- Doubt < TomoxRui > Ch11 -
Title: Doubt
Chapter: 11/?
Author: heartsthatflies
Genre: Fluff, romance, angst, drama
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Malexmale relationship, language, sexual content
Pairings: TomoxRui
Disclaimer: Vistlip belongs to themselves, the pictures I don’t own either.
Summary: Something was off with their bassist. Tomo couldn’t exactly put his finger on it, but the last few days he had been unusually quiet and reserved, which was slowly started to worry him. What he didn't know then, was that this was just the beginning.
Comment: I'm really sorry for the long wait, but I'm working so much right now all I have time to do when I get home is to eat and sleep basically -_-' the next chapter won't be this long wait I hope~ anyways, please enjoy. ^-^
Chapter 11
The time seemed to have frozen, much like the air, breaths and hearts had done. Just when Yuh wondered if he himself should say something or what, his band mate struggled to get out of his seat, and then away almost tipping over the glasses on the table doing so.
The long, chestnut colored hair of the waiter swirled as he moved swiftly to grab a hold of the tense arm of the fleeing man. “Ru…” his dark voice desperate, almost frantic but the bassist jerked away from the touch as if it had burned him.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” he hissed in a tone Yuh had never heard that sweet being pronounce, alerting him. He narrowed his eyes and looked the stranger over. He was strikingly beautiful, his movements almost weirdly graceful… not that it mattered, all that mattered was that his friend obviously wanted nothing to do with him.
With the fuzz they created a couple of the nearest visitors attention was drawn to them and Yuh acted quickly, moving up from his own seat and grabbed both his own and the bassist’s bags that he had left in his hurry to get away and walked up to the two beings who now just stood frozen close to the door, but Rui seemed to get out of his frozen state when he saw him coming.
“Ru, just let me-” the waiter said desperately, although he was interrupted before he could finish.
“Don’t!!” he said sharply and stormed out of the door and the unknown presence didn’t hesitate for a second before following with Yuh not far behind, helplessly watching.
“Rui stop!” tear-stained voice of the taller male shouted and halted, visibly trembling. “Can you honestly walk away, just like that?” The street was empty as far as you could see and Yuh was happy for that. To his surprise Rui slowed down and stopped a few steps in front of the other, but he didn’t turn around at once. It was impossible for Yuh to understand the situation, and the following happenings happened so fast Yuh didn’t have time to even react.
Rui turned around on the spot, looking like he would crumble down to the ground any second. He lifted up his arms in a bewildered gesture. “What the hell do you want?!” he half-shouted.
Before he had time to do anything else the other rapidly moved forward and wrapped his arms around him, their bodies collided in a strong embrace. Rui gasped for air in a sob-like inhale and gripped the shirt on his back, clinging to the taller. At first he seemed to be in shock, but then he moved. He shut his eyes tight and buried his face in the nape of his neck as he inhaled sharply. His other hand then connected harshly to his chest, one time, two times, three- and then, the next moment, the next tormented heartbeat the taller leaned down and captured his lips in an intense kiss.
It seemed like a lifetime could’ve passed, or maybe it was just a fraction of a second later Rui whimpered, broke the kiss and turned around and this time without being stopped. Yuh barely believed his own eyes, he was shocked to the point he actually forgot about his own existence for a short while, just staring between Rui walking away and the frozen unknown male. He was snapped out of the shock when the other quickly walked up to him and reached out a card for him.
“Take this.” he said, without any emotion at all. Yuh took the card and looked at it, a simple business card.
“What am I supposed to do with this?” Yuh asked, stunned.
“Tell Rui to call this number and ask for me. If you don’t want to give it to a stranger, throw it away, feed it to a bird, whatever.” he said angrily. Yuh looked him over and wondered if he had lost his mind somewhere, but he waited for him to continue. “Look. Rui-” he gasped and seemed to fight some inner battle with himself. “Rui is broken.” His hand came up and covered his mouth absentmindedly.
