Fic: Not So Merry Christmas
Title: Not So Merry Christmas
Author: Mary (stillxmyxheart)
Beta: Lindsay (rowofstars)
Rating: G
Genre: Friendship, Angst, Fluff
Word Count: 2,424
Characters/Pairings: Hannah, Jackie, mentions of Eli, Rose, and Nicky (Hannah/Eli)
The weird feeling starts the minute they turn onto David's street.
It doesn't quite look the same as before - the season is different, so there's snow instead of rain, and some of the houses have had renovations in the past 8 years - but it's close enough to what Jackie remembers to make him feel uncomfortable.
They pull into the driveway, and Jackie waits until Hannah and Eli get the kids out before climbing out of the back of the van, and his discomfort increases as he stares up at the house.
"You okay?"
Hannah's voice startles him, and he looks down at her, forcing a smile. "Yeah, fine."
They head up to the house, Jackie dutifully carrying Hannah and Eli's big bag of presents, and the moment they step inside, Jackie's uneasiness increases exponentially.
It's all different - there are people, and Christmas decorations everywhere, and everything is bright and warm - but the positioning of the furniture is the same, it's exactly the same, and it's too easy for the memories to flood his mind, to go back to that night almost nine years ago -
Before he quite realizes what he's doing, the bag of presents is on the floor and he's hurrying back outside, heart hammering painfully as he tries to remember how to breathe. The cold air burns his lungs, and he feels like he wants to cry.
"Jackie?" Hannah's voice, full of concern, sounds suddenly, and he takes a deep breath, trying to force himself back under control. "Jackie, what's wrong?"
He thinks about making something up as he turns to face her, but he can't lie to her.
"Being in your dad's house," he says quietly. "It's the first time since -" He breaks off, and comprehension dawns on Hannah's face. "I just kept seeing you and - and Eddie, and I can't - I don't think I can do this, Hannah."
"Oh, Jackie, I'm so sorry," she breathes. "I didn't even think -"
"It's okay. I mean, it's obviously not your fault."
"Let me take you home."
"No, you don't have to do that, I don't want to keep you from your family on Christmas. I can take the bus -"
Hannah shakes her head. "It's fine; just give me a couple of minutes."
She runs back inside, and returns a moment later with her purse and keys. The ride back to his house is silent, and Jackie stares out the window, unable to look at Hannah, shame burning within him.
"Do you want me to stay?" she asks when they pull into the driveway.
"No, no," he says quickly, frowning over at her. "No, you go back to your family. I'm fine. I think I just need to be alone for a little while."
"Okay. I'll call you later, okay?"
Jackie nods, flashing a small smile before he gets out of the van and heads up to his house.
Once he's inside, the door closed and locked behind him, he stands still a moment, his eyes closed, his hand pressed against the wood of the door. The prison therapist would tell him to think about what's bothering him, to face it and work through it, but he can't. All he can think about is that image of Hannah and Eddie, struggling on the floor of her dad's living room, and it loops in his mind over and over again.
Taking a sharp breath, he turns from the door and runs his hands over his face. Given that it's Christmas, none of his usual distractions are open, and Rose is in California with her family for the holiday, though even if she was in town, he has a feeling she'd be over at David's house along with everybody else.
When he thinks about it, though, he doesn't really want to interact with other people right now anyway, and once his jacket is hung up in the small closet by the front door, he shuffles over to the TV stand to find a movie to watch.
A few hours later, there's a knock on his door, and he frowns as he stands to answer it.
To his surprise, Hannah is on the other side, a plastic bag dangling from the fingers of one hand, and a paper shopping bag hanging from the other, and he raises his eyebrows. "Hey."
"Hey. Can I come in?"
"Yeah, of course." He steps back to let her inside, and watches as she sets her things down and shrugs off her coat. He takes it from her to hang on one of the hooks by the door, and frowns as he turns to look at her again, his hands in his pockets.
