of me.” replied Mary
“ It probably will be.” said Elsa. We laughed and stood up to face our guests.
“ Uh girls its not that I’m not having a good time but I would really like to get back to my ship. So where is it ?” he asked. We just stared at Jack not knowing what to tell him, but we shall try anyways or more like Elsa will try. Since I am clueless at the moment.
“ Jack-” Jack gave Elsa a look. “ Oh right. Captain Jack Sparrow um your not in the Caribbean anymore.” she paused “ In fact we are about two hours away from the ocean.” She paused again.
“ Oh would you just spit it out already!” said Mary rolling her eyes.
“Yourintheyear2005intheuntitedstatesofamerice!” Wow that was a mouthful. It took a moment and then Jack’s eyes got really big.
“ What!” he yelled and he began to freak out. Not because he was in America or the fact that he was three hundred years in the future. No he was upset because he was going to be stuck on land for a very long time. Look! It's trying to be in character! Aww, isn't it cute. Elsa tried to calm Jack down but I think she was failing. While Mary and I comforted the others.
Legolas just stood there looking really stunned. I had no idea what to say to him. I mean here was the guy I had dreamed about for years and I can’t think of one thing to say to him! Hence the inherent problem with 99.9 % of fangirl-Sues: their fantasies come true and they have no idea what to do once that happens. I sighed and finally came out of my stupor and asked “ Are you going to be okay?” He shook his head to clear his mind and said “ Yes, I’m just surprised.” he replied. I nodded in understanding and we turned our attention to the other people in the room.
Mary POV Sticking an apostrophe and an "s" in here sprains the fingers, I know.
While Adriana tended to Lego I tended to Will. I sat down next to him and said. “ Quite a shock I see.” He smiled. ‘ Man I wish he would kiss me.’ I thought. ‘ Oh stop thinking ! He has Lizzie remember! Oh right.’ I cleared my thoughts quickly. “ Don’t worry Mr. Turner my friends and I will try to get you home we promise.”
“ Thank you and you can call me Will.” he said. We smiled at each other and turned to Jack and Elsa.
Elsa POV
Jack was freaking out so much. He was pacing like crazy and was muttering things I couldn’t understand ! "He was using polysyllables, for goodness' sake!"
“ Jack.” I said. No response
“ Jack.” I said a little louder
“ Jack!” I yelled. He stared at me for a moment and then returned to pacing. That’s when I got an idea. I knew it was the only thing that would work. I walked up to Jack and kissed him! I know that "Like, OMG! I can't believe she did that!" is the proper response to this kind of thing. Instead: congratulations, fangirl!Sue. That was very daring of you. Now get your little underaged self away from the forty-year-old man and never, ever darken the page with your musings again.
[…]
AN ) I LOVE REVEWIEWS! WINK WINK *sings 'weep, weep' in notes of woe*
Disclaimer: I do not own Jack Sparrow, Will Turner or Legolas. ….I shall cry now!
CH. 4 Dressing the part
“ Okay guys we have an idea of where we can go but…” Mary looked at little uncertain
“ But what?” asked Jack raising an eyebrow.
“ Well we’re going to have to give you different clothes to wear.” said Elsa
“ Why?” asked Will.
“ Because.” said Adriana standing up. “ All of you are very, hmmm how should I put this...?" She thought for a moment. "Uh lets just say popular and you have things called fan girls.” She walked away into the kitchen.
“ What are fan girls?” asked Legolas
“ People who worship the ground you walk on and are even more obsessed with you then you could ever imagine." Like, say, you three? You talk about them as if they are worse than you are. Look in the mirror. You. Are. Hideous. Annoying. Fangirls! said Elsa, she sighed and looked at Adriana. “ Well how are we going to get clothes for these guys?”
“ We could use some of my brothers things but I don’t know if they would fit.” said Adriana
“ Well we will just have to wait and see.” said Mary “ and if Sean’s clothes don’t work I guess we’ll just have to buy some.”
“ Sounds like plan.” said Adriana “ You two will work with the clothes and I shall clean up the kitchen and living room, Okay?” The two girls nodded. “ Lets get to work.”
Mary and Elsa dragged the guys to Sean’s room or as it was christened ‘ The California Dump.’ Mary hesitated at opening the door.
“ Come on Marlo open the door.” said Elsa
“ What if something is growing in there.” said Mary frowning.
“ Look nothing is going to pop out and attack you just open the door.” said Elsa. Mary hesitated for a moment before slowly opening the door. The group poked their heads in the door.
“ Well nothing seems to be moving.” said Mary looking around. She stepped into the room and made her way to the closet. Elsa cleared a pathway with her tennis shoe.
“ Rule number never step into this room without shoes.” she muttered and watched as Mary began to open the closet door.
