FICLET FRIDAY THE EIGHTY-SECOND: STILLXMYXHEART
A/N: Some Jackie ficlets to lead into the new Jackie arc.
alone (Jackie, Hannah, mentions of Eddie), G
Jackie clocks out and immediately heads for home. It's 6:00, and Eddie will be home any minute, if he's not already, and he hates it if Jackie's more than a few minutes later than he is.
Jackie hurries along the sidewalks, crossing the streets quickly but carefully, and a relieved smile curves his lips when he sees the empty driveway of the house.
It's not until he's inside, the door closed behind him and emptiness of the house in his ears, that everything rushes back to him.
Eddie's not coming home. Eddie's dead, shot in the head eight years ago in the basement of their house in Wheaton.
A surreal feeling washes over Jackie, and he frowns, leaning against the door. His therapist had warned him this might happen, that being in the world after so long of being in prison would take him back to how things were before.
Jackie found out Eddie was dead not long after he woke up in the hospital, was told by one of the agents standing guard over him before Jackie asked to speak to Agent Tyler. The news hadn't really affected him then, maybe because there was too much going on, what with dealing with the wound in his abdomen, meeting Hannah's mother and the shock of being told she would be defending him for free, going through all of the business with the court, talking to the Bureau psychiatrist for his psych evaluation. The psychiatrist had asked him how he felt knowing his brother was dead, and all Jackie had been able to do was shrug and say, "I don't know."
He'd been so removed from everything; he didn't see Eddie get shot, he never saw his body, he never even went back to the house when he got out of the hospital, just straight to jail. Eddie was just gone, and that was it.
But now, facing this empty house, knowing that it's just him here, that it will only ever be just him, it hits him that his brother is gone, really gone. Even if things were bad at the end, even if Jackie lived with a constant feeling of apprehension and anxiety long before they ever started talking about kidnapping Hannah, Eddie was still his big brother, and the only family he had.
Once upon a time, Jackie had admired and looked up to Eddie. Eddie had made his own way, he'd worked hard, and for a little while, he had a good life, with a wife and a son and nice house. Even after Molly died, Eddie had tried his best, had tried to be a good dad, but somewhere, somehow, something had gone wrong, and it all fell apart.
Jackie remembers the good times, before his mom died, the three of them eating ice cream on the front steps of their little house, because even though they never had much money, he vaguely remembers his mother saying that children needed ice cream, no matter what.
He remembers after Eddie got custody of him, the two of them spending Sundays with Luke, reading to him, teaching him things, because Eddie so badly wanted his son to have a better life.
It was all so long ago, and yet not so long ago, simultaneously a hundred years and five minutes, and it's beginning to sink in, truly sink in, how alone Jackie is now.
Horrible as Eddie got, and even though Jackie is finally free to have his own life, he can't deny one thing: he misses his brother.
Tears sting his eyes, his throat beginning to feel tight, and then suddenly the phone rings, the sound loud and shrill in the silence of the house.
Jackie jumps, and his eyes drift closed, sending a tear sliding down his cheek. He takes a deep breath, willing himself under control, and steps forward to answer the phone.
"Hey, it's me." Hannah's cheerful voice sounds on the other end, and Jackie takes another deep breath. "I just wanted to see how your first day went."
"It - it was good. Didn't, um, didn't do much, today was pretty much filling out paperwork and observing and stuff. He said this week I'll just be, um, assisting the other guys, and once I get the hang of things, I can take over the third bay."
"That's good," she murmurs, and he can hear the uncertainty in her voice now. "You okay?"
"Yeah, just - tired. First day really back among people, just sort of... drained."
"Well, get something to eat, watch a movie, and then go to bed early. You've earned an easy night."
Jackie laughs softly. "Yeah. I'll talk to you later."
"Have a good night."
Jackie wishes her the same, and then hangs up, staring down at the phone a moment before pulling his wallet from his back pocket. He should eat dinner at home - it's not like he doesn't have plenty of food - but the house is too quiet, and he needs to get out. He has a bit of cash, and he thinks he'll head to that diner on the corner and see what the food is like, plus he figures being around people but not really interacting might help him calm his mind down.
Jackie slides his wallet back into his pocket and turns to leave, closing and locking the door behind him.
good choices (Jackie, mentions of Hannah), G
Jackie scans the book titles on the shelf, waiting for something to jump out at him. He's become a frequent customer at this used bookstore over the past couple of months, since it's just down the road from his house, right next to the diner he's also begun to frequent.
The employees at both places know him by name now, and it's a strange feeling, but also nice to be greeted when he walks inside, to have the waitress know his order, to have the owner of the bookstore tell him about new books he thinks he might like.
