mcfly-slash ... I try
Title: I try
Author: me
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 1/1 … Standalone
Genre: Drama
Pairing: PoynterJudd
Summary: Being stuck isn’t fun.
Disclaimer: me no own, this no true.
Dedication: Cazzabum and filthymind who I both happen to love dearly! also ichnal, scribblemusic and all you good people out there, waiting for a non-teenie post. I really and truly hope you guys like this one because it's you i write for.
Author’s note: Blame Poynter, it’s his fault entirely (okay, almost everything I do these days is his fault). On Music Control he said he’s had the Macy Gray-song "I try" stuck in his head which then got the song stuck in my head. Result … this one.
Being stuck isn’t fun. Nowhere. Not in traffic or in a lift. But all this is nothing in comparison to being stuck in a situation which you just can’t escape. See, traffic will pass, a stuck lift will work eventually. But if you find yourself somewhere where’s no going back and no moving forward either, with no signs of the whole thing being over at some point, that’s the worst thing in the world.
We’re meant to be here. All of us. I’m not saying that God brought us here or made us meet or anything. But I think there’s something beyond our level of understanding that brought the four of us together, fate maybe. And it keeps us together as well because, as far as I know, we could have split up already, completely sick of each other. But the difference happened … we only became closer as the time passed by.
Where fate has failed though was with you and me. If I’m meant to be in the situation I’m in now, I really wanna know why. Because this is not just being stuck, this is, for me at least, pure torture.
Everyone says we should be together and who would I be to deny that? For all I know I could have written that I love you all over my forehead because it’s just that obvious.
And you know it too, you know that I love you. Not because I or anyone else told you, but because you just know. All it took was one look from you to me and you knew. But you chose to do nothing about it. You said nothing, you did nothing. You just left me stuck. No going back, no moving forward.
I don’t know why I didn’t do anything either. Normally I would. That’s just who I am. I want something and I’ll get it. Simple as. But not with you. With you I just can’t. With you, I’m stuck.
The only thing I do is play it off. I pretend everything is just harmless flirting with no deeper meaning. I don’t let anyone see that, when I flirt with you, all I want is for you to respond to it. I don’t let anyone see that everything that I want is you and only you.
I’ve tried making the move backwards. I’ve tried getting out of it, being with other people. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell them loving words, couldn’t put any feeling in any kiss. If anything, being with others only made me love you more. I don’t want anyone else, I can’t be with anyone else, that’s what I realised in the end. I just want you, I can only be with you.
And that’s why I live with this, I live with being stuck. I don’t want to be with someone else because that means I’m not with you. Because every moment with you, even though I’m not technically with you, keeps me going. When you’re not there, that’s when it gets unbearable. But I still keep going because I know, eventually, you’ll be back. Not with me but at least there.
You keep me trapped in this thing, that situation. Even when I thought of a way out, here you were, not letting me go and not even knowing that you had me trapped in the first place. It’s like … like I’m a prisoner.
Prisoners can go for a wander in the yard of the prison. They see the sky and the clouds, just like they would if they were in the local park. But if they tried running, out into the world, all they’d run into is a wall.
And that’s what it’s like with you. I can see you but if I made a move towards you, I’d just run face first into a wall.
So just let me make this final confession, let me get this over and done with.
You have me, Dougie. You have the strongest hold on me. Everything that I am, everything that’s inside of me loves you. I not only want to be with you, I need to be with you. You are what keeps me going. Your touches, your looks, they are what keeps me alive sometimes.
And furthermore, we should be together. Because that’s the only way there is.
And I’ve tried, Dougie. I tried so hard. I tried to move away from you but I only fell. I tried saying a silent goodbye but I couldn’t get it out.
Maybe I’d still be trying but I know it’s to no avail. Because, in this case, trying is lying. Trying to walk away from you is lying to myself. Trying to say that silent goodbye is denying that the love I feel for you is everything that makes me not walk out. The love I feel for you makes me not say the silent goodbye.
The End
A/N 2: Okay, that was a bit rushed. And probably not that good either.
A/N 3: Nope, no sequel!