“You’re the one who broke him.” Yuh said and continued staring at him. He then watched a agonized expression dance over his face; he had never seen so much pain in someone’s eyes since he could remember. Even with all that had happened just now, there was something about him…
“I can fix it. I can-”
“Okay, okay whatever.” Yuh cut him off; he had had enough, but still he put the card in his pocket. This was no time to make any mistakes. He gave him one last look before he half-ran in the direction Rui had disappeared.
It didn’t take long before he caught up with the younger distressed being and was just about to grab hold of his arm to make him slow down, but felt that it would probably be a bad idea. The street they walked on was quite crowded so he just followed him, wondering what on earth just happened.
The brown strands of hair and his stiff movements was all Yuh saw as he walked behind him and he soon understood that he was heading towards the station. He wasn’t sure how to handle this. Should he ask, should he stop him or just let him go or what? They turned around another corner and there was more space here so he half-jogged to the bassist side.
“Rui?” he called out carefully, trying to get a look on his face. All he saw through the hair was that he was still white as a ghost and honestly looked like he just saw one as well. His heart started beating fast in worry. He got no indication that the other had even heard his call. “Who was that?” he asked, no way of knowing that his question made the bassist feel like knifes pierced his heart and he almost choked on a breath.
“No one.” he said with a smothered voice. Don’t think. Don’t think. This didn’t happen, this didn’t just happen.
“Rui…”
“Just leave me alone. I’m going home.” his icy voice almost cracked with the heavy pressure inside his chest. He didn’t mean to sound so harsh to his band mate, but it was too much at once. They had almost arrived to the station, but Yuh slowly slowed down his pace and let his band mate get the space he obviously needed. He soon came to a halt and watched the other disappear into the station. He then picked up his phone from his pocket and opened it with a clicking sound, hesitated just a second, biting his lower lip and dialed the number.
Tomo had almost dozed off in his comfortable couch when he heard his cell phone vibrate on the couch table. He yawned and reached out and grabbed it. Yuh? He was too comfortable to get up, even less motivated to leave his apartment.
“I haven’t changed my mind, sorry~” he said when he picked up and yawned once more. He wondered why he was so tired. That feeling was replaced by alertness the second he heard the other speak up though the phone.
“It’s not that. Something happened.. I have no idea what it was about, but Rui bumped into someone he knew.. or something. I have no idea who it was.”
Tomo raised himself from the couch and stood up, quite tensed as he waited for the other to continue.
“He… he got really upset.” He hesitated, because he had really no idea how to explain, and he really didn’t want to say anything else. “I didn’t know what to do, he seemed to get even more upset when I tried to talk to him so I let him go. It will take him at least half an hour to get home.. I just thought, if you wanted… he said he was going home.” he continued even more hesitantly.
The vocalist hummed in a distracted way, his mind spinning fast with thoughts and questions. Please dear God, faith, spirits, universe, destiny or whatever else there is, this wasn't fair. Not now, not when the younger just got up to his feet and firmly took steps on his own. Not when it had been weeks since he had a nightmare, not when he just was stronger than ever. Not now, please. “I’ll go see him.”
At the same time Rui sat down on the train. He was empty, frozen, his mind shut down like someone had pressed a kill switch. The cart was empty except for a few elderly people sitting a distance away, not that the brunette took any notice of that. He sat there, like a pale marble statue. When the train stopped at the next station he didn't notice the other presence first standing in front of him, who then sat down on the seat next to him.
“Hey, Rui?” he waved his hand in front of his eyes. “Are you okay?” some small part of him recognized the voice. The other wasn’t styled, he wore plain clothes and had sunglasses on, anyone who didn’t know him would barely recognize him, but Rui did, but only in a tiny part of his consciousness. Pictures played before his eyes, memories taking over and it played before his eyes like a movie.
The sixteen-year-old boy chased a football over the fresh, green grass in the setting sun. It was spring and the cherry trees bloomed in their full beauty, casting long shadows over the small field. Right when he aimed for the ball and intended to kick on it, it disappeared in front of him. He felt the faint wind from the chestnut colored, long hair that barely missed touching his gorgeous face. The slink body of the other young male skillfully crossed his path and stole the ball from him without any problems.
