One of those moods.. &everywhere I look: no shoulders left to cry on.
I'm in a horibbly shitfaced mood. My whole body is just being sad for some reason and I can't seem to control it. And it's for no apparent reason too because today was really fun. It just like happened because i was happy just before i took a shower and now it's just like.. i fell into a slump and i cant get back up and Im just so .. blah. And there's no one left to talk to because I don't trust anyone except for some and I don't trust anyone enough to really cry out to them except maybe brian because I know he wouldn't take advantage of my weak state or leech off of me.
I'm sorry for bitching I just miss my real friends. My friends I thought I had just stabbed me in the back. And I mean. I'm trying to cope with it. But fuck them. I want to cry. Just fuck them. They don't know how bad they hurt me. I don't feel like I can really trust anyone anymore. Ever. And I just really need someone to spill out too sometimes but I dont have that. I dont have it.
Best friends means nothing to me now. There's no such thing as best friends. There's no such thing as a true friend.
This does not apply to some of my friends of course and I love them dearly. I just don't think that the one who hurt me most understand how much they hurt me and how much I loathe them for it but how gracefully I am letting myself go about it and how earnestly I am trying to not snap and kill something. or something like that I just want to flip out, but I give people toom many chances as I've always done and it wont get me anywhere but i dont care and im just rambling but maybe it'll do some justice for my heavy heart.
I doubt it will.
That's all for now. Im going to try to go to sleep cause that's all I really feel like doing anymore. And idon't want to think about anything anymore just not tonight.. Just not for a while. I just want to numb out completely. Just for a little while.
I'm sorry for bitching I just miss my real friends. My friends I thought I had just stabbed me in the back. And I mean. I'm trying to cope with it. But fuck them. I want to cry. Just fuck them. They don't know how bad they hurt me. I don't feel like I can really trust anyone anymore. Ever. And I just really need someone to spill out too sometimes but I dont have that. I dont have it.
Best friends means nothing to me now. There's no such thing as best friends. There's no such thing as a true friend.
This does not apply to some of my friends of course and I love them dearly. I just don't think that the one who hurt me most understand how much they hurt me and how much I loathe them for it but how gracefully I am letting myself go about it and how earnestly I am trying to not snap and kill something. or something like that I just want to flip out, but I give people toom many chances as I've always done and it wont get me anywhere but i dont care and im just rambling but maybe it'll do some justice for my heavy heart.
I doubt it will.
That's all for now. Im going to try to go to sleep cause that's all I really feel like doing anymore. And idon't want to think about anything anymore just not tonight.. Just not for a while. I just want to numb out completely. Just for a little while.