"Um, I thought you were gonna call."
"Well, I was, but I realized I'd feel better if I actually came by. You okay?"
"Yeah," he murmurs, rubbing one hand over the back of his neck. "Yeah, I just... needed some more time."
Hannah smiles, and then picks up the plastic bag she set on the coffee table.
"I brought you Christmas dinner leftovers, if you're hungry."
"Yeah, actually, I am," Jackie replies, realizing he hasn't had anything to eat all day.
They move into the kitchen together, where Hannah sets the bag on the table and starts to pull things out.
"Basic stuff," she says, handing Jackie a covered plate. "Turkey, potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing. I even brought you some gravy in a little cup."
Jackie laughs, and Hannah grins as he accepts the cup.
"You don't have to stay and watch me eat," he says as he prepares his plate to put it in the microwave. "I don't want to keep you from your family."
Hannah waves a hand. "The kids are already in bed, and Eli was okay having some quiet time to himself for a little while. Plus, I also brought pie - a whole one, mind you, not just a slice - and I thought we could both have a piece when you're done eating."
"Tell me you didn't bake a whole pie for me tonight."
Hannah laughs softly. "No, it's frozen - well, not by this point, but you know, from the store. But it's really good, I was gonna put it in the oven to heat up while you ate."
Jackie nods, and Hannah moves to set the temperature on the oven.
Once the pie is in, she joins him at the table, smiling as she watches him eat.
"Is it good?"
Jackie nods. "Yeah, it's great. Even reheated. Did your dad make it all?"
"Some of it. Dad and Jules do the staples, like the turkey and potatoes, but everybody usually brings a dish. Cuts down on cooking time and clean up."
Jackie nods again, smiling a little, and then notices the bracelet around Hannah's wrist.
"Is that new?" he asks, nodding his head towards her.
"Oh, yeah," she says, smiling as she looks at it. "Eli got me one of those Pandora charm bracelets and a few charms to put on it, so I've got one each for Nicky and Rachel, one for Eli, and then a few random ones, like the Eiffel Tower, a camera, a bird cage - Eli said they didn't have a hummingbird charm, so he got creative."
Jackie grins. "It's really nice."
"Yeah, I kept staring at it all day."
Jackie watches her run her fingertips over the charms, knowing she's thinking about Eli, and his mind drifts to Rose, allowing himself to think, just for a moment, about having that kind of relationship with her. It'll be a while, though, before he gets up the courage to broach the subject with her, if he ever does.
Hannah talks while Jackie eats, telling him about the events of the day, mostly about how excited all the kids were.
"Nicky buried himself in wrapping paper," she says, laughing as she finds the picture on her phone, "just like I did when I was little."
Jackie grins as he looks at the picture. "He really looks like Eli there."
"He does. He's like a little Eli clone."
Jackie nods, still grinning as he passes Hannah's phone back.
When he finishes eating, they each have a piece of pie with some vanilla ice cream, and then head back into the living room.
"And now for my next trick," Hannah murmurs as she sinks down onto the couch and reaches for the paper bag. "Presents!"
Jackie laughs as he sits down beside her. "You didn't have to get me anything."
"It's Christmas, Jackie, of course I did."
He laughs again and shakes his head as he reaches into the bag. The first present he pulls out is small and he frowns curiously as he picks the paper off to reveal a car-shaped keychain with Jack on it.
"Nicky picked that out. The moment he saw it, he wanted you to have it."
Jackie nods, amused. "Well, tell him I said it's great."
The next present is square and flat, and turns out to be a 2020 antique car calendar.
"Oh, this is awesome," he murmurs, turning it over to look at the pictures on the back. "Thank you."
"There's one more," Hannah says, a smile curving her lips.
Jackie reaches into the bag again and pulls out a larger, heavier present. He looks curiously at Hannah, and she just tells him to open it.
When he does, he gasps. "Hannah, this is beautiful."