The young Rui burst out laughing, chasing him a few meters and caught up with him, but taking the ball back was a hard task, or more close to impossible. He was aiming to kick the ball, but somehow he tripped over his own feet instead, landing on his side and rolled around a few times in the soft grass. He closed his eyes and laughed even more, rolling over on his back, his stomach hurt as he chipped for air.
When he felt a shadow blocking the sunlight he opened his eyes again. The taller boy hovered over him, shaking his head some. “You’re clumsy.” he said and grinned some. “But what else is new?” he bent down, his slim fingers reaching the sides of the young bassist. He tickled him almost carefully, as if he didn’t want to make him laugh too much to be able to breathe. Rui grabbed on to both slim wrists and pulled him down, the slender body landing on top of him. His stomach clenched and swirled around in excitement of having the other so close, but he couldn't stop laughing. He sensed it, he knew what was coming and he welcomed the familiar feeling of his lips on his own. and he calmed down at once and answered it.
It took Tomo twenty minutes to get to the younger’s apartment. He knew the code to get into the building by heart, so he pressed the buttons and entered. He walked up the familiar way to the second floor and stopped outside the apartment. There was no way that he had come home yet, so he leaned his back against the wall opposite the apartment door and waited. One of his neighbors played some pop music, the low beats of the bass was heard throughout the walls. After a few minutes the lights in the stairway turned off, but Tomo didn’t bother to turn them on again so it was now almost pitch black around him.
Five minutes passed, ten minutes, then more than fifteen and Tomo started to worry more and more.
“Rui!”
The bassist’s eyes fluttered open and he looked around, it took him a good while to come back to reality. He was held up in a sitting position, still on the train, and it was still Dauto’s Kouki there right next to him. After a few moments he had been able to stabilize himself. Even though they were friends, even really good friends, he was embarrassed.
“I’m sorry.” he said and bowed deeply. He wanted to sink through the earth.
“Don’t be like that Rui.” the blonde apparently didn’t want to hear any apologizes, but Rui was still extremely uncomfortable, the other’s worried gaze didn’t help either. How did this happen…
“I’m fine …” his head raced in his chest, he knew he did a really bad job at lying but Kouki wasn’t the type that would get offended or be nosy, so he hummed and leaned his head to the side a bit.
“Okay.” his voice didn’t betray the disbelief so well, but he was just… calm. “Okay.” he repeated reassuringly.
The bassist kept silent and the taller didn’t say or ask anything else, but he got incredibly affected by the comforting aura of the other he became relaxed very quickly. After a short while he let his body tilt to the side, leaning on to the stable body next to him and his head came to rest on his upper arm. He didn’t feel like talking at all. He didn’t feel like anything, but the being next to him provided enormous support. People were coming and going at the stations but Rui didn’t take any notice about them, and nobody took any notice of them.
“I’m getting off soon.” Kouki said after another few minutes. “I’m just going home. Want to come with me for a while?”
Rui didn’t look at him, but he nodded.
When they arrived Kouki took him to the couch. He felt somewhat like a robot, his mind was somewhere else entirely.
He inhaled a shaking breath, his hand covered his mouth. It hurts, it hurts. It hurt so much he felt like throwing up.
“What is it Rui?” he started to get desperate, Rui could tell. His slim fingers combed through his thick brown hair in a calming motion, but it didn’t make so much of a difference.
“I’m- I- just… t-tired.” he stuttered.
“Rui, you’re so lame. After all these years you think I’m that stupid?”
Of course not. Of course he didn’t. He gasped when he felt himself being lifted from the kitchen chair, up into a firm embrace. He was held so tightly it was almost difficult to breathe, but it felt so good.
"He didn't make it, didn't he? When?"
He shook his head. His father had took his last breath, his body gave up. "Ye-yes-sterday." he stuttered.
“Hey.” he was once again drawn back to reality. Kouki held out a cup for him. “It’s just tea, please drink it.”