“ Ahhhhhh!” Mary screamed as a pile of clothes fell on top of her. Elsa ran to her friend or the pile of clothes that covered her friend. Adriana came running into the room. She saw Jack, Will, Legolas, and Elsa digging through a pile of clothes.
“ Where’s Mary?” she asked.
“ She got buried under this pile of clothes.” explained Elsa. “ We’re trying to get her out.” Adriana’s eyes widened.
“ I suggest you hurry.” she said “ I think this might be my brothers dirty laundry.” That’s when Mary popped out of the pile and ran to the door.
“ I’ll clean you deal with this!” she hastily said. “ No way am I going in there again!” and she ran off to the kitchen. Adriana sighed.
“ Oh well. Here I’ll pick out clothes Elsa. You can go clean.” said Adriana “ I don’t want to have to dig you out next.” Elsa smiled in great fullness and went to help Mary. The boys were about to follow but Adriana stopped them. “ You three are not going anywhere! I need to find out if my brothers things fit you. So you can sit on the bed. I think it is the sagest place for you and don’t touch anything!” she warned and looked pointedly at Jack. I'm sure they really enjoy being ordered around by three stupid teenagers.
“ What?” he asked innocently. Adriana just rolled her eyes and searched through her brothers closet for some clean clothes.
Jack looked around the room. He was bored. He looked around for something to entertain himself with. Jack slowly crept toward the door. He didn’t feel like trying on clothes. Will and Legolas thought this a good plan and followed Jack towards the door. They were almost out when.
“ Don’t even think about leaving .” said Adriana. The three men turned to the girl who was holding several pieces of clothing for them to try on. “ Sit down.” she commanded. The three sat down on the bed. Adriana walked up to them and handed them each an outfit. “ Now .” she started “ I want each of you to try on the out fit given to you. One of you can use my room. Another the bathroom and somebody can use my parents bedroom. Now go.” Yes, sir, right away, sir! The three men walked out the door to the individual rooms.
Jack was in the bathroom, Will was in the master bedroom, and Legolas was in Adriana’s room. Adriana in the meantime was waiting out in the hall. Hoping that nothing would go wrong.
Jack looked around at the room he was in. He had gotten dressed …somewhat. His shirt was on backwards and his shorts still needed to be zipped up but Jack wanted to look around and see what was in this room. He sat down on large white thing but he lost his balance ad began to fall toward the shower. In the process to try not to fall Jack had grabbed the toilet paper with his foot, while one hand grabbed the flusher on the toilet, but all that failed. So Jack was thrown into the shower/bath. Where he began to start the water and it was coming out full blast. This is a man who has sailed on a rocking ship for most of his life. He has an unusual stride, but that doesn't make him clumsy! I'm sure that Jack has much better balance than most people do.
Mary Sues try to rescue the canon characters from the fangirls. Is this weird or what?
Author Pov
Katie, Christy, and Katrina were all wearing pink, mini skirts, high heels, and their nails were now manicured. There hair was glossy and shiny. Perfect in everyway. Not a single hair out of place. Guys turned and stared at them. They attracted many but they had their targets and they were walking straight towards them. Yeah you know who I mean. Will, Jack, and Legolas. The three girls pushed our dear heroines out of the way and walked straight towards the guys. Maybe they'll get into a fight and kill each other off. Katie walked up to Will. She smiled sweetly and flirtatiously.
“ Hi my name is Katie.” she said “ What’s your name handsome?” Will smiled nervously.
“ Uh Will.” he replied. Katie giggled softly.
“ That’s a cute name. Just perfect for you.” she said smiling seductively now. Mary glared at the blonde and clenched her fists in anger. Oh this girl was asking for it.
“ Uh thanks.” said Will. Katie walked a little closer to him. She reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind his ear.
“ Don’t worry sweet cheeks I don’t bite…much.” she whispered in his ear. I love how Will is a helpless victim in all of this.
“ Mary…” warned Adriana seeing that she was about to get very angry. Mary though ignored her friend and walked over to Katie and tapped her on the shoulder.
“ Uh excuse me.” said Mary “ But he’s with me.” He's with Elizabeth.
“ Well he’s with me now you old hag so back off!” and Katie continued to flirt with Will. Mary clenched her fists tightly.
“ Listen hear you whore! Step away from him and I won’t have to knock your ass around this room.” said Mary seriously. After all, it's not like Will would be able to take care of himself and fend off a teenage girl on his own. Katie sniffed.
“ Whatever you can’ hurt me.” she scoffed.
“ Oh yeah watch me!” and with that Mary leaned back and punched the girl in the nose. Katie screamed and fell back crying: “ My nose! She broke my nose!” I wonder who I should root for. Guys rushed up to help her but her posse was a bit busy at the moment.
