(no subject)
I sit here and I tell myself
This is how habits are formed.
I sit here and I tell myself
If it wasn't for living at home, you'd be addicted.
Smoking only when you're drunk?
Bullshit.
But I will never let it rule me.
Addiction runs in my family.
Grandfather?
Smoker for 30 years.
Quit too late.
Emphysema.
Aunt and Uncle?
Addicted.
Father?
Addicted to alcohol until at least 28 years old.
And yet you still smoke when your parents are out of town,
When you can't get drunk.
When you're sitting alone
In a friend's house,
Too buzzed to drive home,
Too wired to sleep.
Just a few cigarettes,
To sober you up.
Still bullshit.
But being addicted?
Scares me.
Allowing something other than myself
To take over my life
And dictate when I take breaks from work.
Addiction.
I get addicted to boys.
To video games.
To cars.
it's dying
To sleep.
To writing.
I'm not a good writer.
I wrote every day of my life.
I thought I could write
The American Novel
And be published.
An ex-boyfriend wrote a short story
better than anything you ever wrote
About me being a famous writer
And forgetting about him
Until he came to a book signing
And still I forgot him.
you're sobering up
I'm scared.
I can't sleep -
Can't eat -
Can't focus unless I have someone else there
To help me.
Didn't eat all day,
Can't be strong.
Still not enough,
Being almost 5:30.
What is this bullshit?
This is how habits are formed.
I sit here and I tell myself
If it wasn't for living at home, you'd be addicted.
Smoking only when you're drunk?
Bullshit.
But I will never let it rule me.
Addiction runs in my family.
Grandfather?
Smoker for 30 years.
Quit too late.
Emphysema.
Aunt and Uncle?
Addicted.
Father?
Addicted to alcohol until at least 28 years old.
And yet you still smoke when your parents are out of town,
When you can't get drunk.
When you're sitting alone
In a friend's house,
Too buzzed to drive home,
Too wired to sleep.
Just a few cigarettes,
To sober you up.
Still bullshit.
But being addicted?
Scares me.
Allowing something other than myself
To take over my life
And dictate when I take breaks from work.
Addiction.
I get addicted to boys.
To video games.
To cars.
it's dying
To sleep.
To writing.
I'm not a good writer.
I wrote every day of my life.
I thought I could write
The American Novel
And be published.
An ex-boyfriend wrote a short story
better than anything you ever wrote
About me being a famous writer
And forgetting about him
Until he came to a book signing
And still I forgot him.
you're sobering up
I'm scared.
I can't sleep -
Can't eat -
Can't focus unless I have someone else there
To help me.
Didn't eat all day,
Can't be strong.
Still not enough,
Being almost 5:30.
What is this bullshit?