He took the cup. “Thanks.” he said quietly and smiled, then began to blow on its surface and after a little while he took careful sips from it.
“Do you need anything Rui?”
His hair flowed back and forward as he shook his head. He kept staring on a certain spot on the wooden couch table before him, avoiding any eye contact.
“Can I sit here with you?”
He nodded and took another deep swallow if the hot liquid. It was almost burning him, but it felt really good. Kouki took up the remote to the TV and turned it on. He sat there with the cup in his hands, his mind still more or less in between flashbacks he couldn’t stop coming, he couldn’t get them away and it didn’t matter if he had his eyes open or closed. After a few minutes he felt how the other took the cup from him and put it down on the table.
Shaking hands pressed the number on his cell phone. He knew the numbers by heart, the numbers to his protector. His friend, who he had known for almost six years now, but also, who he was proud to call his lover since months. He had trusted him. He would trust him with his life. Trusted.
“Yes?” the familiar voice sounded after many, long signals.
“It’s me.” Rui had so much trouble to speak with all the emotions that surfaced when he heard his voice, yet he had become tense as he heard a voice in the background… what?
“I know it’s you. Why are you calling now? What do you want?” his voice so cold he barely recognized it.
“She kicked me out Shin.” he slowly swung back and forward on the swing he was sitting on, soaked by the heavy rain. It was over midnight and the cold rain was never ending, he was dead cold on the inside, making his already trembling body shiver and tense up so much it was hard to talk.
“What am I supposed to do about that?”
Bullets. His words felt like bullets piercing his chest, damaging him, hurting him.
“Look, what we had was awesome, but I don’t want a runaway minor in my care, okay? Why don’t you go run to my grandfather? He loves you so much.”
What they had? Rui’s mind didn’t seem to be able to cope with what he was hearing. If the reality of the situation hadn’t been crushing him, if he could only pretend to think that he had dialed the wrong number, that he was hearing the wrong voice through the phone… but it was all so real, it was too real and he realized just how real it was when he heard a female voice in the background through the phone, speaking words that made Rui want to throw up. “Come back to bed babe~”
The phone clapped shut as it hit the wet ground. Rain kept falling, the wind kept blowing, the world kept turning, but Rui did not keep breathing as waves of shock hit his body. His breath was caught somewhere in the deep hole that was endlessly carving into his chest, he felt his head start spinning, but he could do nothing. He didn’t care. He didn’t care if he stopped breathing here and now. He felt his body tilt forward, helplessly colliding with the soaked ground, at the same time some kind of surviving instincts make him gasp for air, choking and coughing as his lungs desperately inhaled the cold air.
He swiftly sat up in the couch and coughed several times before a deep breath could fill his hurting lungs. He looked around in the empty living room and furiously hit his fists into the cushions. He could scream out loud right then if he could, he was so angry. He hated the other, he hated him for doing this to him. He hated himself for being so damn weak, for letting the other get close again, for letting him-
“If you keep holding in all that anger you might blow up.”
Kouki had stepped into the room without him even noticing. He looked up and met his dark eyes which calmed down, then a small smile formed on his lips even though he felt as a huge hole in his chest made it difficult to do anything at all.
“I was going to ask you if you felt better after your quick nap but you still look like crap.” the taller said and put his hand on top of his head and ran his fingers through his hair.
Rui chuckled quietly and looked down again. “Thanks.” he said and started fingering on a small hole in his jeans. “I-” but at the same time he spoke up his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and looked down on the small device. A deep, sharp anxiety stabbed him in the stomach and waves of distress shook him. He closed his eyes, snapped it open and held it up to his ear.
_______________
_________________________
Aah~ I hope you don't mind my little guest appearance. :3
I love Kouki, so it was so much fun putting him in the soup for a bit.
Kouki and Tomo, and again <3
(if you can't read japanese, on the second picture it says
"Kou-chan suki" which means "I love Kou-chan" TwT)
Next chapter should be up much sooner than the last few. (:
Thank you for reading~
Chapter: 11/?