"Do you like it?" she asks anxiously. "Eli helped me pick it out, I don't know anything about cars, but he said this was a good one."
"I love it," he murmurs, lifting the box to look closer at the model car inside. "Seriously, Hannah, this is great. Thank you, and thank Eli for me too."
"I will. I'm so glad you like it."
"Okay, hang on, I did get something for you," Jackie says, carefully setting the car down on the coffee table and moving back to his bedroom.
"I didn't bring it earlier," he says when he returns, "because I didn't get anything for Eli or the kids, and I didn't want to like... make them feel left out or something."
"Eli won't mind, and the kids got more than enough presents," Hannah says, grinning when Jackie resumes his seat next to her.
Jackie grins too, and passes her the large gift bag. She plucks the tissue paper from the top, and then smiles broadly when she sees what's inside.
"Jackie, this is beautiful," she murmurs as she pulls the tote bag from inside. It's soft and quilted, with a pattern of hummingbirds on the material.
"I know it's kind of silly," Jackie says. "But I saw it at the mall when Rose and I wandered around after going to the movies a few weeks back, and she talked me into getting it. There's a couple more things."
Hannah peers into the gift bag, and laughs as she pulls out a travel mug, a keychain, and a phone case, all themed to match the bag.
"I mainly got the bag so you could use it for school, or traveling, or whatever, but they had that stuff on the table to go with it, and I kind of couldn't resist."
"This is great, I love it." She leans forward to hug him, pressing a kiss to his cheek before she pulls back. "Thank you, Jackie."
"You're welcome," he replies with a smile, just as her phone beeps. She grabs it from her purse, and the corner of her mouth rises as she looks at the screen.
"It's Eli; I think he's getting lonely. Christmas night is one of those times we get real time to be together, since the kids get so worn out from all the activity during the day that they usually stay passed out all night."
"No, yeah, I totally get that," Jackie says, laughing softly. "You should get back."
Hannah nods and stands, carefully putting her presents back into the gift bag.
"Thanks for coming over, Hannah," Jackie says as he walks with her to the door. "And for the food, and the gifts, and everything."
"You're welcome," Hannah replies, pulling on her coat. "And thank for you for the bag, I really do love it. I might take it with me when we go up to see Eli's parents this weekend."
Jackie smiles broadly, pleased that she likes what he gave her, and once she's ready, he walks her outside to her car, where she gives him another quick hug.
"I'll talk to you soon, okay?"
Jackie nods. "Night, Hannah."
He watches as she gets into the van, waving his hand at her when she tells him to get back inside before he freezes. His neighborhood seems fairly safe, but tonight, he's feeling a little more protective over her than usual, and wants to make absolutely sure that she's okay.
Once she's disappeared from sight, giving him a wave before heading down the road, he walks back up to the house, locking both doors as he goes inside. His model car is still sitting on the coffee table, and he smiles as he looks at it. It really is a beautiful car, and though Hannah couldn't have known, it's the car he's always wanted.
Jackie sits on the couch and reaches for the model car. He opens the box carefully, pulling the car out along with its base, and spends several minutes just admiring the car and its details.
Finally, he stands and moves to gently set the car on the top shelf of the small bookshelf against the wall, well out of reach of Nicholas.
Jackie stares at the car a beat longer, unable to keep from smiling, and then turns to clean up the wrapping paper that's scattered around the couch, shoving it into the paper bag Hannah left. He carries it into the kitchen to set it by the trash can, and checks the back door before heading back to the living room, grinning as he bends to pick up the keychain and calendar.
When he gets into his bedroom, he puts the keychain on his keys, and finds a thumbtack in the cup on his dresser to hang the calendar up right next to his bedroom door. That way, he figures, he'll see it when he gets up every morning and will have a constant reminder of important dates.
As terrible as it started, the day ended on a fairly positive note, and Jackie's smiling again as he shuffles into the bathroom to get ready for bed.