Elsa watched angrily as Christy flirted with Jack. Now Jack being who he was wouldn’t’ mind such attention but this girl was annoying him to no end. With her high pitched giggles and blabbering mouth. Then why hasn't he been annoyed with the insane, the freak and the obsessed?
“ So sweetie you want to go for a smoothie with me?” Katie asked Jack.
“ Uh no thanks Christy I have plans.” said Jack *headdesk*
“ Oh yeah with who?” she asked frowning. Jack pointed to Elsa. He had plans to tangle her in the shower curtains and go in search of the open sea. Who waved in return. Christy laughed.
“ Her! You can’t be serious. She is like so ugly! I’m pretty come with me.” said Christy pouting. Elsa walked up to the girl and grabbed her hair.
“ Back away from him you blonde slut!” said Elsa pulling her hair harder.
“ Ah! My hair let go of my hair! My perfect blonde highlighted hair!” screamed Christy. She began to claw Elsa with her perfectly manicured nails but Elsa fought back. Elsa began to tire of Christy so she leaned back and punched her in the face. Christy fell back and laid sprawled out on the floor. Katie came to help her. Elsa and Mary stood with triumphant look on their faces as they looked at the two girls. Jack looked impressed and Will looked stunned. Elsa looked around
“ Hey where’s Ted?” she questioned. Her question was answered by screams coming from behind them. A crowd had gathered around someone. Mary, Elsa, Will, and Jack ran over to see what was going on. What they saw amazed them.
Katrina was screaming for her life while Adriana was trying to strangle her but Legolas was holding her back.
“ Let me at her! Let me at her! Let me at her!” she yelled thrashing around trying to reach cheerleader. Katrina kept screaming her head off trying to get away from the mad women who now had gotten hold of hair.
“ Let go of my hair!” screamed Katrina. Finally the store manager came out and began to break up the fight. Okay, who wants to bet that the Suethor knows three girls with these names and/or personalities from school and is writing a revenge fic just to show them up? *places shiny gold doubloon on the table*
CULPRIT: legoluver I used to love Legos, too, before my sister got big enough to try and eat them.
Summary: What happens when an elf, a pirate, and a blacksmith travel to the future and wind up in the care of three very crazy seventeen-year-old girls. Why romance and humor of course! Not to mention Blonde mobs of doom, ex boyfriends, family, sugar, and of course a writers twisted mind! Come and read the craziness of The Insane, The Freak, and The Obsessed Please tell me the title doesn't reflect the nature of the writer. Please.
Best line: My cheeks burning from the kiss. How could I be so bold! I carefully looked at Jack. He was shocked, stunned, and was that a blush on his face. Chosen for the sheer, staggering absurdity of Jack blushing.
and:
“ Okay the sipper.” she said pointing to the pants on her jeans. Just what do you sip from there?
Verdict:
NAME: Adriana, who for some strange reason is nicknamed Ted; Mary, who for an equally strange reason is nicknamed Marlo; Elsa, who for a reason light-years beyond strange is nicknamed Pippin or Jack Sparrow. Yes. Pippin or Jack Sparrow.
HAIR: I'm not sure, but it's definitely not blonde, since all three seem to hate blondes. Except for Legolas, who is also described as a "blonde".
EYES: Don't know. They either pop open wide or roll around a lot.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: "Ted" is clumsy. Um…*starts to search through* Ugh, who am I fooling? I can't go back and read through this again. Suffice it to say, none that I noticed.
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: Jack Sparrow, Will Turner and Legolas. And in this fic, it is not an exaggeration. The three canon characters are possessions, forced to obey every whim of the fangirls.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: The modern world.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Adriana is Legolas' One True Love, Mary is Will's One True Love, and Elsa is Jack's One True Love. Couldn't see that coming, could you?
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: The ability to own three characters and dictate where they go and how they dress. The three hapless males might as well be prisoners.
THE "PLOT": There isn't even an attempt at a bad plot device. No mysterious medallion or magic swimming pool hauls characters in from an alternative universe. The three girls just wake up with their three beloveds beside them. Interestingly, none of the canon characters fights them, demands to know why the girls can be trusted, or even makes an attempt to get out of their house. I swear, it's like the canon characters are going to obedience school.
The only thing that is even slightly entertaining is that these girls have a fight with three Mary Sues that the fangirls understand are perfect, unrealistic creations. Though nothing is really explained about this bizarre turn of events, I can almost hear the author referring to them out loud as "those bitchy, blonde girls from my high school who think they're so perfect". They fight over the guys, of course. I guess the guys don't mind too much, since the only way they can think of evading the Mary Sues is to come up with pathetic excuses.