Author: heartsthatflies
Genre: Fluff, romance, angst, drama
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Malexmale relationship, language, sexual content
Pairings: TomoxRui
Disclaimer: Vistlip belongs to themselves, the pictures I don’t own either.
Summary: Something was off with their bassist. Tomo couldn’t exactly put his finger on it, but the last few days he had been unusually quiet and reserved, which was slowly started to worry him. What he didn't know then, was that this was just the beginning.
Comment: I'm really sorry for the long wait, but I'm working so much right now all I have time to do when I get home is to eat and sleep basically -_-' the next chapter won't be this long wait I hope~ anyways, please enjoy. ^-^
Chapter 11
The time seemed to have frozen, much like the air, breaths and hearts had done. Just when Yuh wondered if he himself should say something or what, his band mate struggled to get out of his seat, and then away almost tipping over the glasses on the table doing so.
The long, chestnut colored hair of the waiter swirled as he moved swiftly to grab a hold of the tense arm of the fleeing man. “Ru…” his dark voice desperate, almost frantic but the bassist jerked away from the touch as if it had burned him.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” he hissed in a tone Yuh had never heard that sweet being pronounce, alerting him. He narrowed his eyes and looked the stranger over. He was strikingly beautiful, his movements almost weirdly graceful… not that it mattered, all that mattered was that his friend obviously wanted nothing to do with him.
With the fuzz they created a couple of the nearest visitors attention was drawn to them and Yuh acted quickly, moving up from his own seat and grabbed both his own and the bassist’s bags that he had left in his hurry to get away and walked up to the two beings who now just stood frozen close to the door, but Rui seemed to get out of his frozen state when he saw him coming.
“Ru, just let me-” the waiter said desperately, although he was interrupted before he could finish.
“Don’t!!” he said sharply and stormed out of the door and the unknown presence didn’t hesitate for a second before following with Yuh not far behind, helplessly watching.
“Rui stop!” tear-stained voice of the taller male shouted and halted, visibly trembling. “Can you honestly walk away, just like that?” The street was empty as far as you could see and Yuh was happy for that. To his surprise Rui slowed down and stopped a few steps in front of the other, but he didn’t turn around at once. It was impossible for Yuh to understand the situation, and the following happenings happened so fast Yuh didn’t have time to even react.
Rui turned around on the spot, looking like he would crumble down to the ground any second. He lifted up his arms in a bewildered gesture. “What the hell do you want?!” he half-shouted.
Before he had time to do anything else the other rapidly moved forward and wrapped his arms around him, their bodies collided in a strong embrace. Rui gasped for air in a sob-like inhale and gripped the shirt on his back, clinging to the taller. At first he seemed to be in shock, but then he moved. He shut his eyes tight and buried his face in the nape of his neck as he inhaled sharply. His other hand then connected harshly to his chest, one time, two times, three- and then, the next moment, the next tormented heartbeat the taller leaned down and captured his lips in an intense kiss.
It seemed like a lifetime could’ve passed, or maybe it was just a fraction of a second later Rui whimpered, broke the kiss and turned around and this time without being stopped. Yuh barely believed his own eyes, he was shocked to the point he actually forgot about his own existence for a short while, just staring between Rui walking away and the frozen unknown male. He was snapped out of the shock when the other quickly walked up to him and reached out a card for him.
“Take this.” he said, without any emotion at all. Yuh took the card and looked at it, a simple business card.
“What am I supposed to do with this?” Yuh asked, stunned.
“Tell Rui to call this number and ask for me. If you don’t want to give it to a stranger, throw it away, feed it to a bird, whatever.” he said angrily. Yuh looked him over and wondered if he had lost his mind somewhere, but he waited for him to continue. “Look. Rui-” he gasped and seemed to fight some inner battle with himself. “Rui is broken.” His hand came up and covered his mouth absentmindedly.