Author: Mary (stillxmyxheart)
Beta: Lindsay (rowofstars)
Rating: G
Genre: Friendship, Angst, Fluff
Word Count: 2,424
Characters/Pairings: Hannah, Jackie, mentions of Eli, Rose, and Nicky (Hannah/Eli)
The weird feeling starts the minute they turn onto David's street.
It doesn't quite look the same as before - the season is different, so there's snow instead of rain, and some of the houses have had renovations in the past 8 years - but it's close enough to what Jackie remembers to make him feel uncomfortable.
They pull into the driveway, and Jackie waits until Hannah and Eli get the kids out before climbing out of the back of the van, and his discomfort increases as he stares up at the house.
"You okay?"
Hannah's voice startles him, and he looks down at her, forcing a smile. "Yeah, fine."
They head up to the house, Jackie dutifully carrying Hannah and Eli's big bag of presents, and the moment they step inside, Jackie's uneasiness increases exponentially.
It's all different - there are people, and Christmas decorations everywhere, and everything is bright and warm - but the positioning of the furniture is the same, it's exactly the same, and it's too easy for the memories to flood his mind, to go back to that night almost nine years ago -
Before he quite realizes what he's doing, the bag of presents is on the floor and he's hurrying back outside, heart hammering painfully as he tries to remember how to breathe. The cold air burns his lungs, and he feels like he wants to cry.
"Jackie?" Hannah's voice, full of concern, sounds suddenly, and he takes a deep breath, trying to force himself back under control. "Jackie, what's wrong?"
He thinks about making something up as he turns to face her, but he can't lie to her.
"Being in your dad's house," he says quietly. "It's the first time since -" He breaks off, and comprehension dawns on Hannah's face. "I just kept seeing you and - and Eddie, and I can't - I don't think I can do this, Hannah."
"Oh, Jackie, I'm so sorry," she breathes. "I didn't even think -"
"It's okay. I mean, it's obviously not your fault."
"Let me take you home."
"No, you don't have to do that, I don't want to keep you from your family on Christmas. I can take the bus -"
Hannah shakes her head. "It's fine; just give me a couple of minutes."
She runs back inside, and returns a moment later with her purse and keys. The ride back to his house is silent, and Jackie stares out the window, unable to look at Hannah, shame burning within him.
"Do you want me to stay?" she asks when they pull into the driveway.
"No, no," he says quickly, frowning over at her. "No, you go back to your family. I'm fine. I think I just need to be alone for a little while."
"Okay. I'll call you later, okay?"
Jackie nods, flashing a small smile before he gets out of the van and heads up to his house.
Once he's inside, the door closed and locked behind him, he stands still a moment, his eyes closed, his hand pressed against the wood of the door. The prison therapist would tell him to think about what's bothering him, to face it and work through it, but he can't. All he can think about is that image of Hannah and Eddie, struggling on the floor of her dad's living room, and it loops in his mind over and over again.
Taking a sharp breath, he turns from the door and runs his hands over his face. Given that it's Christmas, none of his usual distractions are open, and Rose is in California with her family for the holiday, though even if she was in town, he has a feeling she'd be over at David's house along with everybody else.
When he thinks about it, though, he doesn't really want to interact with other people right now anyway, and once his jacket is hung up in the small closet by the front door, he shuffles over to the TV stand to find a movie to watch.
A few hours later, there's a knock on his door, and he frowns as he stands to answer it.
To his surprise, Hannah is on the other side, a plastic bag dangling from the fingers of one hand, and a paper shopping bag hanging from the other, and he raises his eyebrows. "Hey."
"Hey. Can I come in?"
"Yeah, of course." He steps back to let her inside, and watches as she sets her things down and shrugs off her coat. He takes it from her to hang on one of the hooks by the door, and frowns as he turns to look at her again, his hands in his pockets.
"Um, I thought you were gonna call."