By the way, if the "enter" key or html seem to be malfunctioning, it's not my fault. This author types in bold and italic for any, all, and no discernible reasons.
NOTES: *headdesk* *headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk** *headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk*
*looks up*
Is it gone yet?
Chapter One: Who is the pansy?
I stared at my Orlando Bloom, Will Turner, and Legolas posters. Why did god curse me not to be born in the same time period as Orli. It was so unfair! A hottie like him should not have been born ten years before me! Have it your way. Have him born ten years later, so that he's your age. Then he would have been too young to star in Lord of the Rings and you never would have heard about him. I sighed. “ Oh well I can always dream.” I said and then thought ‘ Yeah whatever if you believe in all that crud mushroom stuff!’
Well I suppose you are wondering who the hell is this girl and why isn’t she in mental house? I'm wondering who the hell is this author and why her formatting is so nutty. Is there any reason to have this statement in bold italics? I suppose I would ask you the same question if I were in your place. I blame it on the stupidly annoying people at my school but then again I could just be mental on my own. Oh well all this will be explained later in the story. With me so far? Good readers! Here have a cookie! Comparing your readers to chimpanzees is always a good strategy.
My name is Adriana. To my friends I am Ted. *blinks* Alrighty then. You know what lets skip the bios and get on with the story. They take too long anyways. So onward to the story!
After staring at Orlando long enough I walked out of my room and waited in the living room for my friends to arrive. After waiting for what seemed like forever I heard a car pull up to my driveway. I immediately raced for the door. Falling down in the process. Me being the klutz that I am. I stood back up and opened the door. Only to be knocked over by two people.
“ Ted!” yelled the two girls. Better known as Mary and Elsa. “ Hey Marlo! Hey Jack!” I said, “ How are my Insane and freak friends doing this day?” Heaven help us. They really are the nicknames. We stood up off the ground.
“ Oh so glad you know who we are.” said Mary ( Marlo)
“ Yeah we thought you would forget who we were oh obsessed one!” said Elsa bowing mockingly. (Pippin or Jack Sparrow)
Yes I am the obsessed one. Yes I love Orlando Bloom and anything g to do with him, but I do not blame Orli for me acting like a dumb blonde! (No offense to Blondes.) I told you the stupid people at my school made me this way or at least that’s what I told my parents when I got a D- in science last year. They didn’t buy it. I wonder what your English grade was.
The reason my dear friends are here though is because my parents are taking a little vacation. They thought that at seventeen years old I could handle myself. I wonder if this Sue could handle herself at thirty years old. So with parental advisors gone Mary and Elsa get to stay over. Their parents are letting them stay for some bizarre reason plot contrivance.. Wait what am I doing! Back to the story! It'd be a good idea to, y'know, actually have a story before taking a break from it.
“ I’m not obsessed just a freak!” I said to Elsa
“ Ted I’m the freak. You’re obsessed.” she said
“ Fine have it your way.” I said
“ Yoo-hoo!” said Mary “ I would like to put my stuff down somewhere thank you very much!”
“ Oops!” I said “Uh just put your stuff in my room.” They nodded and began to walk off. “ Oh and ladies try not to stare at Will and Jack for to long.” They laughed. Then Mary said “ Oh we’ll do it just for you Ted!” and so they walked off to my room.
I walked out to the kitchen. Time for junk food and movies! So I grabbed chips, soda, popcorn, ice cream, spoons, bowls, and the handy dandy Lysol wipes. I looked at the array of food. Ah what every teenage girl needs! I'd like to vote myself out of the teenage girl population. “ Don’t forget the cookies!” Mary yelled from the living room. Yes cookies how could I forget you. So I walked out into the living room and arranged the junk food on the coffee table. “ So what shall we watch?” I asked smiling at my friends, who in turn smiled at me. “ Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the rings!” Why are you bolding these things?! we all said at the same time.
After inserting pirates first ( I was outvoted 2-1. I wanted to see my pretty blonde elf!) we sat down to some Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp goodness. I was more in favor of Orlando bit Elsa gave me an I-would- shut up- right- now-unless-you-want-to die look. Sp we all settled down to watch the movie
(Two hours and a lot junk food later )
Well now it is the end of the movie, you know that part where Will and Elizabeth kiss. Well that’s when Mary starts rolling out the curses. “ Die Elizabeth Die.” She said. Yeah, yeah, we've heard your puerile threats before. Sue, Elizabeth could toss you off the fort in an eyeblink, corset or no corset. (That’s the G rated version). So as you can see Mary likes Will a lot. If she really liked him, she would like the part of his personality that makes him love Elizabeth. Also, she wouldn't wish for Elizabeth's death, because that would devastate Will. A lot more than me actually which is kind of weird seeing as how I’m the obsessed one in the group.
