(no subject)
Perhaps I'm weak, or maybe not. Either way, I've decided that the only way I can go about this is doing it the "healthy" way. By saying that I mean 1000 calories or so a day, and exercise. I just couldn't get the motivation to exercise when I was eating so little. I'm beginning to doubt if I have a "disorder." All I want is to lose weight. I read yet ANOTHER thing tonight that talked about the dire effects of going below 1200 calories. Well since my metabolism is slow I don't think I need 1200, but going below 1000 was probably not a good idea in the long run. I'm tired of restricting only to binge and destroy all process that I made. I simply can't control myself if I don't let myself have more calories. Today was my first day of eating 1000 calories and I feel completely satiated. I had everything I wanted, including dessert after dinner, and still only ate 1, 015 calories and I ran for 40 minutes and did crunches. I'm proud of myself for coming to my senses and finding a way to stop my binges.
Because really, I'm making this change because I can't deal with bingeing anymore. It's taking over my life and becoming a heavy burden I carry with me all week. This weekend I binged 4 days in a row, more than I ever have. I don't binge late into the night anymore, but my eating is still out of control. I'm scared of myself and what I can do. Obviously trying to eat 500 calories per day is not working, seeing as I've yoyo'd around the 140s for almost a month. Now I'm back up to 146 and I can't do this anymore. I'm still going to be here, using this journal, but perhaps not as much. I don't condemn anyone for their choices, so don't condemn me for mine.
Exercising is also helping a lot, I can control my appetite when I exercise, I always feel less hungry. Anyways, I made a deal with myself that if I stay binge-free for 3 WEEKS (yes i know, it's a feat) I will buy myself 3 new CDs that I've been wanting ffooorreeevverrr. That means no bingeing until October 17. My birthday is only 6 days after that, and I'm planning on treating myself to the max on my birthday. But not unless I can get my crap together before. I started a written journal also chronicling my trials and tribulations with my binges.
The moral of the story is, I'm heading back to normal territory with my eating and exercising, and hopefully I'll see the scale steadily go down this time. Perhaps a little slower, but hey, it'll still be faster than bouncing around from all these binges.
Because really, I'm making this change because I can't deal with bingeing anymore. It's taking over my life and becoming a heavy burden I carry with me all week. This weekend I binged 4 days in a row, more than I ever have. I don't binge late into the night anymore, but my eating is still out of control. I'm scared of myself and what I can do. Obviously trying to eat 500 calories per day is not working, seeing as I've yoyo'd around the 140s for almost a month. Now I'm back up to 146 and I can't do this anymore. I'm still going to be here, using this journal, but perhaps not as much. I don't condemn anyone for their choices, so don't condemn me for mine.
Exercising is also helping a lot, I can control my appetite when I exercise, I always feel less hungry. Anyways, I made a deal with myself that if I stay binge-free for 3 WEEKS (yes i know, it's a feat) I will buy myself 3 new CDs that I've been wanting ffooorreeevverrr. That means no bingeing until October 17. My birthday is only 6 days after that, and I'm planning on treating myself to the max on my birthday. But not unless I can get my crap together before. I started a written journal also chronicling my trials and tribulations with my binges.
The moral of the story is, I'm heading back to normal territory with my eating and exercising, and hopefully I'll see the scale steadily go down this time. Perhaps a little slower, but hey, it'll still be faster than bouncing around from all these binges.