Before he went to prison, Jackie liked to read, but didn't do it very much. Eddie thought reading for pleasure was a waste of time, so any reading Jackie did was either during his breaks at work, late at night before bed, or during the few months he was dating Daisy and would spend time at her place.
Now, he has the opportunity to read everything he missed out on. He doesn't mind buying the books, because they're used, and therefore cheap. He's gone through a lot of classics since he started coming here, using a list he found online and advice from both Hannah and the book store owner, and right now he has a lightly worn copy of To Kill a Mockingbird in his hand.
There's a few on the list that are more along the lines of children's and young adult novels, and he heads to that section, smiling when he finds a copy of The Giver.
There's a section against the wall that contains popular series, and Jackie frowns curiously as he steps forward. Right there in front of him is a box set of the entire Harry Potter series in paperback, and Jackie's smile widens as he picks it up. It's $30, but he knows how much Hannah loves the series, and he can just imagine the look on her face when he tells her he's reading it.
Still smiling, he adds it to the two books he already has, and walks to the front of the store to check out.
"I was hoping you'd find this," the girl at the counter, a young brunette named Amber who also happens to be the owner's daughter, says, tapping the Harry Potter set with her finger.
"My friend really likes them, so I figure I can give them a shot."
"I think you'll like them too," Amber says, smiling as she nods.
"Hey, Jackie," the owner says, smiling too as he comes to stand next to Amber. "Good choices today."
"They've all been good choices so far," Jackie replies with a grin as he tugs his wallet from his back pocket.
"Twenty for everything."
Jackie shakes his head, his eyes widening. "No, Jerry, you don't have to do that -"
"Jackie, you're my best customer. Giving you a break on some books isn't going to hurt me."
Jackie shakes his head, touched by the gesture, and passes Amber a twenty dollar bill, plus some ones to cover the tax. She bags up the books, smiling again as she slides it across the counter towards Jackie.
"Thanks, guys," he says, smiling back as he takes the bag and starts for the door. "I'll see you later."
belated birthday (Jackie, Rose, mentions of Hannah), G
"I haven't laughed that hard at a movie in so long," Jackie says as he and Rose exit the theater, giving another short laugh as he wipes away the hint of tears at the corners of his eyes.
"Me neither," she says, grinning up at him.
"Thanks for the movie, and for lunch," he adds.
"My birthday present to you," she replies, nudging his arm with hers. "Well, belated birthday, since today is Saturday and your birthday was Wednesday."
"Just as good," Jackie says with a smile. "Though now I feel like I owe you."
"My birthday's in September, so you've got a long time to think of something."
Jackie laughs, and Rose grins again.
They walk through the mall, neither of them in any particular hurry, though more than once they're forced to stand close together to make room for Christmas shoppers rushing back and forth; Jackie even has to pull Rose out of the way of one determined woman as she barrels past them.
"Any plans for Christmas?" he asks when they reach a quieter section of the mall.
"Going out to see my dad and brother," she replies with a shrug. "What about you?"
"Hannah's invited me to the dinner at her dad's house. According to her, it's okay with her dad that I go, but I'm still kind of nervous. I haven't really been around him very much since I got out, and I know he's not particularly... fond of me. It'd be better if Ben and Madison were gonna be there too, so I'd at least have more tolerant people, but they're going out to see her dad and stepmom when they get back from Africa."
"I'm sure you'll be fine. It may be a little awkward, but you've at least got Hannah and Eli on your side. And I know David won't make trouble in front of the kids."
"Yeah," Jackie murmurs, flashing a small smile.
They fall silent, and Rose glances away, right into the window display of Victoria's Secret, just as Jackie says, "Hey, Hannah would love that."
Her eyes widen as she stares at the lacy bra and panty set in front of her, and she opens her mouth to say Jackie's name as she turns her head, but stops when she sees him walking towards the store across the way.
Shaking her head at herself, she hurries to catch up to him, and reaches him as he stops in front of a table display.
There's a pretty yellow tote bag on the table, quilted cotton printed with vibrantly colored hummingbirds, and Rose's smile widens.
"Yeah, she would."
"Should I get it for her?" Jackie murmurs. "For Christmas?"
Rose nods. "Yeah, if you want to. I think she'd really love it."
"And they've got this other stuff that goes with it," he says, picking up a travel mug that has the same design. "I could get some of this too." He pauses, and then frowns. "Is it bad that this stuff is on clearance?"
Rose smiles again as she shakes her head. "No. She won't care, I promise. She's gonna love this." There's a beat, and then she nudges his arm with her elbow. "Go on. Get it for her."
A slow smile curves Jackie's lips, and he nods. "Okay. Help me pick out what to get with the bag."
Rose's smile widens, and she shifts closer to him to peer at the other things on the table.