“ Mary you always do this.” said Elsa “ Would you just shut up!”
“ No!” said Mary childishly. Crossing her arms over her chest. Elsa rolled her eyes at Mary and then it happened. The one thing no fan girl wants to hear about her favorite character. He's in love with someone else?
“ I don’t even see why you like him he’s such a pansy.” said Elsa (Collective gasp from the readers) No, you're not going to surprise us with that statement. Not after one of your fellow fangirls created Rocking-back-and-forth-and-crying!Will last week.
“ He is not!” Mary and I yelled and so began the great popcorn throwing war! Mary and I prevailed. “Okay!” said Elsa “ Let’s watch LOTR.”
“ Yeah!” I squealed happily and popped the Fellowship into the DVD player. Soon we all became silent and watched the movie. Then once again it arises. “ Legolas is such a pansy.” said Elsa
“ He is not!” I retorted
“ Is to!” she replied I think we've had enough of this, no?
The Untited States of Americe
Ch.2 - Holy Elves and Pirates Batman!
Adriana POV.
The sun flittered through my blinds, trying to awaken me from slumber. I groaned and turned away from my window. I rested one hand on my pillow…Wait! That’s not my pillow! *groans* My eyes popped open and I sat up looking beside me. You’ll never believe what I saw! Try me. Blonde hair swirled around a pale face and blue eyes stared off into oblivion. That’s when I did the only thing I could do: I screamed.
“ What the hell!” asked Mary with a dazed expression.
“ What she said.” mumbled Elsa also in a daze.
Now at this point the guy next to me had woken up and as I turned to look at Mary and Elsa I got tangled in the bed sheets. Of course me being the oh so graceful person I am I fell off the bed. While the guy next to me fell off on the other side.
“ Ooowwww!” I hissed as I landed on the floor with a dull thud. I crawled over to the door and looked at the others. My eyes became wide. “ Mary.” I whispered pointing beside her. Mary looked at me and then at where I was pointing. Her eyes became really wide and she yelled. “ Oh my god!” She fell off the bed and walked/crawled over to me. How does one walk and crawl at the same time? That is when we looked at Elsa.
“ Uh Elsa?” Mary said timidly
“What !” yelled Elsa annoyed. That’s when he sat up.
“ Ello’ luv.” said Captain Jack Sparrow. Okay now I know Elsa is not one for screaming but she did anyway. “ Holy Shiite the Muslim empire!” Shiite is not an empire. It's a religious sect. she yelled as she jumped off her cot and raced to Marlo and I.
The three of us promptly looked we could throw at our intruders. I had a shoe. A very stinky shoe, Marlo had a teddy bear, and Elsa had one of my Legolas t-shirts. Wait! One of my Lego t-shirts! I walked up to her and grabbed it out of her hands.
“ This happens to be one of my favorite shirts Elsa!” I yelled at her and turned to our three intruders. I looked at them and dropped my shoe. “ This can’t be real.” whispered Elsa. I could only stare. Will Turner, Jack Sparrow, and Lagolas ! Looks like the fangirls have a mini-Balrog in their bedroom. Eeeexcellent. In my bedroom! I leaned against the door. Ready to faint at any moment. Everyone just stared at one another for a few moments. Then Elsa walked up to Jack and poked him.
“ Uh what are you doing?” I asked her
“ Testing to see if he’s real.” Elsa stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Mary rolled her eyes and pulled Elsa away from the captain. We looked at each them. A different facial expression for each.
Legolas: neutral , with a mix of their insane. Insane?
Will: scared, with a puppy dog pout form, You can see how much they respect Will from this description. and another look of their Insane. ( God guys we’re only teenagers…Obsessed and Crazy teenagers but yeah teenagers none the less. )
Jack: Perfectly calm! I mean he has faced undead pirates. Why would three teenage girls scare him?
Elsa’s thoughts ( Oooohhhhh be afraid ) Done and done.
Captain Jack Sparrow! Yeah! Huzzah! Do the happy dance! ( smiles lots and lots of smiles)
Mary’s thoughts ( be even more afraid! ) You really, really should have gone for third person omniscient. Of course, then you would probably be describing "the narrator's thoughts".
Will! My pirate man! All mine! ( Tries but fails not to swoon or look like an obsessed fan girl, even though she is ) Well while all three of us were off in Lala land Jack decided to speak.
“ Ello’ Luvs I’m Captain Jack Sparrow.” He said “ This be Will Turner and I don’t know who Blondie is over there but I would like to know who you three lovely ladies are.” He walked over to Elsa while saying this. Elsa blushed like a tomato.
“ My name is not Blondie its Legolas.” said Legolas matter of factly. Jack didn’t respond as he tried to charm Elsa. It was working.