“You’re the one who broke him.” Yuh said and continued staring at him. He then watched a agonized expression dance over his face; he had never seen so much pain in someone’s eyes since he could remember. Even with all that had happened just now, there was something about him…
“I can fix it. I can-”
“Okay, okay whatever.” Yuh cut him off; he had had enough, but still he put the card in his pocket. This was no time to make any mistakes. He gave him one last look before he half-ran in the direction Rui had disappeared.
It didn’t take long before he caught up with the younger distressed being and was just about to grab hold of his arm to make him slow down, but felt that it would probably be a bad idea. The street they walked on was quite crowded so he just followed him, wondering what on earth just happened.
The brown strands of hair and his stiff movements was all Yuh saw as he walked behind him and he soon understood that he was heading towards the station. He wasn’t sure how to handle this. Should he ask, should he stop him or just let him go or what? They turned around another corner and there was more space here so he half-jogged to the bassist side.
“Rui?” he called out carefully, trying to get a look on his face. All he saw through the hair was that he was still white as a ghost and honestly looked like he just saw one as well. His heart started beating fast in worry. He got no indication that the other had even heard his call. “Who was that?” he asked, no way of knowing that his question made the bassist feel like knifes pierced his heart and he almost choked on a breath.
“No one.” he said with a smothered voice. Don’t think. Don’t think. This didn’t happen, this didn’t just happen.
“Rui…”
“Just leave me alone. I’m going home.” his icy voice almost cracked with the heavy pressure inside his chest. He didn’t mean to sound so harsh to his band mate, but it was too much at once. They had almost arrived to the station, but Yuh slowly slowed down his pace and let his band mate get the space he obviously needed. He soon came to a halt and watched the other disappear into the station. He then picked up his phone from his pocket and opened it with a clicking sound, hesitated just a second, biting his lower lip and dialed the number.
Tomo had almost dozed off in his comfortable couch when he heard his cell phone vibrate on the couch table. He yawned and reached out and grabbed it. Yuh? He was too comfortable to get up, even less motivated to leave his apartment.
“I haven’t changed my mind, sorry~” he said when he picked up and yawned once more. He wondered why he was so tired. That feeling was replaced by alertness the second he heard the other speak up though the phone.
“It’s not that. Something happened.. I have no idea what it was about, but Rui bumped into someone he knew.. or something. I have no idea who it was.”
Tomo raised himself from the couch and stood up, quite tensed as he waited for the other to continue.
“He… he got really upset.” He hesitated, because he had really no idea how to explain, and he really didn’t want to say anything else. “I didn’t know what to do, he seemed to get even more upset when I tried to talk to him so I let him go. It will take him at least half an hour to get home.. I just thought, if you wanted… he said he was going home.” he continued even more hesitantly.
The vocalist hummed in a distracted way, his mind spinning fast with thoughts and questions. Please dear God, faith, spirits, universe, destiny or whatever else there is, this wasn't fair. Not now, not when the younger just got up to his feet and firmly took steps on his own. Not when it had been weeks since he had a nightmare, not when he just was stronger than ever. Not now, please. “I’ll go see him.”
At the same time Rui sat down on the train. He was empty, frozen, his mind shut down like someone had pressed a kill switch. The cart was empty except for a few elderly people sitting a distance away, not that the brunette took any notice of that. He sat there, like a pale marble statue. When the train stopped at the next station he didn't notice the other presence first standing in front of him, who then sat down on the seat next to him.
“Hey, Rui?” he waved his hand in front of his eyes. “Are you okay?” some small part of him recognized the voice. The other wasn’t styled, he wore plain clothes and had sunglasses on, anyone who didn’t know him would barely recognize him, but Rui did, but only in a tiny part of his consciousness. Pictures played before his eyes, memories taking over and it played before his eyes like a movie.
The sixteen-year-old boy chased a football over the fresh, green grass in the setting sun. It was spring and the cherry trees bloomed in their full beauty, casting long shadows over the small field. Right when he aimed for the ball and intended to kick on it, it disappeared in front of him. He felt the faint wind from the chestnut colored, long hair that barely missed touching his gorgeous face. The slink body of the other young male skillfully crossed his path and stole the ball from him without any problems.