Comments are appreciated.
Author: me
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 1/1 … Standalone
Genre: Drama
Pairing: PoynterJudd
Summary: Being stuck isn’t fun.
Disclaimer: me no own, this no true.
Dedication: Cazzabum and filthymind who I both happen to love dearly! also ichnal, scribblemusic and all you good people out there, waiting for a non-teenie post. I really and truly hope you guys like this one because it's you i write for.
Author’s note: Blame Poynter, it’s his fault entirely (okay, almost everything I do these days is his fault). On Music Control he said he’s had the Macy Gray-song "I try" stuck in his head which then got the song stuck in my head. Result … this one.
Being stuck isn’t fun. Nowhere. Not in traffic or in a lift. But all this is nothing in comparison to being stuck in a situation which you just can’t escape. See, traffic will pass, a stuck lift will work eventually. But if you find yourself somewhere where’s no going back and no moving forward either, with no signs of the whole thing being over at some point, that’s the worst thing in the world.
We’re meant to be here. All of us. I’m not saying that God brought us here or made us meet or anything. But I think there’s something beyond our level of understanding that brought the four of us together, fate maybe. And it keeps us together as well because, as far as I know, we could have split up already, completely sick of each other. But the difference happened … we only became closer as the time passed by.
Where fate has failed though was with you and me. If I’m meant to be in the situation I’m in now, I really wanna know why. Because this is not just being stuck, this is, for me at least, pure torture.
Everyone says we should be together and who would I be to deny that? For all I know I could have written that I love you all over my forehead because it’s just that obvious.
And you know it too, you know that I love you. Not because I or anyone else told you, but because you just know. All it took was one look from you to me and you knew. But you chose to do nothing about it. You said nothing, you did nothing. You just left me stuck. No going back, no moving forward.
I don’t know why I didn’t do anything either. Normally I would. That’s just who I am. I want something and I’ll get it. Simple as. But not with you. With you I just can’t. With you, I’m stuck.
The only thing I do is play it off. I pretend everything is just harmless flirting with no deeper meaning. I don’t let anyone see that, when I flirt with you, all I want is for you to respond to it. I don’t let anyone see that everything that I want is you and only you.
I’ve tried making the move backwards. I’ve tried getting out of it, being with other people. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell them loving words, couldn’t put any feeling in any kiss. If anything, being with others only made me love you more. I don’t want anyone else, I can’t be with anyone else, that’s what I realised in the end. I just want you, I can only be with you.
And that’s why I live with this, I live with being stuck. I don’t want to be with someone else because that means I’m not with you. Because every moment with you, even though I’m not technically with you, keeps me going. When you’re not there, that’s when it gets unbearable. But I still keep going because I know, eventually, you’ll be back. Not with me but at least there.
You keep me trapped in this thing, that situation. Even when I thought of a way out, here you were, not letting me go and not even knowing that you had me trapped in the first place. It’s like … like I’m a prisoner.
Prisoners can go for a wander in the yard of the prison. They see the sky and the clouds, just like they would if they were in the local park. But if they tried running, out into the world, all they’d run into is a wall.
And that’s what it’s like with you. I can see you but if I made a move towards you, I’d just run face first into a wall.
So just let me make this final confession, let me get this over and done with.
You have me, Dougie. You have the strongest hold on me. Everything that I am, everything that’s inside of me loves you. I not only want to be with you, I need to be with you. You are what keeps me going. Your touches, your looks, they are what keeps me alive sometimes.
And furthermore, we should be together. Because that’s the only way there is.
And I’ve tried, Dougie. I tried so hard. I tried to move away from you but I only fell. I tried saying a silent goodbye but I couldn’t get it out.
Maybe I’d still be trying but I know it’s to no avail. Because, in this case, trying is lying. Trying to walk away from you is lying to myself. Trying to say that silent goodbye is denying that the love I feel for you is everything that makes me not walk out. The love I feel for you makes me not say the silent goodbye.
The End
A/N 2: Okay, that was a bit rushed. And probably not that good either.
A/N 3: Nope, no sequel!
Comments are appreciated.