“ Well isn’t he the little charmer.” I mumbled. I glared angrily at the ground as I looked at the mess around the room.
“ Well somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed!” said Elsa tearing her attention away from Jack for a second.
“ Well how would you feel if you woke up to a strange person next to you and in the process of getting away you are screaming you fall off the bed and land on your butt.” I said glaring as best as I could.
“ Oh come now Ted.” said Elsa walking up to me “ You know you wanted to Legolas in bed with you.” I could tell Legolas had heard the comment and I blushed bright red. I wonder why Legolas has not drawn his weapons and demanded to know his whereabouts. No, I lied, I don't wonder why anymore. But readers should wonder.
“ Well at least I’m not a possessive fan girl. Who makes shrines to Jack Sparrow!” Why do you three Sues spend so much time denying or pretending not to be fangirls? You're so full of hormones it's a wonder that estrogen isn't oozing out of your mucous membranes. I realized I said this a bit to loud and Elsa looked like she was going to murder me.
“ Ted.” said Mary
“ Yeah Marlo?” I asked
“ Run.” she said and taking Mary’s advice I ran. With Elsa right behind me. “ Here we go again.” Mary sighed. She turned to the three men and said “ Uh right I better go stop Elsa before she breaks off Adriana’s head. So um stay here and bye.” and with that uttered Mary raced off after Elsa and I.
“ I’m going to kill you Ted!” yelled Elsa as we were running. Mary was yelling at Elsa to calm down and I was screaming my head off. I had finally gone all over the house and was now back in my room. I slammed the door behind me. Causing the three guys to look at me. “ Uh hehe hi.” I said.
“ Adriana Michaela Fitch or TED E. BEAR. Open this door!” yelled Elsa banging on my door. Oh she used my nickname and my real name, she’s pissed. I ran away from the door the door and hid behind Legolas. Elsa came charging into the room, saw me, and ran for me. That’s when Mary walked in breathless and muttering curses. She looked at the scene around her. Jack was looking quite surprised. Will was trying to hold Elsa back from killing me, much to Mary’s annoyance. Mary finally couldn’t take it anymore. She grabbed a pillow, pulled Will away from Elsa, hit Elsa with the pillow, and then proceeded to yell at Elsa and myself for god only knows how long. How long is it before the canon characters are actually going to speak? So far, they've barely said a word. You'd think that if the girls wanted them there that much, they would let the canonicals get a word in edgewise.
“ Geez don’t have a cow Marlo we were just having some fun.” said Elsa innocently. I giggled Mary’s face was priceless.
“ What am I going to do with you two?” she asked exasperated
“ Oh you know you love us Marlo.” Elsa and I said in unison and we hugged Mary.
“ Some how I feel that will be the death of me.” replied Mary
“ It probably will be.” said Elsa. We laughed and stood up to face our guests.
“ Uh girls its not that I’m not having a good time but I would really like to get back to my ship. So where is it ?” he asked. We just stared at Jack not knowing what to tell him, but we shall try anyways or more like Elsa will try. Since I am clueless at the moment.
“ Jack-” Jack gave Elsa a look. “ Oh right. Captain Jack Sparrow um your not in the Caribbean anymore.” she paused “ In fact we are about two hours away from the ocean.” She paused again.
“ Oh would you just spit it out already!” said Mary rolling her eyes.
“Yourintheyear2005intheuntitedstatesofamerice!” Wow that was a mouthful. It took a moment and then Jack’s eyes got really big.
“ What!” he yelled and he began to freak out. Not because he was in America or the fact that he was three hundred years in the future. No he was upset because he was going to be stuck on land for a very long time. Look! It's trying to be in character! Aww, isn't it cute. Elsa tried to calm Jack down but I think she was failing. While Mary and I comforted the others.
Legolas just stood there looking really stunned. I had no idea what to say to him. I mean here was the guy I had dreamed about for years and I can’t think of one thing to say to him! Hence the inherent problem with 99.9 % of fangirl-Sues: their fantasies come true and they have no idea what to do once that happens. I sighed and finally came out of my stupor and asked “ Are you going to be okay?” He shook his head to clear his mind and said “ Yes, I’m just surprised.” he replied. I nodded in understanding and we turned our attention to the other people in the room.
Mary POV Sticking an apostrophe and an "s" in here sprains the fingers, I know.
While Adriana tended to Lego I tended to Will. I sat down next to him and said. “ Quite a shock I see.” He smiled. ‘ Man I wish he would kiss me.’ I thought. ‘ Oh stop thinking ! He has Lizzie remember! Oh right.’ I cleared my thoughts quickly. “ Don’t worry Mr. Turner my friends and I will try to get you home we promise.”
“ Thank you and you can call me Will.” he said. We smiled at each other and turned to Jack and Elsa.