The young Rui burst out laughing, chasing him a few meters and caught up with him, but taking the ball back was a hard task, or more close to impossible. He was aiming to kick the ball, but somehow he tripped over his own feet instead, landing on his side and rolled around a few times in the soft grass. He closed his eyes and laughed even more, rolling over on his back, his stomach hurt as he chipped for air.
When he felt a shadow blocking the sunlight he opened his eyes again. The taller boy hovered over him, shaking his head some. “You’re clumsy.” he said and grinned some. “But what else is new?” he bent down, his slim fingers reaching the sides of the young bassist. He tickled him almost carefully, as if he didn’t want to make him laugh too much to be able to breathe. Rui grabbed on to both slim wrists and pulled him down, the slender body landing on top of him. His stomach clenched and swirled around in excitement of having the other so close, but he couldn't stop laughing. He sensed it, he knew what was coming and he welcomed the familiar feeling of his lips on his own. and he calmed down at once and answered it.
It took Tomo twenty minutes to get to the younger’s apartment. He knew the code to get into the building by heart, so he pressed the buttons and entered. He walked up the familiar way to the second floor and stopped outside the apartment. There was no way that he had come home yet, so he leaned his back against the wall opposite the apartment door and waited. One of his neighbors played some pop music, the low beats of the bass was heard throughout the walls. After a few minutes the lights in the stairway turned off, but Tomo didn’t bother to turn them on again so it was now almost pitch black around him.
Five minutes passed, ten minutes, then more than fifteen and Tomo started to worry more and more.
“Rui!”
The bassist’s eyes fluttered open and he looked around, it took him a good while to come back to reality. He was held up in a sitting position, still on the train, and it was still Dauto’s Kouki there right next to him. After a few moments he had been able to stabilize himself. Even though they were friends, even really good friends, he was embarrassed.
“I’m sorry.” he said and bowed deeply. He wanted to sink through the earth.
“Don’t be like that Rui.” the blonde apparently didn’t want to hear any apologizes, but Rui was still extremely uncomfortable, the other’s worried gaze didn’t help either. How did this happen…
“I’m fine …” his head raced in his chest, he knew he did a really bad job at lying but Kouki wasn’t the type that would get offended or be nosy, so he hummed and leaned his head to the side a bit.
“Okay.” his voice didn’t betray the disbelief so well, but he was just… calm. “Okay.” he repeated reassuringly.
The bassist kept silent and the taller didn’t say or ask anything else, but he got incredibly affected by the comforting aura of the other he became relaxed very quickly. After a short while he let his body tilt to the side, leaning on to the stable body next to him and his head came to rest on his upper arm. He didn’t feel like talking at all. He didn’t feel like anything, but the being next to him provided enormous support. People were coming and going at the stations but Rui didn’t take any notice about them, and nobody took any notice of them.
“I’m getting off soon.” Kouki said after another few minutes. “I’m just going home. Want to come with me for a while?”
Rui didn’t look at him, but he nodded.
When they arrived Kouki took him to the couch. He felt somewhat like a robot, his mind was somewhere else entirely.
He inhaled a shaking breath, his hand covered his mouth. It hurts, it hurts. It hurt so much he felt like throwing up.
“What is it Rui?” he started to get desperate, Rui could tell. His slim fingers combed through his thick brown hair in a calming motion, but it didn’t make so much of a difference.
“I’m- I- just… t-tired.” he stuttered.
“Rui, you’re so lame. After all these years you think I’m that stupid?”
Of course not. Of course he didn’t. He gasped when he felt himself being lifted from the kitchen chair, up into a firm embrace. He was held so tightly it was almost difficult to breathe, but it felt so good.
"He didn't make it, didn't he? When?"
He shook his head. His father had took his last breath, his body gave up. "Ye-yes-sterday." he stuttered.
“Hey.” he was once again drawn back to reality. Kouki held out a cup for him. “It’s just tea, please drink it.”