"Well, I was, but I realized I'd feel better if I actually came by. You okay?"
"Yeah," he murmurs, rubbing one hand over the back of his neck. "Yeah, I just... needed some more time."
Hannah smiles, and then picks up the plastic bag she set on the coffee table.
"I brought you Christmas dinner leftovers, if you're hungry."
"Yeah, actually, I am," Jackie replies, realizing he hasn't had anything to eat all day.
They move into the kitchen together, where Hannah sets the bag on the table and starts to pull things out.
"Basic stuff," she says, handing Jackie a covered plate. "Turkey, potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing. I even brought you some gravy in a little cup."
Jackie laughs, and Hannah grins as he accepts the cup.
"You don't have to stay and watch me eat," he says as he prepares his plate to put it in the microwave. "I don't want to keep you from your family."
Hannah waves a hand. "The kids are already in bed, and Eli was okay having some quiet time to himself for a little while. Plus, I also brought pie - a whole one, mind you, not just a slice - and I thought we could both have a piece when you're done eating."
"Tell me you didn't bake a whole pie for me tonight."
Hannah laughs softly. "No, it's frozen - well, not by this point, but you know, from the store. But it's really good, I was gonna put it in the oven to heat up while you ate."
Jackie nods, and Hannah moves to set the temperature on the oven.
Once the pie is in, she joins him at the table, smiling as she watches him eat.
"Is it good?"
Jackie nods. "Yeah, it's great. Even reheated. Did your dad make it all?"
"Some of it. Dad and Jules do the staples, like the turkey and potatoes, but everybody usually brings a dish. Cuts down on cooking time and clean up."
Jackie nods again, smiling a little, and then notices the bracelet around Hannah's wrist.
"Is that new?" he asks, nodding his head towards her.
"Oh, yeah," she says, smiling as she looks at it. "Eli got me one of those Pandora charm bracelets and a few charms to put on it, so I've got one each for Nicky and Rachel, one for Eli, and then a few random ones, like the Eiffel Tower, a camera, a bird cage - Eli said they didn't have a hummingbird charm, so he got creative."
Jackie grins. "It's really nice."
"Yeah, I kept staring at it all day."
Jackie watches her run her fingertips over the charms, knowing she's thinking about Eli, and his mind drifts to Rose, allowing himself to think, just for a moment, about having that kind of relationship with her. It'll be a while, though, before he gets up the courage to broach the subject with her, if he ever does.
Hannah talks while Jackie eats, telling him about the events of the day, mostly about how excited all the kids were.
"Nicky buried himself in wrapping paper," she says, laughing as she finds the picture on her phone, "just like I did when I was little."
Jackie grins as he looks at the picture. "He really looks like Eli there."
"He does. He's like a little Eli clone."
Jackie nods, still grinning as he passes Hannah's phone back.
When he finishes eating, they each have a piece of pie with some vanilla ice cream, and then head back into the living room.
"And now for my next trick," Hannah murmurs as she sinks down onto the couch and reaches for the paper bag. "Presents!"
Jackie laughs as he sits down beside her. "You didn't have to get me anything."
"It's Christmas, Jackie, of course I did."
He laughs again and shakes his head as he reaches into the bag. The first present he pulls out is small and he frowns curiously as he picks the paper off to reveal a car-shaped keychain with Jack on it.
"Nicky picked that out. The moment he saw it, he wanted you to have it."
Jackie nods, amused. "Well, tell him I said it's great."
The next present is square and flat, and turns out to be a 2020 antique car calendar.
"Oh, this is awesome," he murmurs, turning it over to look at the pictures on the back. "Thank you."
"There's one more," Hannah says, a smile curving her lips.
Jackie reaches into the bag again and pulls out a larger, heavier present. He looks curiously at Hannah, and she just tells him to open it.
When he does, he gasps. "Hannah, this is beautiful."
