(no subject)
I had to put Mitzi down this morning. I knew it was probably going to have to be done in the next month or so...but I didn't expect it to be today. She was 15 and a half. She'd been having increased difficulty getting up and moving around - not pain, really...just weakness. She'd also been having increased bouts of disorientation. Sometimes she didn't even know who I was. She didn't like to be touched, she hated being brushed, and she'd started sleeping so deeply that she looked dead. Hell, in the past couple of weeks she'd even started snoring. You'd have to shake her to wake her, and even then, I would have to pick her up until she was able to stand. I knew she was going downhill at a fairly fast rate.
Because she didn't like to be brushed or touched, I hadn't done much to her coat in a while. It would scare her so badly that I hated doing it almost as much as she hated it. I didn't know she had lumps in her lymph nodes. Since she was so damn fluffy, you couldn't see it. In fact, even the vet didn't notice it until he started to shave her in order to draw blood. (he was shaving her neck because she was so old that leg veins were extremely hard to find.) She had at least one lump - maybe 2 the size of a kiwi on both sides. I'm not exactly sure because I couldn't stand to feel it that much. He said all her other lymph nodes were the same - very large lumps. It was lymphoma.
The vet gave me the options - chemo, letting her be, steriods...nothing was going to cure her, and all were just going to drag it out. After months and months of waiting for Mom to die - I simply couldn't face it with Mitzi. Maybe that's selfish, but I just couldn't face the waiting again. Especially combined with the nightmare it would have been to try to treat her with any kind of medicine. She hated taking pills...and that, combined with her disorientation, resulted in sheer panic every time I'd given her medicine recently. It got to the point with one bout of meds that any time I'd make a pill bottle make a sound (even when I would take my vitamins)- she'd panic and scramble to hide. That's no kind of life, and that doesn't even take into consideration any kind of negative side effects of the meds. I just couldn't do that to her anymore - especially knowing that it wasn't going to cure her.
So, I called Holly and she came to be there when we put her down. It was so fast - way faster than I expected. She was just gone. I know many people believe that dogs don't have spirits, but I swear I felt her leave the room. Physically felt it. I know she's with my mom now...Mom loved that dog so much.
She was the sweetest, quietest, best behaved dog anyone could have asked for. I love her, and truly regret the times I didn't treat her as well as I should have. I was just a dumb kid when I got her - I didn't know any better.
I will miss her so much.
Because she didn't like to be brushed or touched, I hadn't done much to her coat in a while. It would scare her so badly that I hated doing it almost as much as she hated it. I didn't know she had lumps in her lymph nodes. Since she was so damn fluffy, you couldn't see it. In fact, even the vet didn't notice it until he started to shave her in order to draw blood. (he was shaving her neck because she was so old that leg veins were extremely hard to find.) She had at least one lump - maybe 2 the size of a kiwi on both sides. I'm not exactly sure because I couldn't stand to feel it that much. He said all her other lymph nodes were the same - very large lumps. It was lymphoma.
The vet gave me the options - chemo, letting her be, steriods...nothing was going to cure her, and all were just going to drag it out. After months and months of waiting for Mom to die - I simply couldn't face it with Mitzi. Maybe that's selfish, but I just couldn't face the waiting again. Especially combined with the nightmare it would have been to try to treat her with any kind of medicine. She hated taking pills...and that, combined with her disorientation, resulted in sheer panic every time I'd given her medicine recently. It got to the point with one bout of meds that any time I'd make a pill bottle make a sound (even when I would take my vitamins)- she'd panic and scramble to hide. That's no kind of life, and that doesn't even take into consideration any kind of negative side effects of the meds. I just couldn't do that to her anymore - especially knowing that it wasn't going to cure her.
So, I called Holly and she came to be there when we put her down. It was so fast - way faster than I expected. She was just gone. I know many people believe that dogs don't have spirits, but I swear I felt her leave the room. Physically felt it. I know she's with my mom now...Mom loved that dog so much.
She was the sweetest, quietest, best behaved dog anyone could have asked for. I love her, and truly regret the times I didn't treat her as well as I should have. I was just a dumb kid when I got her - I didn't know any better.
I will miss her so much.