the voice within...is screaming make it stop!
Okay, you know what? From the first minute when Boring Lisa said she was singing the only REAL AI there EVER will be, the lovely Ms. Clarkson, I said to D., "I don't want to watch this. This can only be a disaster." I should get my own psychic friends line or something! OR maybe, it's that this show is more scripted than your average episode of Veronica Mars. I'm going to bitch about the judges and the whole set up for the evening before I even begin my mental breakdown over the actual performances *cringe*
What bothers me most about this show is the blatant promotion of certain people and the method in which it's done. I think we all get the gist that when Simon is truly awful and mean, people then vote for that person (STOP doing that!!) and when he says something nice the following week, they're gone (see Melissa, Kevin). I think AI is freaking out because there is serious Chris backlash right now and since they are so obviously grooming him to be something in the business, they can't be having that. They need to be the ones that "discovered" him so when the brainwashing is complete and he releases his Creedtastic suckfest and everyone buys it because they've been bullied into believing he's good, AI is King. So last night was different for Chris in that the judges tore him a new one. Fucking good! He sucks! Call him on the fact that he has ripped off every single artist that he has covered. BUT now because they did that, they've insured him thousands of votes from angry people.
And I think they choose different people each week and I wouldn't be surprised if Chris was in the bottom 3 like Ace. I truly believe that they put Ace there to make it more dramatic. And they'll put Chris there tonight. I'll be really surprised if they don't. We have no idea what the numbers are and yeah, I'm being a total conspiracy nut right now, but it's all one big fucking joke to them that they've done this to all of us and this is their way of screwing with us. It really makes me hate them all.
And, seriously, Paula? SHUT UP. Stop moving, stop dancing, for the love of babies and puppies, stop talking. You have nothing to add to anything. You are two feet tall and your obvious problems with "pain relievers" is at an all-time high. You're at an all-time high. You are not forever my girl, get the fuck off my screen. Thank you.
Now, the performances!
Lisa is just so sad. Like I feel bad for her. I did find it painful because it's so obvious that she's going home at some point and being in the bottom 3 week after week can do nothing but shit on her self-esteem. I have the feeling that they bullied her into singing Clarkson just so everyone will be "Oh, she sucks so bad!" get rid of her. Because really? No one in the right mind would sing Clarkson at this point in the game. I bet this was Simon's fuck you to her after all that dramarama Kelly said she didn't want them using her songs.
The Pickler...there are no words. A) I don't know that song. B) I don't want to know that song. C) She's just a bad caricature and stereotype of Southerners. I would be bullshit, personally. If some idiot from Boston was on there, acting a fool, and generally sucking the life out of people as they watched her perform a la Smile Time, I would be deeply shamed.
Ace makes me wretch. I thought I was going to lose my dinner when he touched his hair and I may have vomited a little in my mouth when he showed us his scar. It's all so fucking cliched and lame and he is, also, a caricature of himself. He's taken the "HOT"-Idol thing way too seriously. The hair, the clothes, the eye-fucking...gah, make him stop. I wish he would just be.
Taylor looked pretty stylin' last night. I loved the jacket and t-shirt...I wasn't so crazy about the jeans or the pointy boots. But from the waist up, very good. And is he losing some weight? I thought he looked really cute last night. Oh, god, I'm Paula or Randy right now. Where looks make the difference and who cares if he can sing? BUT the great thing is that Taylor can and he did. I loved how he was totally in control of the spazzfest that is Taylor. He let it bust out a little bit but he was reigned in the throughout the whole thing and just let his voice do it for him. I don't know the song nor the artist but everyone on LJ seems pretty psyched that he sang it. I thought he was great.
Mandisa, Mandisa, Mandisa. If I wanted to be preached at, I would turn on channel 15 or whatever channel it is and listen. Is it a surprise that she sang gospel? To me, it kind of was. I think Simon was totally right that it was indulgent and I really think she screwed herself with that one. It's pop music for goodness sake. Pop music does not care about God, they just thank her when they win awards.
Chris, I now fully despise and have nothing to say about him. I refuse to talk about him anymore. (Yeah, right) My worst nightmare will be the final 3 being Chris, Ace and Pickler. Like I said, I'm thrilled that someone finally stopped praising him all that time, that Ryan brought up the whole Live version of "I Walk the Line", and that he was called on his ridiculously repetitive bullshit that we're handed week after week. As much as I can't stomach Ace, I give him credit for at least trying to sing stuff that isn't exactly where he can go vocally. Chris just refuses. And it's not at all punk rock or interesting. Go away.
Katharine has obviously pissed off the people who dress her. Maybe it's because she's still so freakin' gorgeous no matter what they put her in that they figure they'll just continually dress her like that. She looked her best in jeans and a black button down shirt. She seemed the most comfortable in that, as well. Stop styling her wrong! Oh, yeah, the song. I didn't know it but I figure it's very Aguilera and I think she was okay. I thought some parts were great but I thought Kat really faltered in the beginning (I literally cringed when she started) and there was a moment where it seemed she lost the song and she had to be quick and get to the next verse. I still love and see? I can totally be objective about her even though I'm going to have her babies.
Bucky is my favorite. Okay, not really, because he still scares me and the hat didn't help. If you're going to to try and be Tim "I want to lick you all over" McGraw, at least be good looking. Hey, I never said I wasn't shallow. I thought he did a fine job and maybe it's because I know and really like that song that I didn't notice the mumbling because I actually know the lyrics so I knew what he was saying this week. It wasn't bad but Bucky is no Tim.
Paris is Paris. She's totally playing dress up in Mommy's closet and one day, I think she'll be a powerhouse and have a cult following, like The Party on Mickey Mouse Club. And that's exactly where she belongs! She would totally be the new Annette.
Elliott rocked. And let me say that I HATE that song like *stab* but I think he totally did what Chris NEVER DOES and that made it rock. I don't really get the clothes on him or pimp glasses and the white boy trying to dance/look tough/failing miserably/just stand there and ooh, don't smile thing he had going last night. Stick with the tie and untucked shirt and jeans. That worked. Hoodies and bling, not so much.
yay: Taylor, Elliott
bottom 3: Chris (just to fuck with you), Lisa, Bucky
going home: Lisa
And I think that's the third week I've said that and the gal keeps on keepin' on. I'd normally admire her for that but she puts me to sleep. Even writing about her is boring.
I need rehab.