"Do you like it?" she asks anxiously. "Eli helped me pick it out, I don't know anything about cars, but he said this was a good one."
"I love it," he murmurs, lifting the box to look closer at the model car inside. "Seriously, Hannah, this is great. Thank you, and thank Eli for me too."
"I will. I'm so glad you like it."
"Okay, hang on, I did get something for you," Jackie says, carefully setting the car down on the coffee table and moving back to his bedroom.
"I didn't bring it earlier," he says when he returns, "because I didn't get anything for Eli or the kids, and I didn't want to like... make them feel left out or something."
"Eli won't mind, and the kids got more than enough presents," Hannah says, grinning when Jackie resumes his seat next to her.
Jackie grins too, and passes her the large gift bag. She plucks the tissue paper from the top, and then smiles broadly when she sees what's inside.
"Jackie, this is beautiful," she murmurs as she pulls the tote bag from inside. It's soft and quilted, with a pattern of hummingbirds on the material.
"I know it's kind of silly," Jackie says. "But I saw it at the mall when Rose and I wandered around after going to the movies a few weeks back, and she talked me into getting it. There's a couple more things."
Hannah peers into the gift bag, and laughs as she pulls out a travel mug, a keychain, and a phone case, all themed to match the bag.
"I mainly got the bag so you could use it for school, or traveling, or whatever, but they had that stuff on the table to go with it, and I kind of couldn't resist."
"This is great, I love it." She leans forward to hug him, pressing a kiss to his cheek before she pulls back. "Thank you, Jackie."
"You're welcome," he replies with a smile, just as her phone beeps. She grabs it from her purse, and the corner of her mouth rises as she looks at the screen.
"It's Eli; I think he's getting lonely. Christmas night is one of those times we get real time to be together, since the kids get so worn out from all the activity during the day that they usually stay passed out all night."
"No, yeah, I totally get that," Jackie says, laughing softly. "You should get back."
Hannah nods and stands, carefully putting her presents back into the gift bag.
"Thanks for coming over, Hannah," Jackie says as he walks with her to the door. "And for the food, and the gifts, and everything."
"You're welcome," Hannah replies, pulling on her coat. "And thank for you for the bag, I really do love it. I might take it with me when we go up to see Eli's parents this weekend."
Jackie smiles broadly, pleased that she likes what he gave her, and once she's ready, he walks her outside to her car, where she gives him another quick hug.
"I'll talk to you soon, okay?"
Jackie nods. "Night, Hannah."
He watches as she gets into the van, waving his hand at her when she tells him to get back inside before he freezes. His neighborhood seems fairly safe, but tonight, he's feeling a little more protective over her than usual, and wants to make absolutely sure that she's okay.
Once she's disappeared from sight, giving him a wave before heading down the road, he walks back up to the house, locking both doors as he goes inside. His model car is still sitting on the coffee table, and he smiles as he looks at it. It really is a beautiful car, and though Hannah couldn't have known, it's the car he's always wanted.
Jackie sits on the couch and reaches for the model car. He opens the box carefully, pulling the car out along with its base, and spends several minutes just admiring the car and its details.
Finally, he stands and moves to gently set the car on the top shelf of the small bookshelf against the wall, well out of reach of Nicholas.
Jackie stares at the car a beat longer, unable to keep from smiling, and then turns to clean up the wrapping paper that's scattered around the couch, shoving it into the paper bag Hannah left. He carries it into the kitchen to set it by the trash can, and checks the back door before heading back to the living room, grinning as he bends to pick up the keychain and calendar.
When he gets into his bedroom, he puts the keychain on his keys, and finds a thumbtack in the cup on his dresser to hang the calendar up right next to his bedroom door. That way, he figures, he'll see it when he gets up every morning and will have a constant reminder of important dates.
As terrible as it started, the day ended on a fairly positive note, and Jackie's smiling again as he shuffles into the bathroom to get ready for bed.