Elsa POV
Jack was freaking out so much. He was pacing like crazy and was muttering things I couldn’t understand ! "He was using polysyllables, for goodness' sake!"
“ Jack.” I said. No response
“ Jack.” I said a little louder
“ Jack!” I yelled. He stared at me for a moment and then returned to pacing. That’s when I got an idea. I knew it was the only thing that would work. I walked up to Jack and kissed him! I know that "Like, OMG! I can't believe she did that!" is the proper response to this kind of thing. Instead: congratulations, fangirl!Sue. That was very daring of you. Now get your little underaged self away from the forty-year-old man and never, ever darken the page with your musings again.
[…]
AN ) I LOVE REVEWIEWS! WINK WINK *sings 'weep, weep' in notes of woe*
Disclaimer: I do not own Jack Sparrow, Will Turner or Legolas. ….I shall cry now!
CH. 4 Dressing the part
“ Okay guys we have an idea of where we can go but…” Mary looked at little uncertain
“ But what?” asked Jack raising an eyebrow.
“ Well we’re going to have to give you different clothes to wear.” said Elsa
“ Why?” asked Will.
“ Because.” said Adriana standing up. “ All of you are very, hmmm how should I put this...?" She thought for a moment. "Uh lets just say popular and you have things called fan girls.” She walked away into the kitchen.
“ What are fan girls?” asked Legolas
“ People who worship the ground you walk on and are even more obsessed with you then you could ever imagine." Like, say, you three? You talk about them as if they are worse than you are. Look in the mirror. You. Are. Hideous. Annoying. Fangirls! said Elsa, she sighed and looked at Adriana. “ Well how are we going to get clothes for these guys?”
“ We could use some of my brothers things but I don’t know if they would fit.” said Adriana
“ Well we will just have to wait and see.” said Mary “ and if Sean’s clothes don’t work I guess we’ll just have to buy some.”
“ Sounds like plan.” said Adriana “ You two will work with the clothes and I shall clean up the kitchen and living room, Okay?” The two girls nodded. “ Lets get to work.”
Mary and Elsa dragged the guys to Sean’s room or as it was christened ‘ The California Dump.’ Mary hesitated at opening the door.
“ Come on Marlo open the door.” said Elsa
“ What if something is growing in there.” said Mary frowning.
“ Look nothing is going to pop out and attack you just open the door.” said Elsa. Mary hesitated for a moment before slowly opening the door. The group poked their heads in the door.
“ Well nothing seems to be moving.” said Mary looking around. She stepped into the room and made her way to the closet. Elsa cleared a pathway with her tennis shoe.
“ Rule number never step into this room without shoes.” she muttered and watched as Mary began to open the closet door.
“ Ahhhhhh!” Mary screamed as a pile of clothes fell on top of her. Elsa ran to her friend or the pile of clothes that covered her friend. Adriana came running into the room. She saw Jack, Will, Legolas, and Elsa digging through a pile of clothes.
“ Where’s Mary?” she asked.
“ She got buried under this pile of clothes.” explained Elsa. “ We’re trying to get her out.” Adriana’s eyes widened.
“ I suggest you hurry.” she said “ I think this might be my brothers dirty laundry.” That’s when Mary popped out of the pile and ran to the door.
“ I’ll clean you deal with this!” she hastily said. “ No way am I going in there again!” and she ran off to the kitchen. Adriana sighed.
“ Oh well. Here I’ll pick out clothes Elsa. You can go clean.” said Adriana “ I don’t want to have to dig you out next.” Elsa smiled in great fullness and went to help Mary. The boys were about to follow but Adriana stopped them. “ You three are not going anywhere! I need to find out if my brothers things fit you. So you can sit on the bed. I think it is the sagest place for you and don’t touch anything!” she warned and looked pointedly at Jack. I'm sure they really enjoy being ordered around by three stupid teenagers.
“ What?” he asked innocently. Adriana just rolled her eyes and searched through her brothers closet for some clean clothes.
Jack looked around the room. He was bored. He looked around for something to entertain himself with. Jack slowly crept toward the door. He didn’t feel like trying on clothes. Will and Legolas thought this a good plan and followed Jack towards the door. They were almost out when.
“ Don’t even think about leaving .” said Adriana. The three men turned to the girl who was holding several pieces of clothing for them to try on. “ Sit down.” she commanded. The three sat down on the bed. Adriana walked up to them and handed them each an outfit. “ Now .” she started “ I want each of you to try on the out fit given to you. One of you can use my room. Another the bathroom and somebody can use my parents bedroom. Now go.” Yes, sir, right away, sir! The three men walked out the door to the individual rooms.