He took the cup. “Thanks.” he said quietly and smiled, then began to blow on its surface and after a little while he took careful sips from it.
“Do you need anything Rui?”
His hair flowed back and forward as he shook his head. He kept staring on a certain spot on the wooden couch table before him, avoiding any eye contact.
“Can I sit here with you?”
He nodded and took another deep swallow if the hot liquid. It was almost burning him, but it felt really good. Kouki took up the remote to the TV and turned it on. He sat there with the cup in his hands, his mind still more or less in between flashbacks he couldn’t stop coming, he couldn’t get them away and it didn’t matter if he had his eyes open or closed. After a few minutes he felt how the other took the cup from him and put it down on the table.
Shaking hands pressed the number on his cell phone. He knew the numbers by heart, the numbers to his protector. His friend, who he had known for almost six years now, but also, who he was proud to call his lover since months. He had trusted him. He would trust him with his life. Trusted.
“Yes?” the familiar voice sounded after many, long signals.
“It’s me.” Rui had so much trouble to speak with all the emotions that surfaced when he heard his voice, yet he had become tense as he heard a voice in the background… what?
“I know it’s you. Why are you calling now? What do you want?” his voice so cold he barely recognized it.
“She kicked me out Shin.” he slowly swung back and forward on the swing he was sitting on, soaked by the heavy rain. It was over midnight and the cold rain was never ending, he was dead cold on the inside, making his already trembling body shiver and tense up so much it was hard to talk.
“What am I supposed to do about that?”
Bullets. His words felt like bullets piercing his chest, damaging him, hurting him.
“Look, what we had was awesome, but I don’t want a runaway minor in my care, okay? Why don’t you go run to my grandfather? He loves you so much.”
What they had? Rui’s mind didn’t seem to be able to cope with what he was hearing. If the reality of the situation hadn’t been crushing him, if he could only pretend to think that he had dialed the wrong number, that he was hearing the wrong voice through the phone… but it was all so real, it was too real and he realized just how real it was when he heard a female voice in the background through the phone, speaking words that made Rui want to throw up. “Come back to bed babe~”
The phone clapped shut as it hit the wet ground. Rain kept falling, the wind kept blowing, the world kept turning, but Rui did not keep breathing as waves of shock hit his body. His breath was caught somewhere in the deep hole that was endlessly carving into his chest, he felt his head start spinning, but he could do nothing. He didn’t care. He didn’t care if he stopped breathing here and now. He felt his body tilt forward, helplessly colliding with the soaked ground, at the same time some kind of surviving instincts make him gasp for air, choking and coughing as his lungs desperately inhaled the cold air.
He swiftly sat up in the couch and coughed several times before a deep breath could fill his hurting lungs. He looked around in the empty living room and furiously hit his fists into the cushions. He could scream out loud right then if he could, he was so angry. He hated the other, he hated him for doing this to him. He hated himself for being so damn weak, for letting the other get close again, for letting him-
“If you keep holding in all that anger you might blow up.”
Kouki had stepped into the room without him even noticing. He looked up and met his dark eyes which calmed down, then a small smile formed on his lips even though he felt as a huge hole in his chest made it difficult to do anything at all.
“I was going to ask you if you felt better after your quick nap but you still look like crap.” the taller said and put his hand on top of his head and ran his fingers through his hair.
Rui chuckled quietly and looked down again. “Thanks.” he said and started fingering on a small hole in his jeans. “I-” but at the same time he spoke up his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and looked down on the small device. A deep, sharp anxiety stabbed him in the stomach and waves of distress shook him. He closed his eyes, snapped it open and held it up to his ear.
_______________
_________________________
Aah~ I hope you don't mind my little guest appearance. :3
I love Kouki, so it was so much fun putting him in the soup for a bit.
Kouki and Tomo, and again <3
(if you can't read japanese, on the second picture it says
"Kou-chan suki" which means "I love Kou-chan" TwT)
Next chapter should be up much sooner than the last few. (:
Thank you for reading~