Jack was in the bathroom, Will was in the master bedroom, and Legolas was in Adriana’s room. Adriana in the meantime was waiting out in the hall. Hoping that nothing would go wrong.
Jack looked around at the room he was in. He had gotten dressed …somewhat. His shirt was on backwards and his shorts still needed to be zipped up but Jack wanted to look around and see what was in this room. He sat down on large white thing but he lost his balance ad began to fall toward the shower. In the process to try not to fall Jack had grabbed the toilet paper with his foot, while one hand grabbed the flusher on the toilet, but all that failed. So Jack was thrown into the shower/bath. Where he began to start the water and it was coming out full blast. This is a man who has sailed on a rocking ship for most of his life. He has an unusual stride, but that doesn't make him clumsy! I'm sure that Jack has much better balance than most people do.
Mary Sues try to rescue the canon characters from the fangirls. Is this weird or what?
Author Pov
Katie, Christy, and Katrina were all wearing pink, mini skirts, high heels, and their nails were now manicured. There hair was glossy and shiny. Perfect in everyway. Not a single hair out of place. Guys turned and stared at them. They attracted many but they had their targets and they were walking straight towards them. Yeah you know who I mean. Will, Jack, and Legolas. The three girls pushed our dear heroines out of the way and walked straight towards the guys. Maybe they'll get into a fight and kill each other off. Katie walked up to Will. She smiled sweetly and flirtatiously.
“ Hi my name is Katie.” she said “ What’s your name handsome?” Will smiled nervously.
“ Uh Will.” he replied. Katie giggled softly.
“ That’s a cute name. Just perfect for you.” she said smiling seductively now. Mary glared at the blonde and clenched her fists in anger. Oh this girl was asking for it.
“ Uh thanks.” said Will. Katie walked a little closer to him. She reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind his ear.
“ Don’t worry sweet cheeks I don’t bite…much.” she whispered in his ear. I love how Will is a helpless victim in all of this.
“ Mary…” warned Adriana seeing that she was about to get very angry. Mary though ignored her friend and walked over to Katie and tapped her on the shoulder.
“ Uh excuse me.” said Mary “ But he’s with me.” He's with Elizabeth.
“ Well he’s with me now you old hag so back off!” and Katie continued to flirt with Will. Mary clenched her fists tightly.
“ Listen hear you whore! Step away from him and I won’t have to knock your ass around this room.” said Mary seriously. After all, it's not like Will would be able to take care of himself and fend off a teenage girl on his own. Katie sniffed.
“ Whatever you can’ hurt me.” she scoffed.
“ Oh yeah watch me!” and with that Mary leaned back and punched the girl in the nose. Katie screamed and fell back crying: “ My nose! She broke my nose!” I wonder who I should root for. Guys rushed up to help her but her posse was a bit busy at the moment.
Elsa watched angrily as Christy flirted with Jack. Now Jack being who he was wouldn’t’ mind such attention but this girl was annoying him to no end. With her high pitched giggles and blabbering mouth. Then why hasn't he been annoyed with the insane, the freak and the obsessed?
“ So sweetie you want to go for a smoothie with me?” Katie asked Jack.
“ Uh no thanks Christy I have plans.” said Jack *headdesk*
“ Oh yeah with who?” she asked frowning. Jack pointed to Elsa. He had plans to tangle her in the shower curtains and go in search of the open sea. Who waved in return. Christy laughed.
“ Her! You can’t be serious. She is like so ugly! I’m pretty come with me.” said Christy pouting. Elsa walked up to the girl and grabbed her hair.
“ Back away from him you blonde slut!” said Elsa pulling her hair harder.
“ Ah! My hair let go of my hair! My perfect blonde highlighted hair!” screamed Christy. She began to claw Elsa with her perfectly manicured nails but Elsa fought back. Elsa began to tire of Christy so she leaned back and punched her in the face. Christy fell back and laid sprawled out on the floor. Katie came to help her. Elsa and Mary stood with triumphant look on their faces as they looked at the two girls. Jack looked impressed and Will looked stunned. Elsa looked around
“ Hey where’s Ted?” she questioned. Her question was answered by screams coming from behind them. A crowd had gathered around someone. Mary, Elsa, Will, and Jack ran over to see what was going on. What they saw amazed them.
Katrina was screaming for her life while Adriana was trying to strangle her but Legolas was holding her back.
“ Let me at her! Let me at her! Let me at her!” she yelled thrashing around trying to reach cheerleader. Katrina kept screaming her head off trying to get away from the mad women who now had gotten hold of hair.
“ Let go of my hair!” screamed Katrina. Finally the store manager came out and began to break up the fight. Okay, who wants to bet that the Suethor knows three girls with these names and/or personalities from school and is writing a revenge fic just to show them up? *places shiny gold doubloon on the table*